Early Spring 2015, Metropolitan Seoul

“Howon hyung!” the nine year old’s bright greetings ring as soon as I step into the familiar house. It’s not long before he encircles my waist with his little arms. “You haven’t visited in so long! I missed you!”

I pat the back of his head gently. “I did, too. Sorry, Junghwan-ah, hyung was busy.”

“I heard from Mum; you’re bringing me somewhere today?” he says with a smile gracing his lips and sparkling curiosity in his eyes.

“Yes, are you ready?” I beckon for him to follow with a tilt of head. He makes his way over obediently, a delightful bounce with each step. “Mrs. Lee!” I call out loudly to his mother who’s in the kitchen, “We’ll get going now! See you!”

“Eung, bye Mum!” Junghwan exclaims with a wave of his hand, before slipping into his shoes and running onto the pavement.

“Hyung, where are we going?” the child asks casually as he warms his hands with the beverage he’s holding.

“Be careful not to burn yourself,” I caution as I take my eyes off the road for a second to cast a brief glance at him. A short silence ensues, and I guess we’re both admiring the rows of cherry blossom trees in full bloom on either side of the road.

Ah, so it’s spring again. Spring always reminds me of her. We met just right before spring, but that isn’t the only reason. Her being in itself screamed an air of spring and her laughter was brighter than the most brilliant of spring flowers.

“Junghwan-ah, you know what you told me about recalling a noona taking care of you in your childhood?”

“Yes," he replies slowly, "I kind of remember a pretty noona with you." With an upward fleeting gaze, he finishes off, "But I thought I just remembered wrongly?"

Pretty noona. I chuckle at his words. She was pretty, of course. She wasn’t the type to care loads about make-up and skin care, but she was radiant, anyway.

“Alright, we’re going to visit that pretty noona now," I simply say, not addressing his question.

“Ah, really?” There’s a mild delight in his voice and eyes. “Assa!” he exclaims, and gives a celebratory fist punch in the air.

“You’re that happy to visit a pretty noona?” I tease.

He laughs in return and remarks, “You must have been quite close to that noona?”

“Hm, you can say that,” I give a vague reply.

“First love?” he suggests.

My mind drifts further into past memories as I ponder on the question. Were we in love?

I came to Seoul for my high school studies, so that was my main concern then – that, and nothing else. Jung Eunji did catch my attention from the start, but it wasn’t love at first sight, not even close. Her laughter rang throughout the classroom and hallways every time I tried to read my notes, and that annoyed me a whole lot. To make things worse, every single time I see her face, she’s smiling. To someone struggling to make life just a bit more palatable, her apparent display of happiness was irksome and caused my heart to swell with bitterness. Although I could somewhat tell from her awkward Seoul dialogue that she might be from Busan as well, her presence didn’t give me a sense of home at all.

Late Winter 2006, Daekyung High School

It was a chilly day after school and snow was beginning to fall heavily but I decided to head over to the little café at the end of the street to finish my homework anyway. “Are you mad?”, my friends had said, but I simply shrugged and told them I couldn’t think in my small rented apartment.

As I approached a small alley, I heard a girl’s stern voice and it sounded like she was giving someone a warning or threat. I frowned and discreetly took a peek into the alley. Oh, they’re from my school. Wait... isn’t that –

“Jung Eunji. How can you still be smiling?” another voice was heard, louder than the first, “We mean business. You think we won’t do it?”

She was cornered by four girls who towered over her with the help of their heels.

“Shinyoung-ssi,” Eunji returned, unfazed, “don’t waste your money and time on these branded goods and night parties; you’ll come to realize that these things don’t matter at all.”

“Are you actually lecturing me now?” the girl named Shinyoung said incredulously, and then spouted in fluent English, “Oh my God, who does she think she is?”

“I mean it,” Eunji said firmly with a sincere look on her face as she looked at the girl before her in the eye.

“We live the way we want to. Why do you even care? We are just irked by how you’re presenting yourself to be such an angel that you never were. We want to let everyone know the truth, but we’re giving you a chance to redeem yourself.”

This time, it was the girl on the utmost left. Eunji remained calm for the whole time but it seemed as if she stiffened a little when this other girl spoke up.

