“My feet are running to you. I miss you. It hurts so much that I can’t hold it in. I will tell you. I love you.”

You stared at the envelope on the coffee table, the bold words staring up at you as you held your head in your hands. You had applied for a full-ride scholarship for a college, knowing the chances of you receiving it were low, and you never expected to actually get accepted. Everything was perfect; they were basically paying you to go to school there. The only problem, it was overseas. You didn’t know how Daehyun was going to react to this news. You and Daehyun had been together for almost three years now, and were as much in love as you were in the beginning. He was your everything, as you were his, but you both knew your boundaries. You knew that he would be traveling a lot and you understood that, so maybe he won’t be too worried about you going overseas? It’s not like you see much of each other anyway, mainly sticking to video calls and while you were content with him, you were getting antsy just staying home and working all the time. You wanted to follow your dreams and so you applied for the college of your dreams. You had gotten the acceptance letter four weeks ago and had been keeping it from Daehyun, but you hated keeping secrets from him, so you decided to tell him today. You heard a knock on the door and got up, going to answer it and smiling as Daehyun was waiting outside for you.

“Jagiya!” he smiled and came in, wrapping his arms around you and kissing you passionately, “I missed you so much!”

“I missed you too, Dae,” you wrapped your arms around his neck, pressing your forehead against his.

“I’m really glad we both had free time today, Jagi,” he smiled and kissed you again before you led him to the couch.

“I really need to talk to you, Daehyun,” you spoke quietly, seeing him furrow his brow in confusion as his expression went serious. He nodded, coaxing you to start talking. You grabbed the envelope from the table and handed it to him, watching as he took it and opened to, reading it. His face looked proud until he got to the end, seeing the location stamped on the letter.

“______…” he looked up at you, furrowing his brow more, “Y-You’re leaving? Going overseas?”

“I… I don’t know yet, honestly,” you said, taking the letter and setting it aside, “It’s an amazing opportunity, Daehyun.”

“But you’re leaving me,” he said, his voice growing angry.

“Dae, please don’t look at it like that,” you said, feeling your heart beating faster, preparing for the argument that would ensue, “You know this is what I’ve been wanting from the get go.”

“Don’t look at it like that?” he repeated, laughing dryly, “That is exactly what this is! You are leaving me, to go to school! You just don’t care enough about me to stay!”

“Daehyun, I’m not leaving you, I would just be… moving… temporarily,” you said, watching as he stood, waving his arms around, “Please, baby, you know I love you.”

“You’re completely leaving me! You’re leaving me to go to school overseas,” he furrowed his brow, his expression showing how angry he was.

“Is it any different from you?” you asked, regretting the words as soon as they came out, watching his expression go sad.

“Don’t say that. It’s not the same, ______,” he said, turning away from you, his voice sounding like he was going to cry.

“Not the same? It’s the exact same, Daehyun,” you said, standing up and walking over to him.

“It’s not the same,” he repeated, looking to the floor, “It’s not like I want to leave you… I have to.”

“To follow your dream?” you asked, tilting your head.

“Singing is my dream, yes, but it’s also my career,” he said softly, turning to you, “I have to go on tour.”

“But you don’t have to be a singer,” you pointed out, crossing your arms in front of your chest, “You’re a singer because it’s your dream. I have never once held you back from your dream, so who are you to hold me back from mine? If I allow you to leave without complaints to follow your dreams, then why can’t I?”

“It’s not the same! You knew when we got together that I would have to leave,” he said, furrowing his brow in anger again.

“So now that you found out I have dreams of my own, you want to keep me under lock and key?” you shot back, grabbing his arm and turning him, “I have dreams and aspirations too, Daehyun! I’m not the kind to just sit at home and do nothing!”

“No, instead you want to get up and leave me!” he yelled back, causing you to take a step back.

“I’m not leaving you, Daehyun! I’m following my dreams! Don’t you want me happy? I’m not happy putting my dreams aside, Dae!” you yelled back, your eyes filling with tears.

“If you’re not happy with me and you want to leave, then do so! I won’t hold you back!” he scoffed as you froze, tears starting to escape.

“I’ll be leaving in three days for the states. My plane will take off at 3pm. If you decide to come to your senses and stop being a hypocrite, you know where to find me,” you said, grabbing his arm and pulling him to the door, opening it and pushing him out, closing the door in his face. You heard him kick the door before shouting that he was leaving.

