CHAPTER TEN

After being late that one time I started noticing things. Things which hadn't even occured to me before and the more I noticed, the more it hurted. It was all about our friends – the most best friends we could ever ask for. They didn't act differently compared to their ordinary behavior to be exact, but these little things I noticed, dragged me down – and badly.

You – on the other hand, didn't notice a thing. You were always smiling and being casual, meanwhile I often felt as if the world I had known would be shattering. Were we really so annoying? I often wondered that. Especially when they said we were so clingy and over each other all the time. - When you got an invitation to go out eating together, no one said a word to me like usually. Later they just said that they automatically assumed I was going with you anyway.

Each of these little things made me feel worse every single day. I tried to act normal – I didn't want to be an attention seeker, but it was so hard. The life I had loved for so long, slowly started shattering and when you weren't around, I isolated myself. This kept going on for weeks and no change happened.

I once talked to you about it, but you just said ; ”Oh it's probably nothing. Surely they would have said something, if something was wrong.” Yeah, surely. Somewhere along I even started getting used to it. Even though we were not that close anymore than we used to, maybe it was just a fact. But somehow I still wished that things would get better.

One day we had a day off from work and planned on going out for drinks. Everyone was excited because of it – laughing as planning it and casually chatting with each other, as I remained quiet. The day which we had free was on a following day and we were in high spirits, since it had been quite hectic lately. Only one who wasn't that happy at that moment, was me. - And I hated myself for it.

Nothing was wrong. They just hadn't heard my suggestions, their blank faces when you had said something about my sleeping habits was just an accidental, they cared about me, right? I squeezed my fists and wondered how could I fix this. Where was the solution? I needed it so much.

”Hey Kuina, is everything okay?” Suddenly I heard Koudai's quiet voice right next to me. I startled up and finally raised my head to look at the others. Everyone was looking at me – including you, your soft eyes full of concern. I gulped, feeling cold sweat running on my skin. This was it.

”Ummm how come?” Trying to find an escape, I said that – attempting to sound casual. ”Well, you don't participate in our conversation, you just stare down and seem upset...” ”To be honest, is everything alright?” I have noticed that you've looked gloomy lately,” Kazuki said suddenly and I froze. He had noticed. Damn it.

My first instinct was to escape, but I knew I couldn't do that. Instead I just squirmed on my seat, not having a tiniest clue what to say – what should I say? That I had felt like everyone had started to dislike me, that ever since our relationship started I had felt like our friendship got colder and that I felt like there would be a huge distance between us nowadays? Was that what I was supposed to say?

”Dear..It's about feeling left out, right?” You asked softly. I couldn't look at you straight in the eyes. - You were so.. Much. You were able to say my feelings out and loud so casually, you were able to define me more better than I did. And I just couldn't put up with it. You were too good to me, social butterfly and the most gentlest person on earth, with kisses sweet as rain in a sunny day.

How could I even manage to say anything to that? ”Is that true Kuinyan?” Koudai asked right away, looking at me so worried that I felt tinge of guilt inside me. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry..” ”Kuinyan, it's fine. You can tell us.” Kazuki also said and Tomoya nodded as well, his eyes sad.

What had I done? ”I'm sorry, there's no need to think of me, it's just..Just.” I gulped. ”I feel like burden to our band, in our friendship and I can't deal with it. So I try to act like normally, but it doesn't work out that well..Since..I feel like mine and Baru's relationship annoys the heck out of everyone and I hate myself for it. For doing this to us. I never meant it to happen.”

As I opened my mouth, words just flew, having no end. Somewhere along I thought that I had said too much, but I just couldn't stop. The words that I had so carefully built inside me were all bursting out. Finally, as I had said the last thing I could think of and feel pain because of it, I felt that you all were gazing at me.

I avoided everyone's gazes and glanced down. , what was going to happen now? But to my surprise, almost immediately I could feel hand on my shoulder. - It was Kazuki. ”Kuina.. Why haven't you told us before?”” His usually so cheerful and smiling face was furrowed with anguish at that moment and I felt like hitting myself. This was entirely my fault.

I should have just been quiet. ”He hasn't told us about it because he thinks he will bother us, am I right baby?” I heard your voice and suddenly I felt something hot and wet on my cheeks. I coudn't quite swallow – there was something in my throat. ”You should bother us though! I had no clue that you had been building that much inside you, even though I knew something was off,” Koudai said, his eyes swimming in tears too. ”Silly, how could you even think that we hate you?? You're our dear friend, no matter what!” Kazuki said and touched my hand softly.

