One night Taehyung dreamed a very vivid dream of Hoseok. But, the weird thing was that Hoseok was a deer. Yes, exactly the animal, which happened to be Taehyung’s favorite. He was lost in some unknown to him woods, but the deer, which he just knew was Hoseok, stayed with him the whole time he was trying to find his way out of the wooden labyrinth. He wandered around for a long time and when he was almost completely out of strength, the deer transformed into a light, not too bright or strong, just enough to light up the path, and showed Taehyung the way back to his home. But just when Taehyung turned around to express his attitude the light just vanished into air and it felt like it was gone forever. So when Taehyung woke, panting and somewhat scared, he realized that his subconscious was quite worried. Why? A week back Hoseok had shared with Taehyung that his parents want to send him in America for university and also to see how the branch of their company works in the foreign country, which only meant that they wanted him to work there. Taehyung only cheered for his best friend then, but his chest had been feeling tight ever since then along with nightmares who had been chasing his peaceful sleep away. He was scared that Hoseok might suddenly just go away to place Taehyung couldn’t reach, just like the light in his dream, and that frightened him.

Taehyung really wasn’t the best with dealing with words, their meaning and putting his feelings into them. He preferred to be a listener and mostly relied on his facial expressions to convey what he felt, rather than trying to speak it out. But on the way of school after his dream there was a thought that didn’t leave him alone and that thought included a probably more serious than usual talk with Hoseok. It made Taehyung want to share his sincere feelings with his best friend of how much he actually valued and treasured his existence and how were those feelings and desires stronger than what a best friend could offer. He actually never considered telling Hoseok about them, just like more people he was content and happy with the other around him but he knew that this couldn’t continue forever, especially since they lived in worlds so much apart from each other. Of course he was worried about the really possible rejection and the worst that could happen – Hoseok starting to avoid Taehyung, but he could spend his whole life worrying and contemplating or just be brave and confess.

“Taehyung.”

“Tae.hyung.”

“…”

“ARE YOU DEAF?”

“W-what? I feel like I am now.”

“Don’t ‘what’ me you deaf donkey, I’ve been calling you for the last ten minutes. What are you thinking about?” Hoseok huffed annoyed. His friend usually spaced out a lot so it wasn’t something new, but recently Taehyung hardly ever came back to Earth and it was getting frustrating for the older.

“Why did you break up with Haru?” Taehyung asked out of nowhere and his eyes were so painfully honest. Haru was a girl that confessed to Hoseok last year and they went out for roughly four months, but one day Hoseok said that they parted ways without explaining why. Taehyung was curious what was Hoseok looking for in a potential partner, what were his preferences and so on, hence the blunt question. But that honestly surprised Hoseok since Taehyung hardly ever brought up stuff that were a possible sensitive topic.

“Hmm… Haru was amazing honestly and I’m still convinced that is hard to dislike a person like her and I’m still very flattered she liked me. And I did too, or so I thought in the beginning, but as time passed I felt like I started holding back my true self just to match her personality. She was so polite, well-mannered and considerate, it still amazes me how sincere she was. But I felt too flawed when comparing myself to her and I started being intimidated by her, I felt the true need to show her only the good sides of me but it started getting tiring. Those ‘good sides’ were only no more than just a part of me and I never really showed the rest of the parts that made up the whole of me. It wasn’t fair towards her and it was tiring for me, I know it was for the best.” Hoseok said without questioning why was Taehyung asking or feeling uncomfortable talking about it because he knew he could trust the younger.

“What person do you think would suit you the best?” Taehyung simply asked again after absorbing all of the information.

“Hey, hey, have you been watching dramas recently?” Hoseok laughed teasingly but answered nonetheless, “Hmm… I guess that someone who is able to if not love at least accept all of me? I don’t want to be scared of showing my flaws to the person I love and I’m willing to work on them, but together with the person. From all people I know Haru best fit my definition of ‘perfect’ and undoubtedly that is one truly amazing adjective with which you can describe someone and many tend to try and fit that, but I don’t look for a perfect person. Rather, someone who is willing to accept my mistakes along with my correct decision, someone is maybe as flawed as me. And if that’s too much, I just want to find the one that I can be myself around. Just like with you.” Hoseok said and smiled a little, his eyes closed. Taehyung only nodded and made a sound to show that he listened to Hoseok carefully and allowed his eyes to close too. They were supposed to be studying, but Hoseok drifted away to sleep soon after he said all that, while Taehyung was feeling like he had melt into some liquid and that his face might be hot enough to fry some eggs on it. He knew that Hoseok was just stating an example without implying something, but his heart couldn’t help but feel excited and beat faster when it knew that he fit that description and he was glad that his friend couldn’t witness the mess he was now.

He felt conflicted. The rational part of his brain and the emotional part of his heart were dueling inside of him, but neither of the sides had the intention of giving up the fight. How much of a mistake would it be if he was to spill out his most sincere feelings to the person he has been the closest to for more than seven years? How much of a risk would it be to try and change a friendship into something more responsible and binding? And as much as the world is said to have become more accepting, it wasn’t a fact to ignore that they were two young boys and that itself made things harder. For Taehyung it didn’t matter that Hoseok was a boy nor he cared about how they were taught in school that a man is only to commit to a serious relationship with a woman and vice versa and how every exception might be something that wasn’t allowed, even sinful. Yet that truly didn’t matter to him, but what if it did for Hoseok? What if it put him into a very difficult position in front of his parents? Many ‘what ifs’ and just as many ‘hows’ were stopping him of making his final decision. But they say the mornings are wiser than nights, so Taehyung decided to be patient and wait for the perfect morning to come, and until then he could slowly take care of all what if and how’s.