I continued to practice my routines over and over again until I was ready to collapse out of exhaustion.  Even though it had been a week since the Chin Chin Song Festival and I hadn’t even seen Ryeowook since then, I couldn’t help but fume at his words every time they popped back into my head.  Which was a lot of the time nowadays.

It wasn’t fair, I thought for the thousandth time.  I had worked so much harder than everyone else, so much harder than what SM expected of us.  So why was it that I had never gotten anything in return?

That was why I had decided that I would go to Lee Sooman himself and talk to him about it.  Once I was ready, I would ask if I could schedule a meeting with him, and then he could tell me himself what exactly I needed to do so that I could debut.

In the meantime, however, I kept practicing and creating my own routines as I always did.  These days, I rarely saw Hyukjae because he was so busy.  But that didn’t matter.  I didn’t need him to teach me anymore because I already knew exactly what to do.

I went over my hip hop routine again, watching myself in the mirror carefully.  Vocal practice was supposed to start within twenty minutes, and it would last for the rest of the morning.  During lunch, I wanted to go to one of my dance instructors and ask him to critique my routine.  Later on that afternoon, I had a workout and a dance practice scheduled, and I would work on my homework later on at night.  Finals were coming up and I had to make more time to study.

After going over the dance two more times, I began to pack up my things, getting ready to head out and go to vocal practice.  Checking to make sure everything was in order and I hadn’t left anything behind, I walked out of the room.  But not before I collided into someone, causing both of us to stumble and my bag to go flying to the ground.

“What--” I swore under my breath and picked up my bag.  “Wait, Hyukjae?  What are you doing here?  I thought you were supposed to be at practice or something.”

Hyukjae rubbed his forehead.

“Yah, Seoyoon-ah, haven’t you heard yet?”  He said, his voice tense.

I frowned.

“Heard what?”

“You honestly haven’t heard yet?”  He narrowed his eyes in disbelief.  “Everyone’s been talking about it since yesterday afternoon.  What have you been doing with your life?”

I narrowed my eyes right back at him.

“Practicing.  You should know that.  Heard what?”  I demanded.

“SM’s planning on debuting a large scale boy group late next year.”

I froze and glanced at him sharply.  My breath hitched in my throat and my eyes widened in shock.

“What?”

“SM’s planning on debuting a large scale boy group late next year.  You know how people have been assuming that they were gonna debut a girl group?  Since DBSK just debuted last year?  Well, it turns out they were wrong.  My friends uncle knows someone who works at the company, and that someone happens to be one of the people who decide who gets to debut.  And I heard from him that they’re gonna debut a boy group instead.”

“What?”  I nearly yelled.  A boy group?  But that wasn’t… that couldn’t be true.

“I said that--”

“No, I know perfectly well what you just said, it’s not like I’m deaf,” I snapped back at him, unable to control my frustration and the rest of what I was feeling right now.  “But what in the name of--”  I closed my eyes for a second as I tried to calm myself down and process exactly what he had said.  As soon as I was somewhat stable, I began bombarding him with questions.  “Do you know who’s debuting?  Are you gonna debut?  Is Sungmin gonna debut?  Have you talked to Sungmin recently?  I haven’t seen him around because he’s really busy with school and other things.”

“As far as I know, nothing’s confirmed yet.  But I talked to our dance instructor last night and he said that there was a good chance I’m one of them because of how I’ve improved over the past few years,” Hyukjae said, a hint of pride in his voice.  “I don’t know about Sungmin though.  I haven’t seen him in a while either.  But I think he has a good chance too because he’s not half-bad at singing and dancing either.”

I barely heard anything after the first few sentences.  I tried to shake my head to clear it, but my mind had gone blank and I felt dizzy.  I couldn’t even bring myself to say anything to Hyukjae, who was waiting for a response.

“Uh, congrats, Hyukjae,” I muttered after I finally regained my ability to speak.  I took a deep breath and tried to steady my breath.  “Anyways, I need to go to vocal practice.  I’ll see you around, I guess.”  I was gone before he could say another word.

For the first time in my life, I didn’t head towards the vocal practice room like I was supposed to.  I was skipping practice.  I absent-mindedly wandered around the building, getting more and more lost in my thoughts.  The more I thought about it, the more angry I became at myself.  What had I done that was so wrong that SM wouldn’t let me debut?  Every bit of doubt, every bit of jealousy, every bit of frustration I had felt about this topic over the past few years came rushing back to me like a hurricane.  Tears of anger filled my vision.

