Class ended after 3 hours of sitting that made my legs numb to the bone. I didn't even realized when class ended if not because of Luhan pestering me, again. I really don't understand that mind of his. Why is he so persistent anyway?

 I gave a look of I-don't-trust-you and flashed the brochure that he gave me earlier at him. He flinched for a bit before ruffling his black hair in slight annoyance and opened his mouth. "Look, I did gave you that brochure and I don't need to show you around. But you need to know some of the students here, or you will be lonely forever... I wouldn't want that"

 

I looked at him as an expression of pure confusion flashed across my face. 'I wouldn't want that'? What does it mean? Does he cares about me? We just met this morning and there's no reason for him to be worried about me. 

  I don't understand him. At all.   A shallow sigh escaped his lips as soon as he saw my bewildered face on the last sentence. " Yes, I do care about you. Don't ask me why. So now, let's go and meet some new people instead of you holing yourself in your own world"    This time, he pulled me really hard that I almost stumble down the chair, if only I didn't hold onto the desk earlier. And since when did he realized that I was in my own world? My heart thumped a little.   Is there really someone in this whole world that cares about me?   "Come on, Lulu. Why are you taking so long? Everyone's already gone..." A dark-haired guy popped his head inside the classroom, with playful grin plastered firmly on his face. What was his name again? Oh, that Lay. He then retracted his head and stood outside of the classroom with his back against the door, patiently waiting for Luhan to come out.   "What? Really? I didn't realize everyone had already gone... Then, I will introduce them tomorrow, okay Xiumin? " Luhan grinned before quickly ran to his table to organize his messy stuff and cramped all of it inside his bag. Right after he finished packing, he caught me staring blankly at him and pointed his index finger towards my bag. It was as if he was asking : 'Aren't you going back home?'.   Upon imagining the word 'home', my face immediately frown by itself and sadness slowly seeped in. I turned my head towards the glass window and shook my head slowly, trying my best to hold in my tears. I don't want to go back there, not right now.  Not to a place that is like a hell to me.   Everything there is just a mess. A freaking mess. And I don't want to even think about it.    I heard a 'why' from the distance but I just remained quiet, unsure of what to answer to him. I'm sick of answering the same thing to everyone that asked and in the end they didn't even help me; they just left.    Left me to rot by my own.   I rotated my head towards the front and quickly realized that he was in front of me, with a sorrowful look on his face. He might have sensed something from me, but I just stared lifelessly, as if nothing bothers me at all. He crouched in front of my desk, smiled regrettably and said something that my past self had desperately longed to hear from someone.     "If you have any trouble, I can lend my shoulders for you to cry on"      Hearing his honest words, my heart clenched and the lump in my throat became bigger. I couldn't formed any coherent words as my tears unknowingly slipped without I realizing. It was the first time I heard it from a guy like him.   But why now?     Why..?     It was already too late. I'm too broken to be fixed. Why didn't someone said that sooner? They all just left, when all I need was a few words to heal the wound on my heart.   Why?   I wiped my tears away with the back of my hands, but it just wouldn't stop flowing. Few drops of tears soon turned into a small sob of grieve and sorrow as his words played countlessly inside my mind.   Why now? Why would someone said that now, when I had already gave up? Why would everyone torment me like this? All this while I've been trying to search for that 'someone', to let my tears out until nothing is left, but I just can't find it. My feelings were already died by the time I gave up.    Why only now, and why him?   I wept and wept, thinking why didn't someone like him crossed my way sooner and save me earlier, when I was longing for somebody to be my strength.   Why?     Why?     And suddenly, warmth embraced me.   A warmth that was unfamiliar yet comforting.   I wiped my blurry eyes and was surprised when I found myself in his arms. My sobbing quickly quieted down as he rubbed soothing circles behind my back.   "Shhh, it's okay, it's okay....I'm here for you..     ...and I will always be there for you"         --------         Lay and Luhan were on the way back home by walking, and Lay couldn't help but to notice the small smile on the latter's lip.    "So, is he okay?" Lay asked as he fiddled with his hair. The other glanced at him and gave a satisfied smile in return.   "I think so, but I do made a huge progress in becoming his friend, don't you think?"    Lay pondered for a while before agreeing. "Maybe. He was sobbing his heart out, so I think he trust you a bit now"   "Yep yep. And I was glad that he tried to open his heart to me. But still, I'm really curious what happened to his family. He seemed distressed...."   Hearing that, Lay just clicked his tongue and cheekily grinned. "Not gonna tell you~"   Luhan clasped his hands in mocked disappointment. "Awwww, but never mind. I will wait for him to tell his stories later. Spoilers are just not exciting"        ----------    

I just came back from the school and at the front of my 'home'. I wonder if I should step inside, knowing full well that the same thing would not stop occurring, again. From the yard outside, I could hear the noise of someone bickering; the pitch of the sound prickling to my ears. Weird screeching noise followed after, but I don't want to even hear about it and decided that going somewhere for a while is better than watching they lashed on each other. 

 

The park nearby, was where I always sat and thought about everything. It wasn't that big and filled with people, but somehow I could find my peace there. After midnight, I would always escape from 'home', wept until my tears dried off completely even before cutting came into my life. This act of comforting myself occurred from once a week to everyday that finally I found a great affection towards it.

 

As always, I found the place and sat behind it: a small wooden gazebo that rarely had any visitors due to its unstable and almost collapsing structure. Although not perfect, I fell in love with the solitude and peacefulness. How could I not, when I would need some time and space alone to cry to my heart content? 

 

I dusted the ground and crouched behind the said structure. The air was filled with loneliness and rust, but that was much better than staying at home. A cat suddenly passed by and I stared at its beautifully grown tortoise shell coat. The cat's blue round eyes returned my stare with a solemn look, as if the cat was saying: 'Aren't you going back home, again?' 

 

Unconsciously, I glared at the cat and it just didn't care before walking off proudly. As the cat strolled away, I hugged my knees, shivering. I thought about the row between my parents, the cry of my sister, the disastrous bullying in the previous school, the intentional wound on my wrist.... 

 

Everything up until now.

 

Suddenly the image of what might happened swarm in, flooding my mind with vicious cycle of horrible thoughts of the future. 

 

'Your family is disgusting.... and you have the same blood running in your vein'

 

'A wreck, is what his family is'

 

'Stay away, you wouldn't want to contract his illness'

 

'He's insane..'

 

The images were too vivid, as clear as day, as if I had to experience it all over again.

 

The slight throb in my head quickly turned into a dizzying pain. I clutched my head in terrible headache as cold sweat formed on my forehead, not realizing that I had dug my nails into my scalp. The pain was too overwhelming.

 

I tried to shut my eyes tightly, but the pain doesn't go away. I quickly snatched my bag pack, placed my hand inside and searched for the painkillers. 

 

 

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