We have already made it through our debut, but I still have to achieve Yongguk hyung's second condition. I'm finding it hard to try, hyung didn't promise any guarentee's. I want to quit hurting myself, my Siren has gone away yet my blade still calls. Not for comfort, just out of pure routine. I threw my first blade away, making sure I did it before I left for tour knowing that I couldn't return to get it. I know it seems easy to get another razor, but not as easy as you think.

Seeing as my hyung's know, they won't even let me around a razor when i'm alone. Daehyun has even taken to hiding his razors.

I was quiet, hoping he didn't see my eyes watching him from the side. He must have known because he moved them from the spot he left them in earlier that day. I can't blame them, if it weren't me I would do the same. I would probably even take them see a therapist.

Nevertheless I would go beyond hiding my razor and making them feel bad. It isn't even me anymore, the desire is a thing of it's own. I don't know if I have it in me to give up. Don't get me wrong, on my good days that's all I want.

It goes beyond want now. I can feel it, in my heart. My pain used to be fear, now all I can feel is my heart breaking. I know deep inside that something has changed. I need to give up this desire, even if it does try to control me.

I need to give up cutting, I want, no I need to see my mom.

I'm sorry mom. I don't even want to know how you would react to finding out how i've ruined myself.

Yongguk's P.O.V

Zelo has been working so hard to meet the conditions I gave him, I only made those rules to protect him from himself. I hope he knows that we care, we honestly do.

I couldn't imagine my life not knowing them.

How could I not have stopped him until it was too late? Why did I let it happen?

I don't know where we go from here, but I hope the end will be a good one.

Daehyun's P.O.V

I seen him watching, more like I felt him. He watches because even though I can see he wants to stop himself, there is something inside that tells him he is too weak. Why can't he see what I see? Why can't he be himself again? I miss him...come back Zelo, please.

He's changed again. He isn't in as much pain - he's more isolated. He's thinking, but about what?

Zelo's P.O.V

Mom isn't in my dreams anymore.

That man, he still is.

He never moves. He just stands in the dark and watches me. I'm not scared of him anymore, I can feel him getting weaker. With his strength decreasing I can feel his anger increasing.

He stares at me, he whispers to me. He wants me to cut again. He is the voice telling me that no matter how long I prolong it, I will still end up missing it to the point that I will do anything to embrace it.

I am not that strong in my mind, but I do try to be.

I'm tired of hearing his whispers, telling me i'm nothing.

Filling me with doubt.

If there is ever a time I need to reach out, it is now.

WIth a sigh, I make my body rise from my bed, and make my way into the living room where I know I will find my hyung's.

If by any chance I needed verification, that was no longer an issue. I walked into the living room, meeting eyes with all of my hyung's. How long have they been waiting for me to come out?

Jongup P.O.V

We've been waiting in the living room all day for Zelo to talk to us. We knew he eventually would, seeing as we have been done touring for a couple of weeks now. He has even stopped cutting! Which, of course means that Yonnguk hyung will try to request Zelo a plane ticket home....home?

I can't believe he is going to be hurt again, we just got him back! I don't want him to go!

But, we can't stop him. The only thing we can do, is tell him what he is about to face and hope he won't hide in his room this time.

I'm sorry Zelo, but please don't be mad.

I'm surprised, when Zelo turns the corner into the room, he looks as if he knows everything is about to change forever.

I can't help but feel the need to protect him, he's like my little brother.

I wish he knew he could come to me for anything, I wish he would see what I see!

Zelo's P.O.V

"Hyung's, I think i've finally quit having nightmares...I mean he's still there, but he just watches." I can't believe the words i'm saying outloud, but as I hear myself say them I can feel my heart gently falling back into place. In my heart, I know.

They didn't need to say it, because it was already known. Yet, as I felt it in the air, I knew I still was not ready for the weight of the situation.

"Zelo, I talked Manager Kang into letting you go, but he only agreed if we all went. We are already packed, go ahead and pack while Himchan makes dinner and Deahyun tries to eat it. We will finish talking about the plans in the morning. But, let's have a good dinner and watch a movie before we head out." I could see the hesitance in Yongguk hyung's eyes.

I know.

So, why fight?

"Ok hyung, I'll go pack now, Uppie can you help me?"

Everyone was taken aback by my nickname for Jongup. I can see why, with my recent attitude. But I am still the same Zelo, do they honestly think I changed that much? Did I?

Jongup's P.O.V

"Ok hyung, I'll og pack now, Uppie can you help me?"

My head shot up, because I had honestly not expected Zelo to call me that. I mean, I knew Zelo hadn't changed completely but when he called me Uppie, it made me so happy.

My best freind was coming back, but I couldn't let myself get too happy. He would soon be heartbroken again.

"Ok Zelo! Let's go!" I jumped up with a giant smile on my face. If only for one night, i'm glad my best freind is back.

Himchan's P.O.V

"Why didn't you tell him tonight? Why wait until morning?" I wanted to know why Yogguk hadn't told the boy.

"Because, for once I wanted to be selfish. I want to spend the next 12 hours with our Zelo. Don't you?"

Of course, that wasn't even a question.

"Yes, I do."

So, just for tonight Zelo was our's, not his.

Author's Note~

So, this story will have a very happy ending!

For anyone feeling how Zelo is, please just know that even if you think no one else out there loves you, I do.

And I would never write this if it weren't true....it has taken me almost 19 years to be comfortable saying 'I love you'

I love my Lovely Blossoms!! :* \^.^/

Also, I will be wrapping this story up in about 2 more chapters:)