And then an idea came to me.  Digging my nails into the palm of my hand so that the pain might subside my fury, I managed to pull myself together just enough so that I could focus on finding Lee Sooman’s office.

Twenty minutes later, I was sitting in front of the CEO himself.  I watched as he blinked several times.  He took off his glasses, wiped them, and put them back on.

“What?”  He said incredulously, looking at me as if I had grown two heads.

I had barged into his office without an appointment, pushing aside all doubts of whether or not it was rude to interrupt him so suddenly.  The secretary had given me a strange look but had informed me that I was lucky: Lee Sooman’s schedule for this morning happened to be empty.

“Let me get this straight.”  He leaned back in his leather desk chair and looked at me.  “You want me to cancel all the plans that the company and I have been making for this boy group.  You want me to throw away several months worth of meetings and conferences and funds.  Just so you can get a chance to debut.”

“Well, sir, it’s not exactly like that,” I protested.  In reality, that was what it all boiled down to, but I hadn’t meant to make it sound that blunt.  “I just want to know if there’s any way I can debut.  I’ve been working really hard and I think I might have a chance.”

“No.  What’s decided is decided.  There’s nothing you can do, Lee Seoyoon-ssi.  This isn’t something a mere trainee can decide.”  He clasped his hands together and looked me directly in the eye, his face void of emotion.

“But sir, I really want to have a chance of debuting.  There’s a lot of other trainees I know that have been given so many chances, and I’ve never had a chance.  Why is that so?”

“Those other trainees are probably more experienced than you are.”

“That’s true in some cases, but to be honest, I think I deserve that chance more than they do because in my opinion, I’m more skilled than they are.”

Lee Sooman raised his eyebrows and I belatedly realized how arrogant and rude I sounded.

“I’m really sorry, I really didn’t mean for that to come out the way it did.  It’s just that--”

I was interrupted by a sigh.  The CEO peered over his glasses and gave me a sharp look.

“Do you really want to know the reason why you haven’t ever been put into a project group or even considered for debut?”

After all these years of training, I had never even been considered for debut?  The words felt like thorns in my throat, but I nodded and pretended as if I didn’t feel anything.

“Lee Seoyoon-ssi, the truth is, I’ve been watching your progress for the past several months, and I’ve noticed some trends.  Honestly, I think you’re a stellar dancer.  I remember what level your skills were at when you first joined the company, and I’ve noticed how much you’ve been improving with every evaluation.”

“Thank you, sir,” I said politely.  He raised his eyebrows at my interruption.

“I’m not finished yet.  Your acting and rapping skills are pretty decent, you excel in academics and languages, and you certainly have the potential to be a successful idol.  There’s only one major problem.”

“What is it?”  My fingernails dug into the palm of my hand again as I waited for his answer.

“You’re a weak vocalist.  You can’t sing,” he said in a matter-of-fact tone.

I bit down on my lip, hard.

“But sir, I can improve on that.  If I improve on my vocals, would I stand a chance of debuting?  Would the company let me?  Can I--”

He held up his hand and I stopped abruptly.

“Stop asking so many questions, just listen to me for a minute.”  He squeezed the bridge of his nose and then crossed his arms.  “At the beginning of your career as a trainee, you were already a weak vocalist.  Truthfully, the only reason why you were accepted into SM was because of your dancing skills.  Otherwise, you never would have made it because your vocals were below our standards.  One thing that we here at SM look for is improvement.  How good you are at a particular skill when you first join doesn’t matter as much as how much you improve during your time here and how close you are to the level of perfection we want.  Does that make sense?”

I nodded and tried to quell the lump in my throat.

“After every monthly evaluation, I personally watch each of the trainees’ evaluation videos.  At first, I never paid much attention to you.  Aside from your dancing skills, which was the only thing that made you stand out, you were just another ordinary trainee among the hundreds of trainees we have here.  But then I noticed something else.  I went back through all your old evaluation videos and found that you haven’t improved throughout the years.  At least not on vocals.  You certainly have in other areas, but not on vocals.  Just like it had been when we first accepted you, the only reason I’ve decided to keep you in SM is because of your dancing skills.  If it weren’t for your dance performances, you would have been kicked out long ago.”

I swallowed and silently cursed myself.  I clenched my fists.  Why hadn’t I focused more on vocals?  Why had I focused so much on dance?  Why hadn’t I tried harder?  Why… I took a breath.  It sounded rattly and irregular.

