When Jinki called his mother over the phone and told her everything, her immediate response was for him to go home so that she could take care of him like she used to. So, that's exactly what Jinki did because he didn't know what else he could possibly do to make the situation less grim. His parents were upset with him at first, since he hadn't told them of his marriage sooner, and because the spouse wasn't there to meet them with Jinki. Once Jinki started crying and telling them the bad news of their separation, they acted as if he hadn't done anything wrong at all and told him to stay home for as long as he wanted.

Jinki's parents were an old couple, so an upside to his separation was that he could spend at least a few months helping them run their meat shop to try and push Jonghyun to the back of his mind because Jonghyun would be much better off without him.

Some days, Jinki would sit in his old bedroom with his laptop, and despite warning himself repeatedly, he'd somehow be following all the news posts about his husband's recent debut. Okay, so maybe recent wasn't a good term for it anymore, since over a year had passed since Kim Jonghyun stepped out on the scene. Jinki had seen his debut concert online and sat with stars in his eyes as he watched his precious Jonghyun sing on the stage he worked so hard to get to. 

Jonghyun had debuted with a beautiful love ballad, and though he wanted to convince himself otherwise, Jinki knew it was for him. No one else knew that, or at least the fans, for the ballad had become so popular that Jonghyun's fanbase skyrocketed within weeks of his debut. Jinki was surprised by this, of course, since most artists only got that popular after years of doing what they did.

The elder watched everything that had Jonghyun's face on it; whether it be interviews or fan-made videos, because that's just how badly he wanted to see that man's face again. When Jonghyun's album hit the stores, Jinki was one of the first in line to get it. He camped out in front of the store for two days, and his mother pitied him enough to bring him meals and everything else he could need as he waited. Jinki didn't care, though, because it was Jonghyun, and he'd do anything to support Jonghyun.

He listened to Jonghyun's album every night for the remainder of that year, and bought the next album as soon as it came out; and the cycle never ceased. Most days he spent with the album playing ended up with him crying into his pillow, or even his mother's lap. His parents did their best to cheer him up, but they knew Jinki well and knew that their son wouldn't ever feel any better as long as Jonghyun was away from him.

"Son, look, they're streaming your husband's concert again." his father had become a fan of Jonghyun's music quickly, since most of it was about Jinki, and waved Jinki over to watch the concert with him. Jinki ran as fast as he could and sat right in front of the screen with his eyes glued to the male he was in love with.

It was another ballad he was singing, though this wasn't nearly as cheerful as the love ballad he'd debuted with. It was about separation, about longing, hurting; their current relationship status. As Jinki listened to the song, his hand absentmindedly raised to his chest where the necklace Jonghyun had given him remained and was sure to remain for as long as he was living.

"You should call him." his mother mused, taking a seat beside her husband on the couch as they watched Jonghyun's performance together, "That boy misses you just as much as you miss him."

Instead of answering, Jinki stood up and dragged his feet back to his room, where he collapsed onto his bed and fell asleep crying once again. He dreamed of Jonghyun's tear stained face and the look of betrayel in his eyes as he constantly repeted, "You never even loved me."

Jinki shot up in bed and took deep breaths with a hand pressed against his heart. He was alone, and he was terrified. Most importantly; he was missing Jonghyun and was so tempted to call Jonghyun like his mother wanted him to. Yet he refused to give in to himself, and instead of dialing Jonghyun's number, he'd picked up the home phone and dialed Kibum instead.

"Who's this?"

Jinki didn't know why he was so relieved to hear Kibum talking to him like that, but his lips curled into a smile despite himself, "Kibummie."

"Yah! This person thinks he has the right to call me after what he did." the younger was grumbling against the phone heatedly and before he could lash out on the elder , Jinki could hear the phone be pulled away by Woohyun. Oh, how he loved Woohyun.

"Hyung? Where are you?" Woohyun sounded worried for him, and Jinki knew it was because they were with Jonghyun and probably knew how Jonghyun was feeling, "Why haven't you come back yet? Jonghyun's waiting for you."

The elder felt his heart shatter again at the words, and thought to himself how it was possible for his heart to break so many times because of that male. Jinki would have answered if not for Woohyun's protesting before the phone was again in Kibum's possession.

"Kim Jinki, you tell me what happened right now." Kibum's voice was threatening, and Jinki wanted to tell him, but he was sure the younger would just go and tell Jonghyun about it.

Jinki faught back his tears and forced himself to act more composed than he felt, "I kept my part of the deal and he let me go free, like he said he would."

Kibum knew he was lying immediately, of course, and his voice had calmed down, and Jinki could just feel Kibum frown on the other side, "I don't know what's going on in your head, Jinki, but the love of your life is working himself to the bone because he thinks that's the only way to make you go back."

"Make him stop." Jinki's voice was coming out choked from holding back the sobs, and the elder covered his mouth to calm himself down before speaking again, "Tell him I won't go back no matter what he does. There's no point in trying so hard!"

"Jinki..." Kibum could hear the strain in his voice perfectly well and that was enough for him to know that Jinki was indeed going through a rougher time than Jonghyun was.

"Just... take care of him, will you? Thanks, Kibum." Then, he hung up because he didn't want to hear what Kibum would have to say and then an idea struck his mind.

After grabbing a handful of loose change, Jinki ran out of the house and into town to find a payphone. He didn't know if this would work, or even if it would be worth it, but he just had to hear Jonghyun's voice once more. Even once would be enough for a little while, until he could have a better grip on his emotions.

He quickly fed the coins into the payphone and hesitated for a moment before he dialed Jonghyun's cell phone number. Jonghyun always had his phone on him, so Jinki was sure he'd pick up for at least a moment. Whether or not they'd say anything to each other was another thing all on its own.

