[140605]

 

The same routine on morning happend, everyone didn't say a thing about it, it's not that they don't care but some of them knew, some of them didn't take a risk to ask the reason on the sudden silence, and some of them just don't know but all of them are a little worried, a little because they knew that they're Chanyeol and Baekhyun, they can't stay like that forever, they can't resist each other..

They got on their cars and ride to the place where M!countdown will be held, it was not a silent ride, they don't know if the reason is because Chanyeol and Baekhyun sat on different cars but then they don't want to think of it like that, the idea is really not good to think of..

After few hours, They, Exo, finally got on their destination where M!countdown will be held, everyone is busy once they got inside, their staffs and managers are arranging and getting them ready as the make up artist do their make ups, stylist doing their hair and soon enough--if you can say that 3 hours or more are 'soon'--all of them are now ready..

By that time, their manager comes in with some people, that as far as they know might be the organizer of the event, that said to them to follow, not really a good kids, some members continued what they doing but still obeyed that apparently makes their manager and suho sigh happily because seriously it's rare for them to obey easily..

All of them got on their places, where they will record some upnext preview before they perform with their manager gave them their individual scripts..

Suho talk first and next is Baekhyun beside Chanyeol, yes Chanyeol is beside Baekhyun, it suprised Suho very much but he still keep his calm face even after Chanyeol covers Baekhyun's mouth and Chanyeol begins to talk, no, it's not lips touching Chanyeol's hand, the fact is it is not really close on his view, Suho noticed Chanyeol lightly twitching hand--well it's shaking a little, that maybe just makes him laugh a little..

Suho slightly just shook his head on their foolishness just after the cameraman says cut but then Suho immediately find their script and saw that indeed yes, it's all on the script, Suho also checks their next recording where they're walking onto the lobby to the real venue, where they will perform, and Suho thinks that the other chosen members except on him is not a good idea..

Suho immediately find the script writer that he successfully found..

 

"oh Suho-ssi, is there a problem with the scripts?"

 

"Ahh no, it's alright but I think there should be some changes on the chosen members"

 

"Oh? Let me see" the scriptwiter take the script on Suho's hand and read the names of the chosen members "Suho, Kyungsoo, Chanyeol and Baekhyun--ahh it's alright, who you wants to be change?" She, the scriptwriter, asked confused

"Baekhyun, change Baekhyun with Chen instead" Suho immediately answers

She nods and change every Baekhyun's name to Chen and gives it back to Suho but then curiousity takes her "can I know your reason, Suho-ssi? Is Baekhyun doesn't want it?"

Suho smiles "no, actually it's my idea, I just thought that Baekhyun and Chanyeol together will be a disaster, seriously they'll just laugh there, those kids are troublemakers really.. Thank you noona, bye~" Suho bows and left and go to the waiting room where the members are there

Suho saw them talking to each other, laughing at their corny jokes but then his eyes goes to Chanyeol, who he just got caught secretly glanced at Baekhyun, who is on the other side of the roomm teasing the maknaes again..

Suho sigh, he is really now convince that what he just did if a good idea, he might don't know what happend but he understand and he thinks that they should not be together for the mean time just for them to straight their thoughts out, well he is their guardian angel afterall..

 

"Hey kids get up, let's go"

 

----

Suho got on their stage where they will perform, he smiled, feeling excited suddenly but then Suho saw their little names on each of the chair's side and notice that Chanyeol's name is on the second chair to the left from the front, he remembers that Baekhyun's place is on the left while Kyungsoo is on the right, they talked about it earlier and that's a problem..

Suho bites his lower lip, knowing that Baekhyun and Chanyeol is not on good terms, means that Baekhyun might get distracted, and Suho don't know what to do, how could he change their names without anyone--wait!

Suho immediately lift the chair, with Chanyeol's name on it's side, and exchange it on a chair with Kai's name on it's side, which is he knows that it's almost on the back.. Suho smiles, feeling contented, and he left..

----

All were done, finally! Now Exo is having their dinner, the long and big table is full of different foods and everyone happily eating, laughing on stories they say, contented what happend today, smile never left all their faces but soon all of the foods are now gone like there's a tornado had passed by..

All of them are now full, patting their also cheerful tummy, all tired but still alive at the same time when Kai asked them to have a movie marathon tonight since tomorrow morning they will have a few hours of free time and everyone agrees..

"Wow our dancing maknae is really improving! That's the first, he had said something not chicken related! I'm so proud of you JongIn-ah~" Baekhyun tease that makes everyone laugh when Kai throw a pillow on him, covering his face with his hands because of embarrassment..

