Everyone adored Hayeon, especially her father. He loved her to bits, always bragged about her to his colleagues and friends.

Hayeon ranks first in her class. Hayeon’s in the dean’s list. Hayeon interns in our company every summer.  Hayeon’s the vice president of the students’ body. Hayeon’s captain of the school’s softball team.

There was no one more perfect than her sister, Taeyeon often thought. She’s everything a parent would want for a child. Even more than Yuri who Taeyeon already considered as very qualified in the ‘model child’ department. She listened well, did what was told and always mingled with the ‘right’ people. She also had something their father referred as the ‘ambition’. The thirst to be on the top, highly competitive traits. 

Taeyeon loved her sister. But it could hurt always being the second. Taeyeon was the eldest, but her family always told her to look up to her little sister. Her father, particularly, looked at her like she was such a failure. She had struggled at school even since a very young age, and didn’t have any interest in business, law, or any major profession in her family.

When Taeyeon expressed her aspiration to be a painter, her father promptly shot her down, saying ‘it doesn’t make money’. She was seven years old.

At parties, Taeyeon’s father would always introduce Hayeon first. He paraded her around, proudly showing her off to everyone, while Taeyeon would stay at the back, wishing she could be home as soon as possible.

At family gatherings, it’s always Hayeon’s achievements that everyone talked about. And when it came to Taeyeon, most people would only be like ‘It’s okay, Taeyeonnie. Work harder’ and maybe gave a pat on the back or two.

Back then, Taeyeon used to run to her mother to confide. Taeyeon was rather pessimistic in nature, so every time something brought her down, her mother was the one to elevate her mood. Despite the disapproval from her husband, she sent Taeyeon to painting, singing, and music lessons – the things Taeyeon was interested in.

Taeyeon could say that she loved her mother much more than her father. In front of her, Taeyeon could talk, cry, whine – be completely herself. Her mother was her rock. Something that she could hold on to.

When she tried to impress her father and failed, her mother would appreciate her effort. She kept every card, every painting, and listened to every song Taeyeon played for her. 

“Appa loves you too, Taeyeon. He might be harsh on you, but he does. Don’t ever think otherwise,” her mother would often remind her each time her father criticized her.

That was hard to believe, obviously. But Taeyeon thought that even if it’s not true, she’s already happy that her mother loved her. She’s the only reason Taeyeon never gave up on life. The only one that understood. The only one that loved her. Unconditionally.

So when she died, Taeyeon’s life began to crumble.

*

“I will be busy at school. Got an event I have organize there, so I’m afraid I won’t be home for the next two or three days. Do whatever you want to do. I’ll give you Hyoyeon’s number. If you need a company she’ll always up for anything – that kid… Don’t worry about Taeyeon. If she’s having a bad mood, well, you know what to do – just leave her alone. I’m sorry I have to leave you –“

“It’s okay. I don’t need you to babysit me anyway… That’s not the reason why I’m here –“

“Sure, sure. You know, we have to talk more about this. Maybe after I get back? I’ll treat you to the best BBQ place in town.”

“That’s cool.”

“If you need anything, just call me ok?”

“Okay.”

“And Jessica… umm, if that ever comes here, tell me okay? Don’t let her in. But just in case – you call me, understand?”

“Kay, captain!”

Jessica saluted and Yuri ruffled her hair. After punching Hyoyeon’s number on Jessica’s phone, the older girl hauled her bag and went downstairs, waving her hand for the last time at Jessica as she walked away.

That was how it went two days ago before Yuri left the apartment. And now, on the third day, Jessica got a call from her cousin that she hadn’t be able to come home yet. She mentioned something about the problem with the committees and that she would be staying at her boyfriend’s place for the next day.

The apartment was exceptionally quiet without Yuri, Jessica noticed. She tried to talk to Taeyeon, but most of the time the older girl was hard to approach. She’s locked in her bedroom almost all the time and only out on meal times.

Jessica knew it’s probably Taeyeon’s mechanism to cool down after what happened a few days ago, so she didn’t bother her. She opted to spend her time outside, exploring more of San Francisco, and hang out with her newfound friend, Yoona.

After their first meeting at the bar, Jessica and Yoona exchanged numbers and it only took a day for Yoona to call her. “I hope I’m not freaking you out…,” Yoona had said, earning a laugh from Jessica.

Jessica enjoyed Yoona’s company. The girl, who happened to be the same age as her, was energetic and enthusiastic. They also had the same taste on food, movies, and music, making it easy for them to relate to each other.

They only had met for two times since that night at the bar, but they felt like old friends already.

But what quite shocking was that Yoona went to same school as Jessica. And Yoona was surprised even more when Jessica mentioned her last name and major.

“You’re the Jessica Jung?” Yoona stared at Jessica incredulously. They were at this coffee shop Yoona frequented on a bright afternoon, ordering two cups of cappuccino – Yoona’s recommendation because she liked the unique latte art. “I heard some of my friends talking about you. You’re kind of popular you know?”

Jessica wasn’t that conceited to admit that she knew that fact, but she smiled anyway. “I hope they’re not talking bad about me.”

“I don’t know. Mostly they’re just wondering who you’re dating and all that. The guys – you know?” Yoona shrugged.

“Well, I’m not dating anyone.”

“I’ll make sure to inform them later.”

Laughing, Jessica slapped Yoona’s arm.

Other than that, they also talked about the reason Yoona was in San Francisco. Apparently, she’s also on a break – it’s her second semester on break already. But unlike Jessica, she’s using the break to work at her cousin’s start-up company as an intern.

“I basically do the marketing. Helping to promote our site and devising plans,” Yoona explained.