“Sir, I know I can still improve on vocals if you give me another chance.  I’ll try even harder and strive to be a better vocalist.”

“No.”

I swallowed again, trying to find the right words that would convince him.

“Why?  I know I won’t fail anymore.  I’ll achieve that level of perfection that you’re looking for.  I know I can do it if I try even harder.”

“You see, Lee Seoyoon-ssi?  That’s the reason behind your failure.”

My failure?  The word hit me like a punch to the face.

“Sir?  I don’t understand.  If you could just tell me what exactly it is that I need to work on, then maybe--”

“That’s exactly my point.  You’re not going to improve.  I can see it already.  Back in my day, I was a vocalist myself, and I know the difference between a less-than-mediocre singer and someone who’s qualified as a competent vocalist.”

I was a less-than-mediocre singer.  I was an incompetent vocalist.  Another thorn jabbed at me and my breath caught in my throat.

“Over the past few years, there’s been little difference in your vocal performances.  Granted, you have your strengths.  Your pitch and your tone are gradually becoming more accurate, and your middle voice has become relatively well-developed.  You have a pretty big vocal range, and your voice is supported up to a certain extent.”

I nodded and my spirits rose a little bit.

“Thank you, sir.”

“But unfortunately, your weaknesses far outweigh your strengths.”  His next words dashed my hopes.  “Your voice is very inconsistent.  It’s far from agile or precise, and you can’t seem to separate your notes properly.  True, you may have a decent middle voice, but your lower register is not up to par.  Furthermore, your upper register virtually does not exist.  Once you reach the higher notes, your voice gets very breathy and strained, and it doesn’t even sound like you’re singing at that point.  You rarely achieve resonance when you sing, and there’s clear tension in your jaw during runs.  So overall, I would say that your voice is weak.  Very weak, compared to what we expect of our trainees and our idols.  You’re not a vocalist, Lee Seoyoon-ssi.  As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve watched all your evaluation videos, and it’s clear that you haven’t made much improvement in that field.  You’re not getting better, and if you can’t get better after over four years of training, more training obviously won’t help you.  You’re physically not good enough to debut because you can’t sing.  That’s the simple truth.”

It had become a struggle for me to breathe normally.  It hurt when he had said those words, more than I could express.  I wasn’t good enough.  I wasn’t good enough.  I wasn’t good enough, and no amount of training would ever change that.  His words echoed through my head, over and over.

“Oh,” I said at last, my voice faint.  I felt horrible, all the way down to my bones.  My entire body ached.  In the eyes of SM, I was pretty much completely worthless.

“Is that all you wanted to ask me?  Shouldn’t you be at practice or something?”

But why would I practice when you literally just told me that practicing wouldn’t help me?  That nothing would help me because there was nothing that could change the fact that I was and would never be good enough?

“But sir, isn’t there something I can do about this?  There must be something I can do,” I found myself saying.  I still didn’t want to leave SM.  I still held on to a tiny shred of hope.

“Lee Seoyoon-ssi, SM has no plans to debut a girl group anytime soon.  The boy group we currently have in mind is set to debut sometime next year.  We might consider debuting a girl group in a few years, but that’s still uncertain.  There’s nothing you can do but wait for four or five more years and hope that another chance will come up.  Maybe you’ll prove me wrong and somehow get better.  Then we’ll take you into consideration.”

“Sir--”

“Lee Seoyoon-ssi.”  His voice had grown sterner.  “There’s no point in thinking about debuting now because at the rate you’re going right now, you won’t be good enough to debut in the said girl group anyways.”

I bit down on the inside of my cheek, angry at him now.  Stop saying that I’m not ing good enough, I wanted to scream in his face.  But deep down, I knew that he was probably right.  I just didn’t want to admit it.  Even so, there had to be something I could bring up to try and convince him that I was good enough to stay in SM, something I could do to convince him that I wasn’t as useless as he thought I was.  I remembered what he had been saying earlier about my dancing skills.

“Sir, I choreograph in my free time,” I blurted out.

He looked up in interest.

“You do?”  A shadow of doubt flickered across his face.  “But you’re only sixteen.  Are you any good at it?”

“My instructors say that I’m pretty good.  Over the past few years, I’ve been choreographing my own routines and practicing them whenever I can.  It helps me improve.”

He nodded slowly.

“Alright, then.  So what’s the point in you telling me this?”

I frantically snatched at the best reason my mind could come up with at the moment.