Baekhyun just laugh, seeing their dancing machine's cute reaction, it makes him wants to more but then maybe later? Baekhyun thought and smile evily..

"I hate you Baek-hyung"

"I love you too, cutie Kkamjong~"

 

Baekhyun's respond makes them all laugh again especially when they saw Kai blushed, it was really cute that no one notice this one guy who just smile sadly looking at Baekhyun's back 'it used to be me' that guy sadly thought..

Little didn't they know, Suho saw it and just shook his head but then he saw Tao that seems like just saw it too, their eyes met and they just faintly smile to each other..

Maybe Suho now knows, why he's seeing this while the others are not, maybe he remembers now, maybe it's because of that blonde panda, that panda who lost his dragon that feels like it's just yesterday, that panda who felt the worst when he left behind, Suho knew because he saw it and it was really felt worst to be seen and even remembers..

Suho looked again at Baekhyun who just excuse himself to have some snack, then to Chanyeol who just being pushed by the maknaes to get what food they wants and Chanyeol can't do anything about it and leave too..

Tao may be already lose before it begins but on those two, they never lose nor win because there's nothing really should be fighting for between them, it's just themselves..

 

"Tsk Idiots"

 

Baekhyun excuse himself earlier to get some snacks but then leaning his back on the wall of the kitchen is really what happend..

Baekhyun feels tired both physically and mentally again..

Earlier, their recording, Chanyeol on his side, Chanyeol's hand covers his mouth, it makes his heart go wild, to the point that he almost forget that Kyungsoo is just behind them, almost..

Next is on SuChanSooDae's recording, Baekhyun saw it too, his giant's looks on Kyungsoo, that hand who supported Kyungsoo's back when they're going in..

No it doesn't made Baekhyun jealous, it just like his heart stops for that moment, it's just that it makes him feel that there's something clenching his heart, it's just that so stop assuming that he's hurt again on that simple thing, just felt weird that's all so shut up!

He didn't saw it okay? 'You saw it' No! He didn't! 'Don't deny it' He is not denying it! And even he saw them wearing the same ring, looks like a couple ring, he doesn't care! Okay?! He doesn't care even it's the same ring he saw them wearing on their concert! He doesn't care even it's Chanyeol who gave it to Kyungsoo! He doesn't care even he heard Chanyeol says that he likes Kyungsoo on Sehun when they're on a break earlier! He doesn't ing care okay?!

 

"It's just hurt alot, thats all" He whispers, he can endure it, he can keep it, that's whats important right? No one should know that it is painful, like they just slapped him ten times and stabbed his heart twenty times and putting some salts in it, so it's okay, he's fine, it's just his weird feeling that's all..

How he wish..

 

"Why it should be me?"

 

Hearing that very familiar deep voice, Baekhyun almost immediately opens the fridge beside him and get some milk--oh! And strawberry too!

Chanyeol was suprised seeing Baekhyun on the fridge, still on the kitchen even he knows that Baekhyun heard him talk to himself--that makes his face turns red--he was really shocked to know that Baekhyun didn't leave and ignore him like Baekhyun used to do to him..

When Chanyeol can now fully see Baekhyun's back, Chanyeol feels that urges again to back-hug Baekhyun but Chanyeol quickly looks away and open some drawer and get what snacks the others told him to get, not forgetting some glances on Baekhyun's figure, just then Chanyeol sees Baekhyun closes the fridge, got some strawberry and milk that Baekhyun places on the table, and opens the lower drawer to get a glass with a spoon and suprisingly Chanyeol knows what Baekhyun's going to make..

Baekhyun, on the other hand, even he is nervous and regrets not leaving immediately, he thankfully succeed on taking out what he wants to, he also opens the top drawer, knowing that an oreo is in ther and some snacks too but Baekhyun can't help but hates it because who on the right mind will put their top drawer too high?! It frutrates Baekhyun really, it's like it's reminding him how he short he is and it annoys him a lot..

Few minutes later, Baekhyun can't still get what he wants and it's really pissing him off, he almost give up when he saw longer hands reaching the contents of that freaking annoying drawer, Baekhyun feels warm on his back, noticing that it's Chanyeol and their body is really really close right now, Chanyeol right hand on the counter infront him and it almost like that arm is around his body, trapping him..

Baekhyun looks up, on his side and he almost regret it seeing Chanyeol looking at him too, face really close and lips infront of your eyes like what the fudge?! Baekhyun looks away immediately, looking down at the counter where he can see Chanyeol's hand with his hand on the top?!

