It's been a good few months since I've been diagnosed with Leukemia..
I'm only 18 and.. I might not even reach the age 20. 
I have nothing going for me. Nothing. I'm alone in this world and I'll be leaving soon.

Joohyun sat on her bed, her tears falling down her face yet again. Why did this happen to her? Why her of all people? She was supposed to live for both of her parents. She was supposed to have a future. Why was she being punished? Why was her life cut so.. short?

She sat on her bed, clutching to her chest as she cried her heart out. She hadn't been to school for a week. She hadn't been to work in a week. No one has seen or heard from her in a week. She couldn't face it. She couldn't face people. She had her doctor inform her work and school about her illness. Her work wanted her to leave, to rest. To live her life but she refused. She wanted to live normally but she knew now that that wasn't possible. 

I'm going to die..

More tears split out of her eyes and down her cheeks. She cried herself to sleep again.

--

Opening her eyes, Joohyun slowly glanced around her bedroom. It was light out now and the sun was sending rays into her room. 
She slowly sat up in her bed and decided to go back to school today. She'd live her life normally no matter what.
No matter how ill she felt. No matter how much her body ached.

She got out of bed and left her bedroom. She grabbed some towels from the cuboard and walked to the bathroom to go for a shower, just standing there in the water as it pelted down onto her slim body. She felt empty. Why was she even bothering? She had nothing at school. No friends and no future so what was the point of going? What was the point of studying? She didn't know. Maybe she just wanted to pretend that she was okay. Maybe.. Just maybe she wanted to pretend that she wasn't going to die and that she was going to be okay and live through this illness.

Once she finished her shower, she walked back to her bedroom, picking out a pair of jeans and an over-sized jumper as well as some underwear, socks and shoes. She dried her hair before getting dressed and curling the ends of her long, brown locks. She was aching but she learned to ignore it and just do what she needed to do. She hesitently put on her BBcream, powder and eyeliner. She wasn't as pale now. She had some color on her face and she didn't look as sick.. all thanks to the makeup.

You're probably thinking that if she has cancer then.. Her hair would have fallen out, right? But no. She refused to take Chemo. She refused only because Chemo can make you feel worse and it doesn't always treat the cancer and it can kill you. She didn't want to be in any more pain and although the doctors encouraged it, she refused.

--

Joohyun stepped into her classroom, ignoring the small chatter from the people in her class ignored her. They ignored her and she ignored them although.. Some people would steal glances at her as she passed by them. They could only notice how much weight she had lost. How much paler she had gotten. They could see it even through her light makeup. As she sat on the seat at her desk, not noticing that one pair of eyes hadn't left her as soon as she stepped into the classroom and walked to her seat. 
The person kept their eyes locked on her before they got up and made their way to her, sitting beside her. 

No one really knew of her illness but.. They knew that something wasn't right. 

The person frowned when Joohyun didn't even look at them.. Didn't even.. notice them taking the seat beside her. 
The person was a boy in her class. Jongdae. He looked at her with a soft gaze before he looked back at his friends. He let out a soft sigh before turning back to Joohyun who was now looking right at him. She had noticed him. 

Just by her gaze, Jongdae felt his heart flutter. She was beautiful up close. Her long dark her perfectly styled, her eyes were big-ish and beautiful too. Her lips were a pinky color and her cheeks were slightly red due to her makeup. He couldn't help but notice that she was paler than usual and a lot skinnier.

Joohyun stared at him, waiting for him to speak but he didn't. He just stared back at her with a sort of.. Scared expression on his face. 
He got up again and walked back to his friends without saying a word to her. 
Joohyun watched as he walked away and sat with his friends. She didn't take her eyes off of him. Not once. 
When he sat down, his friends were all taking glances at her, telling him that she was watching him. 

She looked away from the group of boys when the teacher walked into the classroom. The teacher stopped in his tracks as he noticed Joohyuns sudden reappearance and smiled at her. 

