“I’m tired.”

“I’m really okay.”

“Everything’s normal.”

Lie after lie after lie.

I don’t know why I’m writing this. And neither do I know where this would lead to. I’m just writing for the sake of writing to just let everything out all at once.

Just staccato tales, filled with exaggeration of words left unsaid and gestures left unexpressed.

I hope the author of the story doesn’t kill me for using her quote.

Everyone says that writing is boring, everyone says writing is the one thing that would get you nowhere in life unless you spark controversies like The Tiger Mum or be that lucky underdog like J.K. Rowling. I love stories, I love the way the stories strike you right at that very spot where you feel empty.

People say that it’s all about the flamboyant words that one uses in the story, which pretty much impresses the reader with your vast vocabulary. To me, it isn’t. It’s about that special connection, the way the story draws you in, no matter how simple the words are. Because ultimately, it’s the feelings evoked in you that makes the biggest difference in enjoying a story.

I don’t believe in love. I believe in mutual friendship. Never experienced it before, and prolly never going to ever have any experience. It’s just too painful from the many experiences that I see other people go through. I’m not destined to melt a cold city boy’s heart, and neither am I fated to meet a ridiculously good-looking male protagonist that is either too mysterious or too bubbly.

Life isn’t about the lovey dovey days that one goes through, we all focus on the mundane activities that we go through everyday, admit it.

I’m just me, filled with too much thoughts in this 19-year old’s head. I want to be a schizophrenic patient. People think I’m weird. It’s okay, I get that alot. Why is it that when a big group of people believe in a certain someone’s existence, it becomes a religion which is perfectly normal, but it’s weird and a sign for you to outcast someone when they say that they have someone living in their head?

It’s about having that escape, that one shelter in which you can always depend on.

I’m not a happy person. I wake up and look into the mirror, only to stare at a pair of soulless eyes, just like a trapped bird.

They tell me I have to study and work hard, because it determines my future. I don’t want to do all these. I want to dance, I want to write, and most of all, I want to enjoy. Wherever I go, it’s either too crowded, too noisy, or too quiet. I freak out internally all the time.

People view of me as one who is constantly happy, annoying, direct and just a very straight person. I like people to depend on me, but I have never once enjoyed a moment where I had to depend on someone. People come too slow and leave too soon. No strings attached. Attaching myself onto someone would mean hell and hell alone.

I’ve tried forgetting people, and I managed to, with the help of numbing it with other distractions. But I think about suicide all the time. I want to die. I want to know how it feels like to die. To see that white light that they always talk about in the movies, or that flashback of memories and happy times, where only people whom you truly cherish really appear.

But, who would appear?

It kills me everyday whenever I think of something unhappy. It feels so bad I just want to remove it as easily as I can cut off a piece of meat off my arm.

Painful, but worth it.

Depressed, but definitely not sad.

Alone, but definitely not lonely.

I couldn’t help but to start scribbling random thoughts onto a random piece of paper once again. I swear to god I’m living in this constant state of wanting to know what others are thinking of and just pretty much try to get into a whole new persona, just to amplify that tiny spark of feeling that I have.

Especially when I see Myungzy moments.

I can’t believe I just said that. Myungzy.

I guess I’m just being jealous, but-

“What’s up with all that writing nowadays? Aspiring to be the next J.K. Rowling huh,” Myungsoo turned around and grinned.

Out of habit, I kicked his chair and glared at him to mind his own business, directing my gaze to Suji who was sitting beside him. So much for giving me attention.

He turned around and flashed a loving smile, one that would remind you of the cool breeze in the warm summer, that cup of hot chocolate in the cold winter, and above all, the warm fuzzy feeling that you’ld get in your heart. For Myungsoo to truly look at someone like that, it really takes a feat for it to happen.

I don’t know what love potion Suji gave Myungsoo for him to fall so hard, I mean, I’ve never actually interacted with Suji, but you know how a woman’s sixth sense never fails to tell you something is off. Like, there is something off, but I really don’t know what. Maybe it’s just her long wavy hair that all the girls rave about.

Never bothered telling Myungsoo, cuz that blockhead’s either too dumb or too blind to even believe me when it comes to love.

As the bell went off, I packed my bag and cleared the table, before having the mighty giant drag me out of the classroom along the corridor, all the way to the cafeteria. “Lee Sungyeol! One more time you drag me out like this I’m gonna break your leg into pieces!” I raised a fist a him and pretended to hit him before walking to get chocolate milk.

“Even if you break my legs I’ld still be taller than you!” He yelled as he ran off to find the rest of the guys, pretty much avoiding me at the same time.

Glaring at him, I turned around, only to bump into Myungsoo, holding a chocolate-flavoured milk box and a cup of grape juice in each hand.

“Woah KimMyungSoo, is that for-”

“Myungsoo!”

I turned around, only to find the owner of the voice, as expected. //Rolls eyes// The supposed love of his life.

As everything moved in slow motion, there was this sour feeling in my chest as I witnessed Myungsoo passing her the milk box. So much for assuming that it was for me.

Life lesson #1: Never assume because it’s gonna make an out of u and me. Get it? ()(u)(me)

“Myungsoo, I like strawberry. Not chocolate.”

Hihihi is this considered as a double update??? Hehe hope you've enjoyed the chapter I literally wrote it within half an hour because I desperately need to follow my timetable. I'll write longer ones maybe tmr or the day after! 

Subscribe and comment!:) (I'm not gonna shamelessly ask for an upvote :P)