Her tired eyes are gazing at the sunset. Another day ended right before her sight. She didn’t do much yet it ended so quickly. Will she be able to live another day or will it be her last?

            “It’s stomach cancer…”

The doctor’s words echoes clearly in her thoughts. Yes, she was diagnosed with the said illness about a year ago. She had undergone an operation to remove the tumor but it relapsed and now in terminal stage. Despite the treatments and encouragements from the doctor, she can clearly feel it….this cancer is the life out of her and that she might heave her last breath anytime soon. Dying is an absolute thing especially for a sixty seven-year old woman like her. However, her heart feels wronged….she feels like she has been cheated.

She stretches her weak arm as far as she can towards the fading sun. No matter how hard she tries to reach out, still there’s nothing there but her pale and wrinkled hand. Sadness fills her chest.

            “Where did all the time go?” she whispers to the air.

It’s like everything happened just yesterday. She’s the only daughter of the Seo household. Her family is rich and her parents treated her like a princess. Wealth, influence, intelligence, class, youth, and beauty---she got all of that making young women envy her while young men admire her. She was far beyond reach during her prime. She had everything under her feet. Such delightful years……it is a time when all is about her but that’s gone now. All that’s left is her old age, frail body, and unsatisfied heart. She’s alone in this old big house. It has been her safe haven for a very long time. She used to feel safe and comfortable here where she’s separated from the opportunists and harmful people outside. However, now that her days are numbered, she feels like this hollow house suffocates her. Now it’s like a prison…..and she’s lonely.

Tears start to appear on the sides of her spiritless eyes.

            “What did I do wrong? I just shielded myself from being hurt by others….In the end why do I have to die pathetically like this?” she utters the frustration of her heart.

Silence…..no matter how much she voice out her resentment….still, there will be no one to listen.

I aimlessly wondered on the street. People coming and going…..just what they usually do.  Everybody moves in a fast phase…..each one is occupied with different task that they are doing. 

I stop and observe. A man speed walks to attend an appointment….. A young lady who’s impatiently making her way through the crowd. It is her first day at work so she couldn’t risk being late… A University student who’s rushing to school. In his hand is a model project that he just finished for a deadline. …A restaurant delivery boy who’s sprinting as he makes his delivery.

Human are always like that…..They keep on repeating the same routine everyday. They often set goals to achieve. To graduate from a good university, have a stable job, buy a house and car, secure savings, support children’s education, and etc. They want to be ‘somebody’ in the so-called-society….Very predictable but I cannot blame them given the norm that they had grown up with.  However, I feel sorry for them because of this. In order to attain these goals and needs they are losing something……..Time.

I continue to walk and see an accident on the road. Two vehicles crashed to each other and the drivers are now dead. One of them is a businessman. He was very ambitious so he spent most of his years working so hard to make himself rich. He was able to achieve that yet he was not satisfied so he kept working for more. While the other driver is a career woman. She’s a single mother so she worked double time to provide her child a good life. Both focused on earning money because they desire to live well. Both forgot to cherish and enjoy the time lent to them and now they lost their lives….too late for regrets. 

I shook my head lightly. This is a mistake that every human commits….they focus on eyeing the future hence, ignoring the present. They always look away and couldn’t see what’s in front of them. Focusing on obtaining things and taking what they have for granted.

There are only two words to describe life—Unpredictable and Short.

I found myself in a familiar place. The leaves are scattered in the ground while the pathway is covered with dirt. Summer is not completely over but the place is a picture of autumn where things are fading.  The lack of maintenance explains the view. There is a house at the center of the wide yard. I walk inside….I’ve been in this house before and the dull and melancholic atmosphere is the same as ever.

I found the lady of the house…….sitting silently on a rocking chair by her room’s window.  I go next to her and look at the window to see what she’s looking at….There’s nothing in particular, I realized.

            “So your life turned out like this?” I say.

It has been more than four decades when I last saw her.  I remember how beautiful she was as a young lady back in her days. Her aura radiates life and confidence. She’s the only child of the masters of this house thus, making them feel very protective of her. She was their priced possession. The Seo’s created a world for her through their authority, wealth, and influence thus; she grew up like a royalty.