Go on Howon, you have no reason to be here, the voice in my head pushed, but for some strange reason, my legs just wouldn’t move and my eyes stayed fixed on the commotion.

“Soojung…” she said softly, giving the girl a much softer gaze than she did before. “I really can’t give you girls the money… No matter how many times you ask, my answer will still be the same.”

“Do we even look like we’re ‘asking’? We’re freaking demanding it. Get that straight!” the girl who has yet to speak till then scoffed.

“Can she stop calling us by name and pretending like she knows us so well?” Shinyoung rolled her eyes.

“What shall we do? We need it by this Friday.”

The two girls exchanged knowing looks and then began to throw punches at Eunji. She defended herself with her arms but did not fight back.

She can just try… These people don’t even look like good fighters… I thought to myself, How dumb is this girl? Why is she just letting them hit her?

I was on the verge of stepping out when someone spoke up.

“Let’s go, we’ll settle this another time. We’re meeting the guys at 7pm, and we still need time to prepare. We shouldn’t waste time on people that don’t matter.” The girl who was apparently the leader of the group deliberately bumped into Eunji, gave her a last glare, and then led the group away.

I should have continued walking on my route like nothing happened, but I just kept staring, almost in a daze.

The leader turned to look at me and scrunched her face. “You were here the whole time? You heard everything?” she shot.

“Not exactly the whole time…” I said, putting on what I hoped was a neutral expression.

“Don’t you dare reporting anything to the school authorities or you’ll get it from us as well,” she hissed. Her line of vision then fell onto my nametag. “Lee Howon. I’ll remember your name.”

I wanted to just remain quiet and not aggravate things further but yet I blurted out, “You shouldn’t be ganging up on people like that. Aren’t we all the same?”

She looked me in the eye, wearing a bewildered expression, “You must be mistaken. We’re on entirely different levels, if you know what I mean. And, Lee Howon, who has ever heard of you?”

I felt my fists clench tighter and the temperature rising within me. Just when I was about to raise my arm, Eunji spoke up in a seemingly annoyed voice. “Ah, just leave already!”

The group left after shooting the both of us dirty glares. How haughty, I scoffed silently.

“Lee Howon?” I almost jumped; I was not expecting her to call my name like that.

I turned around and casually said, “Why?”

“Aren’t you in my class?” her eyes gleamed brightly as she spoke, “We never really talked though.” Her lips formed a little pout and my eyebrows creased as I noticed. She was making me feel uncomfortable.

I looked away from her, and set my eyes on the stained brick wall instead. “It’s alright. You don’t have to feel a need to; I’m just here to study, that’s all.”

“Ah!” She exclaimed, “You’re from Busan as well, right?” With that, she landed a casual hit on my shoulder, and for some unknown reason my heart began to palpitate erratically. “No wonder I found your accent familiar!” On her face hung the widest grin and her joyous laughter filled my heart like delightful crashes of waves. I couldn’t fathom how a girl who was just apparently blackmailed could appear so happy. But more importantly, I couldn’t understand the emotions welling up inside of me when I heard her laugh. That was the laugh I supposedly detested, but when she was in front of me, I found things to be different.

I bit my lip as I felt myself losing control, bit by bit. Unconsciously, I turned away some more as I gave a curt reply, “Yeah.” I felt her move swiftly by my side and then appear in front of me again, her vision fixed onto my orbs.

“Are you avoiding me?” She said, amused.

I tried to put on the most confident gaze I could (though I wasn’t sure if it succeeded) and said, “Do your words even make sense? Why would I do that?”

Her eyebrows were creased and she continued staring at me doubtfully. It stayed like that for a couple of seconds which felt like eternity and frankly, I felt like I was trapped in a burning furnace.

“That’s good then!” She finally piped up, “I thought it’d be nice to be friends. We’re from the same hometown after all.”

“Um, okay, I need to go…” I mumbled and walked away after throwing her a small wave.

“Where are you going, though?” She exclaimed from behind me.