 

"Here"

 

He heard Chanyeol said and in shock he backs away immediately when he feels that Chanyeol is stepping back a little, Baekhyun can hear his heart pounding so hard and he's afraid that Chanyeol will hear it but then he notice whats on Chanyeol's left hand, it's oreo and some snacks!

Baekhyun takes it and says a faint "Thank you" Baekhyun is confuse how Chanyeol knew what he was trying to get but then he just shrugged it off and thinks the he should really leave now

"Why are you ignoring me?" Those words just stopped him but he still continue what he is doing, completely ignoring Chanyeol, that didn't go unnotice to Chanyeol, he continue..

 

"Is it about yesterday night?"

Baekhyun stops again, he is confuse, what yesterda--wait! "What are you talking about?"

"The things that I do yesterday night"

Baekhyun feels his heart beats faster than usual again, almost making him dead but he still heard it clearly 'does he know?' He thought

"I-I don't know what your talking about" Baekhyun answers and he just like wants to punch himself on being nervously obvious but Baekhyun still hope, even it's hopeless, that Chanyeol will not push it deeper and just leave it but then it seems like it's really not his day..

"When I comes to your room yesterday night when all of them are asleep and no, don't try to deny it Baekhyun, I know your awake, you always whimperes atleast 40 times before you fell asleep"

Chanyeol said, sounded so determined and yes, there's no backing out and maybe fix, what he should, know what he should, stop this game Baekhyun starts..

Baekhyun swallowed hard, yes he is doomed, he can't leave it right now because Chanyeol's words makes him wants to laugh so hard, really suprised that Chanyeol remembers, he still and at the same time hurts him..

Baekhyun take a deep breathe and faces Chanyeol with his playful face on..

Baekhyun chuckled "how can you be so sure Chanyeol? it have been a long time, the last time we slept together, people change and that includes me"

"Distance didn't matter to me, not staying at the same bedroom with you doesn't mean I don't know anything"

"So you're saying that you care? Ha! You're really the worst Chanyeol.." Baekhyun said in not so nice tone and yes he mean it, Baekhyun mean it, his giant is the worst, on giving Baekhyun a little hope, on making Byun Baekhyun wants to cry, Chanyeol is really the worst..

Saying Chanyeol still hope is true even it's just a little because he doesn't want to be hopeless especially with Baekhyun, he will never give up on him but.. Hearing those words from Baekhyun's mouth while looking really upset, upset on him, it slowly breaks him apart and he surely know why..

"You know me Baekhyun, I may be the worst but I never stop caring especially to the people who is important to me, you're still my.. bestfriend"

Bestfriend.. Chanyeol hesitates on saying that, actually it's more like he suprise himself saying that because his heart's ache while saying that word is underestimated at the same time happy because that's where they starts, so many happy memories that he would never forget..

Baekhyun wants to laugh especially on the last word that Chanyeol called him..

Bestfriend.. It felt nice at first but if you unconsiously just crossed the line between bestfriends and lovers, well isn't that unfortunate? You're doomed, sherlock! Because you will realize that being his 'bestfriend' is really painful than you expected, it will never feels good, it's just like someone asks you if you're okay after he stabbed you with the look like that someone expected you to smile and says you are alright..

Baekhyun doesn't know if Chanyeol is being dumb again or not, calling him as 'his' bestfriend after 'he' left Baekhyun alone, it's like déjâ vu? Baekhyun thinks it's stupid..

 

"Bestfriend? Tell me Chanyeol, why do I feel like I don't know you? If you are really my bestfriend why I'm always doubting all I know about you? Why I can't be sure like I used to be when talking about you? Tell me, do I really know you?"

 

Chanyeol can't talk, Chanyeol can't think of anything, his mind went blank and only Baekhyun's words roaming around, he didn't have a single clue that Baekhyun felt that way, he never knew but then Baekhyun's voice stopped his daze mind..

"I once knew you, that's the right sentence Chanyeol.." Baekhyun continued, because he can and that's the truth, it's on the past, nothing can change that even an idiot would know that..

"Then I'll make you know me again, I'll make up everything we lost, I'll tell you everything about me, I'll erase all your doubts, I will make you remember again who Chanyeol is.. I will if you just let me, let me enter again Baek, let me do the rest" Chanyeol is desperate, maybe he just realize that maybe Baekhyun was right but no one said that it's too late to do something..

Baekhyun slowly shooks his head "No, you don't understand Chanyeol, can't you see? It can't be fix, I don't want to remember.."

Chanyeol is slightly taken aback by that words, it will be a lie if he said that it doesn't hurt him, who would if the memories you don't want to forget, wants it to be forgotten and it is the person you are with on that memories..

