Title: 5/5

This is a very eye catching title. I really have no further explanation to it rather than it drew in my attention, and actually made me want to read it. If I were scrolling down, this would definitely be something I would check out.

Poster/ Background: 4/5

It was a really simple poster, but it did relate to your story. Was it incredibly eye-catching? No. However, its not one of those glitter and stars everywhere posters, which made me like it.

The background was a little much though. I wish you would’ve stuck to a plain colored background, or even one with Onew on the side, not a whole bunch of pictures of him. It sort of strayed from the feel a little bit.

Forward/Description: 4/5

This made me interested to a point where I would read the first few chapters on my own. It made me really curious as to what the relation between Onew and Hara was beforehand, since he was initially, in my thoughts anyway, a stranger. The point was knocked off because of some grammatical errors, but that will be discussed below.

Plot: 30/30

I’m going to rant a little bit here…

Can I just say thank you.

I have read SO many stereotypical SHINee fics, and am essentially turned off whenever I see one. Thank you so much for letting Onew go through a conversation without saying anything about chicken. Thank you for making Minho concentrate on things other than sports. Oh, and THANK YOU for not including anything about a noona.

Now, on to your actual evaluation.

I gave you a thirty out of thirty because arranged marriage is something fanfics rarely touch- and I mean arranged as in not that weird teeny-bopper “OMO! I bumped into a jerk and now I have to marry him?!?!” arrangement- but an actual arranged marriage where it is beneficial to one party. And to have this marriage to save the financial troubles of one of the parts is very believable. I have heard of instances where this does happen in real life, so this was just like reading about real life occurrences. (lol I’m Mexican, I actually do hear about these stories)

Writing Style: 3/10

I usually don’t really use the verb-tense agreement in this part of the review, but since your story didn’t really have a point of view, I’ll just take this section to help you.

Dear, I could not keep up with how often the tense changed in your story. I’ve seen it happen in sentences, but your tense changed often every few sentences. Unless you are going to include flashbacks or something, please pick one tense to stick to. For the most part, your story was past tense, but there were certain sentences, even paragraphs, where it would just be present tense. There’s a really easy fix to this. Just think of writing as if you’re talking. When you tell a story, you usually put it into what did happen, correct? Well, writing is the same thing. Just transfer the way you talk into the way you write.

If you want to write in present tense, just act as if you were watching someone, and telling yourself what they were doing, as they were doing it. It sounds weird, I know, but that’s the easiest way to explain it.

I wrote this in my notes: one thing I really liked about your writing style was the analogy you first used when Hara and Onew made love. It was a beautiful way to describe it.

Flow: 9/15

I was majorly confused on some of the chapters. It started of present day, and then went into a flashback for a few chapters with no warning. I caught on halfway through the first flashback chapter, but I think a warning would have done good. The same thing happened when it jumped back to regular timing. It would have been reasonably inferred after Hara agreed to marry Onew that the story would take on the present again, but the sudden jumps just sort of confused me a little bit.

I understand that the whole arranged marriage thing happens pretty fast paced, and your story really incorporates that. But for the same fast paced timing, I couldn’t really get into the characters, or the plot even, without something completely new happening.

As for Onew’s whole drive, that part of the story really took me by surprise. In my opinion, Hara agreed all to easily, and all too quickly. That made the story take another huge leap in one chapter.

The part of the flow that I did like about your story is that this all seems to be happening pretty day to day, and if not, it would say so. That part of the flow just made it push up a little bit.

Characterization: 9/15

These characters could have been developed SO much more. I started seeing development in Onew only towards the end. Since the beginning, the only vibe I got from Onew was that he was some sort of driven ert. Towards the end, however, I actually started seeing some concern and gentle behavior from his part. I just wish you would have displayed this character a little bit earlier along in the story.

Hara was the opposite for me. I was genuinely interested in her character. She seemed like this headstrong girl who didn’t need any help. But as she began to feel immersed in Onew, she let her feelings take over her, and completely lost all of that. I know that people say love makes people change, but I wonder if it was really love that made Hara change, or a hint of infatuation for Onew.

The only solid character I really got was Minho. He seemed pretty sure about what he wanted since the begin, thus, he turned into my favorite character.

Ending: 7/10

I really thought the ending should have been postponed. She had just found out about Yuri, and I felt that Yuri was a character that could have caused so much more conflict. The twist of Yuri really being Onew’s half-sister raised a lot of confusion for me too.

However, I have said before that I am a er for cute things, and Onew proclaiming his love for Hara was very cute. It was a little cliché, but it seemed to be the only fix, so I commend you for that.

Grammar/Spelling: 6/10

I understand English isn’t your first language, so I’ll sort of make this more teaching and less imposing.

The first thing I noticed in your story grammar wise was the word “coz”. It was in the forward, and a few times in the chapters too. “Coz” is a slang term and should be avoided in stories; it just gives an unprofessional feel right off the bat. “Because” would be the acceptable word choice.

You also had a tiny bit of a problem with interchanging the words “quite” and “quiet”. Maybe these were just typos, but its easy to mistake them because of their similar spellings. Quiet is the word used when someone or something makes little or no noise; quite is the adjective used to describe something being emphasized to an extent.

Some word choice issues came when Hara used the word “Why.” I have seen Korean dramas and shows when something surprising or to the distaste of the person speaking happens, they say “why”. Maybe this is what you were getting at, but it would be recommended to use “what” in these instances, since it just makes more sense in English.

The biggest problem (discussed a little bit above) with your grammar was the verb-tense agreement. You had trouble sticking to one tense in your sentences.

“Hara look at him surprised but quickly turned back to where she is watching.”

If you want to stick to the past tense, the sentence should be changed to

“Hara looked at him, surprised, but quickly turned back to where she was watching.”

Another example proving this point would be:

“Did he saw her body?”

Saying “did” automatically puts it in the past tense, and you must keep the verbs consistent with that tense

“Did he see her body?”

Once you use one tense of verbs, you cannot interchange them. The easiest to work with in writing is the past tense. I recommend you use that. Sentences like this were scattered throughout your story, and I hope those examples helped you understand.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5

It was an okay story that could have been great if you lengthened it and went deeper into the characters. The story itself was pretty enjoyable, and I want to say good job to you.

Total: 81/110 = 73.6%

Thank you for requesting! I hope you find your review helpful! And I would like to apologize for the really long wait!