Chapter 13 – My Struggle
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The scariest thing is not you leaving me, it’s when you tell me you don’t need me anymore.

[ BG MUSIC ]

     “Because your true birthday is on October 13.”

Jimin lunged straight up and shot Taehyung an uneasy glare. When Taehyung looked back at him, he saw the glistening in the boy’s eyes and a gaze he hadn’t seen much of before. It reminded him of the way Jimin was entranced into the movie of the orphan boy playing in the display window of the shop they were standing by last night. It only hit him now why Jimin had had those sudden breakdowns. He cried and cried because…he saw himself in those boys. He felt their pain, and he hid away because he knew no one would understand how he felt.

“W-who told you I was…”

Taehyung blinked and sat up slowly as he waited for the words ‘an orphan’. But they didn’t come out, because Jimin ended his sentence with ‘alone’. He turned his head and locked eye contact with Jimin, trying to send calmness through to his hyung. “It’s complicated, but I can confirm for you, that you’re born on October 13, 1995. Your birthday was almost four months ago, hyung.”

Jimin clenched his fist and smashed it sideways against the wall beside him. “I said who told you I had no parents?” He raised his voice, his blood beginning to boil as he felt rage that he despised so much run through him.

“I found out myself.” Taehyung gulped and kept his eyes on Jimin as the elder curled into his own ball and sobbed with his head sealed in his arms. The younger walked over and sat down beside him, patting his back lightly. It took him a while but eventually he managed to speak again. “I never knew my birth date so we always celebrated on January 19. We decided it was better to have a fake birthday than not celebrate at all.”

We? Taehyung’s lips twisted as he lightly rolled his eyes; you mean you and Jeongkook.

“Damn. I actually wanted to keep my secret from you.” Jimin bitterly chuckled and raised his head to fan his wet eyes.

Taehyung opened his mouth but no words came out. He just looked over Jimin with the most sympathetic eyes, and when the elder let out another forceful chuckle, he felt the utter bitterness flowing out of it too.

“Well…that’s alright, because now we’re only two months apart.” The curving of Jimin’s lips was so stiff that Taehyung just wanted to smash the nearest object to him, jump to his feet and yell at Jimin for even attempting to hold back his pain; he wanted to scream at him and tell him it was okay to burst into tears and cry all night.

“I think I’m gonna go for a walk.”

Taehyung watched as Jimin got up and walked past him. He frowned as he had hoped Jimin would ask to spend the night together like he usually did when he was upset or scared. Then he remembered that it would be dangerous for Jimin to be out alone. He quickly walked over and grabbed his hyung by the arm.

“Hyung, don’t go outside.” The two locked eyes. “It’s not safe-at this time.”

Jimin’s eyes dropped after a moment of thought as he let the unknown reference in the younger’s words slip past him.  

“If you don’t want to be with me, I’ll sleep outside for tonight.”

“No, it’s not that. I just want to be alone, I guess.”

Taehyung’s eyebrows furrowed. Jimin had never wanted to be alone before. The dark-haired had a short moment of hesitation before he glanced up at Taehyung’s features that blocked out the moonlight shining in through the window.

“Do you think…you could call Jeongkook in for me?”

Taehyung’s expression changed unintentionally and Jimin quickly dropped his head, showing he felt bad for asking. Taehyung his dry lips as he couldn’t help the discomfort in his chest. He gave Jimin the best, warmest hug he could before leaving the room and leaning back on the shut door. He spent a minute or so thinking about Jeongkook and Jimin’s relationship.

Jeongkook was the friend who knew Jimin’s circumstances the clearest. Every time Jimin was upset about something he couldn’t speak openly about, Jeongkook would be the one who consoled him. In a sense, they were the closest of friends.

Clenching his fist by his thigh against the door, Taehyung tilted his head back as he felt angry; angry because he wasn’t able to be the one always there for Jimin, and because…because…

Why do I get so worked up inside each time Jimin mentions Jeongkook with such tenderness?

…because of something he had rarely experienced in his life before: Jealousy.

Swallowing his strong feelings, he pushed off the door and headed over to Jeongkook’s dorm room, asking to swap beds with him for the night.