The next day, I wake up to a throbbing headache and wince deeply. I hold my head and pull at my hair. I look down at her and bite my lip. She is still sleeping… Looks like I fell asleep beside her again. I groan and stand up, racing down the hall to the bathroom. I close the door and lock it before putting my hands on the counter and looking into the mirror. My head pounds like a racing heartbeat and I whimper. I search through the cabinets and find an aspirin bottle. I pour a few into my hand and put them into my mouth before drinking from the sink. I look back up and run my hands through my hair. This is the worst one that has ever occurred. I groan and fall to my knees. I fall back and lean on the wall, curling my knees up to my chest. I stay in the bathroom a little before getting an uneasy feeling. I crawl to the toilet and throw up. After a while of just sitting by the toilet, I crawl back to my spot and lean against the wall once more. What’s happening? My head is still throbbing with pain, throwing up, and now I feel so weak. I whine and stand. I need to get out of here and get online.. I open the door and sneak out quietly. I don’t even know what time it is. I’m guessing it’s still the morning. I go back to the room and quietly grab my phone from the nightstand. I sneak back out, thankfully not waking her. I go back to the bathroom and close the door, locking it. Instead of just sitting down on my own, my knees weaken and I fall to the ground, hitting my already throbbing head against the wall. I groan and curl up again. I go onto the internet on my phone and search up what I’ve been wanting to know from the beginning, ‘The last stages of life.’ I type. I scroll through everything and close my eyes at the results. Visions and hallucinations, loss of appetite, change in bowel and bladder functions, confusion, restlessness and agitation, changes in breathing, congestion in lungs or throat, changes in skin temperature and color, saying goodbye, and… being present at the moment of death. I bring my hand up to my mouth as my eyes start watering. I can’t do this anymore… I’m not only dying… but I’m hurting the people I love. I tremble and fall to my side. I was supposed to be strong… I was supposed to stay alive for ____. I was supposed to be together with her. I was supposed to stay alive for the guys… I was supposed to be together with them until the end. I was supposed to stay alive for Mia. She’s in the hospital right now… being strong. Now look where I am. I’m quivering in the bathroom. I’ve even lost track of when my exact death date was. But I know it’s already the end of the month. I’m hoping what she said wasn’t accurate.. Maybe I’ll be able to stay alive for another year. But honestly… I have a feeling I’m not going to last. I feel it in my heart.. I’m finally feeling the cancer spreading through me. I’m dying. I’m not going to last. It will be a few days… Maybe even today. I’m dying and I can’t do anything about it. It’s the end. For all I know I could die right now in this bathroom. The symptoms… I’m probably showing them. I haven’t been eating much lately. I’ve been turning paler like a ghost. I haven’t been having visions or hallucinations. My bladder and bowel area has been fine. I’ve been confused a lot and have been quite restless. I don’t know about my breathing… I guess it’s been slowing down. No agitations. I’ve been having some congestion.. And I’ve been feeling really cold but then suddenly turning hot. I’ve said my goodbyes secretly. But I don’t know if I could say them personally. No.
I can’t. I sniffle and shake my head. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to. I can’t just lay here and die on the floor like a wimp. I want to do what I promised her… I never break my promises… Only the one about telling her everything. I weakly get up from the bathroom floor and sniffle. I feel so weak… My legs are shaking quite badly. I wipe my eyes and look in the mirror. “One more day… Give me one more day and I promise you could kill me right after.” I mumble to myself. I go to the sink and wash my mouth out and brush my teeth. I fix my hair and clothes before making my way out the bathroom door. I look around and go out to the living room to check the time. Five o’clock in the morning. I exhale softly and sit down on the couch. I take a deep breath so I could get my head together. I’m not going to die today… No matter what the struggle is. I’ll do anything to see that smile on her face when we are at the top of Namsan. I want to make one of those locks that you make with someone and you lock them on the gate before throwing the key away. It makes it infinite. Our love, friendship and romance wise, infinite. I look down at my lap when I hear someone come into the room. I look behind me and see ____ walk in tiredly with a yawn. She looks at me and smiles gently before walking over to me in her blue-fuzzy robe. She perches herself down beside me and smiles.

“Goodmorning. Why are you up so early?” she questions.

I hum and sigh. “I guess I was just fully rested,” I say, trying not to show fear and sadness in my eyes.

She nods, understanding. She thinks for a little before smiling excitedly. “So when are we going to Namsan?”

I think a little. “Whenever you want to.” I grin.

She smiles and hums. “Well we should get ready first… But the earlier the better, ” she chimes.

I chuckle and nod. “You’re right. Let’s go get ready.” I smile before standing up and helping her up.

