2004 | South, Korea

“How is she doing?” I shifted my gaze from the front and gave a quick look on my side. “Who?” My eyes back to the board. Even how many times I try to understand the equation written on it, it seems that I can’t. Why Mathematics needs to be this hard.  

"Your roommate." Okay. Screw this subject. We are not meant to be. I put down my pen. "Same." I whispered. The last thing I wanted is to be noticed by our teacher. I’ve been the center of attraction these past months. Being a trainee and stuff, and let’s just say it’s far from overwhelming. "I thought she's improving?" I sighed. She grabbed my notebook and took down notes for me. "Is she? Aside from new few words she can understands and says, nothing more. She still communicates with me through those weird hand signs and nods of her head." I snorted.

"At least she's trying to learn." I agreed silently. “She leave a quiet good impression with me the first time. I never taught she’s this bad." I smiled as I remember the first time we met. The first introductions and conversations. When she said she’s not that good with Korean language, I expected the not-so-good part but never imagine that it means the-worst. I wonder what more words mean extreme on her dictionary. When I returned back to our room that night, I’m excited to know more about my new roommate. It’s like finally I’m not alone. It will not be boring. There’s someone who I can listen and talk to after a long tiring day.

But when I asked her with my new-discovered-friendly-tongue, if she already had dinner. She gave me this kind of look, as if there’s an alien talking and the world will soon come to end. When she tilted her head, furrowed her brows, open and says with her native-language, ”I’m sorry, but can you please say it again. I can’t understand you well Taeyeon-ssi.” Damn, I knew it. I’m dead. You’re so dead Kim Taeyeon. Your new roommate is an alien.

My jaw dropped, I don’t know for how long we stare to each other. All I know was that my brain is lagging. So I just gave her an awkward smile and leave the room almost stumbling on my feet. When I find all my courage back and straighten my tongue, I came back just to be welcomed by the most beautiful smile I ever saw my entire life. That night another alien is born in that room. Guess who? Me.

“You seem fond of her.” The next words of my seatmate brought me back to the present. I almost break my neck as I reverted back to her. Making sure if what I heard is right. “W-what?” Haemi smiled. “I’m glad you found a new friend.” Friend? We’re far from that. But it doesn’t sounds bad either. “Ani. It’s just that she intrigued me. I mean, what exactly a foreign girl is doing in this country? She’s Korean by looks, but that’s it. She’s still an American.” I watched how diligently my girlfriend copies almost everything on the board. “Should you know why?” I shook my heads. Still thinking of the word she said earlier. Fond? “You and she share the same thing.” She continue and spare me a quick glance. “Dreams.” I’m not sure what I saw through her eyes for that mere second our eyes met. And I never had the chance to know either. As I heard the next word she said, I forgot my earlier thoughts. Dream, that’s what it matters. For me, it’s everything.

So when my girlfriend hold my hand, I knew already what I need to do. I will help her, that girl, no matter what it takes. If Haemi is really right, we share a common thing together. Our dreams, and it’s not easy. If my new roommate fly across the other side of the world to make that dream came true. I should warn her. Working hard is not enough. We need her dictionary, when everything means the-extreme. If I needed to start from the scratch, I will. I don’t know why I bother this much when it comes to her. Who is she? She’s just my roommate, an alien to me. But still I’m willing to take a risk and pull her together with me towards our so-called-dreams. I don’t know what will happen to us, if we could ever make it. All I know is that, I will never left her behind. We are together on this now. Me and her, on my next step towards my dream.

“Maybe.” I mumbled and stared blankly at her. My girlfriend avoids my gaze and looked ahead on the front. But I know well, she’s still listening to me. “She looks smart actually. I often woke up in the middle of the night seeing her study. She seems determined and persistent. It's like she’s the type of person who will work hard no matter what and get what she wants. She’s really something. If she’s this hardworking on learning, what more towards her dreams." When Haemi didn’t answered, I closed my mouth. She seems nice and kind too, I eagerly wanted to add but decided not to.

