AN: I originally meant for this to be a one-shot, but I wanted to try a full-length angst story, just to see if I could do it. I have no idea where I plan to go with this, and I apologize for the lack of other updates. This week has been…well…bad. In the meantime, enjoy!

A good song to listen to is 1004(Angel) from BAP during this part, pretty much the story.

“So that’s it? No more?”

His lip trembled as he stared at the man ahead of him and his stoic face. He looked to be in pain from the way he held his hand tightly clenched into a fist. Taemin held his elbow with one hand, trying to keep his thoughts at bay.

It hurt, knowing all they had had disappeared in an instant. It hurt knowing there was so much unresolved, but the relationship had been so badly broken that nothing could fix it.

“Yeah…that’s it.”

Those would be the last calm words he would hear from him as his lover. He let out a ragged sigh and nodded, letting one tear form in his eye. He wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing him cry. He wouldn’t give anyone the satisfaction of seeing him in pain.

He looked up, unaware that tears glazed over his vision as he held back a sob.

“I guess then...”

The elder opened his mouth to speak when Taemin grabbed his hand and held it for a moment before letting go.

“Goodbye, Jinki.”

Taemin turned away after that, not daring to look back at the elder silently standing there, tears dripping down his own cheeks. He ran instead. He ran from everything that could hurt him and force him to cry.

He was always too sensitive, especially in cases like this. No warning…just a simple text and a meeting. He wasn’t surprised that it was so blindsiding. He knew he should have seen it coming, but he had ignored it, hoping it wouldn’t come to this. But it had, and now he wasn’t sure what to do as his world crashed around him.

He was young, and he was still growing up. He’d make mistakes, and inside his aching heart, he wondered if their relationship had been a mistake.

He choked on a sob, wondering what he’d do. He still had to live with Jinki since they were still in SHINee together, and he was not leaving the band over a relationship gone wrong. He hadn’t realized he'd stopped walking until he felt a hand grasp his wrist and pull him into a back hug. He didn’t struggle, too dazed to even realize it was Kibum and Jonghyun hovering over him now.

“Tae-baby…”

He looked up, the unshed tears in his eyes making their way down his cheeks now. He needed Jinki like he needed to breathe. Without the leader in his life, he felt broken. Jinki filled the void in his heart that cried out for independence and love for himself.

“Let it go. You need to let him go,” Jonghyun said wiping a tear off the maknae’s cheek.

He hadn’t even realized that it was dark outside, and that he had been gone from the dorm for hours. Kibum held onto him tightly, hoping to coax the maknae into going home where they could sit down together and talk.

Taemin stared up at the second oldest, “I don’t know how.”

The main singer didn’t smile like Taemin would have expected him. He probably feared it was the death of their band. Taemin would be the one alone now since Minho had swept Jinki off his feet, and stole his angel right from the maknae, and Jonghyun and Kibum were inseperable.

“I can’t tell you how to. You need to figure that out for yourself.”

He had to figure it out for himself? How? How in the world could he do that without knowing how to even let go of the pain breaking his body. He wanted to stop the world at that moment and hide away in a corner so he could get a grip on his mind.

“Come home, Tae. We need to talk it through with them.”

Taemin finally broke then. They were together and he had been shoved out. He bit his lip as it quivered, and tears fell freely now. He shook his head.

“I-I can’t.” He ripped himself away from Kibum’s grasp and ran from the two, ignoring their shouts and screams.

He needed to cry, he needed to scream. He needed anything other than seeing those two together where he should be. He should be in Jinki’s arms, not Minho. He should be the one receiving Jinki’s warm smiles, not Minho.

He ran until he was out of breath, and his vision grew hazy from the tears. He stood over the railing by the Han River, watching the water flow quietly. He looked up at the night sky and let his head fall onto his arms. Here he could break down and let his walls crumble and build back up until he was protected.

Taemin never realized how much he depended on his hyungs for love and confidence until he was staring down at the water, cursing his reflection. How did he get here? How did he get so low that he wanted to throw himself into that river and let the water wash him away? Did he really…not love himself?

