Coresponding Chapter in "Can You Smile" 1
Coresponding Chapter in "Can You Smile" 2

Everything around Jiu was black. Not a single beam of light could be seen and even when looking down at his own hands he couldn’t even make out their silhouette. He had never witnessed such absolute darkness in his life – a darkness that was physically painful and with such force of gravity it kept pulling him deeper. He could feel himself slowly being dragged away to a place as dark as the one he was at now, a place that actually didn’t exist and would erase him from this realm as well.

Jiu’s limbs were heavy as if filled with lead, making him helpless and motionless against the pulling, magnetic nothing. He couldn’t do a thing, he couldn’t fight back and the very thought of doing so made his body to ache as if it’s being ripped apart. This was probably the end.

“Don’t leave me,” suddenly, through the darkness a voice rang breaking it with a single, small stream of light. “Please, don’t leave me,” the same voice repeated and Jiu was first confused, who did the voice belong to, who would ask him to stay and only when the voice spoke for the third time, asking not to be left, he understood. SungYeol.

He tried to look through the darkness, hoping the beam of light would become stronger and he could see the speaker. Yet the pitch black continued to pull him in, his limbs still heavy, but despite that he struggled toward to the light. It was near microscopic, the voice still calling but now quitter, yet it was enough.

If he was ready to give up just as it seemed mere seconds ago, then now he was more than willing to fight. He promised not to leave, he did all he could to stay and he couldn’t let it all to slip away.

Despite the weight of nothingness pulling him back, he moved forward, finally seeing the silhouette of his hands in the dim, smoky light and with a painful gasp of air, he regained consciousness in the reality, which was far more painful than the heavy darkness.

His body felt torn and tormented to an extend he had never experienced before. He almost couldn’t feel his right arm, his right ankle definitely dislocated, but to a smaller extent than his arm. The biggest pain came from his torso, where the bullets had went through his flesh and despite the weight of rubble covering him, he could feel blood slowly leaking out of him.

Voices he didn’t recognize were shouting questions, asking everyone who would hear it to reply. Whoever was speaking were walking around sometimes nearing the place where Jiu was and then walking pass it again. His memory came back and he clearly started to remember what happened. The fight, the gun, the bullets going trough him, his blade piercing Miyaji, the switch he pressed, blowing the place sky high. The people shouting were probably search group going through the crumbled building.

Someone stopped at the niche where Jiu had hidden seconds before the bomb went off and looked at the pile of concrete and metal constructions covering the space. The man probably considered looking in the space where Jiu was, but luckily for the later, someone called for him, telling they found a body and Jiu was left alone.

He had to wait. Wait till the search group would leave, until the police would leave the location for the night and only then he could attempt moving. Each moment he spent there was crucial. He lost more blood with each second and the pain only grew stronger, but he couldn’t get out now. He would be arrested and taken away, leaving SungYeol alone. He was Jiu’s first priority, the reason he was still breathing and he couldn’t leave him… ever.

It took at least an hour for the search team to back out of the ruined building, an hour of Jiu slipping in and out of consciousness. Only when he heard the last cars leaving the site, he started to move.

Gathering all his strength and concentration, he pushed blocks of concrete out of his way, feeling more of his flesh around his wounds ripping in the process. After long struggle he fell out of his hiding hole, barely catching himself on his good hand. The night was dark, near as dark as the realm he was being in before, and not a single living being was around.

With shaky legs he stood up, almost losing his balance on the rugged surface and begun to stumble out of the ruins. His ankle burned, his side ached, his arm was numb and he could feel the metallic taste of his own blood in his mouth. The darkness he had beaten back was still after him and he couldn’t win over it alone. He had to reach SungYeol. The only one who could pull him out from the menacing nothing chasing after Jiu, near catching him every time he blinked, was SungYeol.

Jiu dragged his wounded form through the small streets, leaving a trail of blood on walls where he rested and pavement when his legs gave up on him. The world before his eyes went blurry not just once, heavy cough breaking from his lips, staining them with blood. He had to rest, just for a moment, but the longer he stayed in one place the closer the black nothing came and he couldn’t let it to catch up with him.

