Buzzz! Buzzz!

Thug.

I scoffed on my own as I heard him fall from the couch where he was sleeping.  Trying to keep it all down low instead I settled with a smile

“Shi—” I heard him uttered then whispers come next. I closed my eyes to pretend I’m still dozing off. There was some shuffling in the room. I guess he is getting ready. But I was wrong.

"Angel" Then camera sound proceeds. He took a picture. What a careless step there.

"Good Morning." I said with a lazy morning voice while acting to be waken up. There was a shift in his expression. A panic I bet.

 "Did I wake you? I'm sorry but I think you should get ready. I'll take you home after breakfast." He spoke fast and distinct, he is trying to hide something. I knew it. So I did nod and answered. “Neh”

He turned his heel and headed for the door

"I'll be waiting downstairs."  Then he said.

"Jeongmal Kamsahamnida, SungMin-sshi." I whispered, loud enough for him to hear it just before he stepped out of the room.

As the door bang close, a tear of realization dropped upon me. I just did another biggest mistake in my life for putting him back to my tragic life story.

I wiped the tear and went to the bathroom to fix myself and for a minute I went down.

"How's your sleep?" He asked as he handed me the bread.

"Okay I guess? By the way, I'm sorry for the disturbance." It’s an understatement for me. I’m not just a disturbance but a burden. I can almost see how he panicked last night seeing me there.

"I actually don't mind. Don't want to be sue for letting someone froze to death." He said bluntly. It seems that he actually doesn’t care. I might misunderstand everything. If that’s the case it would be better for me.   

"At least you still care right? I'll put that in our project." I pointed out sounding like an offense.

"I do in many ways. Can I ask you why you were there in the middle of the night?" I turned at him. Yes it could be better for me if doesn’t care but why do I felt a slight pang of sadness. Like I want him to worry so hard for me so I ended up blurting things up.

"I'm trying to kill myself but thanks to you I failed." And the next thing happened made me stunned. He stood up slamming the table. Utensils flew out of the table and glass plate got knock off.

"WHAT? ARE YOU—” He shouted, yet stopped and calm his self before continuing. “SunKyu if you're trying to crack a joke here it's not funny."  Maybe that lightened me a bit, or confused me more.

"What's with that reaction? You did same thing last night. I'm no one to you. Why do you care this much?" I said casually.

"You're not a no one to me. You are a friend and I care about you, way before I knew you." He said in a soft tone. Then he truly cares. He cares. I don’t know what to feel anymore. Happy that he cares for me or sad that the invisible boundary between is slowly breaking. And the worse part I who build it tries to help me bring it down.

"This is what I’m afraid of SungMin. You're melting." I said eye to eye, and for that moment I can feel like he is reading me. "No need to bring me home." Then I leave.

Flashback:

-middle school-

 "I got to go. Tippa is still waiting for me." I waved goodbye.

Why oppa? I thought as I walk towards the door.

"You know that girl in the picture?" I halted from my step when I heard Jessie spoke.

"A little. Sungmin once told us that it was his childhood friend who means very special for him. I think he loves that girl so much I can see it in his eyes---it glimmers every time he tells us about her. But he said she suddenly went missing and he was so hurt. Maybe that’s one reason why he was hurting other girls."

-end-

Cause I don’t want him to fall for me again and hurt him more. Cause it may started as a young and immature love but everything start to that small things.

------

December 4, 2011

_diary

Since then I didn’t went near him again and maybe he als