 

"We'll gonna make new memories then, I will not make you remember on the past, we will begin again just like before just say 'yes' Baek, just say that you want it"

 

Baekhyun don't know what to do, he is shock hearing it from Chanyeol, seems so desperate and not planning to give up that fast it makes him so confuse..

 

"W-why are you doing this? Why are you so persistent?! Just leave me alone!" He yells, he doesn't want to continue this anymore, he just can't..

 

"Because I care Baek! I always care especially when it's about you! I know that you know that Baek and no! I will not leave you, never will! You know that we can't stay away from each other for a long time because we just can't! So stop saying that Baek, you hate being alone, alone making you think sad thoughts and I don't want that!"

 

That's it! Baekhyun snapped! He doesn't want this feeling! He doesn't want himself to hope again! He doesnt want to believe that Chanyeol cares because that's what Chanyeol do to him before too but he still left him alone, it feels awful.. He had enough..

 

"Stop! Stop! Stop acting like you know me! Stop acting like you know everything about me! Stop acting like you care! Stop acting like I am important to you! I have enough! I am tired, tired of being naive, tired of being ignorant, tired of being hurt, tired of faking things and I am tired of being played! I don't want this freaking game of yours, stop hurting me, stop giving me hope! I don't know how you do it, I don't know how can you do it, being so sweet and clingy, saying that you care, acting like I am so important on you and before I know it, tomorrow will be the opposite, do you know how it feels? I felt like a sh*t, a piece of sh*t that just got used and thrown away just like a garbage! See? Byun ing Baekhyun treaten like a trash?! It doesn't feel good, it will never be! It was always painful!"

 

Chanyeol is confuse, more confuse that he already is, he don't know how to process what Baekhyun had said to him, it's really hard..

"W-what? W-what are you saying?" He just asked..

Baekhyun just take a deep breathe, seeing Chanyeol so confuse, Baekhyun give up, Baekhyun doesn't want this anymore, he can't do this anymore, he just wants to break down on his bed and forget this evening like he used to..

 

"Just stop playing with my feelings Chanyeol because it hurts more than you think, I am not a toy Chanyeol, i don't want to be played, I want to be loved besides, you said you like Kyungsoo right? You can now let me go, you can now stop playing with me, you should now let your toy go.. You indirectly said that you know everything about me, almost.. I think you should know too that what you're doing right now is a risk, you're doing it dangerously, I think you should cut the only thing that connects us, it's good for everyone"

 

Yes it's for the best, Baekhyun thought, he just can't take it anymore, his love for Chanyeol, his selfishness affects all of them and that's the last thing Baekhyun doesn't want, Baekhyun doesn't want anyone to hurt..

With that Baekhyun turned around noticing Chanyeol's silence and taking it as a sign that Chanyeol understand but then that deep-voice stopped him again and question that makes multiple emotions to him..

"How about me?" Chanyeol asked, desperately asked, he don't know how to feel about Baekhyun's decision, he just knows that he can't, he can't cut it, it's the only thing he's holding to keep hoping, Chanyeol think it's a stupidiest choice that Baekhyun's just chosen, the truth is it hurts Chanyeol seeing Baekhyun considering it as a choice because that's impossible, he can't leave Baekhyun, he can't forget Baekhyun, he just can't because Chanyeol is selfish, selfish when it comes to Baekhyun and Baekhyun was his and will always be..

Yes, he is selfish..

 

"What are you saying?! What do you think I am?! How about me Baek? How about my feelings? How about me?! How could you think something stupid like that?! How could you not consider my feelings?! How could you be so selfish?!"

Baekhyun wanted to shout, Baekhyun wants to yell at Chanyeol saying that he is selfish, yes that's the only thing stucked on his mind, because he knows that if he is really selfish Chanyeol will never have his freedom, his freedom to love the one he love even it hurts him, if Baekhyun is selfish, Baekhyun will never let go, Baekhyun will never leave Chanyeol, Baekhyun will never stop saying he love Chanyeol but he never did because Baekhyun doesn't want Chanyeol to hate him, Baekhyun doesn't want Chanyeol to be miserable because of his selfishness, because Baekhyun doesn't want that big smile, he always wants to see, to be washed away, Baekhyun doesn't want Chanyeol to get tired of Baekhyun, Baekhyun doesn't want himself to be the reason why Chanyeol can't be happy even if it's painful because he knew Chanyeol will never be happy with him, Baekhyun knew that his giant wants that black-headed guy with big beautiful eyes and heart-shaped lips, that doed boy who is better than him, that guy will never be him, it really hurts Baekhyun..

