Taeyeon often thought that she wouldn’t know what to do without Yuri. Back in the beginning of their teenage years, when Taeyeon was still the cheerful and warm kid, albeit a bit awkward, Yuri had been her best confidante. After they shared the same distaste to the spoiled, arrogant, and posh kids they were unfortunately had to acquaintance because of their background, they grew to be inseparable. And when Taeyeon was suddenly shook by an incident which changed her life – and herself – Yuri remained by her side, trying to salvage whatever’s left of Taeyeon.

With the help of Jessica, who’s also close with them, and almost the second best friend for Yuri, they helped Taeyeon going through her depression. It was with them, Taeyeon recalled, that she could pass her teenage years with smile and laugh, despite the problems and burden on her shoulder.

So when Yuri’s parents decided to send their youngest daughter to the US to study after high school, Taeyeon chose to follow her. Her relationship with her father was heavily strained at that moment and Taeyeon wanted nothing else but to escape home.

Yuri had always been a bright student and was interested in business. It was a breeze going to UC Berkeley for her. She’s smart, hard working, and actively involved in organizations. Whereas Taeyeon was nearly the opposite. Her interest in art and music were never really approved within the family and the education system she went through didn’t help much. With whatever she had in her report card and her SAT score, in the end she went to San Francisco State University, studying the major her father pushed her to. She almost didn’t care, as long as she’s away from home and close to her only friend.

But things weren’t exactly smooth sailing. Taeyeon lived in the dorm and got her freedom. But somehow the depression was still ingrained in her. She tried to overcome it by partying, drinking, and sleeping around, neglecting her study. She flunked a lot of classes and had to face the wrath of the father which put the distance between them even more.

By then, on the sophomore year, in which Taeyeon had to retake a lot of her freshmen courses, Yuri decided to get out her own campus’ dorm and live with Taeyeon. The commuting was crazy and Yuri ought to have some sort of super power to be able to get through her daily schedule, going back and forth SF and Berkeley – Sooyoung would often say. But Taeyeon was in the brink of breaking down again and there’s no one else that could help her at that time.

Yuri was the only one understand what Taeyeon was going through, her history, her whole life. And as odd as it might sound, Yuri once said that she had this sort of responsibility over Taeyeon. Like she’s the sibling or anything.

Taeyeon surely owed Yuri that much.

Though despite her gentle and sisterly approach, Yuri could be pretty scary and harsh.

Like that afternoon, upon discovering Tiffany’s ‘visit’ to their apartment.

“You let that in?” Yuri shot, startling Taeyeon who was browsing the web in her room.

It’s obvious that Yuri had only woken up, judging by her messy hair and oily face, and she’s looking at Taeyeon sharply. Jessica was standing by the door, seemingly hesitant to enter.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Taeyeon replied, eyes still glued to the laptop’s screen.

“What did she want?” Yuri pressed.

“I don’t know.”

“Come on! Don’t give me that crap!” Yuri barked in English. It’s one of their habits to speak Korean among themselves, one way to retain their culture, so when Yuri started speaking in English, Taeyeon knew she was sure beyond angry.

“I don’t know, okay?! She only said she’s sorry.” Taeyeon spat back. “I asked her to go and not ever come back.”

“Oh, really? Won’t you be the one crawling back at her once you realize you miss her –“

“Yul…”

“You know what, Taeyeon? You’re full of ! You hear that? Full of ! I’ve been telling your for ages, Taeyeon. For ages! Don’t. Ever. Let. That. . In. Ever. Again. And what did you do?” Yuri pointed menacingly at Taeyeon. “She doesn’t care about your , Taeyeon. Not one bit! She’s the that pretends to be a damsel in distress –“

“Yuri, enough!”

“-so you’ll feel sorry for her and take her back even though she’s only using you. The moment she doesn’t need you anymore –“

“Yuri, please!”

“-she’ll ditch you again and treat you like trash –“

“Yuri, stop! Enough! Please shut the up!” Taeyeon exploded. She’s already facing Yuri, knuckles turning white.

“Where did she when you almost died two months ago? Did she care?” Yuri went on though her tone had softened.

“I did not almost die and she said she went back to Korea –“

“See? You’re defending her!”

“I am not. I’m just stating facts!”

“Whatever, Taeyeon. Listen, I don’t want to see her near you ever again, let alone in our place. Next time I see her here, I’m afraid I have to call the police.”

Without letting Taeyeon respond, Yuri turned around and exited the room, while Taeyeon fell back on her chair, face buried in her palms.

*

Taeyeon had many types of friends – if knowing their names and talking them occasionally constituted as being friends. College friends, high school friends, clubbing friends, study friends, family friends, and other sort of friends. And these friends were the ones grouped in the I-Know-Your-Father friends. Basically, they’re the children of her father’s colleague in his vast network who also happened to live in or around San Francisco at the moment. Most of them went to Berkeley – or Cal, like Yuri. One in UCSF and only Taeyeon was in SFSU.

Fortunately, the kids in San Francisco were the ones that Taeyeon could bear to be with. Most of them were pretty humble, despite their family’s powerful ties back home, and grounded. Maybe they’re still spoiled – one wouldn’t drive any car other than Porsche, but not in the way that gave Yuri and Taeyeon massive headache.

That night was just one of their outings where they booked a suite in a hotel, playing video games and drinking, while chatting up each other. The host for that day was Jay, son of the media mogul in South Korea and a renowned politician.  He’s an MBA student at Berkeley and was about to graduate this year.

“Drink, Taeyeon, drink!” He always bellowed, laughing.

