2006 SM Entertainment | Seoul, South Korea

"Hi." I almost fell down from my seat when I recognized who's the owner of that voice is. I blinked my eyes multiple times just to make sure his indeed talking to me. "You must be Kim Taeyeon, right?" He asked and smiled. I shifted on my seat as he took the next one next to mine. Ottoke. I mentally panicked. "They're right. You‘re really quiet." Another smile. I look around hoping that soon Stephanie will come out from wherever comfort room she just went.

"I'm Heechul. Kim Heechul." He introduced himself and again gave me that mischievous smile. "I-I know. Nice meeting you Sunbaenim." I awkwardly stood up, returning his bow. "Kim Taeyeon." 

"Are you waiting for someone?" It seems like he doesn't have any plans of leaving this hallway alone for me. I shouldn't let Stephanie went on her own. Knowing that girl. She must be lost again. Now I'm stuck, oh-my-gosh you're not even a fan of his group nor him so-stop-fan-girling-Taeyeon, with Kim Heechul-ssi. I nodded looking at anywhere aside from his peripheral views. "I heard you will be part of girl group trainees that will be soon debuted." He stated. Okay for a guy, he seems to like to gossips. Doesn’t he? I nodded.

"Should I gave you my early congratulatory then?" I heard him chuckled. I shifted again uncomfortably on my seat. Where are you Stephanie! "I don't think so. There's still a lot of things that could happen. I'm still not sure if I could make it." I meant what I said. It’s a tough competition. If others got kick out then what chances I have that I will not? Finally, that took me the courage to look at him. This time I heard his laugh. "You will. Trust me. Anyway, I only heard good things about you. A lot to be honest. So no need to worry. I'm expecting to see you around more, Kim Taeyeon-ssi. Congratulations in advance." He patted my shoulder and finally leave me in peace.

“Oh my gosh Taetae! You won’t believe who I’d just met!” When I taught silence is finally with me. A hard pounced of warm body almost tackle me down on the floor. “Yah! How many times should I tell you don’t do that in public?” I told her, but still let her cling on me. I stood up, bringing her with me. “But Taetae!” She turns back in Korean. “And be quiet! Aish. I don’t want to have a bad reputation on our first day here.” I whispered and look around for any living soul. “Mianhe.” She pouted. I saw her apologetic look and can stop myself from smiling. “Aigoo. It’s okay. And what took you so long?” And then her face lighten up again.

“Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh Taetae! They‘re so handsome! I couldn’t believe we’re on the same company as them!” Here we go again with her English explosion. “Why did I just told you earlier Hwang Miyoung?” I widen my eyes on her. Handsome? Pft. “Be quiet.” She mumbled and hangs her head down. “You can tell me about them as much as you want later, okay? But now we really need to find Ms. Min.” She nodded. I took a hold of her hand and patted her head. “Let’s go?” She lifted her head meeting my gaze and nodded.

***

“Girls… Girls! Yah!” Finally group of kids who I assume are around our age turned their heads on the front door. I don’t understand what makes it hard to call for their attention when they just sitting on the floor and chatting which each other. I tighten the grip on Stephanie’s hand when I notice that almost everyone’s eyes are now darted on us.

“Dae Sonsaengnim?!” They asked in unison. “You have new members in your team. Be nice to them okay?” They nodded. “Dae!” Again in chorused. Okay, seriously. Are we in Military? I snap out from my thoughts when Ms. Min turn her head to us. “Introduce yourself girls. Don’t be shy. They are nice kids.” But when I looked back to whom she just refer as ‘nice’ kids. I gulped. Do creepy girls exists in Military too? I don’t think so.

