It's only been a week since i've started cutting - no finding refuge.

I've already committed to it. I need it, and I will never let it escape from my grasp.

I don't know what I would do if my hyung's found out. I don't want them to hate me, I love them. They are my best freinds, but you can't tell even them everything. I've said it too many times, the obvious fact that they wouldn't understand. How could they? They can't hear my thought's, and they can't feel my fear, not like I can anyways.

I know they worry about me, and I know that they are scared for me too. I want to tell them, I want them to help me. But this isn't even possible.

I don't want to lay in my bed all day and cry, and I don't want to sleep.

I need help, and that's why i'm committed.

It's not an option, and it's not a choice anymore. The need is overwhelming and I can't ignore it.

It's like my personal Siren, it's love song is only for me and I have grown to love it as my own.

But now, my blade tell's me that it needs another freind. I guess i'm not enough. I listen to it whisper it's beautiful call to me as I head to my hyung's room. They aren't supposed to have liquor, but we all know they do. This is what my freind wants, so I don't even question my actions as I grab the bottle of Smirnoff Ice from under my Himchan hyung's dresser. I know he will notice it missing,  but I will deny my having to do with it. I ran off to my bed room with my new freind. Unlike my razor, I know he won't last forever.

I sit on my bed and open the bottle of liquor. I grab my razor that I brought into my room and hid under my matress the week before. I didn't think about anything else besides the mission ahead. Forget. Do whatever it takes to just forget. Meaning for me, getting completely -faced numb.

I guzzle a little bit of the Screwdriver flavored liquor and make a thin line with my razor. The old cuts haven't healed yet, and suddenly they have new freinds too.

I'm half-way through the bottle and twenty cuts in when I notice a drop fall from my eye.

I can't remember why i'm even cutting. I can't remember why I feel a committment to this blade.

I can't even think.

All I know is that it feels right, but I know it's wrong.

Jongup's P.O.V

What is going on with Zelo? Is he alright?

He's been locked up in his room ever since that day. Nothing has changed, the late night screaming, the fear in his eyes. Yet, my hyung's tell me to let him work it out. Doesn't he need a freind? Is that why he hasn't come out, is he mad that we haven't reached out to him?

Is he reaching out to us?

My thought's are always about Zelo, he's my best freind. I've known him the longest, and i've never seen him in so much pain. I can see, i'm not blind to the way he walks, his distant glare. I'm not blind to the razor missing, and his slow movements from the pain in his legs. He couldn't be sore from working, when we have a few weeks off. Even now, as he's alone in his room. I can feel his pain.

I can't let him do this alone. He has had time to work it out alone, and this is obviously something he can't do alone. He needs help, even if he claims he doesn't, I can see the truth.

But can I help him?

I think it's time to talk to my hyung's about this.

Yongguk P.O.V

I know this has gotten out of control. All I can think about is Zelo. Doesn't he trust us? Why hasn't he asked for help yet? I don't want to impose, but I can't deal with this much longer.

It's only taken him a week to completely lose himself.

Of course, i'm not blind. I have known since the second I saw Zelo that night that this was not going to be good. The fear in his eyes told me that he would never forget this, yet I didn't expect what he had told me. Of course we all have nightmares sometimes, even about our loved ones dying. But, his was so detailed.

I know it's time to confront him, but will he tell?

I didn't realize I was lost in my thoughts until Jongup appeared in thin air beside me.

"What is it Jongup?" I asked with a sigh under my breath.

"Yongguk hyung....I think it's time we talked to Zelo. He needs our help."

"I know, go get the others. Meet me in Zelo's room."

Jongup's P.O.V

I was headed to get the others when I could hear Yongguk yell from Zelo's room.

"Zelo! No!!!"

Zelo's P.O.V

Why is Yongguk so loud?

I'm trying to sleep hyung.

Why is he crying, and why is it so cold?

Himchan's P.O.V

Why would Zelo do this?

Zelo, do you not know that we love you? This hurts, not only me. Us. You.

Zelo please, be alright!!

We are on our way to the hospital with Zelo. Yongguk had found him in his bed, legs bleeding, his eyes glossed over from drinking too much.

Why Zelo?

I didn't realize I had said it outloud, until I heard a response.

"If you knew, would you understand my demons?" despite his obviously weak body, he could still respond to me. I just wish he hadn't, because I couldn't answer something I didn't know.