(16) That's Not How the French Do It - 1,522

Heechul has made it a point during the first weeks of their awkward relationship to teach them how to be intimate.

To say that it was a disaster was utterly underrated.

Because it was new to them, they didn’t think about the thousands of reasons that should have told them to refuse. But since Hankyung was the only one who was dating another AB blood type, Heechul thought that it was their “calling” to guide them. ually.

The first meeting ended with an almost broken nose and a positively bleeding one. Hankyung was able to hold Jongwoon down just in time before he attacked Heechul, completely red and furiously blushing that it was shocking that Kyuhyun got the bloody nose. They all panicked, because it was Kyuhyun. Jongwoon nearly had a heart attack, screaming profanities that he would later apologize for and admit that it helped calm him down. Kyuhyun sat there, unmoving. Hankyung gave him a towel and pushed his head back while Jongwoon and Heechul cussed each other.

(They never told Jungsoo. Heechul got enough of an earful from Jongwoon, he’d rather not get lectured like an older sibling pushing his younger brother out from the porch. Another story from another time.)

But Heechul didn’t give up. Hankyung asked him to stop because it wasn’t really their business. If they wanted to be as intimate as they are, they should respect that and move on with their lives. Heechul snorted.

*

Heechul wrote down a defined list that nearly reached the ground with its details. He swore he’d get their life to be more exciting because he’d be damned if Kyuhyun was “vanilla”.

So he went with sneaking around. Like an over budgeted mission impossible movie. Kyuhyun might be the youngest, but he’s certainly not the most innocent. (Considering everything, he’d argue Donghae the five year old, Siwon the celibate or Kibum the MIA.)

He felt a hand run through his hair in a loving manner and turned to see Hankyung smiling at him. Heechul moved to grab him by the shirt collar and pull him to hide behind the wall, but stupid martial arts reflexes and Hankyung got away, entering the room Heechul had been spying on for the past half hour with a simple hello and an innocent sounding question as to where Kyuhyun and Jongwoon were.

“On a date,” Donghae replied before stuffing his mouth with food.

“An amusement park date.” Hyukjae said a bit further at the end of the room.

Hankyung looked at the empty hall, faintly hearing cackling and a door closing.

*

Jongwoon refused to let Heechul ruin their date.

He was adamant enough to even result tricking Donghae. They went to a stage play instead. It wasn’t quite Kyuhyun’s thing to watch, but a promise that they’ll only be a while and that they’d see a real movie together was enough for him to follow.

Kyuhyun also understood the painful embarrassment Jongwoon was going through with Heechul. It wasn’t as if Heechul focused on Jongwoon. There were times when Kyuhyun would get pulled out of the corner into a nearly dark corridor and questioned by him. It was an experience and memory he’d rather not remember.

Jongwoon snapped him out of his trance when he felt short fingers tugging on his sleeve. They were as inconspicuous as they could be, with glasses that covered half of their face and coats that hid most of their physique. But their attitude and personality were shining like neon lights.

Kyuhyun looked ahead and saw a candy store that sold cotton candy. Jongwoon was pulling them there. He shook his head and smiled, following his hyung to indulge him.

They bought a bubble gum flavored one for no reason at all. Jongwoon accepted it happily and he practically had a bounce in his step. Kyuhyun, being more mature about his surroundings, only slowly followed.

A hand grabbed his shoulder and he was about to elbow the guy in the gut when a hand slapped his mouth shut. He glared at his apprehender.

“You’ll thank me later,” Heechul told him as-a-matter-of-factly. He pulled Kyuhyun to a dirty alley that had a view of the crowded street and felt like a direct spotlight on Jongwoon.

“Why are we hiding?” Kyuhyun said exasperatedly. He wanted a peaceful day with Jongwoon.

“You idiots thought you’d trick me to go to the amusement park, didn’t you,” Heechul hissed although to no one in particular.

“We wanted to see a movie. In peace.”

“That’s not how the French do it.”

But before Kyuhyun could ask what in the living hell did Heechul mean, Jongwoon stalked his way towards the alley.