He reached the building near on his last breaths and looked up at the window of the 5^th floor. Small light flickered in it, SungYeol’s silhouette sitting next to the window. A sigh of relief left Jiu’s lips as he stumbled in to the building and begun to climb up the stairs. He ended up near crawling the last flights and pulled himself on his feet only when he reached the needed floor. He rested his shoulder against the wall, ignoring the pain shooting trough it, and pulled himself forward, using the wall as support and headed to the room from which light shone in to the hallway.

SungYeol was there, sitting at the window and looking outside, the anxiety was clear on his face even when Jiu couldn’t see it clearly anymore. “SungYeol…” he breathed out, his vision going black for a moment, his body finally giving up on him. He felt the fall, but not the moment he hit the floor, something catching him right before he collapsed completely.

SungYeol’s voice mixed with a distinguished white noise flowed around Jiu and he did his best to make out words, but SungYeol was talking in gibberish, his body shaking. He moved Jiu to the mattress and the moment the latter finally could lay his body down, the pain shot trough him more clearly than before, making him to finally let out the cry of pain he had been holding in since the moment he woke up.

“I’m sorry… I… I…” SungYeol stammered his hands desperately clenching on Jiu’s shirt as a child would cling to a parent asking for help. He probably didn’t even notice it himself, but it was clear he was at such lost on what to do; he didn’t control his own actions. Jiu tried to speak, but his words got caught up in his throat and he just let out a breath.

“I need to get you to hospital,” SungYeol murmured, his voice so filled with panic and held back tears Jiu wished his vision would be clear enough for him to see SungYeol’s face and comfort him somehow. He was here and he didn’t even think of leaving SungYeol, yet he couldn’t convey it.

SungYeol gently lifted the arm Jiu had wrapped around his middle away and Jiu could feel a new set of shivers going through SungYeol. “I really need to get you…” SungYeol begun to murmur again, and this time Jiu managed to force out words, even though speaking hurt as much as every breath he took.

“No… I can’t… go to the hospital.” He spoke and despite the ache grabbed on SungYeol’s wrist. “Paper… and pen…” he near only mouthed out and let go of SungYeol, letting him to go on a rampage through the nightstand. The wait seemed endless even if it wasn’t even a minute and Jiu’s eyes fell close, his breathing getting caught in his chest. He needed to rest, just a little bit.

“Jiu!” SungYeol’s shriek kept Jiu from drifting away in sleep that was a minion of the menacing nothing. “Don’t sleep! Don’t sleep, Jiu!” SungYeol’s warm, shaking hands were on Jiu’s cheeks. That was the warmth Jiu liked the most, the warmth he needed the most, the warmth he had to protect. “Don’t!” he repeated and Jiu slowly opened his eyes. He reached out his well hand to SungYeol who put the pencil he had found in it.

There was one person Jiu could trust to patch him up, someone who owned Jiu his life and this would be a good enough equivalent. He was always at the same place and it was close enough and easy to find. SungYeol kept him alive, but he couldn’t heal him without help.

Jiu wrote down the address and the name of the man on the slip and gave it to SungYeol. “Go there… and give this to the owner. He will follow you here,” he spoke, breathing getting a harder task second by second, only bringing more pain.

“No... I can’t leave you.” SungYeol’s voice was shaky and full of fear, his hand with the note still shaking. He looked at it and then at Jiu, his eyes pleading for help both of them knew Jiu couldn’t give him now.

“You can help me only if you go…” Jiu breathed out and winced in pain. “Please…” he said and reached for SungYeol’s hand taking it in his, keeping it from shaking at least for a moment. “Hurry…”

“Ok…” SungYeol nodded, squeezing Jiu’s hand. “But promise me… not to fall asleep… you can’t… leave me…” SungYeol finally let out the tears he had so bravely held back all this time even though they were evident in his voice. He was afraid and in panic and Jiu couldn’t help him, making the pain he felt to only grow stronger due to what he was now putting SungYeol trough.

“Promise… Go…” Jiu mouthed and let go of SungYeol’s hand – the faster SungYeol would return, the faster Jiu would be fine and could calm SungYeol down. Now he was just a helped wounded animal – a demon struck by a hunter – and he couldn’t help his prince.

“I’ll be back soon…” SungYeol whispered, his voice determined but still full of fear. He stood up and covered Jiu with a blanket and the latter watched trough his half lidded eyes how the tall boy stumbled out of the room, his legs not listening to him. He was Jiu’s only hope, only savior who ironically needed Jiu as much as Jiu needed him or maybe even more.