She gets up with my help and thanks me before skipping to the room. I exhale softly before walking to my room. I go to my closet and pick out my favorite outfit. I put on a dark button up shirt over a white t-shirt. I put on some ripped black skinny jeans and put a red hat on backwards. I look at myself in the mirror and smile, happy with how I look. I sigh sadly again, not wanting to die today. I should’ve  marked my calendar… But I already know it’s the last day of the month. If the doctor really meant in a month… Then today is my death date. I did have that little scene a while ago. I can feel it in my body… I can feel it spreading. It’s taking my energy and my head is pounding non-stop. I feel so weak… I feel like fainting right here. But I refuse to die today. At least not during Namsan. If I have to die… Kill me when we get home. Don’t let me die in front of her eyes… Kill me when I’m alone. The last thing I want to see is her smile. Not every sign of death has happened to me… but I don’t think I have to show every sign anyway. I can feel it. My death date is officially today. Don’t cry. Don’t be sad. Don’t show any sign. Just smile.
I get an idea and bite my lip. I should leave a note… I note explaining everything. I quickly write the note and stick it under a notebook on my desk. I sigh sadly as I stare at the note. I hope this explains everything… I put my heart and soul into it.

I put my shoes on before sauntering out to the living room. She’s not out in the living room yet so I just decide to sit on the couch and wait.

A few minutes later, she finally exits her room and comes back out in casual clothing. I bite my lip and grin when I see her. Even if she’s only dressed in casual clothes… She is gorgeous in my eyes. I stand up and walk over to her.

“You look.. great,” I say, slightly blushing.

She blinks and looks down at her clothes. “Really?” she questions.

I nod and chuckle. “Yes… Really.” I grin and take her hand. “Let’s go?”

She smiles widely and nods, squeezing my hand.

I lead her out of the house but turn around. Get a good look Luhan… You may not be coming back. I close my eyes for a bit before turning back around and walking again.

She looks up at me with a baffled expression. I look back down at her and smile reassuringly. I don’t need her worrying… I lead her to the car and open the passenger door for her. She smiles gratefully and gets in. I walk to the other side of the car and get into the drivers seat. We buckle our seat belts before heading to Namsan.

The car ride is silent, not much talking. I turn on the radio to pass the time and to avoid awkwardness. Before we know it, we arrive at Namsan tower. I park the car and exit the car before going to the other side and helping ____ out. She smiles gratefully again and takes my hand in mine. I lock the car before looking up at the tower. I look down at her and smile at her expression. She looks up at the tower in awe, her eyes sparkling.

Your P.O.V

You look up at the tower, smiling widely. I’ve always wanted to come here… It looks so beautiful. You look back up at Luhan and hug him tightly, resting your head on his chest.

“Thank you… So much. You’ve really made me happy, Luhan. Happier than I have ever been.” You smile up at him and kiss him on the cheek. I wish I could’ve kissed him… But it’s not the right time. I also just really want him to kiss me first. You look at him and see a slight blush on his cheeks. You giggle before grabbing his hand again and lacing your fingers together. You pull him to the entrance and look everywhere.
Luhan said there wasn’t much to do here but shop and go to the top of the tower where the locks are. Even if there isn’t much to do… It’s still amazing to be here.

You pull Luhan down the halls and up to the place the Birds Eye View. You smile as Luhan puts in a coin and motions for me to look through it. I gladly do so and kneel down a bit, looking through it. I look at the beautiful view and smile excitedly.

“Amazing,” you say in awe.

Luhan chuckles and looks out the huge window. You stop when your time is up and sigh happily.

You and Luhan spend most of the day just shopping and exploring the are, deciding to go to the locks last. Finally, it’s time to head to the locks.

You and Luhan head to the lock area, smiling the whole way there. This is going to be amazing… I’ll be able to make a lock with Luhan. The lock will be there forever… It will never break off unless this building were to collapse.

You walk to the area where you make the locks and look at Luhan. You both smile at each other and receive your lock. You go over to the table  with all the supplies in order to decorate it. You sit down next to Luhan and pick up a sharpy.

You start decorating one side of it while Luhan decorates the other.


You’re my best friend.
I love you more than all the stars in the galaxy.
But I also love you.
More than a best friend.
-Y/N

You smile at your work and nod. I know I’m confessing my love to him like this… But I don’t want to keep it in anymore. I want him to know how I feel.

Luhan’s P.O.V

Infinite.
Our love is Infinite.
I love you with all my heart.
But life isn’t always fair.

I’ll always be here.
Whether you see me or not.
-Luhan

I bite my inner lip when I’m done writing. I don’t look at ___’s work. I get and idea and look at her.

“Let’s not read each other’s until it’s locked on to the gate,” I suggest.

