Early Spring 2006

Ever since our first formal meeting at the café, we’d meet there every now and then by coincidence. Neither of us suggested to come up with a schedule or to exchange phone numbers and text each other. I might have liked the sense of anticipation about whether I’d be alone or whether I’d have company. Or perhaps we just didn’t want to seem too desperate to commit as friends. At that point, I’d admit we were friends, but of course, things like that were never formally mentioned.

She’d slap me hard on the arm whenever I bit on my pen, and I’d kick her under the table in return. Whenever I focused on my notes for too long a period, she would force me to look up and play pointless games. Once in a while, acquaintances from our school would stumble into the corner of the café as if by accident and look at us with startled expressions. They didn’t have to say what was on their mind and I could very well guess: “When have I ever seen those two together? Am I seeing things??” Indeed, Jung Eunji and Lee Howon were a strange combination in other people’s eyes – the scholar boy who did nothing but study hard and the happy-go-lucky girl who’d risk her grades by skipping classes for unknown reasons; we seemed like we wouldn’t have anything in common. (But we realized that that didn’t matter, not at all.)

Sometimes, I took a nap while waiting for her to be done, and when I woke up, she’d be gone without a word. My heart would skip a beat, wondering if we did actually meet that day, or if it was just a dream. I’d question her about it the next time we met, but she’d just give this mysterious smile and insisted that I wouldn’t wake up no matter how hard she tried to wake me up. Lies. I’m pretty sure that I'm no heavy sleeper. The girl never tried.

One day, I was feeling drowsy while waiting for her again. I had my head rested on my folded arms on the table, but I tried my very best to keep awake, because I was curious about what she always does when I fall asleep. I heard the sound of shuffling papers, a signal that she was packing up, and hurriedly closed my eyes. I didn’t close my eyelids fully so that I could still see a little through my eyelashes. She packed up like usual and then bent down and looked at me as she was standing by the table. She continued staring for a couple of seconds and I felt like my trembling eyelids were going to give me away, but she simply tucked a few strands of hair behind my ear and then turned to walk away. My heart was beating rapidly, not only from trying to comprehend what just happened, but also as I panicked on what to do next. I shot out of my chair, making a whole lot of noise in the process, and she halted her steps just before the only entrance and exit. I made my way over to her in large strides and stood straight in front of her.

“Why did you just leave like that? You didn’t wake me up like you said you would!” I exclaimed my thoughts without beating around the bush.

“Oh, you weren’t asleep?” she said with a look of surprise, and then continued matter-of-factly, “Does it matter? You seemed to be having a good sleep so I didn’t want to disturb you.”

I creased my brows as I looked at her, breathing heavily.

“You don’t seem to understand… the fear I get when I wake up and you’re no longer there. It’s probably nothing; it might just be a normal biological reaction – because I didn’t see you leave so obviously I’d get shocked, but – but I don’t like it, so don’t leave without a word.”

We looked at each other for a prolonged moment, and I felt her eyes soften, but I couldn’t be sure. She broke out into a melodious laughter. “If that’s what you want, then just say it! Why, you look so serious…”

I suddenly noticed the eyes looking at us and lightly pushed her out of the café, onto the dimly-lit corridor.

“Ah, why?” she blurted out with a small lingering smile.

“There were too many people in the café. Eunji-ya, I just think… we depend too much on fate, don’t we?”

“Isn’t it nice?” she replied with a grin, so I know that’s what she really thinks.

“But… how will I know if I get to see you again the next day?” How will I know if I get to see you again, ever?

“That’s the exhilarating part, isn’t it? We met by fate after all, might as well let fate continue its work. Besides, we know we’ll both come here almost everyday, so we’ll definitely meet. I mean, unless one of us decides to avoid the other, but I don’t think that will happen. So what’s wrong with this arrangement? I think it’s good.”

I looked at her as she explained her stance, and I was sure that my face was coloured with doubt.

“And, Howon, having each other’s contact will also be of no use when someone wants to avoid you, anyway.”

I released the breath I didn’t realize I was holding. “Okay,” I said softly, as my hand that gripped onto her shoulder fell down to my side. “But let’s walk back together today, alright? I’ll go get my stuff.” I dashed to the table and back like lightning, for fear that she would leave even in this short window of time. She didn’t.

“Howon, are you disappointed?” She said as we strolled down the street.

“Why?” I said, facing the ground as I kicked some dust with my feet.

“Hmm…” she said slowly, “I appreciate how you want to be friends. I want to, too. But I guess I need more time to commit, that’s why very few friends have my numbers.”

“Hmm, I get it,” I smiled at her, “It’s fine.”

“Really?” she exclaimed with rounded eyes.