The light of the candle that lit the room flickered in the wind and Jiu focused his attention to it. As long as he had something to focus on, he could stay awake and keep the dark chasing him away until SungYeol returned. His presence alone was enough to make every dark force coming after Jiu to step back, now only the blanket filled with his scent and the light of the candle kept Jiu awake and safe.

The wax dripped on the nightstand, the candle slowly shrinking, the scent fading and the darkness creeping on Jiu from the corners of the room. He had to keep himself awake just for a bit longer, SungYeol was returning soon, Jiu knew that, but his eyelids grew heavier with each passing second until he no longer could keep them open. He let them fall close, waiting and listening until he could hear someone running up the stairs.

“Jiu!” SungYeol cried out. He had returned and Jiu could feel the darkness moving back in the corners of the room, hissing at the lost “Jiu…” SungYeol repeated his hands yet again set on Jiu’s cheeks, sending a jolt of warmth through his weak being.

The blond slowly opened his eyes and couldn’t hide his relief of seeing SungYeol next to him. He had managed to wait for SungYeol to return and now he was safe, he knew that.

“Step aside kid; better yet bring me water with this. Go!” a distantly familiar voice spoke and SungYeol stood up, following the order. Jiu followed him with his eyes before the man who had arrived spoke again.

“You are a complete fool,” he said and took scissors to cut off the stained and ripped shirt from Jiu’s body. “Why would you go with that man when you could have been a hero and not a crook, look where it got you,” the man spoke with regret in his voice. He didn’t continue as SungYeol stumbled back in the room. Jiu couldn’t see him clearly, but he probably wasn’t taking the scene before his eyes well, as the man sent him out despite his protests.

“SungYeol… I need him,” Jiu breathed out when the said one left the room.

“Lay still. That kid is in shock and obviously can’t take the sight of blood. Let him calm down and then I will call him back,” the man spoke and started to clean Jiu’s wounds with a wet cloth before disinfecting them. Jiu closed his eyes, letting the skilled hands of the doctor he had saved back when he was just a teen to sew him back together. He didn’t know why he did it back then and he didn’t know why he had done even now, but he didn’t regret it at all.

“When you will get back on your feet, get away from here,” the man spoke, his hands skillfully working with a thread and needle, “Take that other kid and leave, never think of coming back.” He continued, “You shouldn’t have been here in the first place, but fate is cruel, especially to you,” he finished with the shot wounds and proceeded with the smaller ones. “A friend of mine can make you are real passport of any country you like, he has connections, so when you will be well enough you will need to find him, I will leave the address in one of your books,” the man said and move away from Jiu for a moment to do what he said and then returned, putting bandages on the wounds and injecting pain killers in to Jiu’s arm.

“I’m almost done, your friend can come back,” he spoke softly and then rose his voice “Kid, I need your help!” he yelled and SungYeol stumbled in the room. “I’ve finished with the wounds, now you will have to hold him still while I get his shoulder in its place,” he said to SungYeol and Jiu opened his eyes to locate the said one. Only now he noticed that SungYeol was a mess, covered in blood, his clothes ruffled, dirty and slightly ripped.

“By his good shoulder and try not to accidentally press on his abdomen as the stitches might snap.” Another instruction was given to SungYeol and he obeyed, moving closer to Jiu and placing his hands on Jiu’s shoulder.

“SungYeol…” Jiu breathed out, trying to ask what happened and why SungYeol was in such state, but couldn’t say more than other’s name.

“I’m here,” SungYeol replied despite not knowing what Jiu really wanted to say. He was biting on his lower lip, bravely holding back his tears once again, even though even through Jiu’s clouded eyes it was clear he had cried a lot before.

“On three,” The main said and broke the sort moment between Jiu and SungYeol. “One…Two… Three!” he counted and after ‘three’ pain yet again shot through Jiu’s body and not even the pain killers helped to fight with it. What eased it was SungYeol’s touch. He gently petted Jiu’s head, his hands still shaking a little, but not as much as before.

 “I’m done here. I patched this fool and took care of the smaller wounds as well. He’s so lucky none of the bullets ripped his intestines and just went out smoothly. Have no idea how he got those other injuries and I don’t want to know.” The man stood up and started to gather all his stuff, leaving some out. He was clearly lying as he knew well enough how Jiu got the wounds; he just decided not to tell SungYeol. It was Jiu’s duty to tell it when he was well enough.

