Jinki

My members, my band, and I couldn't keep them together.
My heart stops in my throat as I open the door for Minho and Jonghyun, and I see Kibum, curled in Minho's arms.

"Bring him in, hurry." I hear anxiety, worry in a voice that doesn't seem to be mine, as I feel myself working on autopilot, strangely detached from the surroundings. I'd chased Taemin to bed in much the same manner only a few minutes before, telling him that everything would be fine, although I didn't believe that myself.

I can hear myself giving out orders, telling Minho to prepare a cup of milk, find the blankets that had been put away in a cupboard somewhere. Although I'm using more authority than I probably have had since I learned I would be leader, I can't bring myself to instruct Jonghyun on anything. I'm not sure what got into him, but I know the look in his eyes right now, and I'm pretty sure it's guilt. He's standing there, somewhat shocked, oblivious to everything happening around him. I'll see to him later, but for now, Kibum first.

When Kibum is safely in pajamas and tucked under the comforters, I shake him awake gently. I need to take his temperature, make sure he isn't running a fever, let him consume something warm. He looks up at me with tired, questioning eyes, and it's then that I realise how lost And broken he seems to be.

"Hey...are you feeling okay?"

He shakes his head, and I can tell, that he's gone back to that stage of his, when we first met, that period of time in which he cried silently and hung his head and refused to even look anyone in the eyes.

I can't even bring myself to tell him that everything will be alright, because I don't know whether he'll ever be alright. 

--
As Kibum falls into sleep, I slip out of the room, asking Minho to watch over him as I look for Jonghyun. I know, at the back of my mind, that this isn't entirely his fault. I know how hard he's been trying to make friends with Kibum, I know it isn't easy