The next three days went by slowly, you spending your time packing for your sudden flight and Daehyun immersing himself into practice. The other members knew this was taking it out of Daehyun to be going through this, but they also know that you had every right to kick him out. He was being ridiculous; something Himchan had no problem telling him straight out. While Yongguk took the more delicate route, telling him that maybe you two just need to talk it out calmly, that you both were just worked up that day by emotions. Daehyun just ignored both of them, basically living inside the practice room off water and ramen. He didn’t even really have the appetite to eat, everything was wrong and he wasn’t going to be the first one to fix it.

“Dae, she’s leaving today,” Yongguk mentioned on the day that you were set to fly out, hoping to coax Daehyun to finally go after you, “Don’t send her away like this. Both of you are hurting.”

“She’s the one who decided to leave,” Daehyun said, practicing their recent choreography, “It’s not my fault.” Yongguk went silent, fuming before he went over and stopped the music.

“Do you really believe that?” Yongguk finally spoke up, his voice filled with anger that had slowly been boiling over, “Do you really believe she is going to school in spite of you?” Daehyun turned in shock, his eyes wide, “What would you do if she asked you to stop being a part of B.A.P because she wanted you to stay here?”

“I…” Daehyun sighed, looking away, “I would tell her that I’m really sorry, but I can’t do that. Singing is my passion, my dream, and B.A.P is a huge part of my life. I would tell her that I understand if she wants to leave me for refusing to leave B.A.P, but that I couldn’t do it.”

“She would never ask you to leave us, because she doesn’t want to be the one that gets between you and your dream,” Yongguk pointed out, “She loves you too much to come between you and your singing.”

“I get it,” he said dryly.

“So who are you to come between her and her dream?” Yongguk continued, “If you really loved her, you would be the supporting boyfriend she needs, not this selfish one that is hurting her.” Daehyun went silent once more, staring at his feet before sighing.

“I really messed up, huh?” he asked, sighing again, “I’m the worst boyfriend in the world.”

“She just wants you to support her, Daehyun. Go after her, go see her off with a smile, tell her you love her and that you’ll wait for her to return,” Yongguk said, putting his hand on Daehyun’s shoulder in comfort, “It’s 2pm. She leaves at 3.”

Daehyun looked at his phone, seeing a picture of you before nodding, running out of the practice room after grabbing his wallet. He ran down the stairs and onto the sidewalk, waving down a taxi and jumping in, giving the address and telling him to hurry. The taxi driver nodded, quickly speeding down the road and highway. Daehyun could see the airport in view, feeling his heart beating faster as he got closer. He heard the taxi driver groan, stopping the taxi and pointing out the unmoving traffic in front of them. Daehyun pulled out cash and pushed it at the man, telling him thank you before getting out, running down the road, weaving through the cars to get to the sidewalk, feeling sweat break across his skin as he ran towards the airport. He burst through the revolving doors, looking around wildly, ignoring the murmurs and screams of some people as he went up to an information booth, asking for the flight to the states. They pointed him to Gate 9 and he nodded, running once more, not noticing that a few straggling fans began following him. He finally makes it to the gate where security are holding him back, telling him that the plan was making its way down the runway. He fell to his knees; tears filling his eyes as he looked out the window, seeing the plane go by and take off. He buried his face into his hands, crying and ignoring all the photos being taken until he felt arms make their way around his, pulling him to his feet. He looked over to see Himchan and Yongguk holding onto him, Himchan slipping his sunglasses off and onto Daehyun’s to hide his puffy red eyes. The bodyguards covered Daehyun and the boys as they led them outside where their manager was waiting at the van. They ushered them into the van before it took off, heading to the boy’s dorm. Yongguk helped Daehyun inside as Himchan was opening the doors, the other boys shooting up in shock at the state of their hyung. Daehyun brushed them off and went into their room, shutting the door behind him and collapsing onto his bed, not even bothering to take off his sweaty work-out clothes. He didn’t care about anything anymore. He lost his girl, his star, his _____. He lost the one person he could always count on to care for him and be there when he needed her, but he pushed her away and now she was gone forever. He laughed dryly, rolling over and burying his face into his pillow. He didn’t blame you for leaving. He was an and he didn’t deserve you to even speak to him again. He didn’t deserve anything. He heard the door open but didn’t move, feeling the bed dip beside him.

“Hyung?” he heard Youngjae’s voice beside him. The two were close and they would always tease each other, but he knew Youngjae would be there for him in times of need. He felt bad for not responding but he didn’t have any energy to even exist at the moment. “It’s… I can’t lie and say it’s going to be okay. I know you loved her a lot, so it’s not going to be okay for a while, but I’m here if you need me, okay?”

