the last chapter and i'm crying. I finished my very first fic for 2 days only. 

Saejin's POV

I needed Sehun. Not in a romantic way, but I needed comfort. I needed a friend right now who actually understands my situation. As you can see, I neglected my friends after Baekhyun debuted as a member of Exo because I was afraid that our secret will be revealed. I talk to them, yes. But I never trusted anyone except those we know since elementary or high school days. 

I look pathetic right now, crying over a guy who actually never cared. 

It's been 4 weeks since the break-up. 3 weeks after he sang for me. 4 weeks still in agony. 4 weeks of ignoring Exo. Yes, I ignored them a lot of times. How? Fate must have been playing with us. They were shooting their reality show, 'Exo Showtime', for its 3rd episode (Chanyeol's birthday special) and guess what? I was walking along the street when I saw fangirls screaming and I froze. Kai, Chanyeol and Sehun were looking at me surprised. I was afraid that Baekhyun was also there and so I turned to my right without looking back and started walking because the fangirls were about to stare at me. You think it's done? No, it's not. I decided to have some coffee and so I went to a coffee shop. I was about to go out after I ordered my coffee when suddenly 2 lovers bestfriends entered the cafe and of course I froze again because it was Luhan and Minseok. The 3 of us locked gazes, but then we were interrupted by the fangirls screaming and I quickly left the cafe. 

December 24, 2013

I ignored all of them and who does that? Why would someone ignore those 12 dorks? Obviously, me. The ex-girlfriend of Byun Bekhyun. And here I am, surrounded by 11 hot wolves after they kidnapped and dragged me here inside their dressing room before their concert with f(x) for SM Town Week. Sehun was actually the one who kidnapped me after telling me to go outside my house.To my luck, Baekhyun was not here. I don't even know where he was and the concert was starting in 10 minutes. "Yah! Park Saejin! ignoring us, really? Why would anyone ignore the Exo?" chanyeol asked me with a glint of disappointment. "Sorry. You know my reasons." I looked down and now staring at my hands on my knees while seated down. "Reasons, reasons, reasons! I can't take this anymore! I promised that bastard that I won't help him with this, but whatever. You're my bestfriend too and I don't like seeing you in agony." 

After 5 minutes of explanation and clarification, I started to bawl like a child when they told me about everything Baekhyun did to protect me. Yes, he was stupid and selfish. And yet, I still love him, forever and always. I was thankful.

And there he was. Inside the dressing room and walking towards me. I was trembling and shaking that time, "You don't have to say anything. Just give me the answer after the concert. Here" he handed me a book and gave me a weak smile. I grabbed it with my shaky hands. I was about to speak when a crew shouted, "Exo! get ready! the show is about to start" and so they left one by one and Baekhyun was the last one to leave. "Goodluck, Baekhyun-ah" I gave him a smile. "Thank you, Saejin-ah.... saranghae." I was surprised to hear that single word. That single word I wished he said for the past months. And then he left me dumbfounded. I opened the book he gave me and I was speechless.

June 24, 1997

Wow. Park Saejin is so beautiful! First day of 1st grade and I'm staring at a goddes! She's my childhood friend but she left me speechless again! I'm inlove ^^ We're actually attending the same school and i'm very glad she talked to me! I promise you, diary, this is the start of our chapters together!

I was crying endlessly as I read every page of the book. 

December 24, 1998

We were at the Park's to celebrate Christmas Eve together since our moms are bestfriends too! I gave her a bear as a christmas gift and he gave me a kiss on the cheek! I wouldn't exhange any materials things because this is the best gift ever!!

I'm laughing because it was too cute. I actually remembered how we celebrated Christmas Eve together. He was singing a christmas song and I was just watching him sing and fall for his angelic voice. 

August 11, 2001

This is not good :( We had a fight because I ate her lunch becuase she was ignoring me. But atleast she gave me her attention.. for a second. I'm sorry, Saejin. :(

January 21, 2004 

I was rushed to the hospital because I fell down the stairs and injured my arm. I was happy because if it wasn't for the injury, Saejin won't be here taking care of me like a mother.. or like a girlfriend. keke. 