However, a beautiful flower cannot be prevented from blooming…..No matter how one cultivates it in secrecy, butterflies and bees will discover it. Men from different families admire her but no one succeeded in pursuing her due to her parents. Until one day, the lady found love……Her young heart fell completely for a guy who’s considered a ‘nobody’ in their society. She had been captivated by her emotion and despite her parent’s direct disapproval, she chose to be with him----She left the house and decided to elope with him but he didn’t come….she was left with a shattered heart. Shame, heartache, and misery she came back in the arms of her parents.----That’s the last time I saw her.

I look at her eyes and access her memory.

After that, she lived her life like how a good daughter should. She did everything they asked her to do without a single complain because she believes that her parents are the only people who loves her. She did her best to please them and make up for disobeying them once.  She gave her years and life taking care of her parents because she doesn’t know anything but that. Eventually they died and left her alone because they weren’t able to marry her off for nobody met the standard they set so high for their precious daughter. She wasn’t able to have friends either because she prevented herself to be attached with anyone aside from her mother and father. When she realized that her illness will eventually take her life, she fired all the helpers.

She continues to be apart from the people due to terror of getting hurt by them. She casted herself away from the society and had chosen to walk this dreadful path of being alone.

             “Where did all the time go?” she utters under her feeble breath.

Her thin hand is reaching onto the shadows of the dimming sun.

            “What did I do wrong? I just shielded myself from being hurt by others….In the end why do I have to die pathetically like this?” And her eyes glisten with tears.

I momentarily shut my eyes. Another soul in sorrow…..In my entire existence, I have come across with various sufferings of humanity. Each one has different root and degree so somehow, I’m used to it. However, I still feel for them….

Humans often blame numerous entities for their catastrophes…..God, Fate, Luck, Death, and even I….What have we done wrong?

God created things and gave them life. Fate deals with events to tie the loose ends. Luck gives an undertaking that has two different possibilities. Death is the eventual end of a human’s journey in life. Time is the dimension of past, present, and future. If I were to explain it in a humanly logic, basically it’s like a company with the big boss and managers….Each one has a department to handle…each one has a purpose and tasks to do but why do humans keep on accusing us if things don’t go their way when we don’t have any jurisdiction over their will. Yes…..they have a WILL so obviously they have the full control over their lives. Therefore, whatever happens to them, it is their sole responsibility.

Well anyway…..it might be complex for them to understand that after all, that’s why they are humans, right?

Shall I give her a chance? What’s the reason for me to give her the very special opportunity that I rarely grant humans?

I lean my back on the window and stare at her as she dries up those tears with her fingers. Those tears are because of the emptiness that she’s feeling but hey, every human feels lonely and empty at some point right?

I cross my arms across my chest and continue with my self-struggle on whether I should give her a chance or not. Well, she had been a filial daughter. She served her parents ‘till their last breath. She became a perfect puppet of her selfish parents….always complying on things that they say or ask her to do. On the other hand, she is luckier than other people….she got house, money, good education….financially stable….She lived without worrying if there’s food to eat the next day. How about her lack of experience? Despite living like a princess, she had never experience the world outside the four corners of this house. She wasn’t able to experience things like a normal girl. But, when her parents died…isn’t that a perfect chance for her to do those things? No….by that time, she’s already afraid to do it by herself. Without a mother and father to tell her what to do…she’s lost so she did only what she was used to do.

I stay around still thinking carefully. Hours passed by so quickly but I still can’t reach a decision.

She stood up from her chair. Her entire body is trembling. Her steps are unstable but little by little, she finally manages to get to the bed. My hand brushes by the chair’s armrest but I stop as I felt something on my fingertip. I look at the liquid….It is a tear. Then it hits me—this person never shed a happy tear before. In her sixty seven years, she never had a single tear of joy…Yes, she once risk for happiness but unfortunately fell for a wrong person. Growing up with controlling parents; she doesn’t have a chance to be truly happy the way she wants. They took away her ability to choose and decide for herself. The most important gift that God gave humans….the will….she wasn’t able to live with it. She was deprived of having her own will.

I walk towards her bed. I deeply sigh….Why is she so miserable?

With determined eyes, I look at her.

            “Seo Joohyun, not all tears comes from sadness.”