Moments later, Eunji turned her gaze to the ground, and then a random star in the sky, then another. The stars weren’t many that night, and the spaces between the scattered gems reflected the tension between us. They could've been a constellation, yet they weren’t. Her eyelids were trembling just slightly and she sniffed a couple of times as she thought hard of the words to say.

“It’s okay,” I told her, “You don’t have to give me a reply now. You don’t even have to tell me next week, or by any specific time. I just wanted to let you know.” The wind blew some small leaves and petals onto her hair and I raised my hands to sweep them away. Exactly, she got up from the swing, and with eyelids lifting just slightly, I took a step back to make space for her.

“Howon, I –” she began, but stopped again when our gazes met. That was when I noticed her orbs were a little moist, and the reflection of the moon didn’t help me in deciphering why. By intuition, I held the back of her head with my right hand and lightly pushed her forward into my embrace. She didn’t resist, so we stayed that way for a minute or so – her quietly sobbing and I fighting the sourness creeping up my throat while wondering if I should hold her tighter. But she soon tore away, wiping off the residual tears with the back of her hands. She then looked up at me, her eyes still a little red, and choked out slowly, “I’m sorry I’m like this, that I… can’t be spontaneous like everyone else.”

Unable to stop the tears from falling any longer, I murmured, “What are you talking about? You’re fine.”

She shook her head hard, and then laid on my chest again. I simply held her once more, and gently her back a couple of times. “I know –” she struggled to say in truncated bits between sobs and sniffles, “– how unfair… this is for you, so –”

She swallowed a gulp before continuing, “So – don’t wait, if I take too long.”

“You don’t have to wait,” she repeated and then lifted her head to look at me before prompting, “Hm?”

I snickered in the slightest, my own tongue prickled with the taste of salty tears. “Only if I could,” I looked at the dense bushes before us as I spoke, and then tilted my head downwards to gaze upon her with a small smile. “Take as long as you need.” She blinked about twice and then broke into a smile, too. “Thank you, Howon. But if you ever change your mind –” I stopped her by saying, “I won’t.” She shot me a little glare, and continued, “Why are you so eager to interrupt me? You never know!” Her tone was playfully contentious but the sparkle in her eyes gave away the fact that she was still tearing up, so I pressed her cheeks lightly with my palms and in a firm but affectionate voice, I said, word by word, “Do not cry.” She laughed and then turned away, mumbling something about how I always get her into embarrassing situations.

“What’s the problem?” I exclaimed, “There are only me and you here!”

She let out a cry of disgruntlement as she flailed her arms. “Erase those memories of my crying expression!”

I laughed in response. “No way! You only have yourself to blame for being a crybaby.”

“I said I’m not!” she retorted, “You’re the one making me cry!”

I shook my head with my eyes closed and then felt a drop of liquid fall on my nose. I opened my eyes and looked blankly at her. A few drops then fell on her as well. Her eyes widened and we both simultaneously said, “Shoot.”

“Which way is your house?” I exclaimed as we scrambled over to pick up our bags from under the tree. Once we were done, she pointed in the direction of a row of houses just around the corner and began to run. I followed closely after her, and she shouted, “Why didn’t you bring an umbrella?” I answered her back with the same question. She groaned, “It’s near but it’s not that near.”

Still running close behind her, I took off my jacket and threw it over her head. She quickly grabbed it and pulled it backwards, yelling, “Yah, what is this? Do you want me to run into a pole?” She then saw that it was a jacket I had thrown and for some reason, stopped in her tracks.

“Use it to shield yourself,” I said, reaching across to put the jacket over her head again but this time being careful not to cover her eyes. “It might not be that good, but it’s better than nothing.”

“Then what about you?” she blurted out, “You’re going to be drenched.”

“I’m a guy,” I returned, and then continued running ahead of her. She came after me seconds later, exclaiming, “Do guys not get sick? You’re funny!”

I grinned but didn’t say a word as we kept running. Soon I took a wrong turn and had to run back after her again, to which she simply laughed. “It’s right ahead!” she called out about a minute later, as we approached a dainty house with its outside walls painted azure blue and its metal gates a clean white.

Just as Eunji said, I was completely drenched by the time I stepped into her house. She wasn’t in a much better state either, though. We quickly dried ourselves with towels, but there was only one bathroom in her house, so we had to take turns to bathe. I insisted on having her go first and after some pushing, she finally complied, on the condition that she’ll cook dinner for us both.

I nodded in satisfaction. “Deal,” I said, and then closed the bathroom door from the outside. “I’ll be quick!” she said apologetically and I told her not to rush. Like the curious guest that I was, I walked around her living room, looking at furniture, what she had in the fridge and cupboards, the framed photos sitting neatly on the TV console, magazines and books under her coffee table and so on. I smiled fondly at her childhood photos and while muttering a brief “I’m sorry Eunji”, I retrieved my phone from my back pocket to snap a few shots. In the midst of doing so, I noticed a shadow coming from behind. I quickly stuffed the phone back into my pocket and pointed out with a sheepish smile, “Wow, you’re really fast.”