“,” Heechul said, disappointed at being found out. “He’s better at this than I thought.”

“Stop ing around, hyung,” Jongwoon said angrily, a small fist nearly curling Heechul’s collar. Heechul, though, kept a smug smile.

“But it’s a great place to ,” he said casually but the joke fell flat.

Jongwoon closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Kyuhyun could see numbers above his head like a countdown. “Please, hyung,” Jongwoon said almost desperately. “We just want to have a quiet time together without fans, our families, the manager, bodyguards, the others... You.”

Typically, Heechul would look affronted, feigning exaggeratedly hurt at the blatant accusation. But the look in Jongwoon’s eyes told him to shut up. Or last night would’ve been the last anyone’s seen of him.

Damn Jongwoon and his monstrous anger.

*

But Heechul didn’t give up. He even made it as far as following them everywhere and, much as he was disturbed to say it, he even hid in Kyuhyun’s room closet just to hear something.

To no avail.

It frustrated Heechul to no end! Jongwoon and Kyuhyun were together, but were they together?

“Stop,” Hankyung told him softly when Heechul was on a stakeout yet again. “Come to bed.”

“You’re a foreigner so maybe you don’t understand,” Heechul said sarcastically but he knew Hankyung understood their inside running gag. “But Kyusung is legitimately happening. Hanchul might have happened too, but fans predicted Kyumin.”

Hankyung kept quiet. He knew Heechul well enough to see the frustration.

“But look at them. They’re completely in love!” Heechul pointed at Jongwoon leaning on Kyuhyun’s hand cupping his face, another running through wavy black hair, lovingly.

“And I, for one, will not sit here without getting answers!”

“What was your question?”

“WHO TOPS?”

Jongwoon raised his head to look behind the couch. He swore he heard Heechul. After a few blinks, he leaned back down, giving Kyuhyun small pecks.

Heechul held Hankyung’s hand that was covering his mouth and nose. They were against the wall, hands awkwardly in the air. Hankyung smiled and loosened his grip but didn’t remove his hold.

“Heechul,” he whispered and the hot breathe sent shivers down his spine. “That is their business. Whoever tops or whatever they do during is private. If they don’t divulge it, for the love of god, don’t ask!”

Heechul pulled the hand away from his mouth and was glad he wasn’t resistant. He guiltily looked at Hankyung, only for a second before being back to the almighty Heechul.

He crossed his arms across his chest and glared. “Fine.”

There was a noise, though, at the living room that neither of them made and that somehow felt a bit disturbing.

Heechul dared to take a peek.

What he saw broke him.

Jongwoon’s shaggy black hair peeked a bit above the couch but he disappeared, leaning down. His arm stretched in front of him like he was holding onto something. When Jongwoon sat, Heechul assumed on his heels, there was a deviant smirk.

Kyuhyun leaned up by his one hand and held Jongwoon’s face in the other. He pecked Jongwoon at first before deepening the kiss, his tongue out before their lips even touch. He lied back down, pulling Jongwoon with him. filled the room and Heechul knew they were still kissing.

“Do the French kiss that long?”

Hankyung looked at him, still leaning his back against the wall with a somewhat scared look. “Not even the French kiss that long!”

Heechul stood straight and pointed at the two who were “getting it on”. He opened his mouth to complain again, but Hankyung shushed him with a kiss of his own.

“Stop,” Hankyung said with an embarrassed smile. “Leave the explanations when they’re not… occupied. Alright?”

“Alright?” Heechul repeated, but allowed Hankyung to pull him away from the living room. “Of course it’s not alright! I’m left with more questions now than before!”

“What is it this time?” Hankyung said, his arm wrapped around Heechul’s shoulder. Sometimes--most of the time--he needed to indulge Heechul or they’ll get nowhere.

“Who the taught Jongwoon how to kiss like that?” Hankyung shook his head in disbelief. He told Kyuhyun that he would take care of Heechul, but there was something to be said about him having a mental breakdown.

So he cradled Heechul's head close and kissed his temple because the only way to distract Heechul is to give him something else to think about.