The phone rang for almost a minute before it was finally picked up, though it was the voice of a girl that had answered Jinki.

"Hello!" she chirped, and though Jinki didn't know who it was, he could feel his stomach starting to clench in jealousy.

Because it wasn't Jonghyun, Jinki didn't hesitate to answer back, "Oh, hello. I'm sorry, but is this Kim Jonghyun's number?"

The girl on the other line did seem hesitant, however, "Who is this? Why are you calling this number?"

Then, Jinki's heart fluttered in his chest because he heard Jonghyun's voice from beyond the girl answering him now, "Who's on the phone?"

"I don't know, Jong." she answered with a whine, and Jinki felt his eyebrows furrowed at the tone and the nickname she gave him, "Some weird guy asked for you."

"Is it Kibum?" he asked her, and Jinki felt himself chuckle.

Kibum and Jonghyun really had become close. He was happy Jonghyun had so many people around him.

"No, his voice isn't as sharp as Kibum's." the girl replied, and then, it sounded like the phone was yanked away from her grasp.

"Jinki? Jinki, it's you, isn't it?" Jonghyun's voice was filled with panic, curiosity, and more importantly, longing, but Jinki couldn't answer him for his throat had suddenly gone dry, "Jinki, I know it's you."

Because he was now filled with his own panic, Jinki just listened to Jonghyun in utter silence.

"Hang up on him already!" the girl shouted, her patience obviously running thin, "It's obvious he's just some stalker guy. Come on, Jong, let's continue our date!"

Jinki couldn't take it anymore, despite the fact that Jonghyun was still talking to him, "No, wait, Jinki. Don't go!"

The elder merely hung up the phone call and made his way back him with his head in the clouds.

Date? Jonghyun already had another person to date? Well, he wouldn't be surprised, considering how popular Jonghyun had always been in the dating region. Without realizing he was crying, Jinki went right back to his room and collapsed onto his bed again to try and ease the aching of his heart. Of course Jonghyun would have gotten over him; Jinki had been the one to leave, after all. A little while later, as he lay in bed grieving over his broken heart, his mother came up to his room and opened the door gently.

"Jinki, Kibum is on the phone saying he needs to talk to you about something urgent." his mother's voice was gentle, maybe even a little afraid as he spoke to Jinki, as if he'd just crumble right then and there if she kept going.

Because he was heartbroken and utterly so, he shook his head and his mother left him alone after another worried glance shot to him. He was worried that maybe Kibum would ask for his address and come drag Jinki back to Jonghyun, but the elder just figured he'd wait and see what was going to happen. Maybe Jonghyun would only want to see him again to file an official divorce. Just the thought of divorcing Jonghyun made his heart clench in fear.

Yet for another three months, no phone calls came, and Kibum hadn't come down personally to bring Jinki back to Jonghyun. Jinki tried to stop updatong himself on what was going on with Jonghyun because he probably already had moved on, yet he did it anyway. He remembered a week after his phone call with Jonghyun, the younger was seen on an interview, and was asked about his relationship status.

"I'm taken." Jonghyun answered, and he wouldn't answer any other question regarding the topic. When he answered, Jonghyun's eyes were fixated on the camera, as if he knew Jinki would be watching, and his eyes were filled with the mix of emotions Jinki was used to seeing from him. Jinki ignored that, however, to take in the appearance of the younger male. Jonghyun lost way too much weight for the elder's liking, and even with all the makeup, Jinki could see the dark bags under his eyes.

His eyes made Jinki worry the most. Jonghyun had gotten a lot better with his insomnia when Jinki slept with him, but what if it had gotten worse now that they were apart? Wouldn't that make it Jinki's fault that Jonghyun's unhealthy? And like Kibum said, what if Jonghyun's working himself to the bone after all? That would also be Jinki's fault wouldn't it?

But even with all this, Jonghyun kept performing powerful and beautiful songs that had the whole nation on it's toes, including Jinki. He'd become so good at singing, that Jonghyun was nominated for the "Best Artist of the Year" award, and of course Jinki voted for him immediately.

When the night of the award show came, Jinki and his parents sat right in front of the television to see if maybe all their voting and praying had paid off after all. Jinki couldn't keep his eyes off of Jonghyun whenever he appeared on the screen, and his heart pounded away with all the pride he felt for the younger.

Jonghyun had won his award, and according to the poll, he'd won by a landslide. Jinki shed tears of joy and covered the lower half of his face with his hands as his laughter mixed with his tears of longing. Jonghyun wasn't looking very excited for winning the award, because his eyes were searching through the stands as if he were looking for someone. He never found what he was looking for it seemed, as his shoulders dropped in disappointment, but he stepped up with a weak smile and took the microphone in his hands for a speech.

"Though there are hundreds of people I should thank for all the work they've done for me in getting me this far," he began, his voice wavering slightly as his frame shook in obvious exhaustion, "there's only one person I'll thank now and for the rest of my life." Jonghyun took one hand away from the microphone and pulled out a necklace that was hidden by his shirt. It was just like the necklace Jinki had on, yet it was in silver and the silver J was accompanied on its chain by a ring Jinki could never forget, "I know you're watching me now, Jinx. I know you were always watching me." Jonghyun's eyes were filled with tears and Jinki started to cry again because all this time, Jonghyun was still thinking of him, "Please come home, Jinx, because I can't do this anymore without you. Come back to me so I can feel like I deserve this award."

The auditorium filled with cheer and Jinki's parents leaned forward to squeeze his shoulders in pride, yet Jinki couldn't help but watch Jonghyun. Though his heart swelled at the words, there was something off about Jonghyun since the moment he stood on that stage. As his speech ended, his body swayed, and then he suddenly collapsed to the ground with everyone gasping in shock.

The next thing he knew, Jinki was running back to his bedroom and crying again because it's all his fault.