“Uh, well, I--”

I had an idea.  It was completely insane, but as I thought about it, I began to believe that it could actually work.  Why the not?  I didn’t have very many options left anyways.  I took a deep breath and hoped for the best.

“I was wondering if I could stop being a trainee.  Since you just said that it’s not likely I’m going to improve at singing, I was thinking if I could work here.  I want to be a dance instructor and a choreographer here at SM.  I could teach new trainees or something.  And I want to choreograph for that boy group that’s gonna be debuting next year.”

For the second time that day, Lee Sooman’s eyes opened wide in shock as he gaped at me for several seconds.  It was then that I realized that maybe I hadn’t thought the idea through very well.  I struggled to come up with a reasonable argument for my unusual request.

“Sir, I know that I’m a girl and it’s strange to have a girl choreographing for a boy group, but I think I can still do it.  Whatever style of dance the boy group will be focusing on, I know I’ll be able to manage it because I’ve already received a lot of training in dance over the years.  Even though I’m young and I’ve never had formal training in choreography, people have told me that I can choreograph and dance really well.”

Lee Sooman had been listening carefully, but then he shook his head.

“Lee Seoyoon-ssi, you’re too young for this.  I’ll have you know that all of the juniors we’re considering putting in this project group are older than you.”

“But it’s my abilities that count, right, sir?  I might not be as experienced as you would like, but I still know that I can do it.  You yourself just said that I was a stellar dancer.”

“That’s not the point.”  He shook his head again.  “You’re just not qualified for the job.”

“Then what can I do so that I qualify?”  I persisted, refusing to give up hope even though I knew that it was practically a fruitless struggle.  “I could show you some of the routines I created if that’ll reassure you that I’m qualified.  Who exactly is going to be in the project group?  I can choreograph anything related to the concepts you want them to do.”

He hesitated for a moment.

“The potential members we have for the project group consist of the DBSK rejects.  When the company was selecting the members for DBSK, only chose the best of the best were chosen.  The other project groups that the other trainees had previously formed were disbanded, but because of certain conditions in their contracts, we’ve decided to create another group.  They’ll be DBSK’s juniors.”

“And what concepts do you want them to do?”

“We don’t know that for sure yet.  Anyways, that shouldn’t matter to you.”

“I heard that two trainees named Lee Hyukjae and Lee Sungmin are going to be members of that project group,” I said carefully.  “Is that true?”

Lee Sooman nodded and my spirits fell.  I regretted asking him that question.  What he said next only made me regret it even more as I realized that it had been a mistake on my part.

“Isn’t Lee Sungmin your older brother?  You’ll be biased because he would be a part of the group you would be choreographing for.”

“Sir, I wouldn’t let something like that affect my work.  I believe that I can do this.  I’m confident in myself,” I tried to say in a confident, yet humble voice.  Was that even doable?  “I can prove it to you if you would just let me show you some of my routines.”

Lee Sooman took off his glasses again and sighed heavily.  There was a long silence between us and I stared down at my hands.  The skin around my fingernails was bleeding because I had been picking at it.  As I sat there and waited for a response, I thought over what I had just said to him and what else I could do to convince him.

“You’re certainly very determined, that’s for sure,” he muttered at last.

“Yes, sir,” I said, maintaining eye contact.  “This is something I really want.”

He stared right back at me and we stayed that way for five long seconds.  Then he sighed and stood up.  To my surprise, he headed towards the door.  When he turned around and saw that I was still seated, he beckoned me forward.

“Follow me.  You’re lucky I’m free this morning.  Otherwise I wouldn’t be spending so much time talking to you about this.”

A bit dazed, I got up from my chair and followed him.  My heart rate sped up as I realized we were heading to the dance studios on the second floor.  I didn’t dare say anything else to him.  When we entered the empty practice room, Lee Sooman immediately went over to the computer in the corner and turned it on.

“So you say you’ve been choreographing for how long?”

“For the past several years,” I responded.  “I started a few months after I got into SM.”

“And how many routines have you choreographed?”

“I don’t count how many, sir.  But I remember all of them.  And I choreograph a new one every few weeks.”

“How exactly do you figure out what to choreograph?”  He headed to the music player and connected it to the computer.  “What’s your thought process?”

I chewed on my lip for a minute before answering.

“I just turn on the radio and listen to different songs until I find one that has a good beat.  Then I listen to it again and try freestyling to it.  Everything else I do afterwards is based off of the moves I did when I freestyled.  I think that’s the best way to choreograph because dancing comes pretty naturally to me, and I think the best way to create a routine is to just let your body do whatever feels natural.”

