Have you ever tried to be trapped in the state between dreaming and being awake? Where you at times have to ask yourself if the wonders life gave you, was just a dream? Where you panic and begin to cry out of pure lost for the thing you don’t even know is reality or part of your imagination?

That is my explanation for the tears that are falling down my cheeks this moment.  Because the thing always reminding me, the bliss that I have felt the past 3 weeks, was the presence of the person keeping the other side of the bed warm (or more like my side warmer because heck we didn’t even use that much space of the king-sized bed I own). The arms that was wrapped around me when I woke up, kept reminding me of how lucky I am. And the cheesy smile accompanied with a husky ‘good morning’ always told me that this was indeed real.

And not to talk about the feelings I share with that special person, tells me that I’m not dreaming. Not anymore. No more living in the blackness of my mind. No more hiding from the world where I once didn’t want to live.

Things began feeling right with that person beside me.

But right now… My wet cheeks and the feeling of lost is the only thing that I wish was just a dream.

“I’m back, they say that it is all set for when we arrive. So you just need –“ Yifan stop in his tracks  for no more than 2 seconds until he was by my side where I needed him.

“Baby? Tao why are u crying?” he gently hooked his left arm under me and pulled me up into his embrace.

Oh so it wasn’t a dream? Thank god for it not being a dream.

“Where the heck have you been? I was afraid that you was just a- ” I couldn’t finish do to a sob blocking my voice form coming out. I instead covered it up by showing him my anger. I began hitting him on his chest to show him how frustrated I was.

I was so afraid that it was all just a part of my imagination. That I would never feel those emotions fill up my whole being. That I would go back to my parents not loving me…

“Tao? I told you yesterday that I would go back to the pack to arrange our arrival” I stopped my abusing of Yifan instantly when my mind registered his explanation.

Oh yeah that is right. He told me clearly that he wouldn’t be here for when I woke up….

Oops.

I began laughing nervously “oh uumm sorry for the, you know-“ Yifan began laughing hard and I got dumbfounded. Why was he laughing? Didn’t he know the pain I have felt for the 5 minutes I lay there on my own?

Idiot.

“Hey where are you going?” I raised myself of off the bed and made my way over to the door.

“I’m leaving you alone! See how that feels” I threatened him and slammed the door. 2 seconds after, I hear a hysterical laughter and shortly after a loud thud where I suppose he hid the floor. I scuff and start going my way down the stairs.

He surely is an idiot.

“Ahh there! Omg that feels good-“ I moan out as the masseuse hit a specially sore point and loosened it up. I really needed this. I have been sore in my back for weeks and I finally got the time now when Yifan is out with my dad and talking about “Guy-stuff” as they elegantly called it. Don’t get me wrong I love having Yifan around me and right now I can’t lie about the slight pain in my chest because I do miss his calming presence, but damn I needed to loosen up. I have had all these nervous feelings ever since Yifan told me I was his mate. What if I screw up in the future?

Or worse, what if I don’t screw up? And he does instead? What if this is all a sick joke?

Omo!! What should I do then?

Nah it can’t be a joke. If so then how could I have these feelings from the start even… unless… that means that I am a very naïve person!

No, I wasn’t even gay before Yifan came along so that is impossible.

But… Omg! What if fairies abducted me at night while I was sleeping and took me to their evil hide out with evil… stuff… and casted a spell on me so I would fall in love with Yifan!

“Sir? Are you alright? You seem troubled?” The masseuse shoved her worries when I abruptly sat up with a shocked expression.

“I have been abducted by evil tiny fairies who casted a spell over me!” I cried out and threw my arms around her shoulders while I cried into her chest. I knew I shouldn’t trust fairy tales. Those creatures are pure evilness just waiting to get their chance to ruin a person’s life.

She just awkwardly patted my back “there there, I’m sure the fairies had a very good reason as to why they abducted you” no they didn’t. They just wanted to complicate my life more than it already was.

“Abducted by fairies? Seriously?”

“That is the only explanation!” Yixing (my best friend) looked at me like he had lost all hope.

“Tao, do you remember the time where you thought that ghost squirrels had come back from hell to drive you insane and eat you afterwards?” I nodded slightly as a shiver ran down my spine. That was a very scary memory, where I threatened Yixing to sleep with me because there was no way in hell that I would sleep alone when I had evil squirrels chasing me in my own house!

“And do you remember that we found out that it was only 2 mice that you heard?” I sighed; well maybe I was a little paranoid at that time and exaggerated just a tiny little bit. But who could blame me? It really sounded like they were after me.

“I’m sure this time is no different, if you really like the guy as much as you describe then just let it be and enjoy it” Yixing can be scary when he is annoyed. He gave me a that-is-final stare and waved for the waiter to come and give us the bill.

Of course I didn’t tell him about Yifan and me being mates and the little detail about Yifan being a wolf…

I do wish that I could tell him about it, really badly, because I needed him to support me and tell me in his soothing voice that everything was going to be okay. That I’m going to live my life happily ever after with Yifan because that is just how it is supposed to be.

But no matter how desperately I wanted to tell my best friend that this is our final meeting, no words of goodbye could escape my mouth. Only the promises of seeing each other again could be choked out from my throat and pass my dry lips. I wanted to cry, to hold him and never let.

