Title: 2/5

Your title would stand at about a 3 ½ if not for the spacing of the letters. I know it’s a certain question of style, but when titles have spacing and hearts and little things like that, I avoid them altogether.

Poster: 5/5

I was a little confused since Nichkhun hasn’t particularly come up in the story, but your poster looked a lot like a movie poster. That was pretty impressive. And if I understand correctly, you made it yourself? That added more points for me. Well done.

Forward/Description: 4/5

The description gave a bit of a background on the past, as well as a section on the future. It seems just a little confusing at first, so it might turn readers a tiny bit off, but I personally liked the way it was written. There were a few grammatical errors, which will be discussed below.

Plot: 28/30

The two points have been deducted because I think I know what the plot is, however, I think its too early into the story to entirely tell what twists and turns it will bring.

This type of plot is one that is tackled quite a lot in fan fiction, or even fiction, but few know how to use it without making it cliché. You are one of those people. The idea of finding who you are “destined” to be with is a hard thing to explain and imagine, but you have done it very well.

Writing Style: 10/10

I really enjoyed the quotes and little… comments, shall we call them?... at the beginning of the chapters. This doesn’t really count to your score, but I really liked the font used at the beginning of the chapters…  A small note, in chapter 10, the quote is displayed as “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all.” But to my understanding should the second lost not be loved?

Anyways, your use of diction is very, very good. There are some sentences that are very emotional, and it just adds to the easy attachment of the story.

There was a sentence I noted down, that just goes to show how affective your writing style is:

“A battle of love. Neither of them won, but lust.”

Flow: 12/15

There were a few gaps in the flow. Sure, it went by a little slow at first, but that is extremely believable.

However, within Shinah’s withdrawal phase, there was a huge gap in what was going on around her, which created some confusion in the flow for me.

Also, before that, I had no idea, unless I forgot about the specific part that touched upon it, how long Taecyeon and she were together before they decided to get married.

Characterization: 15/15

You really dug deep with these characters. I really thought of Shinah as me. I’m usually a happy person, wanting to put other people before me, but when something wrong happens, I turn into this monster that stays away from everything and turns into a selfish little brat. These characters are so real and so believable. They have flaws and they know it. Just like people you would communicate with in real life, they jump to conclusions, they get hurt, they hurt other people, and I loved that so much about them.

Ending: 0/10

None yet

Grammar/Spelling: 6/10

Let’s start with the very small mistakes, and work our way up, shall we?

One thing I noticed was a constant misspelling of “hey” and “hye” it really didn’t bother me at first, but it became very constant, so you might want to double check that a bit.

Another awkward word use I noticed was with the word “number” in place of times or minutes.  “She shook her head a couple of numbers” sounds very awkward, and would sound a lot better as “She shook her head a couple of times” I do not remember in what context, or how many times, but I also noted that you have the same problem with “mad” in the place of “madly” Mad is an emotion, or in some cases, a description of the way someone asks. Madly is describing the way something is done, or someone is acting.

Another thing I noted towards the same nature is the overuse of “a” in context where the word would be correct on its own. “I’m a ” “She’s a trash” “Getting a sympathy” “Seen them a numerous  times”  These phrases are incorrect, because they should be “She’s trash” “I’m ” “Seen them numerous times” and “Getting sympathy”. There is no need for an “a”.  

Regarding “a”, there were a couple times when you used it in the place of the.

“It was a dumb mistake she ever made”

“a dumb mistake” would be okay if “she ever made” was not added. A limits itself to one object, while the can be used as a generalization in some cases. The correct form of this sentence, if you are generalizing all of her mistakes would be:

“It was the dumbest mistake she ever made”

An example of how the can be a generalization is in the phrase “The past is the past”, which in your story was used once as “past is past”. You are comparing her entire past to her entire past, therefore “the” is necessary.

You had a very small problem with changing tense in your sentences.

“After she’s done with it, she looked up and laid her eyes on his face, before finally screamed at the top of her lungs- in anger.”

To keep this tense consistent in the present tense:

“After she’s done with it, she looks up and lays her eyes on his face, before finally screaming at the top of her lungs- in anger”

If you would want to keep this consistent in the past tense, it would be:

“After she was done with it, she looked up and laid her eyes on his face, before she finally screamed at the top of her lungs- in anger”

Another inconsistency in tense was in the forward. Their past was in past tense, however, the paragraph about college was in the present. It is important to keep your tenses consistent.

I noted down that you have a problem with run-on sentences. There is many fixes to them. 1) take the second idea and create another sentence, 2) add a semi colon to separate the ideas, or 3) add a comma to separate the ideas.

 ”He stepped into the house, taking a peek and having an intention to scare her but never did he expect he would be consuming ten minutes sharp to register where she’s at without moving from the place he’d been standing at since he first arrived, at the main door of her apartment.”

This sentence was a way run on. Since it doesn’t exactly have two very apparent ideas, the quick fix for this would be commas.  If this were being spoken, you would put the commas where you make natural pauses.

 He stepped into the house, taking a peek and having an intention to scare her, but never did he expect he would be consuming ten minutes sharp to register where she’s at, without moving from the place he’d been standing at since he first arrived, at the main door of her apartment.

You could also make this into two sentences.

 He stepped into the house, taking a peek and having an intention to scare her. But never did he expect he would be consuming ten minutes sharp to register where she’s at, without moving from the place he’d been standing at since he first arrived, at the main door of her apartment.

Overall Enjoyment 5/5

I would do 10 out of 5 if I could. Man, this story hit me pretty hard. The whole withdrawal that Shinah goes through, I can completely relate. And some of the really sentimental issues just had me on the verge of tears. I had to remind myself it was a story to not get attached to the characters. I adored your story, and the fact that it only has 11 subscribers outrages me. This is one of the best stories I have ever read, honestly. And this deserves to get featured, instead of the teeny-bopper cutesy things getting featured now. Excellent. Keep up the amazing work.

Total: 87/100

87% c:

Can I just say I felt like an idiot because I made Overall Enjoyment worth 15 instead of 5 on accident, and I was going crazy thinking “THIS DOESN’T ADD UP” haha.