Chapter in Can You Smile

SungYeol was around already for a month, obliging to all rules set by Jiu, not bothering him and not asking for anything. He spent his days on the roof and in the room, either sleeping or re-reading the only book Jiu had in Korean over and over again. After all that time, he probably knew the book (a philosophical work about night, stars and sun) as well as Jiu – cover to cover, from countless times he had read it and the 4 other he had once stole from Miyaji’s library.

During this month, 3 of these books had ended up in Jiu’s hands during the night hours when SungYeol was sound asleep on the floor. 3 different novels set in different periods, in different countries even, but they all were strangely similar one to another and to the situation he and SungYeol was in. One of them dealt with a noble knight, who escorted a kidnapped, then saved princess from one city to another. Other was dealing with two runaways hiding in woods from their chasers and the third was a rather modern story, about yet again two being chased in the big city.

They all had a motif in comon – one found another and one of them was very quiet and with a very dark, menacing past. The other was bright and not shaken by the conditions they were at no matter what. The characters reminded Jiu of him and SungYeol and that was odd. A term he had never occurred appeared in all of the books at one point and he was not sure – was that the thing he felt regarding his reflection, who turned out to be more and more different from Jiu as he thought at first?

First of all, he talked a lot more than Jiu had ever. Every evening when Jiu returned from coordinating the two Taiwanese subordinates he had, they both sat on the roof, ate dinner and SungYeol talked almost nonstop. He didn’t ask anything about what Jiu did, even though it was more than clear he had a good hunch about what was hiding behind the rule of not interfering with Jiu’s business, but he maintained the topics of his monologues to thing Jiu knew very little about – books, movies, music. On one particular night, the topic went from a TV show to something rather unexpected – food.

SungYeol started listing things Jiu only vaguely knew about. Chocolates, cookies, cakes, muffins, candies – as far as Jiu knew they were all sweets and he had never tasted any of those, but the way how SungYeol spoke about them, nearly drooling from the thought alone, probably meant they were good. That was yet another thing that distinguished him and his reflection – the passion SungYeol possessed over simple things starting with food and ending up with a bird he had seen trough the widow. That was something Jiu lacked in.

The more time he spent with SungYeol, the more he listened, the more nights he spent up, observing his already permanent guest and comparing the story they had started with the ones he had read hundreds and thousandths of times, he started to think he was not a mirror reflection but a distorted look through a window of glazed glass. At first it could seem similar, but the more one focuses the more differences could be found and Jiu now found a lot of them, but that was even better, than finding similarities.

To continue the row of differences to make the image trough the glazed window more clear, Jiu did something very atypical for him. The very morning after the food talk, while filling up the box of groceries, a certain carton attracted his attention in the grocery store - cookies. One of the things SungYeol had so enthusiastically described yesterday was right there. It took around a second for Jiu to make a decision and add the box to the things he had already placed on the counter (Groceries was the thing he paid for. He had learned respect for food.)

When he returned, SungYeol was still sleeping – curled up in a ball and hugging the pillow like always – and not to wake him up, Jiu placed the small box in front of the sleeping man. He left right after, beginning his morning routine on the roof. A squeal came from the room not so long after. SungYeol had got up and obviously had found the small greeting Jiu had left. The later was still not 100% sure why he had done that, but it felt nice, knowing that something so small would make his near total opposite, not a reflection as he thought, to feel better, as he was near trapped here.

What surprised Jiu was SungYeol suddenly running on the roof and wrapping his arms around Jiu, pulling him close and holding like that for a moment. He muttered yet another ‘thank you’, added to the hundreds he had said already and then rushed away again. That wrapping of arms - that was a hug, at least that’s how it was described in the books. This… was the first hug Jiu had received… ever, and it made his stomach to flip, his heart to race, his breathing to go shallower and his skin to tingle. Maybe it was not just hug, but the fact that it was done SungYeol? Would trying that again answer the question?

Jiu shook his head, picked up his shirt and went to take a shower, trying to forget and wash away the tingling that did not leave his skin. Yet when he returned to the room afterwards and his eyes found SungYeol, who was hugging the box of cookies close as if it was his biggest treasure in the entire world, the tingling was right back, growing in strength and Jiu could not stay there a second longer.

He left the room and emerged himself in to every single job he could think of, even making a trip to the city and getting another ‘spot’ in the city as an extra hide-out just in case, yet the tingling stayed where it was. He used all his concentration to not let it show, but when he returned back and just briefly saw SungYeol while getting the cattle for the tea he had scheduled for them as a part of their every-day meal, the tingling erupted again, taking over his skin and he yet again did everything he could to hide it.