He nodded thoughtfully.

“Alright, then.  When was the last time you choreographed a new routine?”

“About a week ago.”

“Are you done with it?  What’s the name of the song?”

“”Headsprung” by LL Cool J,” I replied.  “And I finished it a few days ago.”

“Show me.”

Before I knew it, Lee Sooman had sat back down in front of the computer.  Within seconds, the song I had been dancing to this morning began blasting from the speakers.  I quickly ran to the center of the room, just in time for my cue to start dancing.  I ignored everything around me and danced much harder and much more confidently than I had ever done before.

You’re not just performing for yourself.  What my dance instructor had once told me came rushing back to me.  You’re an entertainer.  You’re performing for others.  And right now, Lee Sooman was my audience.  I forced myself to look as confident and arrogant as possible.  If you can pull this off, Lee Seoyoon, you might actually have a shot at this.  Don’t you dare this up.

By the time the song was over, I was trying to keep my breath steady, tired after dancing so intensely.  Lee Sooman’s words boosted my confidence a little.

“That actually wasn’t bad, Lee Seoyoon-ssi, considering you’re so young.”

I dipped my head to him.

“Thank you, sir.”

“Do you have any more routines?  What others songs have you been doing recently?  List out all the ones you’ve done for the past few months and show me.”

I did exactly what he told me to.  I performed “Rise and Fall” by Craig David.  “In Da Club” by 50 Cent.  “The Scientist” by Coldplay.  “Crazy in Love” by Beyoncé.  “Rock With You” by BoA.  “Where is the Love?”  by The Black Eyed Peas.  “Through the Wire” by Kanye West.  Even after years of training and experimenting with different genres, hip hop was still where most of my talent lay.  But as I performed, I thanked the stars that I had experimented with different genres as well.  After I finished the last song, Lee Sooman nodded in approval.

“That was very good,” he said.  Those four words immediately brought a tiny smile to my face and I bowed to him respectfully.

“Thank you, sir.”

“I have one more task for you.  How long does it take for you to choreograph a routine?”

I bit my lip.

“Probably a few hours?  It really depends on the song and whether or not I get enough inspiration.”

“Okay.  I’m going to have you choreograph a new song right now.”

My mouth dropped open and my heart stopped beating for a second.

“In front of you, sir?”

“Yes.  I’m going to select a random song and have you listen to it.  After you listen to it once, you’re going to freestyle to it.  And then you’ll choreograph a routine to go with it.  If I think the routine is good enough, then I will consider instating you as a dance instructor or a choreographer.”

“But sir, right now it’s almost 12:30.  Don’t you have other things to do with your valuable time besides watch me?”  I protested.  In a matter of hours, my dream had changed from becoming an idol to becoming a choreographer.  At this point, I didn’t care as much about my own schedule.  I just wasn’t very comfortable choreographing under so much pressure.

“It can wait.  I want to see your thought process.  Everything you’ve shown me so far has been more than satisfactory, but I want to see your thought process in action.  In my opinion, that’s the most important part of choreographing.  It’s not just about the final result.”

I nodded slowly.  He was right about that.

“Okay, sir.”

“I’ve already selected a song.  You’re going to listen to the song once, listen to it a second time and freestyle to it.  Then you’ll take a break for lunch so you can have some time to think about what you want to do for the routine.  Is that alright with you?”

I nodded, my stomach clenching and unclenching anxiously.

“Triple 8 is a British boyband.  Maybe you’ve heard of them before.”  But I shook my head.  The name was unfamiliar to me.  “Oh well, that doesn’t matter.  In fact, that’s even better.  Anyways, this is one of their most famous singles, “Knockout”.  It’s a combination of pop rock, hip hop, and R&B.  Are you ready, Lee Seoyoon-ssi?”

Pull yourself together, will you?  This is serious.  This is the real thing now.  This is gonna decide your future.

“Yes, sir.”

Lee Sooman typed something into the computer, and a few seconds later, the song began to play.  I closed my eyes and paid close attention to the beat.

The lyrics were about a girl cheating on a guy and how the guy wanted to get her out of his life.  The song itself was angry and intense.  It emitted a very bold and confident vibe.  The vocals were strong and the background instruments were heavy, matching the overall fierceness of the music.

As the song ended, I kept my eyes closed for a few seconds.