“I’ll leave you a small instruction on how to change his bandages on daily bases and some supplies. You can’t buy any of this without questions these days. I’m also leaving painkillers and antibiotics to prevent infection. The rest is written down.” He continued and Jiu followed his movement with his half lidded eyes, switching to SungYeol when he stood up.

 “Thank you.” SungYeol said before the man left the room. Jiu wished he could at least mutter a ‘thank you’ but his tongue wasn’t listening to him well enough. The man did more than SungYeol knew, more than his dept implied.

“I owned him few things, that’s why I did this for free. Now we’re even.” The man said and started to walk away but stopped again. “Actually, that fool there should have been dead by all those wounds and shots. I have no idea what kept him alive till my arrival and what made him to fight for his life like this, but the reason must be really strong.” The man spoke again and left right after.

He definitely knew what made Jiu fight like this. He knew and kept it as a secret as well. His faith in Jiu finally making right decisions and telling things how they were was unbelievable, yet Jiu couldn’t let him down again like then, many years ago.

SungYeol returned to his side, pulling the pile of supplies closer to him, concentrating on each and every bottle, each and every label, looking trough the instructions and comparing them to the supplies, ordering them in the way he will need to use them.

“SungYeol…” the blond spoke and SungYeol turned to him the very second. “Thank you…” Jiu whispered “For not leaving me…” if SungYeol had ran away, if he would have been given up on Jiu, the latter would have been consumed by the dark the very second as his reason to fight, to live would be gone. Even though the doctor was the one who sew Jiu back together, SungYeol was the one who kept him alive.

SungYeol’s warm touch returned to Jiu, his fingers going through Jiu’s hair, calming him and assuring that SungYeol was really here, that he wasn’t going to leave, his words only confirming what the touch already told to Jiu

 “Don’t… because I will never leave you.” SungYeol whispered and leaned closer to place a kiss on Jiu’s forehead. That was all Jiu needed to get himself back on his feet as fast as possible. He had never been so wounded, so torn, so drained and so helpless in his life, but he was ready to pull himself out as his life-support, his prince was right there. But as any demon he was too haunted by his past to win the fight for being truly free.

From the moment he closed his eyes and finally let sleep to take over as he knew SungYeol would protect him, nightmares attacked his already weakened being and tore it more and more from the inside. Each night was like a round on the rack with no end.

The angry words and faces of his parents starting of the torment; his own messed up reflection from when he was on the street following right up. The loveless training, the tasks he run for Miyaji, all the suffering that he had caused, all blood he had spilled washed over him, the ghosts of those he had killed lining up to turn the rack a bit more and rip him to pieces with each turn.

It was like the time from dusk till dawn changed from hours to years and he relived each and every sin, each and every turn of fate again and again, paying for them in his wounded state. It all ended only when the sun rose from its sleep that was when the best that had ever happened appeared in his dreams – SungYeol.

He freed him from the rack, his warm hands cupping his face, soft lips pressing against Jiu’s, his smile lighting up his whole world more than sun itself ever could. His name was the only one he ever said in his dreams fully conscious of it, the rest being gibberish he couldn’t control. The sound of his name alone was enough to shield him from his past at least for a while. Yet what he brought on SungYeol in reality made him feel like the biggest villain.

He couldn’t move by himself and whenever he had to go somewhere, SungYeol had to support him. SungYeol’s body was still too lean and too weak to keep another grown man’s weight, but he didn’t say a word and just did it with no complains, even more, he ensured Jiu he doesn’t need to worry, that he was here for him. He struggled with the bandages and medicine, letting out frustrated yells once in a while when he thought Jiu was asleep. He did all he could, all he knew how to do to help Jiu to recover faster.

He didn’t sleep well, he didn’t eat well and was drained of all his energy and Jiu was too weak to help in anyway. For 3 weeks he felt like a helpless child, bringing pain to his only savior, the only person he needed, the only person he trusted and wanted to have beside him. He silently took yet another oath – to get up the morning he felt he could stand on his own and even if it would hurt, ease the job SungYeol had taken upon himself.

A morning like that came soon. Yet again the SungYeol in Jiu’s dream had freed him, but this time it was different. He held Jiu differently, kissed him deeper, smiled brighter – that was the last nightmare Jiu would have for a long time.