My girlfriend is never the jealous-type-girl but she’s not insensitive too. She knew it pretty well that there's something more when I started to talk about my roommate, more than the usual. I never pay attention to something or rather than someone except if I like it or them. Like I never pay attention much on school rather than the girl who’s pulling back her hand away from mine. Or never care on everything except my dreams.

So when she bravely told me I seemed fond of her, she meant it. Because I am. I’m fond of Stephanie. I started to grow a small care towards her. Maybe that’s what I saw in Haemi’s eyes earlier. Fear. But I’m still not sure to what for. Aside from my family, her, and my dreams, there’s nothing I care for. But there’s nothing to be afraid of too. We, my roommate and I, basically living in a same room and being in the same place most of the time. Whether I like it or not, I’m sure sooner we will know each other, or better, ended up friends. Aren’t she’s glad there’s a possibility of me having a friend? Finally, I will have one. Did she always nagged me being a snob to other people? So why? Or I’m just assuming things maybe that stare means nothing. I’m just overreacting.

Or maybe I’m just feeling overwhelmed, by the idea of finally having someone near you, who can understands you well. Someone, who you can share every little thoughts and fear of the future you choose. It might be, maybe I seemed fond of her, but in reality I’m not. Haemi just misunderstood it, like how I do. Or maybe I’m just relieved that finally I have someone who I share that same thing. One thing, one common thing that makes me and my roommate crosses path.

It’s not every day you meet one person who happens to have the same journey as you, especially at the bottom of the stairs right? That’s how I describe it. I met her in the beginning when I barely put my first step on that long stairs of life I choose. I can meet a lot of people on my way up to my dream but it’s still different when from the start, you have someone with you on reaching whatever ahead of you, together. Silly right? I never believed in fate nor destiny but maybe somehow, not now for sure, I will. Here I am again. Overreacting. And when did I start over-thinking things? Seriously? What’s happening with me?

My eyes watched as my fingers fidgeted on my lap, but my mind is nowhere inside the classroom any longer. I wonder what she's doing now, my roommate. It's been a month since she came here, and I see how hard everything for her. Is not easy to adjust, especially when you’re in another country not to add, alone. The fact that she barely know the language, it makes me feel sad for her. I need to start my plan now. Slowly but surely we can make it. It’s easy to say, but I’m sure there’s nothing like on doing it. Especially when we can barely understand each other.

I’m not yet there, but it giving me headaches already. I’m just glad, it’s bearable.

There’s really something about her that I cannot figure out what. And that something is slowly and unknowingly making me turn into a different person I never imagine I can be.

If it’s a bad thing, I’m not sure yet. I don’t bother much either.

***

“Hi.” I jolted up from my bed and looked at the person who happily entered our room. “H-hello.” I mentally face palmed myself from stuttering.

When I said few days ago that I needed to start my plan, sad to say I didn’t. If it’s lack of courage, maybe. Or I’m still not sure where to start. It’s not like I said that thing for an impact, I’m really willing to help her. It just that, I’m shy. I am, okay!

Before I knew it, winter break is on. So it means two weeks away from here. I don’t know if what I’m feeling is relief or what. No trainings, means time to relax but whenever I think of excitedly going back home to Jeonju and spend the holidays there, I can’t stop myself from feeling guilty too.

This girl who happened to be very cheerful today will be left alone in this building for the whole break. I watch her as she changed to more comfortable clothes and sat down on her desk, surely to study again. I open my mouth to speak, then quickly changed my mind. I shouldn’t feel sad for her right? I mean it’s not my fault that she doesn’t have somewhere to go and like every one of us, spend their happiest weeks of their life. But still I feel sad. I already am. I looked at her with a sad face and a pout.

She started to hum to a pop song that bursting on her cellphone when she suddenly turns to my direction and smiled. Okay that’s it. That smile will be the death of me. I awkwardly return it, of course. You know with a smile you will give when you’re panicking in the inside but playing cool on the outside. I wonder sometimes where’s that so cool-Kim-Taeyeon went. Then I remembered she was replaced with an alien more than a month ago. I chuckled loudly with my own silly thoughts. And unfortunately Stephanie’s eyes are still on me.