“Café! Homework!” I yelled one-word replies to her and then quickened my steps. I had a feeling this Jung Eunji would cause a great impact on my life if I let her continue with it. It might be true that I didn’t know whether the impact would be good or bad, but I’m Lee Howon and I wouldn’t take any chances with this.

I heaved a sigh of relief as I reached the café, with Jung Eunji clear from my sight.

I took a seat at my usual quiet corner by the window where the view was inexplicably beautiful. The snow outside was falling softly as people made their way home. Sounds of chattering and laughing floated up to where the small café was situated on the second floor. I chewed on my pen as my eyes focused on the notes in front of me. Everything went well just like a typical day, until the bells at the café entrance rang again, signaling the arrival of a new customer. There usually weren’t many customers at this time of the day, needless to say, on a cold winter day where temperatures were below freezing point. I heard the footsteps hurriedly approaching me and swiftly turned to face the unexpected company.

“Yah!” Before I could even muster up a proper reaction to her surprise arrival, she hit me on the shoulder yet again. “Don’t bite your pen, oh my gosh, it’s so unhygienic!”

“What the –” I muttered and then I just sat there, startled, gaping at her. Why is she acting like we knew each other for years when this is actually the first day we’ve even conversed?

“Why? Am I scaring you?” she said, noticing my expression, “I’m sorry, I just – you just feel so familiar, I don’t even know why.” She shrugged as she settled down comfortably into the seat across mine.

“Did you follow me?”

She let out a nervous chuckle. “You are the one scaring me now... I honestly did not. I was going to come here anyway. I didn’t know you were referring to the same café.”

I guess my tone must have come across as harsher than I thought. I softened my gaze as I looked at her. “Oh, you come here often too? It’s strange though – I’ve never seen you before…”

“Ah, I haven’t been here in a few months; that’s why. I tried to study at the library near my house instead, but after it all, I think I still like it better here.” She gave me a little smile, but I could tell that she became more cautious with me and I felt bad about it.

I smiled back at her. “It’s a peaceful place right? So, you’ll be coming here frequently as well from now on?”

She nodded, barely concealing a grin. “We’ll be meeting each other quite a bit then,” I stated, maintaining a small smile. I surprised myself by how friendly I ended up treating her when I never really liked her very much.

We each began doing our homework quietly – the soft instrumental music of the café played in the background but it was still so silent we could hear each other breathing. When I was done with mine, I looked up to see that she was struggling with math and had barely done three questions. Without much thought, I grabbed her pen out of her fist and shifted the question papers in front of myself. “I’ll teach you,” I said, somewhat coolly I guess, as I gestured for her to move beside me with a slight tilt of my head.

She moved beside me, in a little pout again (she probably doesn’t realize how often she does that) and her brows furrowed. “I’m usually smart,” she insisted, “I just happened to miss the lesson on this topic.”

“Why?” I casually asked.

Something flickered in her eyes for a moment and then she said, “I was sick, of course.”

“Oh, really?” I replied doubtfully and moved closer to her face. I thought it was fun to play her like she did to me earlier that day. I saw her cheeks flush pink as she backed away and stuttered, “A-aren’t you going to teach me? Let’s not waste time.”

I retreated and began to teach her the concepts for that particular topic. From her constant “ooh’s” and “ahh’s”, I doubt she only missed one lesson. She was trying out the questions after I had finished teaching her, while I simply sat there watching, and shaking my head at her. She glared at me from the corner of her eye. “Why? Why are you shaking your head? It’s so distracting! I’m trying to do my work here.”

“How many lessons did you miss?” I asked, “I thought you looked like a good student, but…” I exhaled and shook my head again.

“Yah! It wasn’t that much!” she said, and then began counting with her fingers, “1… 2, 3… 5… 7… oh my, there’s still that one… 8, 9…”

I rested my chin on my palm, with my arm supported by the table, as I watched her in amusement. "It's a lot, isn’t it?”

She laughed nervously and shrugged.

“What do you do when you skip classes?” I continued the conversation, unknowingly delaying her from finishing her homework.

She narrowed her eyes at me and then exclaimed suddenly with a sly grin, “You’ll know if you join me when I skip them.”

I made a face and side-eyed her. “No way! Were you sent to destroy my unblemished record?”

