Jackie here...

I know that I've mentioned countless times that I wanted to continue this story and I promised countless times that I said I would, but to be completely honest, I just can't picture myself continuing.  I know exactly what to write, and I know I certainly have interest in continuing to write, but I just don't think I could manage it.

This fic meant a // ton to me, and I'm so, so sorry that I'm discontinuing it.

*PLOT SPOILERS AHEAD* (might as well tell you what I was planning because I won't be continuing and I'm figuring that you at least deserve to know what was going to happen?)

*ALSO A TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELF-HARM AND DEPRESSION*

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This was the first fic I've ever written, and it was inspired partially by Kyuhyun, It's Been Hard On You by janie6789).  The story doesn't exist anymore because janie6789 has taken it down, but that fic truly changed my perspective on the kpop industry and what idols really might be going through behind all those flashy images.  I was inspired to write about what Kyuhyun was really going through because I knew that he had been through a lot.

When I was in my freshman year of high school (I'm a rising senior now), I was going through problems.  To those of you who read the original 90 chapters that I posted, Lee Seoyoon was basically who I was-- she had problems.  I wasn't beaten or mentally abused, but I did cut in order to make dealing with life a little easier (I stopped several months ago and I'm not doing it again because I promsied someone I wouldn't anymore).  Long story short, the plotline was supposed to be something like this.  Seoyoon was Sungmin's younger sister and trained at SM, but never became an idol.  After years of training, she became Super Junior's choreographer instead.  She would go through some hardships trying to get Super Junior to get used to her (she was a girl and younger than all of them), and would finally succeed in getting Leeteuk and the others to trust her and view her as a friend.  Several months after Super Junior debuted, she coincidentally ran into Kyuhyun (her old childhood friend), who was going to be added to Super Junior.  We all know that Kyuhyun's first months/years in Super Junior weren't easy, and Seoyoon's role was to help him through his problems, as well as try to convince Super Junior to accept him as one of their own.  She would become a mediator of a sort, even though she was pretty much helpless because this was Super Junior and Kyuhyun's problem to deal with, not hers, and she needed to let them work things out and form bonds by themselves.  Later on, she developed depression because she's felt powerless and useless all her life.  She never got to debut, she went through a lot trying to get everyone to accept her, and she tried to help someone be accepted but there was really nothing she could do.  She needed help dealing with depression and began to self-harm, and when she finally told Kyuhyun (who has remained her best friend over the years) about it (a few years later), Kyuhyun would help her like she had helped him in the past.  And then during this time, Kyuhyun would get to know more of Seoyoon's real side and they would both open up to each other even more, and they would fall in love and live happily ever after and etc LOL

I've said before in one of my other fics that I hate it when I break my own fic writing rules, the main one being: A and B fall in love and everything's suddenly better because of that.  All their problems go away, including depression.  I had done a ton of research on Super Junior's past (literally weeks of research) before I began writing, but because I was an immature rising sophomore back then, I didn't realize that I was romanticizing mental illness.  Unfortunately, no matter how much we may want it to happen, our significant others or idols (or whoever else we might want) won't magically appear by our sides and help us work through our problems.  Life isn't that simple.  By using to Kyuhyun to help Seoyoon, I was being hypocritical as .

To be honest though, I still do that pretty often LOL... if I'm going through hard times, I deal with them by pretending that Kyuhyun's next to me and helping me with my problems.  I like imagining that he's next to me and listening to me rant and making me feel better and everything, but that's just my own personal fantasy, and I don't want to write that down in my story because that would be romanticizing mental illness.  I personally feel that there's nothing wrong with imagining you have someone by your side to comfort you whenever you need it, but it's just wrong to expect that to be reality.

I mentally tried to change the plot up for the third time and rewrite everything so that Hidden in the Shadows' original purpose (making me feel better about myself) would be taken out.  It would have turned into a fic that was just about Seoyoon helping Kyuhyun and them staying best friends for life (unfortunately though, Seoyoon still never would have debuted or anything and would always be 'hidden in the shadows').  But unfortunately, I just don't see how I could possibly make that work.  I /want/ to do it, but I don't see how I could write about Super Junior and Kyuhyun's background in a way that really moves people.  Furthermore, that would be almost completely leeching off janie6789's idea, and I don't want to do that.

This fic means the world to me and I don't especially want to discontinue it because it means so much, but... ._.

I hope all of you understand and to those of you who've subscribed from the very beginnings of Hidden in the Shadows, thank you so much for staying with me and I'm really for letting all of you down.  You can comment or pm me if you have anything to say and thank you for putting up with my ty writing LOL and my irregular updates (I haven't even touched or looked at this for over 6 months holy O.O) and everything else... please check out some of my other stories if you have the chance ^^

- Jackie ^^

7/9/16

I don't know if many of you know about this, but The Story Begins was this Seokyu oneshot about how Seoyoon and Kyuhyun first met, and I published it a while back (on Kyuhyun's birthday) in an attempt to motivate myself to continue Hidden in the Shadows... which I obviously won't be doing, but you're always welcome to check it out if you want to ^^  I'm going to be leaving these first few chapters and this story up for anyone who wants look back on it in the future, and thank you all again ^^