I know that kind of look some of them have on us. But some seemed to really have no intention or whatsoever on us and just giving us an uninterested look. But like I said, not all of them. There’s this one weird kid who has a creepy grin on her face and keeps on doing some dance moves even though I can’t hear any sounds playing. Another one with braces who’s smirking evilly and high fiving the other nice kid, whispering incoherent words that I don’t even want to know what, while munching on a bag of chips. A thin girl with a doe eyes who’s staring straight through my eyes and grinning. A very cute girl who innocently watching us from the side. And lastly a girl who I noticed first not because she’s stands out but she keeps on eyeing me from head to toe with her cold stares, that giving chills beneath my bone. So I quickly look away and nudged Stephanie who’s just smiling widely beside me. Pft. I wonder if she still seeing these weird kids in front of us. Is she aware of those stares or she didn’t mind at all?

“I’m Stephanie Hwang! Nice meeting you!” Of course Stephanie will excitedly and cheerfully greet them. She let go of my hand and bow. When she looked back at me, I wonder again how on earth she can still see me. I can’t even see her eyes anymore. I shook my head a little and nervously introduced myself.

“Kim Taeyeon imnida.” I softly mumbled and bowed. Some of them stand up and walk to approach us, some remains sitting. “Annyeonghaseyo!” Some of those weird, okay nice kids greeted us the way the girl beside me just did.

***

“Aren’t they all nice?” Stephanie asked, sounds more as a statement. We entered our room inside our new dorm. I sighed and put our bags on one of the bed. “Yeah. I guess so.” I hope so. “I think they are. Wait, I didn’t know you knew Sooyoung-ssi?” I furrowed my brows and leave the unpacking of my things to look at her. “I don’t?” I told her, unsure. “She told me you’re a classmate of her?” I run my hand on my hair. “Really?” She nodded. “Oh, that’s why she looks familiar.” I mumbled. But she’s not the only one. That scary girl too. I dismissed that thought and look around the room. I found out two more bed inside. “I guess we’re not alone anymore.” I told Stephanie and pointed on a bed next to where we’re standing. Pile of used clothes, books and other things showed that really, even we don’t want, we have one more companion.

“Oh? I wonder where she is. I hope she’s nice too.” She said. Why Stephanie hopes that all people are nice? “Did Auntie called you? She told me they will visit this evening to check on us.” She continued. If other people could hear us. They will be amused how I understand well what this girl is saying. She’s been in this country for almost two years but still she speaks the same as if she’s still in her previous country, the only difference is, the language. Just try to imagine that and I’m sure you will find it amusing too. Cute. Still, strange for me.

“Umma.” I told her, opening the zipper of one of our bags. “What?” She asked, putting our clothes on one of the cabinets. “Call her Umma. Appa… appa. How many times should they asked you to call them like that?” I unpacked one more bag and put the contents on the side table. “Do you really need to bring these stuff toys? They’re too many.” But I still put all of them nicely. I found a study table which I guess is not in used and put Stephanie and I’s school books, her pink lamp, pink notebooks, pink things and everything.

“Should I?” She followed me with another box on her hand. I help her hang the cork board we bring along from our old dorm that contains push pins of colorful notes, movie tickets, candy wrappers, and pictures mostly of us together, being silly. “Of course. You’re part of our family now. Do you want to put our beds together? Or let us asked our roommate first?” I turned my head to look at her. I found her staring at me. “Thank you.” Then I realize she’s crying. “Yah! Wae?” I cupped her face and asked. She shook her head. “Just thank you… so much… to you and your family. Gomawo.” She mumbled. I know she wanted badly to thank us, through words. Say how grateful she is, but her lack of knowledge of our language always fails her to do so. But no need for that. I know her enough to get it.

“It’s nothing. Stop crying.” I wrapped my arms around her. Letting her feel how thankful I am too for having her. We might be in the beginning of the new found life we’re sharing together, but I can’t stop myself to have the need to do this. I need her to know, I’m just here… my family… for her. I want her to know that she’s not alone. I’m here and she will never be alone. “Even how I wanted to just hug you, we really need to finish unpacking before our roommate arrives.” Then she pulled back from me and sniff.

“Aigoo, look at you now. You’re a mess!” I wipe her face with my thumbs. She bite her lips, stopping another tears to escape. “You’re such a cry baby eh?” I . She pouted. “My baby.” I murmured, then finally I saw that smile. The one that captures my heart.

