“Are you okay?” Soojung said with a concerned voice and waved a hand before me. I bit my lips and finally turned to look at her. I should be honest, right? Maybe she can help me with this. Before a word left the tip of my tongue, however, I heard Eunji’s bright voice again. “What are you guys doing? Do you want some ice cream?”

I instantly retreated and leaned back into my seat, looking right at her. Her face was once again radiant, with a smile exuding the brightness of a million stars. My vision was probably not the best gauge, though. After all, everyone wears different lenses and some could be distorting – that’s just the way I was with Eunji. She broke all the rules I drew up for myself, yet I didn’t have an ounce of urge to return to where I used to be. It’s nice here, anyway.

Soojung and I shook our heads no, so we left the parlour and began sauntering without a clear aim. Eunji and Soojung stuck close together while I followed slowly behind. I should’ve felt like I was playing gooseberry, but I didn’t. I simply soaked in the late spring air and looked at the small tangerine sphere lying on the horizon, painting the whole pavement a warm orange hue. I looked at the luscious tree leaves, ruffling against each other almost affectionately. And I looked at them, their peaceful faces graced with mellow smiles. They were also coloured in warm orange. Eunji suddenly turned back to look at me. She blinked once and then turned back to the front. It was surprisingly comfortable, walking along with them like that. Even if she was walking side by side with Soojung, Eunji didn’t neglect me. She had a way of doing that.

“You know, you are more sentimental than I thought,” Eunji said to me the following day, when we were having lunch together, the three of us.

“Hm?” I sounded as I lifted another spoonful of rice to my mouth. My heart began pounding. Did Soojung tell her something?

“The way you were looking at our surroundings yesterday, on the way home,” she said, “You looked like you had a lot of thoughts. Did you?”

The both of them had their eyes fixed on me. “Not really, it was pretty much just one.”

“What was it? Were you thinking about bringing your crush there?” Eunji teased, “The trees were romantic right?”

I rolled my eyes in response. “Eunji please, you know I don’t have a crush.”

Soojung didn’t say much and just looked back and forth at us as we talked. Her gaze appeared to hold secrets. Eunji was laughing at me then, saying something about how unromantic I was and how I would have a hard time finding my other half. I looked at her and at one point, our eyes met. She had stopped laughing and everything faded away into the background. All of a sudden, I felt afraid. I’ve seen a lot from dramas and movies, but in reality, it was more nerve-wrecking than I expected.

She was right. I’m more sentimental than I thought, too.

It was about two days later when we visited the orphanage together. Soojung had decided to hang out more with Eunji and make up for their lost years.

We were doing the usual, playing with the kids, feeding, showering and clothing them. The orphanage was doing some spring cleaning then so we helped out with that as well when the children were sleeping. Soojung, who was cleaning the office, quietly approached us and whispered. She said there was something we needed to see.

“Look at this. Doesn’t it look like Shinyoung? Even the date of birth and position of her birthmark is the same!” Soojung’s voice was agitated even as it was hushed. “I know because of the years I’ve been with her.” She made a regretful expression. “Such a waste.”

The thing she had called us to see was an application form of sorts. There was a photo attached of a girl, looking about ten years old, who did have a striking resemblance to Shinyoung, as Soojung pointed out.

“It really does look like her,” I commented, “Does that mean…”

Eunji remained silent as she stared intently at the document. “But what is this doing here?” she muttered. “Do you think somebody might be looking for her?” she finally looked up at us and said.

“I don’t know, but this is a great opportunity to get her to pay back just a bit of what she has done to us all!” Soojung exclaimed with anticipation, still keeping her volume low.

Eunji’s eyebrows were slightly creased as she contemplated. Suddenly, she shook her head and mumbled, “We can’t do that.” Then, she grabbed the piece of paper and hurried out of the office in large strides.

“Eunji!” Soojung called out, as discreetly as possible, “Where are you going?”

We followed and found her talking to the owner Mrs Hong.

“What happened to this child?” Eunji was asking.

“Ah, Joohee. She got adopted when she was ten,” Mrs Hong replied as she looked at the document, “I’m not that sure how she’s doing, since she only comes back once in a while. It was good that she found a family though. She had a broken childhood; her dad was jailed even before her birth, and her mum was mentally unstable because of the great stress.”

Mrs Hong paused before saying, “It’s just that now…” She stopped again and looked up at Eunji.

“Hm?” Eunji prompted, her attentive eyes landing a gentle gaze on Mrs Hong’s slightly anxious face.

“Her mum is looking for her now. It’d be nice to have a reunion, but I’m not sure how it’ll affect her, when she’s already settled into a new family…”

“Do you know the address of her new family?”

“Address… wait a moment,” Mrs Hong muttered and promptly left to the office to look for the information.

Just then, we walked up to Eunji. “What’s happening? What are you doing?” I asked.

“We should help out if it’s her – Shinyoung,” Eunji said without a shade of doubt or hesitation.