“What’s that?” she exclaimed, not buying in to my act, “What are you going to do with my photos?”

“No – it’s cute –” I struggled to defend myself as she roughly grabbed me by the belt and reached for the back pocket which I slotted my phone in. As I turned to look at her, a thought came into my mind. I covered my back pocket with both hands and said in a straight tone, “Where do you think you’re about to touch now?”

She froze and instantly pulled her hands back. “I – didn’t... have that sort of intention at all…” she began to stutter and her face was flushed. I giggled a little and before I went on my way to the bathroom, I stood before her with our faces close and teased, “It’s okay even if you do.” With that, I walked away while she shouted after me, “Yah, Lee Howon! It’s not right for you to be like that!” I couldn’t contain my surfacing smirk. Now that I have confessed, I feel like I got a pass to be unreserved with my feelings around her, and to that way without coming across as weird.

I came out from the bathroom to see the very person who had promised me dinner fast asleep on the couch. I sat myself down beside her as I dried my hair with the towel using my left hand. I chuckled at her unknowing face. She must’ve been really tired, I thought. Listening to her soft snoring, I found myself drawing closer to her face. It’s not often that I get a chance to look at her this closely, so might as well…

Somehow, I don’t get tired of looking at her face; it’s fascinating, I caught myself thinking. I lightly shook my head. Stop it, Howon. Just wait quietly.

Just wait… quietly. She hasn’t said yes, so who am I to –

Amidst my silent internal warfare, my gaze returned to her features. Would it be selfish if I... Before I knew it, my lips landed a gentle peck on her cheek. Still conscious of and slightly taken aback by what I did, I jerked backwards after a mere light touch. A few drops of water from my hair sprinkled on her face and she scrunched up a little. I shot up straight, my body immobilized in that second. I took another cautious look as she continued to sleep in stillness again after flipping on her side. Pressing my lips together and holding my breath, I carefully stood up and headed for the open kitchen just a few meters away. Surveying the contents of her refrigerator and cupboards, I picked out some ingredients and after placing the raw rice in the rice cooker, began to cook a few simple dishes. When I was almost done, Eunji woke up from her nap. She yawned and stretched freely until her attention was caught by the fragrance of the food, and she swerved around to see me in the kitchen. “Hi,” I said to her in English, and gave a brief wave. She responded with a bewildered expression, her eyes widened and her brows furrowed in confusion. “Didn’t I say I’d cook for you?” she finally said what was on her mind.

“You were sound asleep,” I pointed out.

“You could have woken me up!” she grumbled in return.

“You seemed to be having a good sleep so I didn’t want to disturb you,” I said, quoting her exact words from a few weeks ago.

She furrowed her brows even harder and pouted as she realized that she had no defense against that one. “If you’re going to do this, I’ll need to treat you to a meal next time.”

“Let’s keep it going,” I grinned at her, clearly satisfied with the situation. I swept the garlic spinach, my final dish, from the pan onto a white ceramic plate, and placed them down beside the other plates topped with appetizing – or I would like to think so – dishes.

“But,” she spoke up again in a heavier tone, and lifted a finger to the food, “I’m not sure about the quality of this food.”

“Yah!” I screamed at her, “The ingredients are all from your house. If there’s anything wrong, it’s your ingredients!”

“Aigoo,” she responded and then broke into a giggle, “So defensive. I’ll see if it’s really that good, Chef Howon.”

“It’s decent at the very least,” I insisted, yet not without adding, “but most people who have tasted it keep pestering me to cook again.”

“Fix your ego!” she exclaimed with a knock on the back of my head, before carrying two of the plates to the coffee table.

It was still pouring unceasingly outside, but the patters were strangely comforting. Even though there were only two people, in that moment, Eunji’s house was warm. She was going on and on about how I could have better cooked each dish as we ate. I couldn’t quite keep track of what she was saying but I chuckled. “You’d make a good wife,” I teased. She fell silent immediately, a light red blooming on her cheeks again. I didn’t have very long to bask in amusement before she slapped my arm hard.

“You’re totally taking advantage of your position now,” she spouted incredulously. I reined in my laughter and said, “Okay, I know, I know.”

Eunji insisted on doing the dishes since I cooked the meal. I knew it would make her feel better so I simply replied, “Of course, they’re your things after all.” Nonetheless, I stood by her side and quietly wiped the cutlery when she was done, and she didn’t protest. Even after we settled the dishes, the symphony of the rain kept going strong.

“I’ll – borrow an umbrella –” I began to say as I peered around for one, but she cut me off, saying as she shook her head, “It’s so heavy you’re going to get wet even with an umbrella.”

I looked blankly at her, words of courteous rejection perilously on the tip of my tongue yet failing to get through. “Just stay here for one night,” she finally said, “I trust you.”

I never expected her one sentence to awaken so many butterflies in slumber within me. An unspoken glee expanded like a balloon, but reminding myself that I was still in wait, I quickly deflated it. “O-oh,” I stuttered, “Thanks, Eunji.”