The event was just like usual, except for a new face that suddenly caught Taeyeon’s attention. A girl, only a bit taller than herself, wearing a black jacket and white pants. Her hair was long and wavy – that later Taeyeon realized as the work of a curling iron , and her smile was so dazzling Taeyeon was stunned for awhile.

She instantly became the most gorgeous girl in the room for Taeyeon, and she couldn’t take her eyes off her since then.

She wasn’t even aware that she’s staring until the girl smiled at her and Taeyeon had to tear her gaze away. She was about to escape when Jay suddenly called her. The girl was tailing him.

“Taeyeon, let me introduce – Tiffany Hwang. You know her? She’s the daughter of Mr Hwang Jae Jin – the Hwang Pharmaceuticals group,” Jay explained, motioning Taeyeon to the smiling girl in front of them. “And this is Kim Taeyeon. Well, you know her. Her father is everywhere!”

“Hi, Taeyeon.” Tiffany offered her a hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“Hi. Nice to meet you too.” Taeyeon shook the hand and cleared .

“I just transferred to Cal this year and this is the first time I’m meeting you guys here.”

“Oh…”

There’s nothing much Taeyeon could say. She’s too busy silently admiring Tiffany to be fully involved in the conversation, as Jay introduced Tiffany to more people and they started talking about the school, that she was wary Tiffany would find her boring.

But somehow, they ended up standing in the balcony, just the two of them, enjoying the sight of the Golden Gate Bridge at night.

“Gorgeous, isn’t it?” Tiffany commented, flashing her not-for-the-faint-hearted smile again.

“It is.”

In the silence, Taeyeon could almost hear the beating of her heart. It hadn’t been the first time Taeyeon was infatuated with someone, but it was the strongest after awhile.

The wind was brushing Tiffany’s hair and Taeyeon suddenly had the urge to tuck it behind her ear.

“So, Taeyeon, where do you go to school?”

“Well…”

They kept talking until everyone else passed out.

*

Jessica didn’t mean to leave Yuri and Taeyeon alone at the apartment. If anything, she wanted to comfort them. But Yuri was too angry to be approached and Taeyeon slammed her bedroom door shut not long after.

Not knowing what else to do, Jessica grabbed her camera and a map and left. After leaving a note for Yuri, she wandered around aimlessly, hopping on the cable cars, taking pictures along the way, noting what to write on her blog later.

It’s already dark when she arrived at a street lined up with restaurants, bars, and clubs. And for some reason, she found herself in front of a bar with a rainbow flag hanging from one of its neon sign and a “Ladies Only” board in front.

Her whole life, Jessica had never been to a lesbian bar before. She never did it in Korea, afraid that word would travel around to her family. But right now she’s in that intersection where she’s debating with herself if she should go in or not.

One part of her heart was hesitant, opting to ask for Yuri’s company next time. But the other part of her also desperately needed distraction, wanting to clear her minds from things – including a girl she didn’t have an idea how to deal with at the moment, and stepping into a strange place could be an exciting challenge.

However, in the end one side won and Jessica held her breath as she navigated her way inside the small building.

There were music, and laugh, and women – a lot of women. Various kinds of women. The butches, the lipsticks – Jessica could only match so much with the stereotypes, and she felt somewhat anxious when some of them laid their eyes on her.

Mustering whatever’s left of her confidence, she sat at the bar, ordering a glass of beer. Carefully observing her surroundings, she began to relax when nobody bothered her. She had had her share of being hit on a regular club or bar by men and honestly she didn’t want that right now.

But then she changed her mind.

“Hi – Hello. I know this will sound so awkward and honestly, maybe a bit racist, I don’t know. Well, my friends over there said I need to talk to you because you’re Asian. Yup, sounds racist already – oh my God what am I talking about – but here it goes anyway… But I think it’s just because you’re pretty. Very pretty I must add. And I hope you’re not waiting for your girlfriend cause that would be….awkward. Um… yeah. Anyways, my name’s Yoona. What’s yours?”

She spoke so fast Jessica barely registered it in her mind, but nonetheless, she thought this Yoona girl – she’s also very pretty, and Jessica wondered how in the world she could be so lucky on her first time in a lesbian bar.

“Jessica. My name’s Jessica.”

“Hi, Jessica. Can I buy you a drink?”

“Sure.”

“Sweet…” Yoona grinned and for a brief moment Jessica saw her giving a punch in the air toward her friends who apparently were sitting on a booth nearby. “Hayley, babe, rum and coke please…,” she told the bartender. ”What would you like?”

“Rum and coke is fine…”

“Make it two, Hayley babe.” Yoona smiled at Jessica. “So, where are you from? I take it you’re not from around here?”

“South Korea.”

“No way!” Yoona slammed the bar, wide eyed.

And that was how they started the endless laugh.

==

There was a time where Jessica envied Yuri. Well, a lot of people envied Yuri. She’s clever, good looking, and popular. The genetics lottery had been so kind to her it’s almost unfair. No wonder she had so many admirers and haters at the same time.

But they’re not the things Jessica was envious about Yuri.

It seemed so silly Jessica would never be able to tell anyone. How she often felt a pang of jealousy every time she saw Yuri and Taeyeon together.

They were so close, so bonded, that they always seemed like having their own world. Their inside jokes, their talk, their view of things – sometimes Jessica couldn’t even understand.

At the beginning Jessica thought it was because she never had a very close friend before – due to her family’s constant move, so she longed that kind of deep connection with someone. In which you could be yourself, completely understood and accepted. Having someone you could share your life with and would listen about your day – good or bad.

It’s only years later Jessica would understand.

It’s never about the relationship. It’s never about the bond. Or Yuri.

It’s about Taeyeon.

TBC

A/N : Please drop comments if you'd like... :)