I gave her several firm nods. “Yes, it’s really fine.”

“It’s unexpected, isn’t it? Someone like me having such concerns.”

“Why not? Everyone would have one or two such problems, or more. Did you really think I thought of you as flawless?” I teased.

She burst in laughter, and it felt like the refreshing burst of sunshine after a mid-day drizzle, the kind which results in rainbows. With me barely even noticing it, the sides of my lips curved upwards as I watched her. There were a lot of things I couldn’t say for sure then, but I knew definitely that I smiled more after getting to know her personally.

In a short span of about three days, any remnants of the freezing winter were all replaced by the warmth of spring. Brightly-coloured birds found their residence on trees and spring flowers began blooming. Walking along the pavement and being surrounded by the array of bright colours placed me in a great mood when I got to school. Most of the time, I go to classes alone, and the people that I call “friends” are merely just friendly acquaintances. We have a comfortable time when we’re together, but we wouldn’t arrange for it to happen. (Was that what Eunji wanted for us too? I know it’s not, but it dampens my heart nevertheless. How I even ended up this attached to Jung Eunji will forever be a mystery.)

I arrived at class early and glanced at Eunji’s seat. It was empty, but I didn’t worry about it, because she often came late. The first lesson started and I tried my best to pay attention but I found my eyes unconsciously shifting to the classroom door, as if hoping to catch sight of her running through the door at any moment. I couldn’t register the teacher’s words very well either, because I kept waiting to hear the sound of rushed footsteps towards the classroom. This is terrible, I can’t focus at all. Jung Eunji, you’d better come soon, I thought, somewhat bitterly. Very soon, thirty minutes have passed since the lesson began and there was still no trace of Eunji. She would usually be here by twenty minutes into the lesson even if she was late. As the minutes ticked by, it began to sink in me that she had probably skipped school that day. The school day transited into the second lesson, and then the third, but I found that I couldn’t concentrate in any of them because I got so curious, wondering what she was doing outside there. The day passed by dully, but I questioned why I even felt that way since that is how school has always been and I had never thought of it as boring.

While I was walking to the café after school as always, the question was still bothering me. Or perhaps, it was that suffocated feeling where I felt like all I did with my life was study, and nothing else. But isn’t that my purpose in Seoul? I’m here to study. My brain began convincing me of my initial purpose. But no matter how rational it sounds, all of a sudden, it just held no appeal to me anymore. Instead, what I was walking towards right then, my after-school rendezvous with Eunji, appeared to be much more enticing. Jung Eunji. Is that it? Is she the one causing me all this trouble? At that precise moment, I entered the café to see her at the very same corner we had shared every time we studied there. I was surprised, to be honest; I thought she wouldn’t be studying since she skipped school that day, but there she was.

“You still came?” I blurted out when I reached the table and placed my bag down beside it.

“Why not?” she looked up at me and smiled, her eyes narrowing into thin crescents.

I didn’t answer her question and replied with another. “Where did you go?”

She gave me the same sly grin from a couple of weeks back. “Why? Do you want to come with me the next time?”

“When would that be?”

“Hmm…” she cocked her head to the left as she thought, and then uttered with a strangely sweet smile, “Tomorrow?”

My eyes blinked several times as I considered. “Okay,” I finally said. Her eyes widened in disbelief as she looked at me. Tsk, I mentally scoffed. She had never expected me to agree.

“Are you joking?” she said with a more serious expression as she waved a hand in front of my face.

I clasped the hand she was waving and held it tightly. “No, I’m not. I really want to know what you do, which seems much better than having classes.”

She stared straight at me blankly, before breaking into chuckles. “You do? You’re the first one who actually wants to know.”

“I do,” I genuinely said, “It’s sort of driving me crazy because I can’t focus.”

She laughed, and then continued, “Well then, meet me at the bus stop opposite the school gate at 8 a.m.”

“Okay,” I agreed with a nod of my head. At that moment, we realized our hands were still clasped together. I swiftly let go and immediately bent down to retrieve stationary from my bag. I felt my cheeks burn as I gathered my things. I took a large breath and exhaled, before returning to my sitting position. Eunji already had her eyes peeled on her notes, so I started on my own work silently. A few minutes later, she tapped onto my arm, asking for help, and so I began explaining the gist of that day’s lesson to her. The rest of the day went just like normal, but I went back home feeling lighter than I did that afternoon. To think about it, that was the first time I skipped school. Tch, the things Jung Eunji does to me.