That night, we spent most of the time sitting in front of the TV in our pajamas as we shared a packet of mixed nuts. We laughed and got worked up over the plots, occasionally teased each other to be similar to the characters, then changed channels when it got boring and repeated the cycle. It’s almost the same thing I do at home, but it was way different with the girl I loved. There was nothing out of the ordinary, but I vividly remember those moments till this day. It was the first time I felt so strongly that happiness could be found in the most mundane of situations. Simply being able to feel her warmth next to me, hear her guffaws, see her frowns and pouts – I was content. I could do this for the rest of my life.

Early Autumn 2010

After that day I bared my heart to her and we made a mutual decision to stay friends for the time being, we carried on with our days as per normal, with the exception of my occasional shameless teasing.

Like anyone else, we couldn’t escape the pressure of time, pushing each of us onto our own separate paths after graduation. All four of us strived hard to go to Seoul National University (SNU) together, but reality is often more complicated than our ideals. Much to the teachers’ surprise, Eunji, Soojung and Shinyoung improved their grades by leaps and bounds. Eunji and Soojung still missed the mark to enter SNU, but they were lucky enough to have their paths converge yet again, attending Hanjung University together, near the outskirts of Seoul. Shinyoung’s grades were actually able to get her into SNU, but she decided against it, saying that the pressure would be too much for her, that she just got lucky in the entrance exam and “was never suitable for an elite university like SNU anyway”.

We were discussing about our futures at the same ice cream parlour we frequented in high school. I sunk into a dilemma for a while after I heard their decisions, wondering if I myself were suitable for SNU and… for another reason that could be considered overemotional or even wilful.

“Come on, this is the reason why the government gave you a scholarship!” Soojung stated in a straightforward manner, “It’s exactly where someone like you should be!” Her expression was filled with excitement, and I suppose she would have no qualms in applying to SNU if she had qualified.

“You think so?” I looked at her with doubt, a hundred thoughts clashing with one another in my head.

“Go for it, Howon,” Eunji said with a wide smile and a pat on my back, “We’ll cheer for you.”

“And let us have the honour of having a friend in SNU!” She continued, slapping me lightly on the back as she laughed.

I chuckled slightly in embarrassment and meekly replied, “You’re exaggerating things! What even…” I trailed off as I was drawn back into the whirlpool of my indecisiveness.

“We’ll keep in contact.” Eunji’s voice was gentler this time, and the glimmer in her eyes didn’t flicker for a moment. She was certain.

“For sure.”

I lifted my own gaze to meet hers. She knew exactly what I was concerned about even if I’d tried to hide it. More so than the insecurity of whether I’d fit in SNU, I couldn’t stop worrying about being away from her, and what that might mean for our relationship.

I let slip a smile and then in a declarative tone, I exclaimed, “You said it!”

“Well, if we don’t then it’s your fault!” she confidently retorted and flashed me a bright grin.

Mid Spring 2011

“You haven’t been coming for so long.” There was just a hint of grievance in her voice, and I could picture her lips puckered as she spoke.

“I will, soon,” I said as I stacked some pieces of paper together, propping them against the wooden table surface. “Sorry.”

I slotted the papers into a file, and then paused what I was doing to concentrate on the call.

There were sounds of children shrieking in the background and the squeak of their feet against the ground as they ran. A high-pitched voice sounded just a short distance away from the phone. “Is that Howon hyung?” It was Junghwan and it seemed like he was right next to Eunji. “Yeah? Yeah?” He prompted her further in a restless tone.

Still a little distance away from the phone but closer, Eunji’s voice sounded in reply to him. “Yes, it’s Howon hyung. I’m scolding him for you.”

“Heard that?” she returned to our conversation and I chuckled. “You’re making the poor boy miss you.”

“I’m really sorry,” I emphasized, “I’ve been caught up with some projects lately. They’ll be over by this Friday. I swear I’ll visit often after they’re done!”

She chortled and continued, “Because of that, I’m plotting something with Junghwan.”

I perked up in surprise and curiosity. “Jung Eunji –” I began, but she intersected with a question that caught me completely off guard.

“Your promise from three years ago… does it still hold now?”

It took me a few moments to recall what exactly she meant. But it couldn’t be wrong… there was just one critical promise. My pulse accelerated steadily but I calmed myself down and did all I could to churn out a witty reply.

“Of course,” I carefully said, “I’m really loyal, aren’t I?”

She didn’t respond, so giving in to my anxious heart, I pushed further. “Does this mean you’ve finally made up your mind?”

She simply gave a mellow laugh, and my heart skipped a beat. “What do you think?” She said casually but my rising anticipation was already on the verge of breaking its non-existent meter.

“Can’t you tell me now?” I retorted, almost in a grumbling sort of way.

“Ayy,” she sounded, “You can have a cool confession and I can’t?” I froze on the spot, only hearing the gush of wind outside the window and the rustling of tree leaves which peculiarly resembled the sound of pouring rain.

“Saturday,” she finally said, “Come to the orphanage this Saturday.”