February 14, 2005

Ouch. Choi Siwon just confessed his feelings for Saejin. I am nothing compared to that face. But of course, here we are, acting like something is going on between us. Ooh how I wish I can confess my feelings for her too when I have the confidence and I want to give her the best proposal ever. 

December 5, 2007

YAAAAAHH She's my girlfriend!!!!!!!!!!!! She just said yes and we had our first kiss!!!!!! I TOLD YOU I CAN DO IT!!!!! MANHI MANHI SARANGHAE, PARK SAEJIN. THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS.

May 12, 2011

I GOT CASTED TO BE A TRAINEE!!!!!!! MY DREAMS FINALLY!!!! How does it feel to have fans?? Will I change?? Will they love me?? And will I see my beautiful girlfriend there cheering me until we get old?? Will I be in a group?? AAHHH IM EXCITED!!

October 10, 2011

That Sehun guy. Does he have any feelings for my girlfriend? MY BEAUTIFUL GIRLFRIEND? Nope nope. She's mine and I trust her. Please don't leave me, Saejin-ah :(

April 8, 2012

WOW, The amount of  supporters!! We just debuted today and I feel sooooo excited for what's next. And just seeing my girlfriend there in the crowd makes my heart flutter and dance joyfully. She's my world. She's my everything. I love her so much. Forever and Always. 

April 21, 2013 

It's been a year since our debut and Exo gained a lot of popularity now! wow! And here I am crying. Men shouldn't cry, but I was crying because i'm afraid to lose my Saejin. I was afraid to lose my world. My manager just told me that if the fans find out about the relationship between Saejin and I, I have to break up with her. I don't want to do that! For fck's sake I will not break up with her! I will do anything for her.

October 30, 2013

I saw her crying and my heart clenched and I couldn't do anything about it. I needed to protect her. I love you, Saejin-ah. Always remember that. 

November 19, 2013

This was the biiggest mistake of my life. I lost the woman I love so much. My whole world collapsed by the time she slapped me and broke up with me. I was so stupid. I was so stupid. I was a bastard. I was a fool. I want to die right now. I need her back. 

November 26, 2013

I sang for her and yet I never heard her voice after that. Please comeback. I'm Sorry. 

December 5, 2013

I saw her standing there. We locked gazes at that time and it hurts. It hurts to see you turn around without looking back. I need you back. Please. 

December 16, 2013

wow I never thought Sehun would say all of those things. He's not a bastard after all. 

December 24, 2013

the day I will give her this book. It was our journey together. Hopefully this day, I will get her back. 

I was crying so much that my clothes are soaked. My eyes are redder than a tomato. 

My heart was clenching and was about to burst already. He left me speechless. I was frozen at the moment. He made this book for us. It was our book. Our beautiful love story that started 12 years ago and bloomed 6 years ago. I didn't know what to do. But at the end of the page, there was a bucket list.

Be her friend

Be her bestfriend

Kiss her

Be her boyfriend

Love her unconditionally

Be an Idol

Get her back

I was confused at that time and I was shocked when I heard my name. There was a live stream of the concert inside the dressing room. 

"Park Saejin. You know her, right? Well she's a fan. And I, too, is a fan of hers. We know each other since we were 2 years old." he said, "And to make this straight, Kayoung and I are not dating nor I never felt any romantic feelings towards her," Exo felt proud and contented with his confidence to tell all of these, "because someone already captured my heart when we were in 1st grade. That someone changed me a lot. We've been dating for 6 years already. I need her back." he was actually crying? And I was sobbing like I lost my candy. "Park Saejin, will you accept me, again?" and the crowd started to cheer and a song suddenly played, "This is for you, Saejin." 

I can call your name and I can hold your hand
Is the falling sunlight only shining on me? Can I be this happy?
You call my name and you lean on my shoulder
Is the sky’s sunlight only shining on you? Can you be that dazzling?
So lucky, my love
So lucky to have you
So lucky to be your love, I am. hmm
 

"I love you too, Baekhyun." I whispered as I cried my off. I felt so much happiness and love that night.