“Why would we?” Soojung spoke up, confusion clearly displayed by her bewildered expression, “She did nothing but harm to us!”

“But still –” Eunji began, only to be cut off by Soojung.

“I’m not doing it! I can’t bring myself to help her when my life, and so many others, has been so thoroughly ruined by her for three years. Eunji, you… you’re really crazy.” With that, Soojung stormed off. Eunji’s eyes were downcast, and my heart hurt badly.

At that point, Mrs Hong returned with a torn-out piece of paper with some scribbles. “Here’s the address,” she said as she handed it over to Eunji. “Thanks,” Eunji said, mustering a smile. “She might be someone we know. I’ll tell you if I find anything.”

Mrs Hong nodded and left, while Eunji looked at the ground with narrowed lips.

“Let’s not do it if Soojung doesn’t want to,” I said, “I’m sure they’ll find each other somehow.”

“You think so, Howon?” She turned to face me; her orbs were a little moist.

“Eunji…” I looked her in the eye. “It’s alright… Why make things so hard for yourself?”

She tilted her head upwards in an attempt to stop her tears from falling. My hands began fidgeting by my side. I felt like I really had to do something. Lee Howon, this is the moment. Don’t regret it later on. Just do it ugh. After a few seconds of war with myself, I deeply exhaled and lifted my arms up.

I pulled her into my embrace and placed my hands on her back. “I… I’ll be with you, no matter what decisions you make.” I blinked erratically, just as my heart rate fluctuated.

She sobbed for a few moments and then mumbled, “Why do I always cry in front of you like that? Ah, it’s irritating.”

“You don’t have to worry. As long as it makes you feel better.” It didn’t feel comfortable yet, saying those words. But I found myself desiring to do anything just so she’d feel better. My emotions were practically screaming into my face – the answers I’d been looking for – but I stubbornly refused to accept it.

Almost a minute later, she lightly tore herself away from my grasp and haphazardly wiped the tears off her face.

“I understand why Soojung doesn’t want to, I really do,” she said, “It’s difficult for me too, but… if everyone doesn’t show love to people who’re mean, then they’ll never have the chance to be loved and to love. Isn’t that unfair?”

We left the orphanage earlier than usual because neither of us could concentrate on our tasks, with all the thoughts going on in our minds.

We sat on a bench as Eunji dialed Soojung’s number and asked if she knew where Shinyoung currently lived. The phone was on speaker – Eunji got a pen and the piece of scrap paper ready, just in case there was anything important to note down.

“Of course…” Soojung’s voice sounded on the other end, “But Eunji… are you really going to help her?”

Eunji spun the pen for a few seconds as she thought, and then replied, “Yes. If I know what’s happening and I don’t do anything, I’ll feel frustrated.”

Moments passed before Soojung let out a loud sigh, then said, “If I know what you’re doing and I don’t do anything to help, I’ll feel frustrated too.”

Eunji kept silent, giving Soojung the space to think. She continued spinning the pen between her fingers as she waited.

“Ah, I give up... I’ll help you!” Soojung finally exclaimed, “So… what’s your plan?”

Eunji confirmed that the address Mrs Hong provided was Shinyoung’s current address and the next day, we made our way to that house. We kept our presence discreet and hid behind a bench as Shinyoung approached the front door, talking on her mobile phone.

“We should find out more about the family situation first,” Eunji had said, “Like, is she on good terms with her foster parents? Does she seem to miss her biological parents?”

As we squatted behind the opaque wooden bench, I shifted my eyes towards Eunji. “You seem experienced in stalking people,” I teased. She made a face at me in return and I couldn’t keep myself from laughing. Shinyoung swerved around at the sound, so Eunji immediately covered my mouth with a hand and placed a finger on her lips.

Shinyoung turned her focus back on the phone call conversation. “You guys are not coming back for dinner?”

“Celebration… Where is it? I can come over now.”

“Yes, I have a test this week, but don’t worry, I have already started revising. I’ll do well, Mum.”

Shinyoung was surprisingly gentle to her mother, unlike what we would have expected from her behaviour in school. It was quiet for a few moments as Shinyoung listened to the other end of the line with narrowed lips and clenched fists. Her nose began turning red, even though the weather was warm.

“If that’s what you say… Hm. Okay, bye Mum,” she finally said and hung up. Tears overflowed from her eyes as soon as she did so, and shortly after, she was sobbing hard. She glanced at her surroundings before letting her tears flow. Her appearance at school and right then were two entirely different sides. The Shinyoung we all knew was haughty, confident and merciless, but the girl in front of our eyes at that moment seemed so frail and weak. My heart stirred at her plight. Eunji frowned heavily as she looked on. Her orbs looked damp as well, or perhaps my eyes were playing tricks on me.

“It’s always about Shinji, isn’t it? Of course…” Shinyoung muttered, “Of course their biological daughter would be more important.” A dry laugh escaped from her lips as she kicked off her shoes. Even after Shinyoung turned the knob and closed the door behind her, Eunji was still gazing at the door with creased brows.

