May 26, 2014

Wow, I haven't written in a diary for so long... when was the last time I even had a diary? When I was like 7... well the reason why I'm writing another one I guess is because... because... I just need let my feelings out... I should probably explain it so when I read this in the future I won't be confused (weakly chuckles)

When I was a freshmen in high school, I have only been learning Korean for two years and it was still hard to speak, especially with my accent considering I came from Los Angeles, California, USA. But I'm actually chinese and can speak fluent Mandarin, and of course English. Anyways, while I was a socially awkward person in the beginning of the year, I had my bestfriend Miyou with me, who was very sociable -- who also helped me meet people. After the first couple of weeks of school, I was already liked by everyone. They even called me the queenka of the school, which is like the queen of the school. But i declined the offer because I didn't like it. Not only was I awkward, I also didn't like people. Most of them are fake anyway. It's either they want to be my friend because they want to get in my pants or they want money. I can't trust people these days, and I have personally witnessed that. With popularity came hate, but I didn't care. I didn't choose to be popular, it just happened. I'm getting off topic.... that year was only the same year I met a certain someone that ruined my life. okay maybe not, in fact he's the best thing that has happened to me. His name is Mark Tuan. You guessed it, it's a boy. When I first met Mark, I have to admit, he was undeniably hot. He was tall and lean. He had the perfect smile. His eyes were so beautiful and he was the nicest and sweetest guy ever..... or so I thought. He was in fact a play boy. He dated every girl that threw themselves at him. He probably had with half the population of girls in school, at least the ones in the same year as him. He changed when he became popular and you had hated him. You despised guys who took girls for granted. They never consider our feelings and how hurt we would be that they had just played with us. After he got into a girl's pants, he would just throw them to the side as if nothing happened. And the thing that I hated the most was....

Everybody shipped the two of us.

Like what the actual ? Why would I ever date that who doesn't know how to treat girls right? Unless I was going crazy maybe, but no way would I even think of dating him..... that's what I thought for the last two years. No matter how many times him and his group tried to talk to me, I would ignore them. And because I kept ignoring Mark, who I supposedly would look so hot with, tons of boys would confess to me everyday and as much as any other girl would LOVE to have guys swooning over her, I didn't. I rejected every single one of them. None of them were true and I could tell. And somehow, somewhere in my heart, I still thought Mark was the hottest and cutest guy ever. Too bad his personality ruined his image, for me at least.

In the beginning of junior year, I saw Mark and his group at some club and they were dancing and all. I saw him dancing and thought "wow coud he be any hotter?" but then he sang his line and it said "every lady wants a piece of me" and my mood automatically changed. I looked at him and gave him the dirtiest look before leaving.

And that was the day where everything started. 

I had met two new guys in their group called got7.. they have an actual group name and I thought that was so weird. Anyways, the two new boys were apparently freshmens. I gotta admit, they were cute. Not my type but cute like a little brother. But of course that didn't change the fact that I was still cold towards them because they were in the same circle of friends as Mark. I'm quick to judge which is really..

Then one day Miyou dragged me to this party.. That's when I found out that her and Junior have been dating for two months already and I flipped out on her for not telling me and that she was stupid for dating someone in their group. Yes I was causing a commotion, Junior and Miyou were both crying probably because my words hurt them and so Mark had to stop me. They didn't understand why I was acting that way and now they thought I was the bad guy and I hated MArk even more for telling me to stop and that I didn't deserve their friendship because I only cared about my perspective and not theirs.. I hated him because I knew he was right. And I hated the fact that he was the one to tell me that. 

Ever since that day, me and Miyou started to hang out with them. I didn't like it in the beginning, but I got used to it. One time they showed up at my house because I havent been going to school for like three days and I guess they got worried and they wanted to see me... the next day we even went to an amusement park together, even though I had a phobia of rollercoasters.. but they didn't know that of course. We went in pairs and what do you know, I got paired up with Mark.. I honestly thought they all planned it because I know for a fact that deep inside, they're all still hoping for the two of us to get together. I had a good time with him.. It was fun and he seemed different. Since I didn't want to ride any rides, we just went around and he even won me a giant stuffed animal. I still have it in my room, it's so big you can't miss it. 

After hanging out for a long time, I somehow got used to Mark being with me. He would always bug me in class or he would come over. I didn't mind it at all. But one time, after the halloween festival, I had nightmares and I had asked Mark to accompany me every night because I was too scared to go to sleep. And I got used to him sleeping beside me that I would actually miss him. After a while, Mark asked me to be his girlfriend. At first I was going to say no but then I realized that he was being truthful and that he also has rejected every girl that asked him. Truth is, Mark had always thought I was pretty and perfect but he just could not talk to me at all cause I had always shut him.

And my life was perfect.

I had the best boyfriend ever. I mean where can you find a boy who would actually change just for you? My bestfriend was happy with her boyfriend and everyone loved us. My sister liked Mark and so did my parents. They even asked for grandkids /laughs... I'm almost graduating high school, Mark has been living with me. Yes we had our ups and downs but we were able to get through it. We literally spend everything together now, along with the others. WE were inseperable..

Until someone had to came in our life and ruin it..

What I'm trying to say is... oh wow tears are falling down.. my life seemed so perfect, as if nothing bad was going to happen so why... why is this happening to me? Why do I have to go through this... I can't sleep, can't eat... I can't even think straight.. graduation is in a few weeks but why do I feel like I don't even want to graduate? Why did this happen to me...? JUST WHY!! I didn't do anything wrong...

Why couldn't it have been me...