Come on, Lee Seoyoon.  So what should you do?  Maybe something bold and eye-catching to match the beat.  Something bold and angry to match the lyrics.  Sharp movements.  Hip hop-related ones because those are what you do best.  What about popping and locking?  A lot of that.  It fits with the song.  But something smoother as well, since the entire song isn’t angry.  There’s still softer parts.  Something cocky, and something not very complicated because the rhythm of the song isn’t exactly complicated.  You can afford to make it more simple and repetitive.  It’s easier that way.

I desperately searched my mind for inspiration.  Animals inspired most of my routines.  When I wasn’t choreographing, sometimes, I would go outside and observe the way the world moved.  Animals, humans, even inanimate objects.

What about eagles?  Eagles were sharp and fierce, but also graceful at the same time.  I immediately began brainstorming potential movements I could use.

“Lee Seoyoon-ssi, are you ready to freestyle to the song now?”  I opened my eyes and saw Lee Sooman looking back at me.  I took a deep breath and nodded.

Trust your instincts.  Dance isn’t supposed to be something forced.  This is only the first try, this is only a rough draft of your final product.  Just go with it, and you’ll figure it all out as you do the routine over and over later on.

When the song started up for the second time, I blanked out everything except for the music.  I let my body flow according to the beat.  I stiffened my body at certain times and relaxed at others.  I did whatever I could to be as precise as possible and experimented with various techniques.  I tried my best to ignore Lee Sooman’s presence until the music had stopped.

My routine was far from perfect, and I hated that feeling.  I hated it whenever something I performed wasn’t perfect.  Of course, it was expected because it was only my first time, but it still frustrated me.  I liked it when things were perfect the first time around.

“You’re off to a pretty good start, Lee Seoyoon-ssi.  I must say, despite my reservations about you earlier, you’ve managed to impress me.”  Lee Sooman smiled.  “Let’s take a lunch break right now.  Meet me back here at 2:30, and then you can start choreographing.  I look forward to watching you.”

We both bowed to each other, and then he was gone.  I let out a sigh of relief as soon as the door closed behind him.

He said that I was off to a pretty good start.

“That’s a good thing, right, Seoyoon-ah?  After all, it’s not every day the CEO compliments you on your dancing skills.”

And it’s not every day the CEO insults you for not being good enough to debut, said a small voice in the back of my head.

“Oh, shut up,” I muttered. But I couldn't help but remember how much his words had hurt.

I turned back to the mirror and was about to start choreographing the rest, but then I remembered what he had told me.  He wanted to see the thought process behind it all.  I wanted nothing more than to get a head start and get at least half of the routine down before Lee Sooman got back, but I knew I couldn’t do that.

“Stop being so aggressive,” I said to my reflection.  “I know being competitive and aiming for constant perfection has become a part of your nature, but you know you’re not allowed to do that right now.  Just leave and think about something else.  You can think about the choreography, but you can’t experiment just yet, understand?  Don’t be so persistent.”

“You’ve done well.”  I smiled and my reflection smiled back at me.  “Lee Sooman liked your other routines and he likes what you have so far.  Go reward yourself and let yourself eat lunch for once.  You barely ate anything for breakfast.  You’ll need your energy for later.”  With those words, I turned off the lights and headed out the practice room.

“Yah, maybe this won’t turn out so badly after all.  You can make a living as a dance instructor or a choreographer, right?  Singing was never your strong suit anyways.  Come on, Seoyoon-ah.  Admit it, you would never have survived as an idol because you know you can’t sing as well as the others.  Why do something you’re unhappy doing?  Just give up your dream and focus on the present.  Dance is what you’re good at, so concentrate on that from now.  Okay?  Life is just a cycle of working towards various goals.  Some are achieved, some aren’t, and that’s just the way it is.  You need to accept that you’re just not cut out to be an idol,” I said a little sadly.

Yeah, Lee Seoyoon.  Just admit that you’re not good enough.  You’ll never be good enough, Lee Sooman said that himself.

“He was talking about vocals,” I rolled my eyes.  “You are good enough.  Now stop talking to yourself like that.  You probably look like an idiot, talking to the air.  Don’t think like that, and let’s go get lunch already.  You can think about your routine while you eat.”

There was still a flicker of doubt in the back of my mind.  I tried to block it out, but it was hard.  As I headed over to the cafeteria, still trying to convince myself that giving up my dream of debuting and focusing on dance instead was the right choice, Lee Sooman’s words continued to echo faintly in my head.

You’re not good enough.