"Other than that, what do you do?”

“I play music. I have a band.”

“A band?” Jessica tilted her head.

“Yeah. My cousin’s friend – now also my friend – has a band and he invited me to join. I play the bass. We’re doing small gigs on weekends or any other night at lounges.”

“Must be fun.”

“I like it. The pay’s not big – we even play at free concerts sometimes – but it’s nice enough and I get to meet all the ladies.” Yoona chuckled. “You should come to our gig sometimes.”

“I’d love to. When is the next one?”

“Ah… that… I’m not sure actually. Our guitarist just quit. Got a job in New York.”

“Oh…”

“We’re auditioning for a new one though. Probably next week.”

Jessica only nodded. She imagined Yoona playing the guitar. The girl was tall, maybe as tall as Yuri, and obviously her a certain classic beauty. Her face reminded Jessica of a Korean actress – the one with a BB Cream CF. She would make a famous celebrity, Jessica silently mused. She wondered how many fans the girl had.

“What?”

“Huh?” Jessica blinked.

“You’re smiling by yourself.”

“Really?” Jessica blushed, nervously rubbing her nose. “Nothing.”

Yoona laughed again. “You’re a bad liar.”

It was when Yoona sipped her coffee something popped out in Jessica’s mind.

“Yoona, did you say that your band needs a new guitarist?”

*

“I don’t think that’s a very good idea.”

“But it could be good for her,” Jessica insisted.

“She hasn’t been playing that thing since a couple of years ago.” Yuri, drying her hair with a towel, sat at the couch.

Jessica frowned. “She was very good. I think she still is.”

“I know she is… But…” Yuri crossed her legs.

“She needs to go out, Yuri.”

“And you think I haven’t tried to –“

“Sometimes I think at some point you just stopped trying.”

Jessica didn’t mean to be harsh. But she thought it was somewhat true. Yuri had been with Taeyeon long enough, dealt with her since forever, that perhaps she had built a tolerance over Taeyeon’s reluctance to do something about her life. Not that it was her fault. But Taeyeon needed more than just a little push, especially right now.

“Sorry, I didn’t –“

“Maybe you’re right,” Yuri cut, heaving a deep breath. “Sometimes I don’t know what to do about her anymore that I just ignore those things.”

“You’ve done a lot, Yuri…”

“Who’s this new friend of yours again?”

“Yoona. She’s also from Korea, living here with her cousin she works with.”

Dropping her towel to the floor, Yuri lolled her head back. “How are you going to convince Taeyeon to do it?”

“We just have to.”

When Yuri lifted her head, Jessica was grinning at her.

*

“Chianti?” Taeyeon raised an eyebrow at the bottle Tiffany showed her.

“It’s perfect!” Tiffany chimed.

Taeyeon shook her head, smiling amusedly. Taeyeon had found that Tiffany was fond of wine and always had a recommendation for every occasion.

The sky was clear and the night, thankfully, wasn’t windy. Taeyeon was rather surprised that Tiffany picked this place, a hill in Bernal Heights, for tonight. After dinner in Taeyeon’s favorite Chinese restaurant, she thought Tiffany would take her home. But instead, they ended up here.

To be honest, Taeyeon would pick Twin Peaks any other day for a sitting-under-the-stars. But she had to say this place was quite nice too. An unsung gem of the city at its best.

With almost nobody around, they sat on the grass, watching the constellations and the city lights. Taeyeon had forgotten when was the last time she went to someplace like this.

Tiffany was right. It’s perfect for with a bottle wine.

“Here –“ Tiffany handed her a glass of the drink.

“Thanks..” Taeyeon smiled, watching Tiffany sip her wine. She looked wonderful tonight, with a red dress underneath her jacket and a pair of black heels. Taeyeon swore Tiffany had that glow on her, something that made her so mesmerizing. So different than any other girl Taeyeon had ever met.

Had it been her eyes, her smile, or her lips, Taeyeon didn’t know.

“Thank you,” Taeyeon suddenly said.

“For what?”

“For bringing me here.”

“Ah… Jay told me about this place. Apparently he used to come here a lot to make out with his exes.”

“Oh…”

They burst out laughing.

“Well… I can’t say that this is not a perfect place to do that…” Taeyeon smirked, though she could feel her cheeks heating up.

“Isn’t it romantic?”

“I’m not very good in the romantic department.”

“Really?”

Staring at each other’s eyes, Taeyeon’s heart started beating out of her chest. The night was beautiful, Tiffany was very, very beautiful.

“Tiff…”

As Taeyeon’s gaze fell on Tiffany’s lips, Tiffany closed the gap between them.

Taeyeon opened her eyes. Lately, she had been replaying her and Tiffany’s moments in her head and it always made her stomach twist.

She hated this. She hated that she had to think about their first date, their first kiss, and that no matter how much she detested the girl, she still missed her.

Her phone vibrated once again under her pillow. Another call from the same number – Taeyeon knew. A call she excruciatingly had to resist for the sake of her own sanity.   

Biting her fist, Taeyeon paced around in her room, cursing herself.

Why couldn’t she just block that number? Change her own? Pretend she didn’t exist?

I can’t, I can’t, I can’t –

“Hello?”

==

“Hey… Why are you crying?”

“Nothing.”

“It’s not nothing.”

“Just…stupid people.”

“Those bullies don’t deserve your tears.”

“I only love you guys.”

“We know.” She grinned. “Hey, I think I have a song for you.”

“Really?”

“Jessie~ My Jessie~ Our loveable Jessi~” She strummed her guitar.

“So cheesy! Did Yuri write those lyrics?”

“Don’t cry.”

TBC

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