“Hi!” The door bursts open. And there she is. Our roommate.

Why do we need to have one? What will happen to Taetae and Pani time now? Aigoo.

***

“Damn!” I hissed and throw my backpack on the floor. “Taetae?” Darn it. I didn’t notice she’s here. “Mianhe. Did I woke you up?” She shook her head. “What’s the matter?” She asked worriedly. “I guess I need to find a new school next semester.” I sit down on her bed. She sat down meeting my gaze. “New school? Why?” I sighed remembering what the school board just told us.

“My school . I think going back to Jeonju is better.” I don’t get it. Why they don’t just support their students in reaching their dreams, at the same time learn? If not just because of us, transferring here in Seoul, I wouldn’t change school. “You’re leaving me here!?” Stephanie’s loud voice brought me back from thinking.

“Of course not. Umma’s going to Jeonju Art High School tomorrow to process my transfer paper there. I will still leave here. If you did it before I could too.” I smiled, assuring her. “But that’s too far!” She disagrees. “I know but that’s the only school that we know that we will accept me. Aish. Really what’s wrong on being a trainee? It’s not like we always skip classes.” I exclaimed, still upset.

“Why not here in Seoul? There’s a lot of school out there. I’m sure you can find one.” I shook my head. “We tried already. Besides I don’t want to change school in the first place. Only the Management thinks it’s for the better. See? It’s just an inconvenience.” She open to protest but closed it again.

“I feel relieved too actually. Graduating from your hometown is still the best. Right?” She nodded. “And your friends are there too. They can help you in school stuffs when we need to absent.” She spoken finally. I just nodded.

What friends she’s talking about?

Oh, my bad. She’s right. I do have friends in that school. Few to be exact.

***

“Hey come on Taeyeon. You’re always declining our invitations. Just a snack in the minimart outside. We will not take an hour over there.” One of the trainees, who I still don’t know the name asked me. And it’s not like she’s the only one. "Yuri Unnie is right. Pali I'm hungry Unnie!" That doe eyed girl in. Pulling my arm. I shot her a not so friendly look. Wait I think I know her. Yoon Ah? The famous one. That's right. She's really pretty but too thin.

There’s some familiar faces I bumped in the building most of the time. Some I recognized as somebody I used to share same classes way back when I enrolled in SM Academy and when I was a trainee here. Most of the time, a small smile was shared. I’m really just not friendly, and, not only school . My memory too. I’m pretty bad in matching the names of the people with their faces. Funny eh? Or maybe I don’t care. I’m not here to socialize, I’m here to reach my dreams. That’s the goal. To achieve it. No matter what and whatever it takes.

But I guess I also forgot on reminding Stephanie with that. “They’re right Taetae. Please?” When I her to give her a warning glare, her cute puppy eyes welcomed me. How such a person like me, can refuse that? “O-okay. But only for half an hour. I still need to practice my piece for the showcase.” But even before I finished that sentence those nice kids were already dragging me outside, plus clingy Stephanie pushing me to hurry.

***

“Where have you been?” I try my best to lower my voice. I don’t want our roommate to overhear us. Stephanie looked at me dumbfounded. “I’m with Jessie and the girls.” She explained as she saw my unhappy face. “At this hour?” I dragged her on the bathroom and locked it. I saw from the corner of my eyes, how our roommate try to act uninterested. “It’s not that late Taetae. Let me go.” I didn’t notice how tight my grip on her wrist. I loosen it a bit.

“Still. You shouldn’t be out with them not when tomorrow is our showcase. What if you catch a cold again?” She sighed. “We just hang out in the practice room. You know chat and stuffs. We didn’t go outside the building.” She added. “Still… Aish! This is why I don’t want you being friends with them!” I hissed. “Why not? I told you they are all nice. If you just mingle with them more you will know it.” She retorted. There, there, there, maybe hanging out with them is not that bad. She’s learning new words. She’s getting better in expressing herself. She knows now how to argue.

