The apartment was usually quiet and calm. Taeyeon and Yuri had their own way to communicate and they were comfortable in their quietness. But it only needed a Jessica Jung to break the silence.

Back in the days, unlike what most people thought of her, Jessica was the most talkative among the three of them. She and Yuri loved to joke around, teasing each other, and normally it resulted in boisterous laughter and non-stop giggles.

And when Jessica met Yuri again, they had so many catching up to do. Ever since they fetched Jessica from the airport, until the next day Jessica woke up in their extra bedroom, she and Yuri talked endlessly about their lives. While Taeyeon participated in the conversation only when necessary, Yuri kept egging on Jessica to tell her things, including the family and friends gossips.

“Well, I heard about Uncle Minwoo’s pictures with random girls in Maldives. I mean, even my mom talked about it on the phone with me. They said he should be behaving according to his age –“ Yuri rolled her eyes as she poured some cocoa to her mug.

“I think he’s just trying to cope after the divorce. Not a very wise thing to do in my opinion but, hey, who am I to judge, right?” Jessica added, flipping the pancakes. Out of the three of them, she’s also the most decent cook and her pancakes were to die for. It’s not surprising that the first night she slept in the apartment, Yuri had begged her to make breakfast.

“Sometimes people talk very harshly about him, it’s just a pity.”

“I can’t really stand how they –  oh, hi, good morning, Taeyeon!” Jessica chirped, beaming a bright smile and Taeyeon couldn’t help to smile back in return. It was such a miracle that the jet lag didn’t seem to be killing the girl. But well, if anything, they should’ve known better that Jessica’s body worked in an odd way – not to mention that she’s never had a hangover. Not ever. Not even once.

Rubbing her bleary eyes, Taeyeon sat on the stool, watching Yuri and Jessica prepare breakfast. There’s nothing for her to do on a Sunday morning. But frankly speaking, she kind of missed Jessica’s signature pancakes too.

“Hi, Taenggo,” Yuri added. Her hair was pulled up in a ponytail and she was wearing a faded blue sweatshirt. “Pancakes?”

Taeyeon didn’t think twice before she nodded and Yuri gave her a plate of pancake covered by honey syrup. Digging into her pancake, she saw Yuri took her cup of cocoa beverage and sat beside her while Jessica helped herself with the pancake.

For a while, they all sat and ate in silence. But when Taeyeon looked up, she found other pairs of eyes were staring at her and Taeyeon raised her eyebrows. “What?”

“Nothing. You just look so cute in the morning,” Jessica replied with her sweet smile and Taeyeon laughed, shaking her head.

That was one of the things about Jessica. Some called her suave, but mostly she’s just a sweet, smooth talker. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if she was joking or serious, but there’s a guarantee that she would always succeed in making Taeyeon, at least, smile.

“Isn’t she?” Yuri joined the laugh, ruffling Taeyeon’s hair until the latter swatted her hand away.

“I am cute,” Taeyeon deadpanned.

“I missed you,” Jessica blurted.

Taeyeon peered at Yuri and for an unknown reason, they all laughed. She didn’t know what it was. But looking at Jessica, then back Yuri, and back to Jessica again, Taeyeon could almost say she missed this too.

*

“I like your hair. Never thought blonde would look good on you.”

Blowing a puff of smoke out of , Taeyeon shifted her gaze and found Jessica standing next to her.

“Thanks – I guess.” Taeyeon chuckled. “It’s experimental though. I’m planning to dye it back to black next month.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. It’s just –“ Taeyeon ran her fingers through her hair and trailed off. She flicked her cigarette and took another drag, feeling the air fill her lungs.

The view from the balcony wasn’t anything spectacular. Only rows of houses and apartments, and the ocean from the distance - if you squint hard enough. She was living in the campus’ dorm before she decided to move in with Yuri in her sophomore year. Taeyeon’s father bought the place for them and they never moved ever since. Honestly, Taeyeon fancied those condos in Marina, but it was more practical to live nearer to the campus so the three bedrooms in the Sunset had to do – though it was a  whole different story for Yuri.

“So, what’s up?” Taeyeon spoke up again.

“Hm?”

“Why are you here? In SF?”

“I’m taking a break. A semester leave.”

“I mean, why here? There’s nothing to do here, really.”

“You’re saying I can’t be here? I’m not welcomed –“

“That’s not what I’m saying and you’re always welcomed. You know that. It’s just, I thought you want to do something better on your leave. Travelling somewhere –perhaps? India? Or you know, South East Asia?”

“Naah…” Jessica shook her head. “Maybe later. I’m planning to take another break next year.”  

“So?”

“So?”

“Something happened back at home that you need to run away?”

“I wouldn’t say something happened…” The smile gracing Jessica’s lips could be translated into anything and Taeyeon couldn’t read into it. “But let’s say there’s something I need to think about…”

“And you think SF is the most suitable place to do it?” Taeyeon tried to keep her tone light and laughed, but she wasn’t sure she’s doing it right.

Jessica didn’t say anything but somehow Taeyeon thought she had gotten a part of the answer. If anything, she’s the one to ask about running as far as possible from home. She knew that feeling – that need to get away from something you didn’t want to face.

It could drive you insane.

So whatever it was, the reason Jessica was there, Taeyeon decided to brush it off for now. Jessica was the closest with Yuri, and Taeyeon was certain it had something to do with that too. Maybe later Yuri would tell her, but for now Taeyeon wouldn’t press it further.

“I heard about what happened two months ago –,” Jessica suddenly said, startling Taeyeon who started to zone off.

“Oh.”

“Thank God you’re okay. It could’ve gotten you killed, you know.”

“Well, yeah.”

“Are you okay now?”

It’s a difficult question, Taeyeon pondered. Yuri always reminded her to be grateful that she’s alive, but most of the time she didn’t know why she should.

She’s trying to recover from something she didn’t even know what and though she may not be suicidal, she wouldn’t say she never thought of some ugly things.

“Tae –“

Taeyeon almost flinched when Jessica’s fingers grazed her arm.

Her eyes were filled with concern and Taeyeon diverted her gaze, not knowing how to look back.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up –“

“No, it’s fine.” Taeyeon puffed her cigarette. “I’m okay.”

“You sure?”

Timidly, Taeyeon nodded. As they dove into the silence, she thought about that question again. She might never say it to anybody, but she had lain awake at nights, trying to recall the last time she ever felt okay – and how she wanted to cry, when she finally remembered.

*

“Taeyeon…”

The room was dark and Taeyeon almost drifted off to sleep.

“Taeyeon…”

“Shhh… I’m trying to sleep….” Taeyeon mumbled. She held the girl’s arm closer and rubbed her fingers. “You sleep too…”

“Taeyeon, do you love me?”

It’s very hard to see in such lack of light, but Taeyeon eventually opened her eyes and sought the other pair just on her side.

She paused for a moment.

“I do.”

Tiffany’s lips were wet and warm, just the way Taeyeon always felt whenever they’re pressed on hers. Her hot breath tickled Taeyeon’s nose when they parted and Taeyeon latched their fingers together.

“I love you. I really do,” Taeyeon repeated, nuzzling on the crook of Tiffany’s neck.

There’s no answer. Taeyeon thought Tiffany had fallen asleep. That was the last time she kissed her. 

TBC

AN : hi, all! thank you for reading. you may not know what happened to Taeyeon now, and I think it's going to be awhile until we get there. but so far, i hope you can enjoy the story! :D

Sorry for Yulsic shippers, but I think there will be no Yulsic here. lol.