She looks up at me and nods. “I like that idea.” She continues decorating her part before finishing. She smiles and looks at me.

“Okay. Let’s so lock it on.” She holds up the key in her other hand before leading me out to where all the other locks.

I look at all the other locks as we walk to find the perfect area. I don’t know why… But looking at all these locks make me happy.

We find a good place and we stand side by side.

“Ready? Let’s lock it together.” She holds the bottom of the lock and attaches it to the gate. “Now lock it,” she orders with a smile.

I grin before putting my hands on the top of the lock and lock it.

We smile at each other before looking back at the lock. I look at the key in her hands and smile. When this key gets thrown… This lock will be forever locked. She looks down at the key before looking out at the view.

“Throw it,” I say, looking down at her and nodding.

She looks up at me before looking back out at the view and throwing it with all her might.

We both watch as it flies far down to the stream below the tower. I smile and sigh happily. Now the lock is locked forever. No breaking the lock.

“Luhan? Can we read what we wrote on the lock now?” she asks, looking up at me with big eyes.

I nod and kneel down to read the lock. I read what she said as she reads what I said. A aching pain enters my heart as I read it. S-She loves me… No… This isn’t good. This means… She will be even more heart broken. I frown but try to collect myself and smile. I look down at her and instantly frown at her confused face. She’s confused… She’s scared about what I mean. I wanted to tell her how I feel… So that came out, Even if she doesn’t see me… I’ll always be here. I put a hand on her shoulder as she stands up straight. She looks up with me with confused eyes.

“Luhan… What do you mean ‘even if you can’t see me’?” she questions.

I bite the inside of my lip and look down. “I-I meant… What it says.” I sigh softly.

She blinks and looks down. “Why would you say that?” she says, her voice cracking.

I shake my head and caress her cheek. “I didn’t mean anything by it… It was simply just a saying. Like if I wasn’t in the same room. I would be with you no matter what.” I make up an excuse. It’s practically true… But I also meant something a little more deep.

She looks up at me and nuzzles her cheek into my hand. “You scared me..” she says softly.

I exhale softly before wrapping my arms around her. I hug her tightly and rest my chin on her head. I was to stay like this forever… I want to feel her touch forever… I want to be able to hug and kiss her all the time. I want to hear her sweet voice and feel her soft skin in my hands. I want her to whisper sweet things into my ear. I want to hold her bridal style and carry her to where she wants to go. I want to see her walking down the aisle. I want to lift up her veil and kiss her lips passionately. I want to make love to her and hear her sweet moans. I want to be there when she has a baby in her tummy. I want to be right by her side when she’s giving birth. I just want to be there for her. Forever.

I pull away and tilt her face up to meet mine. I look into her eyes and trail my hand to her cheek. I need to kiss her before I pass… I want to feel her sweet lips on mine. I slowly lean down before pressing my lips to hers. She gets taken aback at first, not expecting it, but immediately kisses back. I rub her cheek gently with my thumb as I kiss her softly and passionately. My left hand trails down to her neck. I put all my love and passion into the kiss. I’ll put everything I have…
I her bottom lip a little, asking for entrance. She gasps softly, letting me insert my tongue into . My tongue touches hers before I explore , loving every second of this. I never want to pull away. But sadly, I have to. I pull away and rest my forehead on hers, panting slightly. She looks up at me and into my eyes, teary eyed.

“I-I love you Luhan… So much. Don’t ever leave me… I don’t know what I’d do without you..” She hugs me tightly and buries her face into my chest.

I stare off, her words repeating in my head.

Don’t ever leave me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.

I close my eyes and hug her tightly. I stay silent, not wanting to lie to her. I’m sorry… I have to leave you. But I’ll always be in your heart.



I feel a strong pain in my heart. Not from broken heart…. But legit hurt. My heart is really hurting. It’s pounding as well as my head. I suddenly feel a bit dizzy but keep myself standing.

“Let’s go somewhere…” I grab her hand and walk back to the elevators.

Once we get to the bottom, I lead her to a little field. I see a duck pond and bring her towards it. I need to sit down… My legs give out once I attempt to sit and I slam to the ground. I don’t show any emotion so ____ won’t be worried.

She looks at me a bit worriedly and sits next to me.

“Luhan… Are you alright? Why did you rush me down here?” she questions.

I gulp silently and point at the duck pond. “I wanted to bring you here… To the pond. I know how much you love ponds.” I smile a little at her, my head still racing. I don’t feel good… I feel weak.

She looks at me, still worried and touches my forehead. She gasps. “Luhan. You are burning… Like really burning. That’s not normal.” she says, terror in her voice.

I shake my head and try gulping. But I can’t… My throat is so dry. “I’m fine,” I whisper.