 

"I never been selfish, Chanyeol, it's just the truth that nothing last long.."

 

Baekhyun lastly said and left, never looking back, clenching his hands on his chest, trying to not cry, stopping his heart to feel anything, trying to hold back his sobs.. Saying trying is a lie because before he could try, his tears flowed continuously, body shaking, heart beats really fast that makes him hard to breath..

Baekhyun is crying, Baekhyun is hurt because of the same reason again..

But hands grabbed his arms and makes him turn around that makes him stop, and Baekhyun hates it, Baekhyun hates it when he cannot control it, Baekhyun hates it when someone notice and he hates it even more when he notice that it's Chanyeol who see him, him being weak, him being pathetic, him being hopeless..

Baekhyun's body becomes stiff when Chanyeol hug him, his mind becomes blank too, he doesn't know what to do, he doesn't know what to think..

 "I'm sorry.. I'm sorry Baek.. I'm sorry" he heard Chanyeol chants that makes him cry more, Baekhyun hates Chanyeol and Chanyeol hugging him doesn't make any sense, it makes him cry more, it makes him hate himself instead of Chanyeol, it makes him weaker, it makes him think, it makes him remember everything on the past, he hates it, he hates everything..

 

"I hate you.. Let me go!"

 

Chanyeol heard Baekhyun but he ignores it and hug Baekhyun tighter while Baekhyun is struggling inside his arms, Chanyeol is hurt not because of Baekhyun's hits on his chest but it's because Baekhyun is crying, it makes him wants to cry too because he knows that he is the reason of that, he hates himself, he hates his mouth, he hates his stupid mind..

Chanyeol never saw Baekhyun cry hard, Chanyeol never saw Baekhyun this weak and Chanyeol wants to kill himself, he regret saying those, he regret everything because it is painful, painful to hear Baekhyun say that he hates him again and again and again, it's like a full stab on his heart and that makes him hates himself more because he knows that Baekhyun is hurt too but..

Chanyeol is selfish, no he can't give up especially when he saw Baekhyun like that, especially when he saw how Baekhyun hates him, it gives him courage, courage to stop himself to cry, courage to know Baekhyun more until there's nothing he doesn't know, courage to take care of Baekhyun, courage to love Baekhyun more, to show his love more, courage to bring back what used to his, he will never give up..

Chanyeol felt that Baekhyun stop resisting him and now leaning on his chest, swollen red eyes closed, silent sobs, slightly hard breathing, Baekhyun is asleep..

Chanyeol put his one arm on Baekhyun's back while the other on Baekhyun's thigh, completely carrying Baekhyun bridal style while Baekhyun's arms around his neck and head on the crook of his neck, Chanyeol kissed Baekhyun above his forehead and stare at Baekhyun and it suprise him how Baekhyun could look still attractive after crying..

Chanyeol carry Baekhyun into his room--thats Kyungsoo and Kai's room too--because he knows that he can't leave Baekhyun after that, he wants himself to look out on Baekhyun, to know that Baekhyun will be fine is really not making his mind calm, he wants to see, he wants to know himself.. Chanyeol carefully put Baekhyun on his bed, taking off Baekhyun's outfit except Baekhyun's shirt and boxers to make Baekhyun comfortable in his sleep..

Chanyeol himself also change to his shirt and pajama, sitting on his bed beside Baekhyun, Chanyeol text Suho, saying that they go home first, not waiting for a reply, Chanyeol slip into the blanket and lay beside Baekhyun..

Chanyeol slowly reached out his arm on Baekhyun, arms slip into Baekhyun's petite body and pulled Baekhyun closer, Baekhyun's head on his chest, Chanyeol move Baekhyun's arms around himself, feeling contented and happy, Chanyeol can't help but smile and hug Baekhyun tighter, completely feeling Baekhyun's body on his, Chanyeol once again kiss Baekhyun on his forehead and cute nose, Chanyeol nuzzle onto Baekhyun's hair, smelling that familiar strawberry scent, Chanyeol sigh contently and decide to take a rest too..

Feeling contented and happy is not right, but Chanyeol can't help it because after what happend this day, Chanyeol could really tell that he is crazily inlove with Baekhyun..

"I love you, Baek" Chanyeol faintly whispered before he fell asleep but then Chanyeol felt, Baekhyun smiled on his chest and whispered "I love you too, Yeol", it is really low to the point that you might mistake it as an illusion but maybe it's just his dream, Chanyeol thought, it is a beautiful dream..

 

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Part 2 of 4