Jiyeon

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"Are you okay?"

Yes of course I am. I just slipped on the ground, got my pants dirty and my hurts but you were there I forgot how hurt I was.

He took care of me that day.

I thought maybe we could happen, like he actually loves me the way I do to him. Maybe he feels the same way with me.

I was happy. I didn't mind the dirt over my pants. All that mattered was him, carrying me bridal style and bringing me to a place where we can stay while its raining. 'I'm fine," I answered slowly. I smiled. "Thanks," I said.

"I'm sorry. This is all my fault."

"No it's not," I told him. "I ran and tripped on my own."

He smiled.

For a moment we just stared at each other. My heart was racing, it felt as if it would fly out from my chest. We just blankly stared at each other. He suddenly embraced me... then he pulled away.

and our lips met.

But that was two weeks ago.

After that, it's like it never happened at all- at least for him, not for me because I couldn't really take him off of my mind. He was always stuck on my mind, for more than two weeks after that kiss. I've been in love with him for more than four months and it when that man just immediately lead you on then disappear without words.

He never called me.

He never texted me.

He was never online on Facebook.

I started writing on a sheet of paper and placing it under the bricks of our house. I thought maybe whatever I write there would come true. I thought if I write that he'd learn to love me, it would happen. Or if I write that I should stop assuming, I would. It was just impossible to simply forget about the guy who stole your first kiss.

"Good Evening ma'am! Welcome to Tteokgalbi resto!" A man approached me and my childhood friend, Sooyoung.

Sooyoung invited me for dinner with her. She's one of my brother's secret admirers too. And somehow, when we talk about one-sided love - we just click!

After ordering, she went ahead to find a seat for us. One of the crew in that restaurant who approached us earlier approached me again, taking the tray of order I was carrying. "Let me take that for you ma'am," he said with a big smile.

"No it's okay, I can carry it." I retorted.

"Let me," he smiled again.

"Be careful it might fall!" I said, we both laughed.

Upon arriving to our table, the guy left me and Sooyoung together. Sooyoung gave me that kind of look - either she thinks the guy is cute or that he's my type.

"So he really had to carry our tray all the way here?" Sooyoung teased.

I laughed. "He insisted."

"Well, he's cute."

"I know right? He's got a cute smile." 

"You remember when you wrote on a paper and put it under the bricks? Maybe when you wrote there that you'd like meet him means meeting that crew member!" Sooyoung exclaimed.

"Huh? No. I wrote there that I'd be applying for a job here and then bump into him but I'm not applying for a job now."

"But still- there's something!"

"You really want me to move on huh?"

We both laughed.

Shortly, we finished eating. Sooyoung went to the restroom for a while, leaving me alone there with empty plates and two glasses of pineapple juice, one was almost finished. I saw that crew member guy again approaching my table. I quickly took a sip of my juice, trying to pretend that I don't see him coming.

But then he was there right in front of me.

I gaped at him. He smiled. "Are you pretending to drink? There's nothing left on your glass." He teased. I gulped and put back the empty glass of juice.

"There was still something left before you came here." I said.

"Really?" He laughed.

"Are you...teasing me?"

"No ma'am. Your friend told me you'd like to take out the other juice."

"Go ahead." I said firmly and he winked an eye, making me flinch. No no no no.

I caught a look at his name tag before he disappeared. It was printed there as "L".

"How come his name is so short?"

Sooyoung went back to her seat instantly and tackled about L. "Oh my God Jiyeon! That guy named L, he asked your name, where you study and how old you are! And I'm like 'Why are you asking that, are you going to visit her in her school?' Oh my gosh, it is so obvious you are his type! He's interested in you!"

"Uh. You know what? We should go."

"But the juice is not here yet. Let's wait for him?"

"Him? or the juice?"

"Both!"

I sighed in defeat. "Okay fine..." I looked around, just making sure that he's not watching. "So what did you tell him?"

"Whoa. Are you actually interested?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm just curious."

"Well I told him that your name is Jiyeon and then..." She went on as I watched L doing his own work, taking glances at me as well. It took me to another world for a brief of time, a world where there's no Yoo Seungho, just a new life as if that kiss never happened. I know it was funny because he was just working here in the place I'm eating at and I don't even know this man so well, but there was something about him. I wanted to get to know him. What's behind those smile? Everything.

We met again the following days with the hope inside me to become officially friends with him. My other friends that I brought told me that he was really really cute, until he asked my number. "He likes you?" My gay friend asked.

"What? No. No. He just asked my number, that's all." I said, part of me was denying that he probably likes me and that I like him back - a bit.

My friends told me I moved on so fast and that I found someone else right away. I would just smile and say "Yeah, I'm glad I'm not so crazy about Seungho oppa." But actually, the more I deny my feelings, the harder it was for me to move on. I wasn't over Seungho. I may like L, but it's not the same way I felt for Seungho-oppa. He just...gave me too much to remember. I just... have to help myself get over it and accept the fact that we're not for each other. He's for someone else and I am for someone else. Reality check.

Later, L found out that my house was just across the place where he works. He even visited me after saying that he'd look for me if I don't show myself in the store again. He was the first guy that I introduced to my parents and brother, although we hadn't known each other that long. We played billiard at home and mom taught him the basics. We laughed. He was really funny, and crazy. He also told me his story, of why he stopped studying and began working to earn money so he could continue his study.

"I had a great time today, with you." He said while waiting for a taxi outside. We talked without looking at each other.

"That's good," I replied. It was awkward especially when a guy I don't really know so well just suddenly appear in front of my house.

"You made me happy. And now, I can say my day is complete." He sighed in relief. "Because of you."

"Yeah, you play really good though it was your first time." I chuckled.

He laughed. "You defeated me, you're amazing, Jiyeon. Do you always play there?"

I looked at him, "Just when my friends are around. You know, we could play again sometimes."

We smiled at each other. "See you tomorrow then?" He said before hailing a taxi.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow, oppa..."

"Oppa?" 

"Uhh..." I chuckled. "I mean Kim Myungsoo, L."

I called him oppa... Because I was wishing he was him.

Just when I was almost over him...

He found a way to make me think about him again, all day long.

He sent me messages, says he misses me. There I go again, getting angry but wanting to believe that every word he says is real. He's Yoo Seungho after all. They say he's got a lot of girls all over him, and I'm just one of them. He just can't be my weakness. That kiss probably meant nothing to him, so it should mean nothing to me too. He didn't talk to me for a month now and then now... he's back again. So what am I to him? Am I just a toy he can play around when he's bored? Kiss me one day and then disappear? Jeez.

"Of course you miss everyone, oppa."

"No... I miss you."

But I didn't believe anymore.

I didn't reply.

I wanted my feelings to be officially over.

I have to find myself and the only way that I can find myself is forget about him. The only way that I can forget about him is go somewhere where there is nothing that can remind me of him.

And then one day I just found out that he's engaged to someone from North Korea, his ex-girlfriend. He didn't even tell me that, I just found out from his friends and...social network.

My heart stopped, time stopped, it kept on hurting me.

If only I could confront him.

I just told myself that it is over. It should be over now, my feelings for him, this one-sided love. He's engaged. I should stop hoping that he really misses me. I should stop assuming that there's a meaning behind that kiss. I should teach myself to be a strong woman, I shouldn't believe on men patently. I want to go somewhere far. I wish that someday, I'd just laugh out loud because I fell in love with the wrong guy.