“Then I’ll just keep it to myself!” she giggled a little and turned her attention back to the homework. I gazed at the falling snowflakes outside the window and felt a calming peace overwhelm me. I then began to realize how cold it actually was. Eunji sniffled even as she diligently wrote.

“It’s cold huh? Is that jacket all you brought?” my words slipped through my lips before I knew it and I mentally slapped myself for showing concern. I didn’t want to get attached to anyone, you see.

“Ah, I’m fine,” she replied promptly, rubbing her nose which had turned cherry red from the cold.

I chuckled from the sight. “You’ve become Rudolph though.”

“Hmm?” she sounded, her widened eyes staring straight at me.

“Don’t you know the famous point about Rudolph the Reindeer?”

She began to get hold of the hint and said with eyebrows raised, “My nose is red?” I grinned and she responded with a groan. “It’s going to be spring soon so I didn’t expect it to be this cold.”

It was getting late, so we quickly left the café after she was done with her work. As we trudged in the layer of snow that was building up, Eunji shivered, clad in only the school uniform and a woollen jacket which was obviously not thick enough. I swiftly removed my own winter wear and placed it over her. She looked at me, surprised, but did not say a thing.

“If you catch a cold, I’m going to feel bad,” I said as I stared blankly at the stretch of snow before us.

She let out a small laugh. “But I’m the stupid one who didn’t bring enough outer wear because I thought it won’t be cold. Why would you have to feel bad?”

“Because I can help to prevent it, so if I didn’t I’d feel bad, understand?”

She looked at me blankly. “You have no reason to feel bad though… It was all my own fault.”

I rolled my eyes. Nope, she doesn’t get it.

“I’m going to take a bus from that bus stop in front,” she said, pointing to one a distance away from where we were then.

We immersed ourselves in the evening traffic sounds and ruffling of tree leaves for a while, until something resurfaced in my mind.

“About what happened this afternoon…” I began cautiously, “Are you alright? Were they blackmailing you or something?”

She pondered for a few moments and replied, “Hmm, sort of.”

“How long have they been doing so? You didn’t tell anyone?”

“You do realize that blackmailing involves some sort of information that cannot be disclosed right? How can I tell anyone? Besides, I don’t exactly want to get them expelled.”

Eunji’s frank statement landed my mind into a state of confusion and utter curiosity with the fog of mystery surrounding her.

“How did they even get hold of such information though?” I blurted out.

She turned to me and shrugged, her eyes giving nothing away.

“They even used violence on you. You should have tried retaliating; they don’t even look like good fighters so I’m sure it’s not too difficult to handle them. At least they’ll know you’re not to be trifled with,” I spilled my honest thoughts to her.

“That’s not really the point though. I’ll still get mad, they’ll still get mad, and they might disclose my secrets in their outrage. And if I react in violence too, I’m afraid I might become like one of them.”

“But it’s just self-defense!” I exclaimed in exasperation.

She turned and looked me in the eye, saying, “I know, right? That’s what we always think.” She had on a little smile and I didn’t know if it was just my mind playing tricks on me but I saw a hint of sadness, or regret, in her smile.

“I don’t mean to probe though,” I began, worried that I was interfering too much, “It’s just – I just want to help.” Wow, Lee Howon, wow, I ridiculed myself inside, you actually said such a thing to Jung Eunji.

Are we actually friends now? Oh, wow. It was difficult for me to believe how much things – and feelings – can change in a single day.

“Thanks,” she replied with a little smile, “I just hope they’d get out of the world they’re trapped in.”

I’d bet the expression on my face revealed the question marks in my mind, because she gave a lopsided grin before getting on the bus.

“See you again, Howon!” her bright goodbye greeting did little to smoothen the confusion and doubt prickling me like tiny burning needles. Even when I walked back home with my teeth chattering involuntarily, my thoughts were still filled with her. Jung Eunji and her unfailing bright smile. Jung Eunji and her candidness. Jung Eunji and her secrets. And just like that, my plans of maintaining a standard academic life throughout the time in high school were mercilessly crushed. At that moment, I just knew; I couldn’t tear myself away from Jung Eunji anymore.