Diana's bandmate Qiao had composed a lovely, wistful piece for violin. But the more they heard it in the context of Stay, the more they felt it was better suited for a different song waiting in the wings, tentatively entitled "Gang Tie Ren" (Iron Man). Qiao continued working on the latter while Diana branched off to fiddle with guitar and synth programming with a musician she often collaborated with. Somehow this seemed more appropriate for Stay.

Meanwhile, Jing had completed the song she had been struggling with for the past while. Though she knew it would hurt Diana to hear it completed, as an artist she needed to release it as a single. Performing it live, shooting a video for it, talking about it if necessary in interviews, would all be part of her healing process. She felt that if she could focus on it full-force for a while, she would eventually exhaust it and then be able to move on to other, more positive things.

Catharsis.

And boy, did she need one.

After running into Diana that night, she confided in Howie. Of all people, he was the only one she had to really talk to. He was boring but he wasn't all bad. Separating from Diana, she realized she didn't have many close friends, or none that she felt safe opening up to about all the stuff tumbling around her brain lately.

In any case, she made a truly unexpected ally.

Howie had noticed the look on Diana's face as they'd walked away that night. He was a loser but he wasn't stupid. He was also not totally oblivious to Jing's...fashion sense, if one could call it that. And her short hair. And the way her parents were so insistent on his parents helping fix them up. At Jing's age, would she still be needing her Mommy and Daddy setting her up on dates?

"You were together, weren't you?" Howie had boldly asked Jing after they'd left the cinema.

Jing was shocked. Her eyes were still straining not to tear up. The image of Diana's horrified face was now burnt into her mind. She felt like such an but what else could she have done?

"Jingy? You were a 'thing' weren't you? You and that Diana girl?" Howie persisted.

Jing stared at Howie and somehow knew she wouldn't be able to cover this one up. Though she didn't confirm Howie's doubt, it was written all over her face.

"Wanna talk?" Howie offered.

And that's when Jing gave in. And now she had a confidante. And a new gay best friend! Oh, Howie was so much more than he seemed. No wonder he could tell. He was Jing's age and HIS Mommy had also tried diligently to get him "hooked up" with some random "nice girl". Were they really all that different from one another? Jing now understood why a so-called normal warm-blooded male wouldn't by now have made a pass at her, trying any which way to kiss, fondle or sleep with her. They'd been dating for weeks. Jing had just assumed he was so much of a loser that he didn't know what to DO with a girlfriend. In the end, she was sort of right. Since he didn't really DATE girls in the first place, how would he know what to do if the opportunity arose? He had no romantic interest in girls.

Jing adored him now. She was so relieved to find out his secret, it made her secret seem less huge.

Now that the cat was out of the bag, their dates actually became enjoyable. They adjusted the type of activities they did together once they re-evaluated the type of relationship they were in. Jing missed having a buddy. And it was funny to people-watch together. Jing would point out boys she thought Howie would like and Howie would do the same with all the pretty girls. Unfortunately, to Jing every girl looked like Diana.

I miss you so much, Diana.

She missed her so much it was tangible. But she just wanted to be a normal girl from now on. She wanted her parents to like her. She wanted to have fans connect with her songs neutrally rather than constantly seeing her as some sort of gay icon. After her "breakup" single was released, she planned to write happier songs. Maybe something ethereal, mystical, non realistic. Something that wouldn't drain her emotions. Is that what hetero musicians wrote about?

Diana didn't feel that she needed to resort to fantasy-songwriting at all. She wanted to write about her negative emotions. It was ludicrous, but she wanted the whole world to hear what she had to say. Foolishly telling everybody made her feel like maybe some how some way Jing would hear her and come back and make everything right again. So she tried her best to write incredible, heartfelt songs with strong meaning that anyone who'd ever been hurt could connect with. Maybe it was a Canadian thing. She had very little trouble expressing her emotions.

She realized Jing was so Taiwanese in that sense - she just didn't want to be emotionally laid bare in front of an uncontrolled audience. Her songs often used metaphors and only "implied" certain things. Even though the targeted audience knew what she meant, Jing would never outright quote a word like 'lesbian' in any of her lyrics. Her career so far banked on her gay-ness, but it was always done subtly with Jing's tasteful touch on it all. However, media was ugly and often made things appear more obvious than they were.

Diana didn't much care for the media, but knew it was a necessary evil. If they wanted to spin tales about her love-life and people actually believed the gossip, so be it. But for now, she wasn't specifically writing songs like "My Lover Ah-Jing" or "Everybody, My Girlfriend Dumped Me", or even "I'm So Gay, I Miss My Girlfriend". All she sought to do was write love songs about LOVE, independent of "gay" love themes. Was "gay" love so very different from "straight" love? What about biual love? Multi-cultural love? If someone had experienced love, could they not feel the same pain when it ended, in spite of whom it was shared with?

This pain was real. She hurt everywhere. Why wouldn't Jing just talk to her? Maybe she didn't love her, but didn't she at least LIKE her enough to spend two years with her? Wouldn't that be enough to acknowledge her existence even if she no longer pursued their romance?

Perhaps she didn't make contact because Diana didn't either. But she had been asked to kindly NOT contact her. She tried to comply with her ex's request, but now she wondered if it had been reverse psychology? So many questions and no answers.

I miss you so much, Jing.