As a result I started weeping and felt so embarrassed because of it. At the same time it was oddly relieving, to cry like that, it was like the things between us were finally starting to get solved. Then I heard Tomoya's quiet voice which broke my heart. ”I admit that I've been annoyed with all of your lovey dovey act. But it doesn't change the fact that you're both very important to me, have always been and will always be. Even though I have been annoyed, that doesn't mean I'd hate you nor Baru. How can you even think of that? Thinking reasonably I know that lovers are like that first, all over each other – which Koudai said to me once when I was pissed off because of you two. So..”

I could feel my eyesight getting blurred because of tears in my eyes and immediately after I could feel that someone hugged me. - It was Tomoya. ”Idiot.” He whispered and I cried against one of my best friend's chest. Then I felt someone else hugging us. ”Tomoya's right, annoyance doesn't ever mean hatred, I'm sorry if I have hurted you.” It was Kazuki. After that I could hear from the left side of me your steps as you came to hug me as well. Tomoya and Kazuki were in front of and behind me, squeezing me tighly as Koudai on the other hand hugged us from right.

And so we were all squeezed together like a big fuzzy ball. I was crying, Kazuki was crying and so was Koudai. Tomoya just stood there, hugging now all of us, with shaky hands. You just stood there as well, not saying a word but I knew you were touched. I could sense that in your aura.

After a while of hugging which felt like it would have been ages long, we separated – and even though we did so, I felt like something was slightly better now. I had told about my feelings and everyone had told theirs. I knew in my heart we were going to talk about this a lot later and this was just a start, but that was the most important thing itself.

This was just a start. In generally I felt so relieved, yet awkward because it was so hard for me to stop crying. ”Aww man, I never thought we would be able to be such a softies, ” Tomoya said, laughing awkwardly, but I knew he was just trying to break the overwhelming emotional tension.

And it worked, Kazuki and you snorted to that, Koudai smiled and I could feel my lips turning up as well. - Happy, that's what I felt. It was going to be fine, all my fears were proven false. I looked out to your eyes and as I saw them, I knew that under your laugh was a relief. Just at that moment you looked at me back. You were smiling so softly that I felt myself melting. You and your damn eyes.

The rest of the evening was still slightly awkward but it got better all the time and at the close of it, everything felt quite normal. Yet when we hugged casually, I could feel everyone's hugging me tighter than usual – like I'd be fragile somehow. I didn't say a word about that though and simply hugged back.

As we walked back – you were coming to my place, you held my hand tightly. This familiar warmth was everything I needed at the moment and so we walked in comfortable silence. - The wind was brushing my hair everywhere and it was chilly, but I couldn't care a less. It actually felt really good after crying that much.

When we were at my place, I had just taken my shoes away when you suddenly glomped me to bed and hugged me really tightly but at the same time tenderly. ”Baru..?” ”I'm so proud of you baby, ” You just said, with so soft voice that I felt my insides melting second time this evening as your voice was the most perfect thing I had ever heard.

”Thanks.. I never thought I'd be able to talk about..things.” I just mumbled and turned my gaze to your lovably soft looking lips. They were just too much for me to resist, they had been that ever since the day I had first kissed them. I just wanted to...

Before I was able to move, you approached me. And as so – kissed me. You kissed me gently, brushing lightly my lips with your own ones and I could feel butterflies all over my skin. - I grasped your hair from your neck and leaned even more closer, opening my mouth against yours and sinking in with just feeling you all over me.

Your warmth was everything, your familiar scent and arms around me made me feel safe and I let myself sank in this feeling of floating. As we kissed, I felt the world turn upside down and all over, again and again. Butterflies were everywhere – in my stomach, my arms, my legs and there.

I just wanted you so bad. As I moaned quite loudly, you pulled me under you and became more fierce. - You bit my lip, rolling your tongue inside my mouth and in that second I was on fire. It was just you and me, our lips collided and I just needed you to be even more closer, as I breathed heavily in break of our kiss.

You suddenly looked at me intensively and touched my bare stomach under my shirt and I gasped. Your hands..Your fingers.I could feel myself burning everywhere and I pulled your face against mine again. Everything was on fire, everything was so blurred and I felt my head spinning as my insides melted away.

”I want to make love to you,” You whispered softly in my ear and I gasped – had I heard that right? Yet I wanted nothing more than that. I breathed heavily as I opened my mouth to answer that soft promising question which still lingered in air. 

Author's note;

Hello everyone! What can I say, it's been too long since the last update and I'm so sorry for that ;_; Many things have happened during this time (including writer's block and being busy with school for ex.) so yeah.. I sincerely want to apologize ^^" (even though this probably sounds lame)

But yep, I hope you'll enjoy the chapter as always :3 thank you so much for viewing, subscribing and giving me karma again, that made me really happy! <3 Anyway, have a nice day/night ^^