Getting up with sore knees and leg cramps, we walked over to a bench further away and sat down.

“She’s really different with her family.” Soojung was the first to speak up. “Alright, she is really pitiful…” She turned to face Eunji, and gave her a nudge.

Slightly startled, Eunji looked at Soojung and said, “What?”

“What are you thinking about? You look so lost in your own world.”

Eunji sighed softly and replied, “Shinyoung… Seeing the way her foster parents are neglecting her now, she must be full of longing for her biological parents. But she’s obviously yearning for love from her foster parents too…”

“So?” Soojung asked in a straightforward manner, “What now?”

“We need to talk to her –”

“Eunji!” Soojung exclaimed, “Let’s just tell them what we’ve observed, okay? They can give the biological mother this address and she can make her way here on her own. We don’t have to get ourselves involved in this.”

“But she would really get a shock if her biological mother just shows up at her door all of a sudden.”

“Well, that’s her problem,” Soojung’s words slipped out of before she realized it. Sensing how rude that could sound, she momentarily covered a hand and then added, “I just – really don’t want to interact with her anymore… I don’t want you to get hurt either, Eunji.”

“I’ll be careful, don’t worry. I’ll talk to her myself.”

“I’ll accompany you,” I finally said, “Don’t go alone.” Soojung nodded vigorously.

Eunji smiled at me. “Thanks, Howon.”

I returned her smile and added, “You look worn out. Let’s go home.”

She shook her head and said that it’s alright. “I wanted to ask… if you agree with what I’m doing.”

“Not entirely. But, you really want to do it, right?” Meekly, she nodded, and at that moment, I realized that my hands had unconsciously enveloped hers for quite some time. I felt my cheeks flush, but the warmth was comforting, and I hoped it had the same effect on her.

“Then I’ll support you,” I responded. Eunji also noticed the touch of our hands and pulled her hands out of mine. She smiled embarrassedly and thanked me again. Soojung laughed as she gave us both a lopsided smile.

“When you two are so bonded in this, how can I bear to leave you alone? Tell me how I can help too,” she said, the pout of her lips unable to conceal a surfacing smile.

The following day, right before lunch break, Eunji went running errands for the math teacher, leaving me and Soojung with some time for a chat.

Soojung lightly sighed as she leaned onto the wall beside the lockers. “Eunji is crazy, isn’t she? She’s too nice to be true, going out of her way like that to help someone who treated her so badly.”

I chuckled. “She’s not easy to fathom. Do you know what she told me? If everyone doesn’t show love to people who’re mean, then they’ll never have the chance to be loved and to love. Isn’t that unfair?”

We both laughed and then I said, “She’s really one of a kind.”

Soojung nodded, a hint of smile still lingering on her lips. “In the eyes of others, she’s either foolish or noble. I’d like to think it’s the latter. Few people can do what she does, after all. Though I admit I have once thought she was real foolish too.”

I’m not sure if I, in one way of another, had prepared beforehand for what I was about to reveal, but at that moment, I wanted to. I looked around and confirmed that there was no one in the hallways. I pulled her to a remote area not too far away before speaking.

“I found the answer, Soojung,” I said abruptly. She looked at me, confused, and said, “You mean, to that math question just now?”

“No, I mean…” I continued, “What you pointed out the day we first met.”

She pulled some locks of hair behind her ear as she tried to recall. “The first day? What was it…” she mumbled. I looked at the ground with a mild curve of my lips. You’re going to do this, Howon. If you can’t even tell her friend, how can you tell her?

“Oh!” Soojung exclaimed in a moment of revelation, “I remember! Oh my gosh, yeah, I do. Oh! So what is it that you wanted to say?” Her face lighted up with anticipation as she looked straight at me with clasped hands.

“I… I like Eunji, and I want to be together with her. Not ‘together’ as in a short while like it is for many people, but – for as long as possible. I want to live life with her.”

After my sincere confession, I felt a little breathless. I couldn’t believe I finally said it out.

Soojung looked at me with teasing eyes and that same lopsided smile. “Man I knew I felt something there; my intuitions are never wrong!” She laughed and added, “You guys are like an awkward couple, still stumbling around and learning about romance. It’s adorable, though.”

My eyes flitted about erratically, anxiously, as if trying to find a place to hide. That moment felt surreal, and I had a feeling that I was about to dive into unprecedented waters in my life. Lee Howon could actually be this shy. But what’s this uneasy feeling? Fear of the unknown, probably.

Just then, a loud voice broke my thoughts. “Ah, so you guys are here!” It was Eunji. “What are you two talking about?” she carried on.

Taken aback, I gasped and shook a little. Eunji briefly giggled and asked, “Why do you look so shocked? Were you talking about me behind my back?” That… was kind of true.

I pretended to laugh and said, “No way, we’re all close enough not to do that! Of course not!” Eunji had on a skeptical expression. “Thought so!” she exclaimed. We laughed it off and headed for the canteen, but my heart was still throbbing furiously.