“You’re cute.” She said with that same smile and go back to do her things. Oh my freaking Ajhussi. Did I just heard the word ‘cute’ coming from ? I know my English but still I’m better compare with other students on my class. I got a C on that subject, take note! Play cool, just ing play cool Taeyeon. I started fanning my face, eyes still boring a hole on her back. Act as if you didn’t catch it. Remember the magic word, alien. That’s right. I stand up on my feet, quietly jumped a little and breathe out. Grinning from ear to ear.

“Did you say something Stephanie-ssi?” I asked. Struggling to say her name correctly. But still managed to say it. I've been practicing it a lot you know. ISH-TE-PA-NI. Easy. Chicken. She closed her notebook and turn on her side to looked back at me. She didn’t seemed surprise to saw me standing at her back. I put my well-practiced poker face. I've been practicing many things lately. Then suddenly something caught my eyes, I saw a small mirror placed just right at the side of the table that reflects the other end of our room. Which happened to where I was just a moment ago. CRAP! I mentally panicked and step back. “N-never mind. Gotta go!” I said hurriedly. I’m sure I heard her cute giggling before I closed the door.

“That’s embarrassing!” I shook my head multiple times. “Did all this time she's seeing me looking at her through that stupid mirror?” I mumbled to myself, walking down the stairs. “No, it can’t be. Why I didn’t notice that before?” I continue. “Taeyeon-ssi!” Someone shouted. I searched where it came from, then I saw our dorm land lady waving at me through her window. “Oh, hi Agassi!” I approach her.

“I thought you already went home?” She asked. I shook my head. “I’m planning to spend another night here Agassi. Still need to pack my things.” I leaned on her window and see her tidying her things as well. “You’re leaving?” I amusedly asked. She laughed. “I need a break too you know. Aish this kid.” She mumbled. I laughed along.

“Anyway, how are you and your roommate?” My laughter died. She noticed it. “Why?" I frowned. I shook my head. "But she’s a nice kid. She always greet me every time she passed by. She even brought me foods once in a while.” She told me. “She is.” I answered. I just hope we can talk like a normal one and she stops taking-out from fast foods.  “And then why? If it’s because of the language. Just be patience. She’s still adjusting. In a matter of time she will learn. You two will get along pretty well. Trust me.” She added. When I looked back she’s already outside the room and ready to leave. “I need to go.” I nodded.

“Oh, by the way. Why don’t you bring her along with you? It’s Christmas, she will be lonely alone here, don’t you think.” She smiled and told me lastly. “Merry Christmas in advance to the both of you.” And by that, she leave me standing there bewildered. Should I?

***

I closed the zipper on my bag and sighed. The whole night had past and I’m still here weighing my thoughts. Should I asked her to come with me? But we’re not even close yet. Seriously Taeyeon, yet? So are you planning to get close to her? I clicked my tongue. What’s happening with me lately? I ruffled my hair. A loud clang echoed in our small kitchen. I quickly darted to check.

“Hey, what happened?” I saw my roommate picking up different fruits scattered on the floor. “Mianhe. I didn’t notice it.” I chuckled. Her pronunciation is still funny. And what does she meant she didn’t notice that big bowl of fruits? Another chuckled. Like how she hit over the stack of plates last week, oh and don’t forget she stumbled on the trashcan on her way out of the building the other day, I grinned, and how she tripped on the floor mat last night which is not the first time, and many more. “You’re clumsy.” I muttered and help her. “I guess I am. They always say that to me.” She softly said, between her broken Korean. I knitted my brows.

“Who?” I asked. She looked at me. Is that a pout I saw her do? I try not to let out another chuckle. I don’t what her to think I’m making fun of her. “Kids.” She mumbled. Kids? What kids? Maybe those idiots in training class. “Don’t mind them.” I gave her a friendly smile. We both stand up. Maybe she understands what I said. I hope she do.

