Psst, I'm sorry everyone but I had to tick the 'members-only' access because my writings were all jumbled up if a non-member reads it.

However, if members of AFF read it, somehow it is fine (the spacing doesn't vanish) and the layout is there. 

So sorry, and enjoy your reading!

I can’t do this. This is too much for me.

I hate everything about school. To the point where I even love death than waking up, dreading the feelings of everyday going to school.

So why do I have to experience those nightmare that would never end?

I stared into the thin air in front of me and suddenly everything started to turn pale; the surrounding, the people and even myself. My breathing quickly became heavier as the surrounding spin and spin. I gasped harshly for more air, which causes a sharp needle-like pain in my lungs.

'Bear with it' was what my innermost mind said.

“-min..”

'Bear with it'

'Bear with it'

As it became harder to breath, I had no choice but to press my left wrist, hard. The place where I usually cut myself is the only treatment in this situation. I twitched as the stinging pain gradually took over my body and at the same time calmed my breathing pattern and slowly returned me back to reality.

'Bear with it'

"-MIN....!!!!!"

My mind snapped upon hearing the unfamiliar loud voice.

“Xiumin..! Are you okay?”

The pale, grayish environment suddenly shrunk and vanished. I blinked my eyes a couple of times but could only see a normal classroom filled with students in front of me. I slowly turned my head towards the owner of the voice. It was a pretty guy with a mop of messed black hair, but who was it? And since when was he here?

As if reading my mind, the guy in front of me immediately flashed a smile and introduced himself. “Hi, I’m Luhan…. And I sit at the first row from left at the front” He pointed towards his seat which is located near the window. After a quick glance of the classroom and his desk, I nodded in silence. He then looked expectantly at me, as if waiting something in return. What does he wants with me?

I clenched my wrist in defense. Did he saw what I'm doing just now?

“Erm, so since you’re new here, I was told by the teachers to take you on a free tour around the school”

Tour..? School..?

Oh…

I just transferred here this morning. That explained why I have these urge to vomit and cry at the same time.

I looked back at the said boy, questioning his actions. Surely, he must have ulterior motives. Whether he was just plainly using me, or he wanted something out of me. But instead, I only earned an honest smile as he pulled an empty chair and sat next to me.

“So, are you really okay? You look kind of pale..” Luhan asked, worry clearly etched on his face. I nodded again as I plastered a fake, weak smile on my face – a habit that I used to do to prevent others from pitying me. The latter sighed in relief, falling completely for my act.

“Erm…Since you don’t have anyone to have lunch with, why not have a lunch with me? You could do some introductions to my friends also...” He continued cheerfully as if he had gotten a Christmas present and clasped his hands together. This idea of his might seem good for him, but I don’t feel like meeting these friends of his, and I wanted just some time alone to get adjusted to my new environment. So, I declined his offer kindly with a head-shake. He looked at me weirdly, as if saying 'who would not want to meet new friends?'. But I just couldn't care about such stupid things.

However, after a while he insisted and persisted

He even pulled me away from my desk when the lunch bell rings and dragged me towards the cafeteria, which is one of the places that I hated the most in my life. It’s not like I hate food, but whenever it’s a place for people to meet up, I hate it. And I’d grow hating those sorts of places since childhood, since this illness of mine started to kick in.

As he forcefully pulled me around by my left wrist, I gritted my teeth as the pain surged quickly throughout my body like strong venom. It’s the pain that I had accustomed to years, yet still hurts to this day. However,Luhan didn't seemed to notice my hurt face as he was busy dragging me around, and I don't feel like telling him. When we arrived at the cafeteria, Luhan immediately loosened the grip on my wrist a little, but enough for the pain to reduce gradually. The black-haired male waved and shouted to someone – or specifically, a group of students. When he happily greeted his friends from afar, I could felt the eyes of the crowd that were boring a hole inside me, as if judging my whole existence. As I couldn’t look up to fight off those stares, I just dropped my head low and glanced between my now a bit swollen wrist and the cold marble floor. Luhan also kept pushing me from behind and I don’t understand why he did this. I don’t want to be a crowd-pleaser, and I don’t intend on making new friends. I’m fine by myself, as long as I could wear my mask carefully until I die. I don’t need anything at all in my life. Myself is sufficient enough.

When he stopped pushing and I came to a halt, I heard the chattering and laugh from the group of student before slowly died down. I glanced up, and examined them one by one. There were only three guys, but their voices were so loud that it is almost deafening. One of them started to speak as soon as he saw me.

“Who is this guy, Luhan? I never saw him before…” A low, deep voice came out. He had this honey-colored hair and taller in terms of body built. His name tag were written as 'Kris'.

“Ah, I knew him! He’s the new kid that was in your class right?” Another voice chirped in and interrupted. He had a jet black hair, almost the same as Luhan, but he always wore this constant playful smirk. Again, I glanced over his name tag which were written in black font: 'Lay'. The o