Title: 4/5

I relatively liked the title because it sort of reminded me of The Royal Tenenbaums, which happens to be one of my favorite movies. The only suggestion I have would be to drop the “…”

I understand that there is another fanfiction by the name of “Meet The Choi’s” (I encountered it while looking for yours), but the “…” makes your fanfiction look just a bit uncertain. By that, I mean the “…” gives it a sort of informal feel that should not be used.

Poster/Background: 0/5-

None yet~

Description/Forward: 4/5

The only problem I would personally have with this section is the character placement. I don’t know if its just me who this bothers, or other people, but when I want to read a fanfic, I usually base my proceedings on the forward. When the characters are separating the description and the actual prologue of the story, it sort of throws me of course. As a reader, I would like to know a little more about the plot before characterization comes into play. My suggestion to you is to move the characters down after the prologue.

But for the forward itself, it was good. You had a few grammar errors here and there, (which will be discussed below) but you gave just enough information to where I have a good idea of what’s going on without spoiling any of the plot. 

Plot- 28/30

Although there is no definite plot yet, like I said, It reminds me a lot of “The Royal Tenenbaums”. Not exactly the whole plot thing, well, because its different, but how every specific person has their own personality that is extremely different from the next, and how something tragic in the family brings them together again.

These first few chapters were really touching, and a little bit of the plot was already explained – how Siwon has to work to support them, the few romances that will be involved, and some hints to internal conflicts. Although it isn’t too terribly original, I understand how it happens. Because, in some cases, this does happen. 

Writing Style- 10/10

I have nothing to really say for this part, except, well, it fits.  The point of view in your story constantly changes, and your writing style seamlessly changes to fit that character’s personality.

Flow- 12/15

I read in one of your author’s notes you mentioned you realized you had a tiny problem with flow, and your story does have a very slight problem with flow. I like how you decided to extend the first day of school into those various chapters, but the fact that so much would happen in one day seems just a tiny bit unbelievable. I would advise you to slow it down a bit. Focus firstly on the relationships that are already established, like Minho and Yuri.

I thought their encounter was believable because I had knowledge of them meeting previously, so it would be reasonable to have them talk to each other so comfortably. However, Kyuhyun and Sooyoung was a little unbelievable. If a new kid came to my school and looked that nerdy, I know it would take more than a day for him to gain the courage to talk to anyone, let alone go around making fun of someone who accidently drenched herself.

Characterization- 15/15

Fantastic. Really fantastic.

Every single character had something specific about them, some sort of attention grabbing sentence or trait that got me to really know them well.

Siwon became a character I instantly both admired and resented, and it was all sparked by the mention of him “playing the adult”. It sort of got me to just sympathize him, and want him to strive because he was being so utterly selfless.

Tiffany was another character I got attached to. The way she talks about Siwon makes it seem like she has a clear infatuation, yet she says herself that she is positive it isn’t an infatuation, but love. 

Ending - 0/10

None yet

Grammar/Spelling: 6/10

What I noticed with your writing was the continuous run-on sentences, and misplaced commas.

When I first saw him, I knew that this was the person that I wanted to marry, if I ever settled down, have kids, build a home, it would be this person here, of that I was sure.

The sentence above seems like a pretty important thought to contribute to Tiffany’s future character, and how she will act, but it loses its feeling because it sounds like it drags on. You have two different thoughts here. Sure, they are based upon the same thought, but they have two different subjects. The fix for this is simple:

Fix one: Turn it into three sentences. I say three sentences because the more I looked at it, I noticed that “Of that, I was sure.” could be, and should be, its own independent thought.

When I first saw him, I knew this was the person that I wanted to marry. If I ever settled down, had kids, and built a home, it would be with this person here. Of that, I was sure.

Fix two: If what I said about you feeling like it should belong together because they are complete thoughts, you could always add a semicolon to separate them as well. This way, the thoughts stay together, but the reader creates a natural pause between the thoughts so it doesn’t sound like it drones on.

When I first saw him, I knew this was the person that I wanted to marry; if I ever settled down, had kids, and built a home, it would be with this person here. Of that, I was sure.

[Note: I also added words and changed tense in that sentence.]

Going along with the run-on sentence thing, there are some where you use too many commas, and some where you use none at all. The lack of punctuation in these sentences make them sound rushed.

Or at least of JinRi or Sulli as she liked to call herself.

I picked this sentence to correct because often times with short sentences like this, writers don’t really notice the rushed tone to it, because most assume that since it is a short sentence, it should sound rushed.

Or at least of JinRi, or Sulli, as she liked to call herself.

I also noticed you had a slight problem with using commas in the place of a period. I’m assuming this is a typo, since the first letter of the supposed sentence is capitalized. But if not:

SooYoung even back then was the clumsy forgetful tactless girl she is now, It didn’t really come as a surprise when she said she forgot her history book the day we had to submit our most important assignment.

Should be:

SooYoung even back then was the clumsy forgetful tactless girl she is now. It didn’t really come as a surprise when she said she forgot her history book the day we had to submit our most important assignment.

Overall Enjoyment 4/5

The only reason a point was deducted was because I'm not to great of an SM fan. Just kidding. Well, the not too big of an SM fan part is true, but that isn't the only reason. I couldn't really get into the characters because they are people who I generally don't pay attention to. The story itself could prove to be really great in the future, as soon as you get more chapters up. 

Total- 83/95

87.4%