“Look at me, waiting for your call. Look at me, laughing by myself. Like a fool, I look at you, I can’t hide it.”

You felt him pulling away before it even happened, and who could blame him? Your schedules never matched up, you both were under stress with your finances, and neither of you wanted to take the time to sit down and talk about it. Your time on the phone during his break got shorter and shorter by the day, and the amount of texts you received while you were at work diminished. You and Himchan have been married for five months now, and it already seemed like the end sometimes. The first two months had been great, but after that, it had just gone down hill. You still loved him more than anything, and you were sure he loved you the same, but was the good really worth the bad that you two faced. Everything was so frustrating and nothing seemed to work right. When you got one step ahead, something would push you back two steps, and it was becoming tiring.

You curled up on the couch in his big sweater, taking comfort the way you used to when the two of you were in the dating stage and he was traveling all over the world. You would always curl up in his clothes, listen to his band’s love songs and wait for the texts he would send you during his break. You used to live for the next you would see him, but now you just looked forward to another awkward dinner. It had become silent between you two; you wanted to change it back to how it was. You heard the door open and looked over at the time as you perked up. It was forty minutes past midnight and he was supposed to be home at eleven pm that night.

“Himchan?” you stood up, making your way into the hallway to see him taking off his coat. You played with the hem of your sleeves, “It’s late…” You never wanted to be that wife, the nagging one that the husband would get tired of, but you really wanted to know what kept him so long.

“Yeah, and?” he asked, hanging his coat up before turning around and walking past you.

“Well, you said you would be home at eleven..” you chewed on your bottom lip as you followed him into the bedroom, playing with the ring on your left hand, “What took so long?”

“I was busy,” he replied, taking his earing out and taking his jewelry off before ing his shirt.

“Busy?” you asked, going to sit on the bed as you watched him, “With work?”

“It doesn’t matter,” he glanced at you from the mirror, his eyes clearly showing his annoyance with your questions, “But if you must know, I was out with the boys. We were celebrating our recent win.”

“Didn’t you already do that?” you asked, remembering when he had came home so trashed that you had to call Yongguk over just to get him into the bed because you couldn’t lift Himchan.

“Does it matter? We wanted to celebrate, we went to celebrate,” his voice was growing angrier by the minutes, but something in your mind was telling you to press for answers.

“So, you just decided not to tell me?” you stood up, crossing the bedroom as he took his shirt off, putting it into the hamper and ing his jeans.

“I didn’t know you were my mother, ______,” he said dryly.

“Your mother?” you asked, grabbing his arm and turning him towards you, crossing your arms over your chest, “Well, excuse me for thinking that I earned the right to know where you were when we said ‘I do.’ Excuse me for being worried about you, husband.”

“Oh don’t start that, ______,” he said, shrugging your hands off and rolling his eyes, “You’re my wife, not my mother. There is a difference. You don’t have to know everything.”

“You’re being ridiculous, Himchan!” you said, your voice raising to match his, “Besides, I thought we agreed to both cut down on the spending to save up for that house?”

“No, you agreed and made me agree,” he said, going to walk to the bathroom before you moved in front of him, “_____, move.”

“No, we’re going to talk about this,” you replied, crossing your arms in front of your chest.

“No, no we are not! I’m done with this conversation! I’m done with you always on my back!” he stepped closer, causing you to step back, your arms going to your sides in shock, “I’m done having to explain everything to you! I want to do what I want!” You opened your mouth, to tell him he was free to do as he pleased, that you just wanted to know he was safe, but he cut you off, “I’m done with you!” he yelled before buttoning his jeans again and grabbing a t-shirt, slipping it on and grabbing his wallet before leaving, slamming the door shut behind him. You felt your entire world slipping from your grips, tears streaming down your face as you fell down to the floor, leaning against the dresser for support as you cried harder. Your hands and legs shook, keeping you from standing or moving to a more comfortable place. You stayed in that position, tears still streaming, for another hour, your heart hurting as you thought about where Himchan was. Even after what he said about being done with you, you love him and only want him safe. You truly were a fool, to think Himchan said those vowels and then turned around and said those cruel words to you. You were just worried, you loved him, and it was natural to worry. Didn’t he ever worry about your whereabouts? You felt more tears fill your eyes before hearing your phone ring from on the nightstand. You found the energy to crawl over there, grabbing it a second too late, missing the call. You got a voice mail and opened it, listening carefully.

“Baby? Jagiya? Please tell me you’re still there… I was a fool. I wasn’t myself. I’m sorry, jagiya. I… I don’t deserve your forgiveness, I said things I didn’t mean, but.. please… just stay there, please? I’m headed home… Baby? … I love you.”

He felt like trash. He had done the one thing he had always sworn he would never do. He had hurt the love of his life and in turn hurt himself too. Even as the words were coming out of his mouth, his heart and mind were screaming that they weren’t right, that he wasn’t right, that she was just worried and loved him, but he couldn’t stop them from coming out. He hurt her in some of the worst ways and seeing her cry before he left truly broke his heart. He had been the cause of his wife’s tears. The precious star that is his ______… he had caused the light in her to fizzle out. He had killed the spark inside his life partner. The tears that he had once wiped from her cheeks, he had multiplied by ten. He rushed home as quick as he could, dreading that he would be returning home to an empty house. He didn’t deserve someone as amazing as ______. She had been nothing but caring and loving to him and he turned and was an . He truly was a monster. Himchan rushed into the house and ran into the bedroom, stopping and letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as he saw you sitting on the ground by the bed, your phone laying beside you and tears streaming down your face. He crossed the bedroom and kneeled before you, his brow furrowed as he looked at you with shame in his eyes.

“B-Baby… Yeobo?” he bit his lip and almost sighed in relief when you actually looked up at him. He reached forward and wiped your tear-stained cheeks with his thumbs, pressing his lips to your forehead, “I… I’m so sorry, yeobo.”

“I…” you tried to speak but only ended up crying more. Himchan felt his heart break more and he gathered you into his arms, pulling you into his lap and rocking you gently.

“I’m so sorry, yeobo. I was a fool and an ,” he buried his face into your hair as you held tightly to his shirt, “I didn’t mean anything I said, yeobo. Please believe me when I say I love you and I didn’t mean anything I said. I love when you worry over me and I know you just love me and want me safe. I was just stressed and that isn’t an excuse for what I did, but please baby, find it in your heart to forgive a fool like me?” It took you sometime to calm down, in which Himchan wouldn’t stop muttering ‘sorry’ and ‘I love you’. Once you calmed down and stopped crying, you pulled back slightly, wiping at your cheeks. He looked at you, wiping your tears as his eyes pleaded with yours.

“I…” you paused, sniffling slightly before nodding and hugging him tightly, “I forgive you, Himchan.”

“Y-You do?” he froze, as if he didn’t believe your words.

“Himchan, when we said… ‘I do’, it was for better or worse,” you said, wiping at your nose, “We… We had a fight. That’s normal for married couples, right? It’s… I… I forgive you because I love you and I want to work this out.”

“I love you too,” he nodded firmly, kissing your forehead again, “I… If that’s normal for married couples, then let’s not be normal ever again, okay? I don’t want to fight with you like that, _____. I love you and I never want to hurt you like that again.” You let out a soft laugh, nodding and pressing your lips to his gently before resting your forehead against his. “I love you, Mrs. Kim Himchan.”

“And I love you, Mr. Kim Himchan.”