Chapter 5
Wo Bu Ai NiLe (I Don't Love You)Diana spent all weekend writing. It was the only way she knew how to sort through her emotions. She found it almost comedic that even though Jing had been so harsh with her, she somehow just wanted her in her life nevertheless. Even as a platonic friend...an acquaintance...Facebook friend? Why would someone who hurt you so badly still have dibs on your life? Why would you allow them the honor of knowing you? Maybe it was the selfish need to keep them around because they make you feel good, regardless if they even give you the time of day. What twistedness! How can she make me FEEL GOOD?! She's a !
But no, she wasn't a . Not the Jing Diana had known for 2 years. That's what made it horrible. If they had grown apart, or if Jing's heart had strayed, maybe it would be acceptable. But this? She never loved me? It can't be. Diana was plagued by this thought every day since the movie premiere.
And what the hell was up with that "boyfriend"? Seriously? Little Lesbian Jing Chang? A boyfriend? Who is she kidding? He looked like an idiot anyway. But what if the Jing she knew had changed? What if....
Had she been with Howie the entire time? Was Diana such a nimbus that she didn't realize her girlfriend had been living a double life? Cheating on her...with...a MAN? No way. So who was this loser, then? Jing wasn't a cheater. But then...she wasn't a liar either, and she was visibly lying the night of the premiere. So, maybe she didn't really know Jing at all.
Maybe Jing wasn't so sweet. Maybe she wasn't loyal and trustworthy. Was she as wonderful as Diana thought after all? Maybe loser-Howie was a perfect match for her in the end.
Diana thought the song she was writing as a result might make the cut for her band's first CD. She decided to call it "Stay", because as illogical as it seemed, all she wanted was for Jing not to disappear from her life. In some ways, she thought she'd prefer typical couple-breaking up bickering to this lack of contact.
"Stay expresses that although two people have separated from each other, one still needs the partner to stay," Diana explained to her producer in the recording studio. He nodded and looked intrigued. Diana continued,
"Most people would think that if you'd been left, you'd wish that person who left you would go far away from you, right? But why would we ask them to stay? Maybe the timing isn't right and we want to keep up the fight. Maybe if we hang on, they'll change their mind."
The producer liked the concept. He said, "Why not! This "love" process is very rare in the reality of love life. As stupid humans, we like to hold onto things. Mementos, souvenirs, even people!" He pointed to Diana's scrawled notes, "Let me have a look."
So apparently close yet with no words,
Love needs to continue so it won’t be lost
What was it that happened, that you are so near yet so far?
I’ve realized that you’ve disappeared,
But unable to admit that HE has gradually appeared
If you want to stay
If you’re thinking of me,
I won’t easily let you go,
Letting you go...
"I like it," Diana's producer handed back her lyrics, "It's a ballad, right?"
Diana affirmed, "Yes. How could you tell?"
"It doesn't sound like a party-rock song to me!" the producer chuckled, "Might sound nice with some strings."
"Cello? Or I could see if Qiao can compose something for viola or violin," Diana thought about her bandmate's skill in corded instruments.
"Sounds like a plan," the producer said.
Comments