 Couse I knew that I exactly wouldn’t be able to see him again anymore.

Ever.

So when he was out of my sight, I ran into an alley so people wouldn’t be able to hear my chokes on the sobs that fought over each other to get out, it was all too much for me to take.

I wanted to run after him.

But I’m not allowed to.

I slide down the dirty wall until I come in contact with the slightly wet ground. My sight is a total blur when I look around to see if anyone is near to notice my weak moment.

I love Yifan but this is hard…

Damn those fairies… I raise my fisted hand up to the sky to show my unhappiness with the situation.

 I silently open the door to my room in order to not wake up Yifan. A mission that I already knew was impossible. The guy had super-duper senses that sometimes freaked my out. He could hear everything, making it uncomfortable for me to go to the bathroom and do my business, because I knew that he could hear every move I made. I subconsciously smile when my eyes drift over the plump hidden under the covers. He is so cute with hair in every direction possible. I tiptoe my way over to the closet to find my sleeping attire and start getting undressed. Normally I wouldn’t do it in the same room with Yifan but do to his heavy breathing, I feel safe from any peeking.  He must be extremely tired since he hasn’t woken up yet but I realize that I spoke to soon when I hear a slight grunt, freezing me on the spot and make me look frantically around, as I (for some odd reason) find the urge to hide. But that was just ridiculous so I calmly slip my way under the covers and immediately get crushed like a teddy bear under the possession of a 5 year old crying it’s heart out.

I heard a huff and later Yifan’s breathing hit my face. I knew that he had woken up due to his breathing picking up. I wanted to see his features but not having any light made it hard, even if my eyes had already adjusted to the darkness.

Still feeling the urge, I raised my hand to trace my digits over his forehead and move some strands of hair out of the way. My fingers slightly trailed down his temples and then into his hair, gently combing out the tangles and move behind his ears. My fingertips went further down to his jawline before going up and over his cheek. That is when I stopped as smooth skin wasn’t what I felt but instead got meet with moisture that wetted my shaking hands as I took a hold of Yifan’s face.

“Why are you crying?” I felt a tug at my already saddened heart. Yifan always appeared as a strong puppy. He was damn cute but independent at the same time. He was stubborn yet fair. He possessed sharp and chilly features but was so warm inside.

I had never thought that a man like Yifan could cry.

“I’m so sorry” the pleading with Yifan’s voice kept on replaying in my mind until I realized that he just kept on apologizing to me, over and over again. Tears escaped my eyes for every time he repeated his plea of forgiveness. 

“It’s okay, everything is gonna be okay” I soothed him like I in my imagination wanted Yixing to sooth me. But realization hit me smack in the face with Yifan’s shaking body against mine, that I wasn’t the only one hurting.

Yifan had explained to me so many times that a mating couple feel each other’s pain. Share each other’s sadness and hurt. Have the same happiness and they feel the same love.

So my pain didn’t just lay in me but was buried in Yifan too, with his quilt of having to take me away from everything that I know.

A wave of, what felt like cold water, washed over me. I felt so selfish, only thinking about myself when Yifan was hurting, seeing me locking myself inside the tower of my consciousness and rarely coming out.

Damn I did screw up…

I still blame the fairies though.

“Yifan? Yifan look at me” I knew that he can see me much better than I can see him and I had to really focus to be able to see if he was actually looking at me or not. When his bright yellow eyes meet my own, was words suddenly lost and I must have looked like a fish trying to breathe in the air instead of being in water. My mouth kept on opening and closing.

Ah whatever…

I closed the last 4 cm that separated our breaths from mixing and gave Yifan an insuring peck on his salty-tasting lips.

“I love you my wolfie” one thing lead to another and I soon found myself unable to breathe as Yifan stole the entrance where air was meant to inter (my mouth not my nose). Our bodies entangled as headphones in a bag-pack, unable to move away from the other’s warm touches and sweet kisses that got more and more heated with every passing sheep over our heads. It was late and we were both supposed to sleep, so we had energy to the awaiting day tomorrow. The day where we will leave and go to Yifan’s pack.

But no, we couldn’t stop.

Yifan’s tongue boldly came out and my upper lip as his hand went under my oversized t-shirt to make contact with my heated skin, making me gasp out and possible for Yifan to invade my mouth.

Never had we been so intimate with each other before and my mind was getting dizzy with all the overwhelming feelings trying to overlap one another.

My hands went to his neck and further on to entangle in his soft hair and a beastly groan escaped past his lips when we separated for 2 seconds as important air seemed to miss.

With lust in both our auras and nothing but sweet love in our eyes, was our night only just beginning.

Just kidding, we both fell asleep 10 minutes later due to exhaustion.

A/N:

Soooo I thank you for wanting me to keep on going and so I am working on it^^ The final will be in 2 parts (because I didn't realise how long it suddenly got) 

I'm gonna finish this as best as I can and then when I have the time, I will come back and edit the parts that I don't like and make it better (and beta-read it too hihi) XD

So again thank you all!! C: 

Comments are highly important for me, it keeps on making me want to write^^