“You’re going home?” She asked and pointed on a small luggage on my bed. I nodded. “Will you be okay here?” She nodded and smiled. She seems to understand many words today. Should I asked her now?

Or maybe not. “Be safe.” I heard her said softly and sit down on her desk. “Thanks.” Our eyes met through that mirror I once called stupid. She’s smiling but there’s something different with that smile. And like her as a whole, I can’t figure it out too.

***

I dragged my feet lifelessly. I decided to walk to the subway station like what I’ve been doing since I live in this place. My mind is still clouded with that smile my roommate gave me earlier. Is she sad? Maybe. Who wouldn’t? It’s the first Christmas she’s away from her family and worst she will spending it alone. Not to add for the whole holidays. “Aish. I should asked her to come with me. Stupid.” I mumbled. My phone suddenly rings.

“Umma!” I happily answered. “Are you on your way here my child?” She happily asked too. “Dae Umma. I’m on my way to the station.” I try to sound as cheerful as I can be, besides I really miss my Mother. I try more not to think of that girl anymore but failed. I let out a long sighed.  I guess I will bring this guilt about my roommate for the whole break. “Wae Taeyeon-ah? Is there a problem?” My mother asked worriedly. I continue to walk. I almost see the train station.

“Ani Umma. Is just that I feel bad leaving my roommate alone in the dorm. All the kids went home for the break, even Agassi.” Umma knows our land lady. She always called to check on me whenever she can. I'm just glad she's nice and entertains Umma. “Then why don’t you bring her with you? I’m sure your brother and sister will be happy meeting your new friend.” She suggests. My ears jerked up. Really? But we’re not friends yet Umma. I wanted to tell her. “But Umma.”

“Tae it’s okay. Besides it’s good to see you with another friend. Haemi told us that you keep telling her stories about your roommate. She said she’s nice and kind too. You’re best friend met her already, what about us? Your Appa and I wanted to meet her too. We want to know what kind of person our daughter is living with. Arasso? Call her and asked her to come with you. Your friends are always welcome in our house my child.” She added. “Dae Umma.” And she hangs up. I breathe out and suddenly remembered something.

“But I don’t know her number?” I exclaimed. I turn on my back and look on the long path on my way back on the dorm. “I guess there’s no way but to walk back again and asked her, personally.” Another heaves of sighed, frustrations. It’s winter, means it’s cold. But a small smile already plotted on my lips. “At least I will not feel guilty anymore leaving her alone on herself.” I started on my heels, excited. If you wanted to ask why? I don’t know either. I’m just happy knowing that my most favorite part of the year will not only be together with my family but with an additional person. The one I’m planning to get to know more. Don’t get me wrong, we share the same dream right? Why not be nicer to her.

And a new friend sounds good too right? It is.

***

“You’re back?” She asked in surprised. I waited for my breath to get back to normal. I don’t know what happen to my feet. It just started to run on her own without giving a heads up to me. “Yeah. Go… pack your things… You’re coming… with me.” I said between my panting. “What Taeyeon-ssi?” Oh shoot. I just gone for almost half an hour ago and she’s already back to being an alien. I repeat my words slower, for her to understand it. After minutes of staring blankly at me, trying to digest what those Korean words meant. Her face turn into a more surprised look. “What?” She said loudly in English but once more in a lower tone.

“Umma and Appa want to meet you.” I said and pointed to her. I want you to meet them. “Why?” She asked still in shocked. Because you’re nice and kind and you will be my new friend. I shrugged my shoulders. She pouted, now I’m sure that’s a pout. “It’s okay if you don’t want.” I try to hide the disappointment on my tone. It’s not okay. Hmf! She shook her head abruptly. “I’m shy.” I laughed, understanding well what she just said. “Aigoo. It’s okay. No need to be shy. They’re nice people. You will like them. I have an older brother and a younger sister too. You will get along well with them for sure.