He opened his eyes and looked around the room. The sun was already up, shining through the window and it was somehow clear that this was the day Jiu fulfilled his oath. He sat up slowly, feeling a small discomfort and looked around the room again to find SungYeol. The latter was sleeping on the floor like in the days when Jiu first met him, hugging a pillow and having the spare blanket wrapped around him tightly. If Jiu would have just a little bit more strength in his limbs, he would move SungYeol on the matt, but he couldn’t rush himself and be hurt again.

Jiu stood up slowly, swaying a little as he was already used to standing and walking while resting on SungYeol, yet he had decided to never do it again. He had to start taking care of his own wounds and start taking care of SungYeol again; he couldn’t afford sleeping no more.

Carefully, he unwrapped the bandages from his torso and took new ones from the already small pile of supplies that was on the nightstand. Slowly, not rushing, he walked to the bathroom and carefully examined his new scars in the mirror. They had healed well and despite never doing it before, SungYeol had removed the stitches well (there probably was an instruction left for that). A little bit of healing was still needed, but Jiu could definitely move now.

He washed the wounds carefully, applied all needed medecine and wrapped bandages around himself again. He had to gain back his strength if he wanted to be of any use for SungYeol as now even such simple task as washing up and changing bandages made him tired. Few more days of calm recovery and he could begin his old routines again.

He leaned closer to the mirror to check the smaller scars when he heard his name being called in the room. It repeated again and Jiu walked back to the room as fast as his body allowed him to, meeting SungYeol who was in state of panic, running out of the room.

 “Yah! What the hell do you think you are doing? You’re not allowed to walk around and wet the wounds more than necessary and disappear from here without waking me up and…” SungYeol said, no, almost yelled, obviously being worried. He looked tired and near as thin as when Jiu found him in his room and almost unbearable sadness crept in Jiu’s heart, knowing that this time he was like that because of him.

“I’ve taken care of wounds like this before; I know what I’m doing.” Jiu replied, trying to hide the concern in his voice and assure SungYeol he knew what he was doing. He went in the room, placing all he had took back on the small nightstand and took the bag that stood next to it, taking a shirt from it. 

“You’re not thinking of going anywhere, are you? Because I am not going to let you, because you’re not allowed to move that much and I have no idea how is it possible for you to walk around normally right now. And if you would leave now you could never come back and I am not going to let you and that’s it!” SungYeol spoke rapidly, words flowing from his lips so fast Jiu almost didn’t understand what he was saying. He walked to the door and stood in the doorway, clenching on to the doorposts. 

“Maybe you should take some of my medicine,” Jiu said, looking at SungYeol, as his looks had changed from tired to overly worked up and he was breathing heavily, yet despite that, he was behaving so oddly, Jiu was almost was, almost amused, yet he returned to being serious.

“I can’t go anywhere, because everyone thinks I’m dead and… I really am.” Jiu said and pulled the shirt over his head, wincing a little. Yes, he definitely needed to heel more before he could be of any actual use and think of leaving this place. And the buzz around the NWO had to fade away completely before he could walk the streets, as a dead man couldn’t just walk around freely.

“But… You’re here… How can you be…?” SungYeol stepped in the room, giving up on blocking the door. 

“That night, Jiu, at least in the way everyone knew, him died. He betrayed and then was betrayed,” Jiu said and slowly sat on the mattress, not rushing any of his movements. SungYeol walked to the said mattress and sat down next to him. 

“Jiu… Will you… tell me your story?” SungYeol asked and Jiu knew he had to. He knew SungYeol’s story, he knew how hurt he was, how broken he was, how he struggled and how he needed someone to feel safe with. But at the same time he feared something he had feared all the time.

“If I will tell you who I am… was, you will leave, because everyone leaves when they have known me long enough,” Jiu admitted and looked at his hands, blood once covering them still flashing before his eyes. No pain and torment could erase what he had done.

“I am not going to leave.” SungYeol said and placed his hand on Jiu’s. The blond took a deep breath and looked at SungYeol, gathering his suddenly lacking courage, to tell his story not leaving anything out.

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Hello~
Another update from me~

I am trying to update as much as I can now, as from September I will start working 4 days a week and I still have my last year in university and Bachelor paper to write and I have no idea will I have any strength to write, so enjoy while I still can :D

YSG*