You weren’t frightened of the end of the world. The heavens at war, famine, world-wide devastation didn’t scare you.

There was nothing in this world that was as scary as being young and so completely, utterly, devastatingly alone. You used to strum your guitar on random Japanese streets for snack money for gods’ sake, so among people you have met, if anybody was to understand what ‘alone’ was, it would be you.

All the memories of those days in Japan were mostly muddled up, because every single thing was the same and there was nothing you wanted more than to turn back time. Back then, dwelling with the swarms of ghosts that made up your past, carefree laughter becoming a whispering, slithering of snake skin in your ears, the love for a boy stretched in your memory, a big black screaming yaw, like a fissure had been carved straight down the centre of your soul.

You would always remember that feeling, you thought. How the world felt, tipping and sliding sideways, and everything spiralling out of control.

“Oh, thank gods- ack these things!” Himchan yelped, twisting around as two children weaved around him, beating him to the van, giggling, laughing and accidentally kicking him in the stomach as they climbed.

“They have names,” said Junhee, climbing in after them.

The moment the van started moving, with manager Yoon in the driver’s seat, Junhee in the front seat beside Jongup, while Himchan dealt with manager Yoon’s niece and nephew in the backseat, the driving man grumbled up. “At least we know one thing.”

“What?”

“They really do raid houses without giving any notice,” said manager Yoon, sounding moody since they had plans, and they were supposed to be at BAP’s penthouse by now, with the kids, because for some unthinkable reason, Himchan suggested they have a movie night and asked manager Yoon to bring the little kids along. Anyway, they were all four days away from having to leave for Daegu.

House Raid crew had barged into Juniel’s apartment earlier, while the place was swarming with kids and men who should not have been there. They managed to come up with an excuse, absolutely complementing BAP’s soft and cuddly side–Himchan loved children. But probably not anymore after today. Either how, they scraped by as Himchan and Jongup made themselves scarce, while Juniel toured the filming crew to her kitchen (where manager Yoon was eating), living room (where the two young men immersed themselves in a board game with two children), and then to her very own bedroom, which was rather inconvenient what with cameras probing her photos that covered the expanse of the four walls; they had not touched the blind, so that was all right.

“Where did you say Youngjae is?” Jongup asked as they now made their way out of the elevator and into BAP’s penthouse. Jongup shrugged his shoes off hastily, a slight knit between his brows as Junhee avoided his eyes, taking time to take off her shoes.

“I didn’t?”

Junhee almost lost balance when the kids, Woojoo (niece) and Joowon (nephew), ran through her, into the living room, screaming at the colourful bean bags. They were then hushed up by a terrified yelp that sounded suspiciously like Daehyun.

“Where did he go?”

“I don’t know,” said Junhee, giving Jongup a quick smile, then turned away to run after the kids.

Jongup stood there, watching the girl flee with suspicion, speculation and sourness brewing in his mind. What were they hiding? When did they get so close, and why had Youngjae been out by himself this whole week? Jongup was sure that if he kept his eyes sharp, he would figure things out eventually.

Anyway, Youngjae still wasn’t talking to him and Jongup was starting to get the idea that he must’ve done or said something that had upset the older. But as much as he tried to recall, and he’d been doing this every night, losing sleep over it, he could not pinpoint what he’d done exactly that made the older react this way.

::

The hours from hereon was uneconomical as Yongguk found himself banning Zelo from cursing at all that day, because little children really did not need his noble examples.

To the amusement of Yongguk, who still had not told Himchan, Jongup nor Daehyun about the tangled past of Juniel and Zelo, kept his eyes on the two and watched the awkwardness unfold. Now that he knew what they used to be, Yongguk wondered how he could’ve missed it. It was obvious. The way Zelo would gravitate around Juniel, the way they took turns stealing glances at each other and yet never being able to make general eye contact without flushing or bumping into furniture.

Now all Zelo had to do was reconcile with Juniel, because obviously, she wasn’t dead and he needed her, wanted her and was still as hopeless and desperate to be with her just as badly as when Yongguk had found him in the dump. He needn’t Youngjae to figure that out. It was as clear as crystal.

::

Some time later when Himchan started the movie, Junhee ambled into the kitchen, thinking she was alone and almost jumping out of her skin when Zelo spun around from the fridge colliding into her. Her heart jumped up as she let out a squeak. Zelo stumbled back, one hand over his heart, slipping out a curse which he was grateful was not in the presence of Yongguk.

“Oh , what was that?” he hissed, flattening his back against the fridge, his glass of orange juice slopping onto his hand and the floor.

“Sorry!”

::

It did not help that Junhee was helping him set the table. It also did not help that she kept following him around. And it certainly did not help that every time Zelo’s back was turned, her gaze continued to follow him, unabashed. He felt helpless and homeless and what was up with him walking into things? Jesus. He was not a kid anymore, surely Junhee should not be able to affect him this much?

Because fine, Zelo would be lying to himself to deny that her presence around the house had no consequences, but he was frustrated with himself because this was not fair. As he was entertaining the idea of telling her Jonghoon came around the place just to scare her away, the front door opened and Zelo almost jumped out of his own skin.

He cursed under his breath. Ever since his brother’s appearance, Zelo had become paranoid.

“Youngjae!” Junhee yelled and ran off.

Zelo narrowed his eyes, wondering when they had gotten so close. And where had Youngjae been the whole day today anyway? Not that he cared, of course. But it certainly was odd. He had been disappearing more often than not, and it was creepy how Youngjae’s raggedy appearance reminded Zelo of himself more than he’d ever acknowledge.

Youngjae was practically a zombie these days. Not that Zelo had any copyright over that look, but it annoyed him how he’d been getting Junhee’s attention lately.

Zelo grunted from the kitchen pantry only to realise he was not the only suspicious one around here. Jongup did not look happy either as he squinted at Youngjae who Junhee had cornered into a wall, looking too pleased with himself as she hugged him.

“What d’you reckon?” Jongup grunted, keeping an eye on the two.

Zelo blinked, surprised that Jongup was asking for his feedback.

“Something’s up with Youngjae,” Jongup continued under his breath. “He’s hiding something, and looks like only Junhee knows.”

Zelo snorted. He couldn’t help himself.

“Of course she knows,” Zelo grumbled. “What wouldn’t she know? She’s always nosy snooping around whenever she’s here.”

Jongup blinked, looking even more surprised to be the one receiving feedback from Zelo. He pretended not to notice. Zelo kind of needed somebody to complain to right now.

“Why d’you talk like that?”

“Like what?” Zelo rounded on the drummer.

“Like you like her or something.”

Zelo flushed and stammered, “What? I just called her nosy, how’s that- what’s wrong with your logic?”

Jongup shrugged, turning back to the singer and the guitarist in the hallway. “Hey look, they’re kissing.”

“WHAT?” Zelo snapped, wheeling around, a monster coiling in his stomach, as his gaze met the empty hallway.

Beside him, Jongup snorted. “Gotcha.”

::

“Have you talked to Jongup?” Junhee said under her breath, as Youngjae leaned against the wall, head lolling back tiredly.

“I’ve been out all day, what makes you think-“

“He asked about you,” she said, looking excited for some reason.

Youngjae blinked. “He did?”

She nodded, grinning.

“Well, that’s new,” snorted Youngjae, closing his eyes as he felt a cool hand brushing away his hair from his forehead.

“You should talk to him.”

Youngjae sighed, feeling the warmth as Junhee stepped closer. A sad part of him wished he could have this forever. The feeling that somebody cared.

“Where have you been all day anyway?” Junhee asked, frowning when he opened his eyes again. “You promised you’d be back f