The maknae slumped down until his knees hit the ground. He gripped the railing tightly, screaming out into the air. He regretted everything at that moment. He regretted letting everyone into his heart and letting it break so easily when they hurt him. His hand was bruised and bloody as he hit the cement under him. The aggression didn’t help in any way, but Taemin realized that something needed to change.

He would have to be the one to learn how to let everything go. He would have to build walls around himself and learn to depend on himself instead of everyone else. Taemin was frightened though. He didn’t want to change his personality. He wanted to be the maknae who was spoiled by his band members.

He let out a ragged chuckle at his thoughts.

“You fool. You’re twenty-one now. You need to stop.”

BACK AT THE DORM A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER:

Jonghyun and Kibum sat together at the kitchen table, full cups of tea in front of them--untouched. Kibum’s eyes were red from crying and Jonghyun’s face spoke of how tired and upset he was. Minho and Jinki sat together in the living room, cuddled together on the couch with a movie to entertain them.

The main singer had held the diva back when Taemin took off running. The maknae didn’t want their comfort right now. He wanted to be alone, and Jonghyun understood that immensely. They could only be there for Taemin when he wanted the help.

“I’m worried about him. What if he hurts himself, Jjongie?”

Jonghyun reached out and grabbed his lover’s hand.

“Taemin’s smarter than that. We can’t shelter him from everything, though. He’s twenty-one now…if he wants our comfort, he’ll ask for it.”

Kibum frowned when he heard giggles emanating from the living room. He had never wanted to scream at those two so much in his life. It was because of them that Taemin was in pain. It burned him to think that because of the careless act that SHINee may be over sooner rather than later. He stood up and went to the living room, sneering at the two.

“I hope you’re bloody happy.”

Jinki looked up from his spot on Minho’s shoulder.

“Yah, what’s your problem, Bummie?”

Jonghyun joined the diva.

“His problem is that Taemin is still not back after what you did to him.”

The main singer could see the leader was hurt over that, but he didn’t regret what he said. Minho was the only one to roll his eyes.

“Leave the maknae alone. He’ll get over it.”

“I can’t believe you can sound so nonchalant about it! YOU BOTH HURT HIM!” Kibum grabbed at his head. “So help me, lord…if I get a call saying he threw-”

The sound of the front door opening and closing shut them all up. Taemin quietly shed his coat and hung it up. He walked past them all.

“Umma…Jonghyun-hyung.”

“Tae…” Kibum moved to grab his wrist when Taemin walked past them and into his room.

He quietly shut the door and grabbed a bag, filling it with some of his clothes. Out of the corner of his eye he spotted a picture frame with the five of them smiling brightly into the camera. He saw the way Jinki wrapped his arms around his waist and how big their smiles were back then.

Once he was packed, he picked up the frame and gripped it tightly. With a burst of adrenaline, he smashed it to the ground, enjoying the way the glass shattered and punctured the picture. The wooden frame cracked in half as he walked away from it. The four eldest of SHINee were on their feet at the crash, heading towards the boy’s room when he emerged.

He walked past them all, one hand clutching his shoulder bag tightly. Kibum’s eyes widened.

 “Where are you going?!”

Taemin didn’t stop until he was at the door. He shuffled on his shoes and opened the barrier. This was for him. If his goal was to find that missing part of himself, then it would start in that moment. He didn’t dare to look back at any of them. He would block his pain from his life until he could get a handle on himself.

“Away from here.”

“Y-you can’t!” Kibum grasped onto Jonghyun, wanting nothing more than to fix this.

Jinki looked solemn as Minho held onto him, their eyes lost and filled with hurt. Only Jonghyun dared to look straight at the maknae.

 “Go.”

Taemin looked back at him, a flicker of gratefulness in his eyes. He then turned back around and left, slamming the door behind him. Kibum sobbed into Jonghyun’s chest and the main singer knew that life would be hard from here on out. However, letting Taemin have his freedom to figure out his feelings was best. He turned to look at the new couple.

 “I hope you don’t regret this. Because if he comes back even more broken, you can kiss everything goodbye.”

Outside, Taemin steeled himself as he hung up from talking to his manager. The elder seemed to understand what was happening and let the boy have his way. He squared his shoulders and left the dorm building, hoping that he would eventually find his way back…with his heart intact this time.