“Yeah, hyung, we’re all here,” he heard Zelo say from across the room. He grunted in response, tears starting to escape and soak into his pillow again. He didn’t want their comfort. He wanted you. He wanted your smile, your laugh, your breath fanning across his face as you rested beside him, your hand in his, your body pressing against his as he hugged you goodnight. He wanted you, but he couldn’t have that anymore.

“Boys, leave him be for a while,” Yongguk spoke quietly, ushering all the boys out except Youngjae, who remained sitting on the bed. He felt Youngjae pat his back gently before getting up, flicking the lights off and shutting the door behind him as he left. He remained alone in that room for the next hour or so, he lost track after the first wave of tears hit. He could still smell your shampoo lingering on his pillow from where you napped with him a week ago. He could still feel your hands lingering on his arms and chest as you clung to him. He could feel the last traces of your presence flittering away and he was desperate to hang onto any last string of you he could get. Later that night, when everyone hesitantly piled into the room and into their beds, he looked over to his nightstand, seeing a picture of you resting there. He finally had enough energy to get up and rushed into the bathroom, suddenly feeling sick. He sat on the bathroom floor, on the verge of throwing up, for another hour or two until he made his way into the spare room. It was too small for any of them to sleep in comfortably, but it would allow him to be alone. He shut the door and locked it, curling up in the corner and closing his eyes, his exhausted body finally shutting down for the night.

He awoke in the morning to the calls of his name from all the other member’s mouth. He wanted to call out to them, but at the same time, he wanted to be left alone. He heard footsteps in front of the door and someone jiggle the handle, calling out to the other’s that they found him. He heard his dongsaengs pleading for him to open the door and his hyung’s telling him that he had responsibilities to fulfill. He ignored them, remaining silent until he heard a sigh and Yongguk tell everyone that they had to get going, with or without Daehyun. He remained like that for the next few days, only getting out when the others weren’t there for water and to use the restroom. He tried to eat several times but only ended up throwing it back up, not able to stomach anything.

It was exactly five days after you had left that Yongguk had gotten fed up with Daehyun’s behavior. He went online, booking a flight and stuffing a bag full of Daehyun’s clothes before going to the spare room, shouldering the door and breaking the handle, pulling Daehyun up by the arm and dragging him into the bathroom.

“Get cleaned up,” he said firmly, Daehyun looking at him like he lost his mind, “You are miserable and you haven’t showered in almost a week. You smell like the walking dead and you are not going in public looking like that.”

“I’m not going out,” Daehyun stated, shaking his head.

“Yes you are,” Yongguk shot back, reaching to turn the shower head on, “And you know where you are going? You are going to the states. You are heading out on a flight and you are going to chase her down.”

“She doesn’t want to see me,” he mumbled miserably, turning to the shower.

“Bull,” Daehyun looked to Yongguk in shock, “That’s right. You are full of . She is probably as miserable as you, if not more, considering she’s in a foreign place by herself.” Daehyun stayed silent, listening to Yongguk talk, “You care about her, right? If you really care about her, you are going to get on that plane and fly after her. You know why? Because you love her and she loves you and you screwed up so you’re the one who’s going to have to grow some balls and earn her back.”

“What about the company?” Daehyun asked softly.

“To hell with the company! It’s not like you’re even listening to them anyway!” Yongguk had a point. He had been ignoring the company’s calls and emails for the past five days. Daehyun finally nodded, pushing Yongguk out and quickly showering, changing into fresh clothes and coming out, only to be hit by a bag. “Here, I packed your clothes and here is your ticket. Hurry up. You’re not missing this flight.”

Daehyun rushed out the door and onto the sidewalk, having a sense of déjà vu as he hailed the taxi, climbing in and telling him the address. He reached the airport and paid the driver, jumping out and rushing to the gate on his ticket, through customs and baggage check and into his seat, barely making it on time.

When his flight landed, he couldn’t get out of there fast enough for his liking but finally stepped out of the airport, hailing a taxi and heading for the school. He got onto campus and looked around, biting his lip as he didn’t know where to go. He couldn’t remember what you had come here for, trying to search his brain for a hint.

-

“Jagi, where do you see yourself in the future?” Daehyun asked you as you rested in his arms, absentmindingly caressing his shoulders and arms with your fingertips, sending shivers up and down his spine.

“How far in the future, Dae?” you smiled as you felt his fingers ghost down your spine, lingering at your waist.

“Mmm… ten, no, twenty years from now,” he replied, smiling and nodding as if it was the best question ever asked.

“Twenty years? Well, we’ll be around forty, ne?” you hummed softly and rested your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as you thought, “I see us married with kids, in their teens, of course. I’m not having kids at the age of 39, sorry.” You heard him let out a laugh and felt his heartbeat speed up, “You’ll be promoting solo or maybe have your own record label with the boys and I’ll have my own fashion line, a successful one at that.”