I arrived at the bus stop at 8 a.m. sharp and sat myself down on one of the benches. I swung my legs back and forth and looked at the students passing by. I was in casual clothes so no one could tell I was a student from the school as well unless they personally knew me. A few people shot me gazes and I panicked in my heart. I turned away from guilt and mentally chided, Ugh, Jung Eunji and her ideas! This is actually the worst place to meet…

I glanced at my watch and realized that it was already 8.10 a.m. Ah, so she’s late. I should have expected that, but I didn’t. A few minutes later, I finally caught sight of her running over from a distance. She was clad in a plain t-shirt and jeans, with a small sling bag hung loosely over her shoulder. “I’m so sorry!” she exclaimed as soon as she reached the bus stop. “It’s okay; let’s go quickly! This place is kind of dangerous,” I said, and gestured for her to lead the way. She laughed at my paranoia and then began walking into the park behind while I followed. As I looked at her, it suddenly dawned upon me that this was the first time we were seeing each other in casual clothes. And strangely, it felt good. I guess it made me feel like we were actually friends and not just classmates, that we had reasons to be together other than school.

“Are you sure it’s okay?” she asked while we were on the way to wherever the destination is.

“What?”

“A scholar like you skipping school,” she said with a light giggle.

“It’s only one day. Surely the school can do without me for one day.”

She laughed heartily. “You know that’s not what I’m talking about. What about the lessons?”

“Well, you can manage without the lessons, so I’m sure I can too, since I’m smarter than you.”

“Wow,” she said, clutching onto her heart in pretense of taking a physical hit, “You’re pretty skilled in subtle dissing eh?”

“What dissing? I’m just speaking the truth,” I said, a smile forming on my lips as I saw her reactions.

She continued hitting her chest in unfound agony. “This is too much; Why am I even friends with you, you mean person?”

I chuckled. “Cut it out, and look at the road. We might get lost.”

She gave me a look. “No, we won’t. I’ve been there so many times; I know my way even with my eyes closed.”

“Do you want to try?” I blurted out in my typical fashion of cracking lame jokes.

She stared at me with narrowed eyes, but began to laugh after a few moments.

“Your jokes are really bad!” she laughed, “I’m laughing at you, okay. Please don’t have your ego boosted.”

“Tch,” I sounded in disapproval. “Anyway, where exactly are we going?” I said, looking at the surroundings which were mostly trees and bushes. We had walked into a part of the park I’ve never been to.

“It’s right ahead! You’ll see!” she exclaimed and then murmured under her breath, “I hope you like kids…”

“Why? There are going to be kids?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Ah, you heard that? Yeah, but they’re all really lovely.”

“Is it some sort of –” I was beginning to guess but apparently we had already reached. I looked up and looked at the sign hung on the entrance of the small apartment-like infrastructure.

Lasting Hope Orphanage.

Oh. I was still gaping at the sign when Eunji nudged me with her elbow. “Take off your shoes and come in.”

When I stepped into the place, Eunji was talking to a middle-aged lady who looked like the owner of the orphanage. I walked over cautiously. Eunji stirred slightly and I could tell that she saw me. She turned around and beckoned for me to go over. “This is my friend, Lee Howon,” she introduced cheerily, “He’s here to help out as well today.”

“Howon, this is Mrs Hong.”

“Ah, hello! It’s nice to meet you,” I greeted politely. We exchanged handshakes and courteous bows. Eunji and I were prepared to leave for the miscellaneous tasks but then Mrs Hong spoke up, “I have a special request for both of you today.”

I was taken aback and her words made me more nervous than I already was. Eunji was clearly surprised as well, her dark orbs perfectly round.

“A new boy just arrived at our orphanage today,” Mrs Hong continued, “We happen to be short in caretakers as of now, so the two of you came just in time. We’ll need your help in taking care of him and helping him to settle down.”

She directed our vision to the sofa near the door. “There he is. He’s only one year old and his name is Lee Junghwan.”

Eunji was nodding along as Mrs Hong spoke, and then she asked, “Are there any things we should take note of?”

“Nope, we don’t know much about him yet because he just arrived today.”

Eunji smiled and nodded. “Okay, we’ll do our best!”

We made our way over to Junghwan and introduced ourselves. He didn’t seem to understand very much, so he just called us “hyung” and “noona”. Well, at least he got that right. He’s a smart kid, I thought. Eunji got some toys from the cabinet nearby and displayed them in front of Junghwan. She talked to the kid in a jolly sweet voice but it wasn’t the kind that was overdone. Her smile was even brighter than it usually was, and I bet it would cheer every moody kid up. I tried to talk to Junghwan in a gentle tone as well, but all he wanted was Eunji. I sulked as I watched them interact. Eunji laughed at my helplessness and passed me a children’s graphic book.

“Read this. It’s really popular with the kids.”

