Rude

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"HUNNNNNNNNNNIEEEEEEEEE!" A high pitched voice shouted in the university's cafeteria. The owner of the voice, which was obviously a girl dashed to the a handsome guy at the counter and hugged him. "Shush girl! Remind me to teach you how to be a girl later." Oh Sehun the guy or maybe let's say a guy with a soft heart and likes glitters and rainbows glared at the girl who was known as Chanmi. Chanmi then pouted and pulled Sehun to a table nearby, "It's just that I miss you so much." Sehun placed his food on the table and laughed putting his hands in his hips at the process, "Well it wasn't my fault that you were absent because of a toothache."

"It was partly your fault tho because if you didn't show me the chocolates in your locker I wouldnt eat all of them."
"Choco hippo!" Sehun sticks out his tongue as he sits with grace. Chanmi kicked him under the table, "Who gave you the right to call me that? Excuse me chocolates and I just have some mutual understanding that you are so blind off and let me remind you a guy just called me y last night." Sehun covered his mouth like the lady he was as he laugh, "Describe that guy then or wait I'll describe him because I really think I know how he looks. He's in his late 30's and he cant walk properly because he is too intoxicated."
"I hate you." Chanmi glares and pulls Sehun's food to her.
"Hey give me my food back!" Sehun p

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summertwinkle #1 Sep 15, 2014 03:35:40

Chapter 7: I have to say I'm a bit confused..I think you lost me after you introduced the EXO gang lol but in some way I think you're trying to make some kind of love square. So facts are Kyungsoo -> Chanmi, Sehun -> Chanmi, Chanmi -> Sehun but moving on a little bit to Kyungsoo, maybe Luhan -> Sehun? maybe Rest of Exo -> Chanmi???

I think you are kinda moving a bit too fast and the characters need more development. Firstly...why did Luhan think Chanmi was a girl??? I was under the impression she looks like a girl until Luhan mistook her for a guy. Secondly, I think I need a bit more flashback on Chanmi's middle school life...and if not flashback at least have some of the characters talk among themselves about the past Chanmi? Did she used to look girly? Why does everyone know her?

Sehun is very transparent...I'm suspecting the gay thing is an act and Sehun is either conscious or subconsciously aware of his real feelings and I'm sure it'll be explained in time. So you're doing ok with Sehun but I just feel like I don't know enough about Chanmi. And then all of a sudden, all these random characters get thrown in before her character is developed enough to move the plot in a certain direction. And I think I read in the summary that she wanted to ask her gay friend for advice...I don't see any advice asking???....

These are just some of my comments/confusion, but I feel your story idea has potential. I look forward to reading more.

summertwinkle #2 Sep 15, 2014 03:13:05

Chapter 2: What is the CR O.O? If you don't mind explaining to me. I know it must be referring to the washroom but I just wrap my head around the abbreviation.

x-Sufiee-x #3 Aug 6, 2014 11:43:30

Chapter 5: Lol. Luhan is obviously turning gay for sehun. But, i'm a bit upset that they won't last in the end. cause sehun's srsly confused.

myungsookrystal #4 Jul 23, 2014 01:53:11

Chapter 4: Luhan gay?? lol really?

kambing97 #5 Jul 15, 2014 07:56:56

Chapter 4: awww the other guys like her too? dont worry you story is amazing ><

myungsookrystal #6 Jul 1, 2014 08:15:00

Chapter 2: Your story is interesting~^^