“That sounds wonderful, jagiya,” he smiled, pressing his lips to your forehead, “I would love to have children and call you my wife.” You rose, chuckling and shaking your head teasingly.

“Is that the only thing you heard~?”

-

Fashion! That was what you had come here for! He smiled and ran with a newfound drive, asking anyone he could find about the fashion department, running into the building designated and asking around about you. He finally found a student that pointed him to your dorm building and gave him your room number. He thanked them with a bow and ran to your dorm, taking a deep breath as he stood outside the designated door. He hesitantly raised a shaking hand, knocking on the door and holding his breath. You put your computer down and came to the door, opening it and looking at him shock.

“D-Daehyun?” you furrowed your brow as you looked down your hall, as if this was just a projection or trick.

“_______..” he let out the breath he was holding and reached out to caress your face, stopping at last minute and dropping his hand, biting his lip as he looked at you, “Y-You’re… You’re still as beautiful as I remember.”

“It’s been a week and one day, Daehyun,” you reminded him gently, getting nervous as to why he was here, “Is something wrong, Dae?”

“Yes,” he said shortly, “Everything. Everything is wrong, ______. I… I was stupid. A fool. I was so worried that you didn’t want to be with me anymore, that I was the reason you wanted to go here, that I didn’t think about what you truly wanted.” He took a shaky breath as you opened your mouth, but he cut you off as he continued, “I’m sorry. I don’t deserve anything from you, I don’t deserve you, but I love you, dammit. I’ve been miserable without you. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t practice, I can’t focus… I can’t do anything. I don’t deserve it, but I’m here, right here, begging for you to forgive me. To take me back as yours. To forgive me for all the ty and stupid things I did. For acting like a fool.”

“Dae… I…” you felt your eyes grow misty as you watched him go to his knees.

“Please, ______,” he looked up at you, pleading, “I love you. I didn’t want to say goodbye to our relationship, _____. I was scared. I was always scared. I was never around and you were always alone. I… I was so used to you being there to return home. I was scared you wouldn’t be there and I would be coming home to nothing. I don’t want to come home to nothing. I want to come home to you. I didn’t want to lose you.”

“Dae…” you looked down the hall and saw some girls entering the hallway. You pulled him up and into your room quickly, “When have I ever gave you reason to doubt me not being there for you, huh?”

“You didn’t,” he said, shaking his head quickly, “I just… You were my home, _____. I may have stayed at the dorm with the boys, but you were my home. You were the reason I looked forward to coming back. I was selfish for expecting you to stay, especially since me leaving hurts you, but leaving you hurts me too, _____.” He grabbed your hands, squeezing them tightly, “I was always afraid you were going to get tired of waiting for me and not be there anymore. You going overseas… it felt like my worst nightmare was coming true.”

“I’ve been miserable too, you know,” you spoke softly, not trusting your voice to not break. You looked at your joined hand, biting your lip as tears rose in your eyes, “I’ve missed you so much. I’ve been so miserable without you; I can’t even begin to describe it. I felt like even breathing was a chore.” You cleared your throat, looking up to his face, “I was really hurt by your behavior. I felt betrayed. I felt like you didn’t care for me like I care for you… but.. I forgive you.” You smiled weakly, squeezing his hands gently, “You’re a fool, you’ve always been one, but you’re my fool. I’ll forgive you, but you have to promise me one thing.”

“Anything!” he said quickly, nodding and just wanting to pull you into his arms.

“Promise me you won’t try to hold me back,” you said softly, “I understand your fears, but me staying here is only temporary. It’s not permanent. One day I’m going to graduate and I’ll be right back there, waiting for you with open arms. You’ll always be able to count on me, Jung Daehyun. Do you understand that? You can come see me anytime, if and when it’s possible. I’ll come see you too, especially if you’re in the area.”

“______…” he nodded, finally pulling you into his arm, wrapping his arms around your waist, “I promise I won’t ever come between you and your dream ever again. I won’t. I promise to be the supportive boyfriend, cheering you on as much as possible.” You nodded softly, wrapping your arms around his neck, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Dae,” you smiled softly, leaning up and pressing your lips to his, closing your eyes as he did and pressed you closer to him, deepening the kiss as his grip on your waist tightened. You chuckled as you finally pulled away, needing air.

“I missed that,” he grinned as you hit his chest gently and muttered a ‘ert’ under your breath. He suddenly went serious again, “Jagiya, I promise this won’t come between us ever again.” You smiled and nodded, happy to be back in his arms and happy to call him yours again. “I love you so much, ______.”