"Welcome back, Joohyun." 

"Thank you." She whispered but.. She was sure that everyone could in the classroom could hear her due to the room quieting down as soon as the teacher entered the room.

The teacher began the lesson and a few times he'd look over at Joohyun just to make sure that she wasn't crying or in much pain.
She was staring out the window again, her face blank of emotion. She felt ill. Sore. Weak. 
She felt someones eyes on her but.. She didn't dare to turn to see who owned the pair eyes that were attached to her. It was probably the kid from earlier. The weird one who sat next to her then left without uttering a single word to her. 

She shook her head at the memory. Who even does that. She thought to herself. She rested her head in her arms as she looked up at the board. It was blurry. She closed her eyes and began to slow down her breathes. She was starting to panic. She stood up and ran out of the classroom, ignoring the murmers of the other students in the classroom, of the people she passed in the halls and of the calls of the teacher. 

She made it outside and leaned against the wall, panting heavily. She didn't know how she managed to even run. 
She fell to her knees as she began to gag. To cough. Tears welling up in her eyes as she began to puke. 
She cried so hard but.. She was glad that she ran to the abandoned part of the school grounds. No one could see or hear her. 
No one would bother her as she cried her heart out. No one would bother her as she puked onto the floor. 

After awhile of sitting there, staring at the ground, Joohyun's teacher had found her. Some of the students were with him, the students he asked to help him find her. He hesitently crouched down beside her pulling her hair gently out of her face before he he noticed the puke. He felt sorry for this girl. She had so much potentiol. So much to live for. She was indeed beautiful and smart. She was kind but.. She always cast herself away from the other students. More now than she use to. Before she was diagnosed, she'd talk back, help them with their homework if needed but now.. She wouldn't even notice if someone spoke to her. Her mind was always elsewhere. 

--

"Joohyun.." The doctor started but he was cut off. 

"I said no!" Joohyun cried, shaking her head at him. "I won't take Chemo. I won't take it." She continued, wiping at her eyes.
"If I'm going to die, I want to die without it. Without the pain it will cause me" she softly said, sniffling. 

The doctor could only sigh in defeat and nodded his head, "Very well.. but remember to come for your wekly checkups.. okay?" 

She nodded her head and got up, leaving the room but as she did, she bumped into someone, causing her stumble back and fall onto the ground. 
The person gasped softly and knelt down infront of her, a worried look plastered across his face as he gazed down at Joohyun. 

"I'm so sorry.." he said, reaching his hand out to her, offering to help her up. She accepted his hand and stood up, nodding her head. "It's fine."
She looked up at him and blinked as she recognised him. He seemed to have the same reaction. 

"I'm Jongin. Kim Jongin." He said, smiling at her as he bowed his head. 
Joohyun just looked at him. His dark hair was perfectly styled, he had slightly tanned skin and a smile to die for.

"Joohyun. Nam Joohyun." She replied, looking at him with no emotion on her face or in her voice.

He looked at her with an amused smirk on his lips.
"Have we met before?" he asked her, tilting his head. He knew exactly where he knew her from.

she just looked at him and shook her head, not replying. She was scared that her voice would somehow give it away that she recognised him.

"are you sure?" He asked, eyeing her. He knew that she knew where they'd seen each other before.
They see eachother almost everyday at school and when she goes to work. 

Joohyun just blinked at him before walking away and he followed behind her, amused by her reaction. 

"Why're you here then?" He asked, tilting his head as he walked beside her but.. Joohyun was already in her own little world. When she didn't reply, Jongin frowned. He hadn't been ignored before. He lightly pinched her arm, causing her to jump in shock. That was going to bruise.

"What?" she snapped, looking over at him with narrowed eyes.

He again smirked in amusement. "Why're you here? I'm visiting a family member." He replied with a smile.

Joohyun froze. She didn't want to tell him about her illness. He'd pity her. He would feel sorry for her. "Same here.." she mumbled as she walked, Jongin following beside her.