I began reading the book to Junghwan and indeed, he got intrigued. Everything went well, that is, until I read a word wrongly and Eunji burst into laughter. Junghwan was giggling uncontrollably as well, but I’m pretty sure that’s only because Eunji was laughing. (At his age, he probably didn’t understand the story; he was just amused by the pictures and possibly the sound effects I tried to add.)

“Howon-ah, since you’re not that good at playing with kids yet, I’ll let you feed him. Surely that isn’t too difficult,” Eunji said as it approached lunch time at the orphanage. I agreed, of course, and served him the first scoop of hot porridge as soon as it arrived. I was going to ask him if it tasted good after he ate the first scoop, but he began crying. I panicked and called for Eunji who was happily chatting with the other children then. (They must have gotten really close, seeing the way they held onto Eunji and grabbed her shirt tail.)

She appeased the children by telling them that she’ll be back later and lightly jogged over to me.

“What did you do?” she exclaimed upon seeing Junghwan bawl his heart out.

“N-nothing, I just fed him the porridge!”

She held his head affectionately and wiped the tears away from his eyes.

“Maybe the porridge doesn't taste good?” I suggested in a whisper.

She lightly kicked me and said, “Children don’t cry because of that! Did you blow onto the porridge before giving it to him?”

My face must have been blank for a while and I mentally hit myself as I realized I didn’t. I didn’t say it but she could tell from my dejected expression.

“Ah, that’s why! It’s too hot. Just blow on it lightly before giving it to him. Okay, I’ll leave him back into your hands,” Eunji said, and then placed Junghwan down. She went back to interacting with the other kids, while I continued feeding Junghwan. The lunch went fairly well, and like most childcare centres, it was followed by a napping time.

Junghwan laid in Eunji’s embrace as she patted him to sleep. The whole orphanage was covered in a blanket of silence.

“So, this is what you always do when you skip class?”

“Shh,” Eunji sounded, and then said, “The people here don’t know about that.”

I smirked. “I guessed as much. They wouldn’t let you.”

“Well, but yes, this is what I mostly do. Sometimes, I draw.”

“But you can always do it in your free time. Why do you have to skip class?”

She chuckled in embarrassment before beginning her explanation. “I always fall asleep in class, especially during spring and summer because it's warmer. When I say always, I mean always. I tried all sorts of methods to keep awake but I guess my attention span is just really limited. So instead of wasting my time dozing off in class, I thought it’d be better to volunteer here during school hours and then study in the evening and night.”

I smiled in amusement. “Well, at least you’re doing something good.”

“Right?” she grinned brightly, “I count my hours too, to make sure that I don’t get suspected by the school.”

Junghwan stirred in his sleep, and Eunji quickly his hair lightly to calm him down. Before that, I'd never thought that Eunji would be so good with kids. But witnessing it myself like that… it was quite endearing.

When we were about to leave, one of the boys shouted: “Eunji noona! Is this person your boyfriend?” He was pointing straight at me. The rest of the kids applauded and jumped excitedly, while I stood rooted, overwhelmed by the sudden attention.

“Eyyy,” Eunji played along with them for a while, and then said, “We’re not. We’re good friends.”

“Why not?” a girl exclaimed, “Oppa is so handsome!”

I chuckled. The kids were adorable.

We went back to the café we usually studied at after that, and saw someone unexpected waiting for us. It was the girl from the first day we met. Shinyoung, was it?

She eyed the both of us as we stood at the entrance. “Indeed, you’re here just as people said you might. The both of you skipped school to go on a date huh?”

Eunji rolled her eyes and then said, “Shinyoung, just what do you want?”

“I’m just here to confirm if you really won’t give us the money. Last warning.” Her eyes gleamed menacingly.

“No, I won’t,” Eunji said firmly without second thought, “There’s just no way I’d give it -- for you to fulfil your selfish desires and waste your own life away. My family has needs too.”

Shinyoung looked at Eunji, who returned with an unfaltering gaze. “Okay, I see you’ve made your decision.” As she got up and walked to the café exit, she stopped beside Eunji for a while and said softly, “See you in school tomorrow then. No regrets, alright?”

Eunji’s brows were creased and there was no trace of smile on her face.

“Will it be okay? If you need some funds, I can borrow them to you,” I said, closely observing her expressions.

She mustered up a tiny smile. “It’s okay, Howon, don’t waste your money and don’t worry about it.”

“But –”

“I’ll be fine. I have to face my past sooner or later anyway. If people hate me for it, then at least I know who they are.”

“But what’s the worst you could’ve done? Everybody has a past,” I blurted out, and Eunji stiffened. She still wore a smile, but it looked bitterer than ever.

“I was a very different person in the past.”