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It's when the management pronounces me fit to return to schedules that the reality of the situation strikes me.
I'm so, so behind.

Schoolwork and academics aside, I have a ton of practice and singing to catch up on. 
How can people get so good at something in a matter of 2 weeks? 
Taemin can hit all his notes now, Jinki hyung can memorise the dance. Call me a cruel person, but the mistakes they made were just about the only thing that kept me from crumpling into myself during practice.  

I find myself turning away, facing the corner more and more often as practice goes on, to hide the tears that well up in my eyes.

Schoolwork isn't helping, either. 
It's slightly past eleven at night when we return to the dorm , courtesy of a massive traffic jam and a crowd of fans outside the building waiting for Super Junior hyungs. I can understand why hyungs have so many fans. I know not to hope for any, I'll be lucky not to get thousands of anti-fans after my first debut stage. If I even get to debut, that is.

Sitting down at the dining table, I pull out school books and worksheets, desperate to catch up on what I've missed. There's an educational policy, you have to be doing suitably well in school to continue training. I can understand why the policy was put in place, but I'm hating it right now. 

The clock ticks away as I attempt to focus on pages of mathematics, the members have already gone to bed. I think they ma