AN: here we go, the first one. this is complete as it is. this is a bit older one,just edited it today to be able to publish it... I'm sorry if there's some mistakes, it's a bit late already to think too much.

INFO: there's no anything actual mature-content included but the theme is not so light.
maybe a bit depressive one if you understand what it's about although there's not much things said straightforwardly. just wanted to 'warn' you.

001 /  f r e e d o m

We were hanging around the long tunnel; waiting for someone to pick one of us up. It was damn cold for it being just the beginning of October. Hyukjae was there too, leaning against the wall next to me.

The night was darker than it was just few nights ago – the cold wind was already digging deep into our bones, the thick breeze telling about the upcoming winter.

“I remember…” I started with uncertainness in my voice, looking somewhere into the void while I tucked my hands into the pockets of my slim jeans. “…when I was just nine years old, my dad decided to bring me to the carnival that was visiting the town we used to live when I was a kid. Even though it was almost my time to go bed, my dad said it was okay – that I deserved to have some fun for once. It was around late August, when the summer was still present but the fall was already on its way. There were lights and different colored lanterns everywhere. It was really beautiful, I remember thinking. He took me to the Ferris wheel, and we slowly got upper and upper. Finally our carriage stopped at the top and… I felt so immortal. Like I could do anything, after I’ve got so high. It was like being one with the sky.”

Hyukjae, a guy with pitch-black hair smiled when I didn’t notice. “Why are you thinking about that now?” he asked.

I sighed, looking through the tunnel and seeing the neon colored city lights ahead.

“I don’t know. I want to go back there. I was so happy then. Carefree.”

My dad was the only one I had back then, when he was still alive. Eventually cancer took him away from me, way too soon, and since then I was being switched between different foster homes to another. I hated that; I felt so alone. It felt like I was never good enough for anyone – I felt like a puppy who grew too big and suddenly wasn’t so lovely and easy anymore to take care of. People took me in, and for a short while they might have been able to make me feel loved, cared; until they would get sick of me and put me back into the system. And it went on and on for four years.

Six months ago I finally ran away. And now I’m here, on the streets with a guy like Hyukjae.

Hyukjae probably saved my life though – because if we wouldn’t had met just two weeks after I left the last foster parents I had, I would probably be dead already. I knew nothing about the tough life, when every new day was a new struggle.

I was finally free – but at what cost?

Everything was temporary; shelter, safety, food, money. Everything I was able to get, was gone as fast as I got it.

Everything but Hyukjae.

“Come with me.”

I knew I was only seventeen – and I had already lost more than most people lose in a lifetime – but I still knew what love was. The little fire inside my chest had not died away yet.

“What do you mean?” Hyukjae looked surprised, but handed a lighter towards my cigarette I was holding between my fingers. He lighted it up after I put my hands around his palm. His skin was a bit rough, but extremely warm, even though it was only like 10 degrees anymore. We were almost shaking because of the freezing weather – we had been out for the whole day already, and we would not get to feel warmer if someone wouldn’t end up taking us with them.

For a moment that felt so long but at the same time so short he looked me in the eyes questioningly. Those dark brown almond eyes were so soft and kind, even after all we had been through – Hyukjae even more than me. But his gaze wasn’t dazed like some of the others; his eyes weren’t dead and cold; his eyes yet hadn’t locked the world out of them – at least when we were together.

“To the merry-go-round.” I was almost releasing my hold of his hand, a bit disappointed maybe, when his eyes lit up a little and his fingers tenderly curled against mine.

“Ask me again.”

“Come with me?”

Every single day was a new day of surviving, but as long as I got Hyukjae by my side I might be able to make it through.

Even if other people would touch me throughout the days; touch me without kindness or care, only to their own pleasure, I was able to manage with it as long as there was Hyukjae to touch and caress me with love – to make me feel like I could be worth more than just numbers on a paper.