Deer Luhan,

You have no idea how much I would pay to see you jump out of a wedding cake ripping your shirt open and yelling “surprise, motherf*ckers!”

Leigh

It took a lot of effort to get rid of the manager.  Chanyeol and Baekhyun tried getting us all to yawn continuously and D.O. mentioned something about wanting to go to bed, but even when only Lay, Tao, Kris, Xiumin and I were left in the room, he still refused to budge.  It wasn’t until Suho emerged from the bathroom with a very sleepy Kai that the manager finally felt we were in responsible hands and got up, reminding the M members still there that they needed to be ready to leave for a radio recording or something at half nine.

The others, with the exception of Luhan, who had fallen asleep under the sofa and nobody remembered until Sehun asked several minutes later on, all reappeared as soon as the front door slammed shut.

“Today has kind of ,” Luhan grumbled as Xiumin and Sehun tilted the sofa to enable him to roll out into freedom.  Suho just glared at him and then around at the others, eliciting a South Park moment from Chen when he said: “Well, I hope you’ve all taken something away from it, particularly as far as the juice is concerned.”

“Oh, we have,” said Chen quickly.  “I think I’ve learnt something important today: Sehun dreams about Leigh and yoghurts.”

“The heck?” demanded Tao as Sehun punched Chen lightly on the shoulder.

A disturbingly mischievous grin spread across Chen’s face and he opened his mouth to reply, but Lay got there first.

“Well, speaking in hypotheticals—” he eyed the jug, which still contained some of the juice, “—if Sehun were to like Leigh and dream about her, then yoghurt—”

“You are not having that kind of conversation while there is a girl in the dorm,” Suho butted in sharply.  Baekhyun just stared.

“Lay, since when did you become so erted?”

“Since Kris found tampons in the dorm and Lay went off to do some ‘research’ after Leigh had to explain to him what girls do with them.”  Chen patted Lay sympathetically on the back.

“Wait.”  Baekhyun turned from Lay to me.  “Hang on a second.  You’re a girl.”

I facepalmed.

Dead silence.  Except for Chanyeol.  “Hey, I thought we established that ages ago.”

Baekhyun waved an impatient hand.  “Shut up, Chanyeol.”  He returned his attention to me.  “So that means you get, like… pains and… times of the month and you have to—”

I nearly screamed.  “I am not having this conversation again!”

“But doesn’t it really hurt?” Baekhyun persisted.  “Like, you’re bleeding— How come we never noticed—?”

Suho clamped a hand over Baekhyun’s mouth.  “You are going to bed now,” he said firmly.  “Why would you even ask that?”

Sehun’s jaw dropped.  “That’s a bit rich, coming from you.”

“Suho is rich,” Kris pointed out.

“I’m going to bed,” I muttered.  “I can’t deal with this anymore.”

I was immediately swept into a hug.

“Sleep well!” Chen trilled before planting a large kiss on my temple.  Kai lurched forward, suddenly more awake.

“Me too, me too!”

Chen caught him before he could reach me and kissed him on the temple as well.

“Ew!”  Kai reeled away.  “I wanted to kiss, not be kissed!”

“That’s what he said,” D.O. intoned in a bored voice.  I decided it would be a good moment to make my escape.

I had only just dozed off when a slim finger prodded my shoulder.  I tried to ignore it, but the poker was insistent, so I rolled over and wrenched my eyes open.

“Hey,” reprimanded Suho.  “She’s tired.  Let her sleep.”

“I think we should swap beds,” Luhan told me seriously.

“You what, now?” demanded Suho.  I kind of agreed, but I did no more than blink.  Then I carefully pinched my left arm.

“Ow!”

Luhan seized hold of my wrists to prevent me from doing it again.  “Why are you hurting yourself?”

“Because I’m pretty sure I’m having a very bizarre dream.  You want to swap beds.”

“Yes.”

I bit my tongue as hard as I could instead of trying for another pinch.  It hurt.

“Maybe I’m high, then,” I mumbled, turning back over.  Luhan sighed loudly and swept me up in his arms.  I was too tired to complain about it more than wafting a lazy hand at his face, which he had no problem avoiding.

“Luhan, have you been drinking?” Suho asked on my behalf.

“No.”  Luhan plopped me down on his bed and drew the duvet up over me.  “Chen and Lay were giggling in the corner about something with D.O.  The fact that it’s Leigh’s second last night and they think she ought to be spending more time with Sehun came up, so I think it would be best to be cautious.”  He bent to kiss me on the forehead.  I noticed Suho raising an eyebrow at him as Luhan turned away, saying something else, but I blotted out his words with a loud yawn as I rolled over towards the wall and shut my eyes.

The entire dorm was woken up at half past seven the next morning by a pair of ear-splitting screams.  I jolted bolt upright in bed and stared wildly around for several seconds before I realised that nobody was being murdered.

My heart was still galloping when Suho lifted the corner of his duvet away from his face and blinked blearily at me.

“There isn’t any chance a scary animal like an alligator might have got into the dorm, is there?” he asked.