Her eyes roam my body and she shakes her head. :You’re paler than ever… Your eyes are red and you’re sweating like a pig. Luhan… Do you need to go to the hospital?” she asks, eying me.

I shake my head and close my eyes. “N-No.. I just.. I need.. I.. “ It’s getting harder to breath. Is this it? Is it my time? It was so sudden… This isn’t fair… This can’t be happening yet. I start gasping for air, still trying not to make it noticeable. Is this really how it is? I’m going to die right here?

She looks at me with panic and touches my shoulder. “Luhan. You need a hospital. Come on.” She stands up and grabs my arm trying to pull me up.

I give up.

“Stop.” I whisper. “Please.” I whisper once again. She drops my arm, making me fall onto my back.

She widens her eyes and kneels down beside me. “Luhan? Please..  You need to go to the hospital. You are turning ghostly pale and that’s not good.” She tries pulling me up.

I shake my head. “I’m dying, ____.”

She stops.
She stares at me, looking into my eyes to see some sign that I’m joking.

“Stop joking, Luhan. This is serious.” Her voice cracks, tears starting to roll down her cheeks.

I shake my head before smiling. “I wouldn’t joke about this, ____. “ I look into her eyes.

She shakes her head repeatedly. “No! You would have told me!” she shouts, more tears escaping her eyes.

I smile softly. “I love you… Always remember that.” I sniffle as tears roll down my cheeks. I can’t hold it any longer. Today I’m going to die. The day I’m leaving this unfair world and into a world that’s unknown. I know I’m hurting you, ____, but I couldn’t tell you sooner.

She shakes her head and gets out her phone, calling 911.

“Yes, my best friend is… on the ground and he’s acting like there’s something wrong with him.”

“Goodbye… I love you.” I whisper, barely audible, before closing my eyes.

She looks down at me and widens her eyes. “HURRY! PLEASE!” she shouts. She sobs and tells the people where to go through muffled sobs.

I wish I could have seen her smile before I closed my eyes.


I feel my whole body give out and a slight breath escapes my parted lips.

My last moment of life was hearing the love of my life, the person I’ve been with my entire life, sob her heart out and shout directions to Namsan tower through the phone. At least I know she cared. It’s better than no one caring about me.

I can still hear the slight sounds of the ambulance near by. I hear ____ lean down close to me and whisper in my ear. “I love you.”

I love you to, ____. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, but this is just how things happened. I don’t know if there was a reason for this or if life just gave up on me. But I don’t care at this point. There’s no point in caring.

I can’t hear or see anything. My body becomes completely cold and numb.

Your P.O.V

You sob into his chest as I feel his skin go cold. He is completely pale. He stopped breathing and moving. He’s actually…. dead.

Why? Why?! Why did this have to happen?! He can’t be dead! I refuse to believe he’s dead!

You hear the ambulance appear behind me and people getting out. They bring out a gurney and slowly pick him up and put him onto it. They check his pulse and his breathing. They put him in the back of the ambulance and close the doors.

I didn’t even try to save him. I was too in shock to give him SPR or push on his chest!

You rush over to the people. “Can’t I get in the back with him?!” you shout.

They sigh and shake their head. “I’m sorry… But I think it’s best it you would go home. Get some rest. We will call you on further details.” They bow before getting back in the ambulance and driving off.

You stand there, shocked. Why not? I wouldn’t bother him! I’m technically family!

You shake my head before pulling at my hair and screaming at the top of my lungs. You pant and run back to the car. You get in the drivers seat and drive back home. After about ten minutes of driving, you arrive back home and rush to the door. You run inside and slam the door shut behind me. You run to Luhan’s room, ignoring all the guy's questions. You look around frantically before spotting a note on the desk. You approach it slowly and pick it up, reading it.

Dear anyone reading this,

I’m sorry I didn’t tell anyone about the news. I just couldn’t take the reactions. This isn’t my will or anything because I have nothing valuable to give away. Well, actually there is. The one I love the most,  _____. She’s my most valuable possession. If you are reading this, I love you. I love you more than words can explain. I love you more than all the stars in the night sky. I love you more than the moon and stars. You are my everything. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you this sooner… But I’m telling you this now. So that’s why I’m going to give you away. I’m giving you away to any guy that you love in the future. I hope he treats  you right. Don’t stop loving because you lost me… I’ll always be in your heart. At this moment, I’m in my room getting ready for my day with ____. I hope everyone gets through okay… I know they will. I love you guys.. I love everyone who was in my life. ____, Noah, Mia, my family, and the guys. I wish I didn’t have to go so soon but life is just like that. You might now be able to see me, but I will always be with you. I love all of you guys. Goodbye everyone.          
                                                                                                  Sincerely,
                                                                                                              Luhan