“Stephanie, look... I just don’t want you getting hurt okay?” She furrowed her brows. “They might seem nice to you but who knows when we’re not around? When you are not around? They can be the same as those mean kids before, who make fun of you.” I told her. “They’re not.”

“Do you understand everything that they say?” Her face fell down. “No.” She answered. “See?” I try to make her understand my point. “But Jessie is there. She helps me understand some words.” Stubborn. “Jessica-ssi is no better than you either.” I hold her shoulders. “I hate it when people make fun of you just because you getting a hard time learning our language. But I hate it more, when they make you look like stupid, dumb or a fool in front of others. And I will not let that happen. Do you understand me?” She just nodded. I’m not sure if it’s because she just wanted to end this talk and rest, or she really doesn’t get what I’m saying.

She unlocked the door, walking back on her bed. I follow through. “This is for your own good. Trust me.” I whispered just enough for her to hear. I saw our roommate sparing the both of us a curious look. Maybe she’s wondering what’s happening. And she will be forever going to do that.

***

“There are times when you should not tell people on what’s going on inside your mind. Even how good your intentions are. Or you, just being honest. You can hurt or offend people even it’s not even your intention at the first place.” I closed the door inside our room and make Stephanie sat on the bed. “But Taetae.”

“No buts. See what happens? I told you they’re not that nice.” I rub her back, comforting her. One of the trainees and her argued just because Stephanie out of many words, chose a wrong one that misunderstood by that bird brain girl. I know Pani shouldn’t say in front of her face how ugly her voice, wait, that she’s out of tune, that’s right, in front of other trainees. Or tell her in a good way with appropriate words. But they should know too by now, Stephanie has a short list of vocabularies in her hands and they are the one who should have a bigger brain to understand her. But unfortunately, they’re just kids just like us. Patience is a thing they still need to learn.

“She just misunderstood me.” She continue. “She did, and they will all will. If you keep talking without thinking. If you’re not sure how to say properly what’s on your mind then don’t. It’s better that way, than for them to think that you’re a mean person. That you’re talking bad about others.” She just continue crying.

“I’m not like that.” She mumbled. “I know.”

“Then why they can’t understand me? Like you do?” She asked desperately. “Because I’m not them! And they don’t know you that well… Of course they won’t understand you the way I do because we’re different. You and I, there’s something between us that only the two of us can ever have. Neither of them can have that.” She lifted her head and met my gaze.

“What do you mean?” She curiously asked. She wiped her face with the back of her hands and stare at me waiting. “Connection.”

“We share a certain connection that even I don’t understand. It’s like… right now. Don’t you find it weird how we’re able to understand each other this clearly? When I barely understand the words coming from you.” I snorted, she shoved me. “I find it weird too. But maybe because we know each other longer than them. Maybe as time goes by, I can share that same connection with them too. Right?” I titled my head on the side.

“Maybe. We’re not sure.” I bet they won’t. I’m the only one who can share that one thing that connects us. I won’t let anyone have it. I mentally told myself while looking through her eyes. I’m the only one who can see it. They can try, but they will just keep on trying.

***

“Hey. It’s okay.” I approach Stephanie who’s about to cry because of that jackass dance instructor outbursts earlier. I handed her a cup of cold water and joined her on the floor. “Why I couldn’t get it right, Taetae?” She helplessly asked. I patted her head, consoling her. “That’s why there’s a thing called ‘practice’, right?” I quoted with my fingers. She pouted. “But we’ve been doing that dance steps for over a week now! And here I am still cannot do it properly!” She huffed. I hushed her down, noticing other trainees eyeing us. “So what are you going to do? Give up?” I asked her. “Of course not!” I move back a little from her. No need to shout when I’m just an inch away. I chuckled.

“Good. Because that’s not the Miyounggie I know.” I saw how her face changed. “Yah! Don’t call me like that in here.” She pull my arm, whispering. “You’re so cute.