The heck did that come from?  Eyeing him warily, I shook my head, and he disappeared back under the covers again.  Non-existent alligators aside – does China even have alligators? – the screams probably meant something was wrong, so I swung my legs out of bed and pawed at the sleep in my eyes.

It was only when they were cleared that I noticed Luhan wasn’t in his bed – my bed… well, Lay’s bed – and that shocked me fully awake like a bucket of icy water.

Sh*t, did the mafia come back?

Suho let out a sleepy groan as I trod on his legs in my haste to get out of the room, slamming the door behind me.  I didn’t know what I planned to do against the mafia in my pyjamas when I’d barely got up, but it turned out I didn’t need forward thinking, because when I got into the living room, it was empty.

Totally empty.  Which freaked me out much more than the screams had done.  I ground to a halt and scanned the area wildly.

“Oooooh , big brother mode is activated.”

My head whipped towards the voice and I saw Chen with his back pressed up against his bedroom door, surrounded by Lay, Kai, Chanyeol, D.O. and Baekhyun, who were sitting on the floor.  They all had their ears pressed to the wood as though they were listening to something, but at Chen’s words, their eyes had all darted over to me.  All five of them looked scared.

I narrowed my eyes at them.

“What are you doing?” I growled.

“Nothing!”  Chen smiled winningly at me.  The door handle rattled, and he put a firm hand on it to prevent it from moving.

“Oh, really?” I deadpanned in English.

Baekhyun twisted around look up at Chen.  “See, I told you he shipped them too!”

So this had something to do with me and Sehun.  Grumbling under my breath, I marched up to them.

“Move.”  I waved a hand brusquely.

“You’re not her actual brother, you know,” Lay told me sleepily.

“It’s not like we did anything bad,” Chen added hastily as I bodily removed him from the door.  “We just thought Sehun and Leigh should be spending more time together as she’s leaving tomorrow, so we put her in his bed.”

I froze.  If Sehun woke up with me in his bed….

Chen raised his arms protectively over his face.  “Don’t kill me!”

Without Chen guarding the handle, the boys on the other side of the door were able to get it open before the other five, who were warily watching how I was going to deal with Chen, could react.  I caught a glimpse of a hysterically laughing Tao before Luhan leapt through the doorway, ripping his t-shirt off mid-prance.

“Surprise, motherf*ckers!”

The cogs in my coffee-less brain finally began to turn, and I dropped Chen with a guffaw.  A disgruntled Sehun appeared behind Luhan, hair sticking up all over the place.

“You put the wrong person in my bed.”

“Hang on a second.”  Baekhyun scrambled to his feet, head swinging from Chen to Lay.  “Why in God’s name did you take Luhan out of his own bed when you knew we were targeting Leigh?”

“We didn’t,” said Lay.  “We took him out of my bed, apparently.”

“Since when did Luhan not sleep in his own bed?”

“I switched with Leigh last night,” Luhan supplied smugly, fanning his torso with the ripped t-shirt.  I tried not to stare at his abs too openly.  I’d known since the helicopter rescue that he had a pretty nice body, but it was my first time actually seeing it.  The only trouble was that it felt kind of wrong to even contemplate looking: Luhan was incredibly handsome and he did have a lovely body, but I was so aware of the fact that his face looked identical to mine that it sort of felt like I was checking myself out.  In a really, really weird and warped way.

D.O. looked me up and down with a small heart-shaped grin.  “Leigh, I think you might be some kind of miracle worker.  It’s not healthy to sleep in your chest compressor, by the way.”

I grimaced.  “I was too tired to remember about taking it off.”

“Oh my God,” spluttered Tao, now just about calm enough to talk.  “You should have seen their faces!”

Sehun’s poker face remained firmly in place, but from the way he crossed his arms, he still wasn’t particularly happy.  “Tao screamed because Luhan screamed and it freaked him out.”

Chanyeol snapped his fingers.  “D*mn.  We thought it was you and Leigh screaming.”

“That sounds wrong,” Kai added from the floor.

“Oh my God.”  I cringed.  “It does now you’ve made it sound erted.”

Kai just grinned at me.

“I can’t.  I give up,” I groaned.

“I’ll get you coffee,” Luhan offered.  “Then you’ll can.”

“What the kind of grammar is that?”

“Right back at you.”  Thoroughly amused, Luhan gave us a little wave and vanished in the direction of the kitchen.  There was a pause of about five seconds before Tao dissolved into hysterical giggles again.  Sehun gave a sigh and dragged him back into the room, which he’d been sharing with Chen and Tao since EXO-K had arrived, shutting the door behind him.  The latch had barely clicked before Chen also broke down laughing, clutching at his stomach.

“‘Surprise, motherf*ckers!’” he mimicked.  “Oh my gosh.  I think that’s the best way one of our pranks has ever gone wrong.  I wish I’d been brave enough to be in the room to see their faces – totally worth giving up my bed for.  We wound Luhan’s arms and legs around Sehun’s body and ev