It grew in strength when SungYeol joined him on the roof. To, maybe, somehow distract himself, he poured a glass of the hot drink he had been boiling and handed it to SungYeol. A quiet ‘thank you’ was said again and for a moment everything was quiet apart from the fire sputtering quietly.  The silence was broken when SungYeol spoke, pushing the cookies toward Jiu.

“I insist that you take half of them because… because… eeerrmmm… Just because.” He said and Jiu took a moment to process the information as for a strange reason, his heart-rate had gone up, pounding in his ears. He got the idea fast though and took one of the round sweets from the box and took a bite from it. The taste was not something he had had before, but it was pleasant and along with the tea it was even better. The constant staring from SungYeol was a bit distracting from the new taste, but Jiu managed to focus well enough.

“I know I’ve said that a lot… But I’m really thankful to you.” SungYeol suddenly spoke again and Jiu looked at him. “For first time in a long, long time I don’t feel deceived. Somehow, ending up without a real home to return to doesn’t seem that bad.” He said, curling his lips up and then resting his chin on his knees. He had no home, like Jiu, but he seemed to be in different thoughts about the situation than Jiu. Maybe the reason why he had no home was behind it?

“Why you don’t have a home to return to?” Jiu asked and SungYeol turned back to him. This would probably totally shatter the theory of mirrors Jiu had when he first met SungYeol, but maybe knowing him better would help to clear the window Jiu was seeing him true.

“It’s a pretty long story… Really want to hear it?” SungYeol asked and Jiu nodded, confirming, that he wants to hear it, no matter how long it was. “So…” SungYeol took a deep breath and began his story. Looking at the later was a bit distracting, so Jiu turned to the flames, concentrating on those while other was speaking. “I had a nice, decent life back in Seoul, where I’m actually from. Mom, dad and a younger brother, few good and several just friends, someone I loved and as I naively tough back then loved me too. Sound pretty typical, huh? I was a good student, and good at Japanese – obviously, so I got a scholarship for a university in Tokyo. First year was a bit hard as I was away from everything I knew and loved  and when I came back home for holiday things didn’t get any better.” SungYeol took one of the half burned branches that was somehow fallen out of the camp fire and started to draw random thing in the thin layer of sand that was covering the roof top. Jiu followed the branch with his eyes for a moment and then turned back to the fire.

“My family started to tease me to get a decent girl that could become my wife and all that nonsense. They insisted on it so badly that I finally snapped and told them that… I don’t like girls in the way they would want me to. Mom got hysterical, brother didn’t hide his disgust, dad kind of beat me up and I ended up in the first flight to Tokyo, disowned by my family and basically kicked out from the country by them without any chance to meet my friends. After few weeks the university heard about me and as I had no family behind me as in no chance to get anything from me as all my cards and accounts were blocked, they kicked me out. I soon had to move from the apartment I had to a small rented room in a lousy district. But all that I could have lived through if not…” SungYeol’s voice broke and Jiu turned to him. The tingling that took over him again was different than that before. His reflection, no, SungYeol had gone through his personal hell, and his story was not done yet, but it was, in a way, much more difficult than Jiu’s. Jiu never had a life to loose – he started off with nothing, had nothing now and probably will end up with nothing in the end. SungYeol… he had everything and then was stripped of it all.

“The one I loved… he called me.” SungYeol continued, using the term Jiu did not fully comprehend, as in each of the books he had read, it was portrayed differently, with different qualities, yet Jiu did not question it as for now. “He didn’t seem sad about what he said – it was more like didn’t care at all. He said…” SungYeol sniffed a little, probably holding back tears, “He said that there’s no use for him to be with someone like me – with no home, family or even money to return to my home country.” SungYeol rubbed his eyes with the back of his palm and sniffed again. “Not too long after I had to sell my phone, so I couldn’t contact my friends, and eventually anything valuable I had just to not be kicked out of that lousy place I lived in. I found a job in a night club, as non-Japanese was needed there and little did I know why…” he bit his lower lip and Jiu didn’t have to think for long to understand what SungYeol had to do there.

He had seen that kind of clubs and what the employees had to do to earn money. His subordinates had used services of those clubs more than once and what they did to the one’s working there… the things Jiu had seen sickened him in the stomach and he loathed the ones he worked with. All the tears the poor ‘workers’ had cried because of the cruelty of the monsters Jiu saw on daily basis. The things they did, though having the same theoretical aim the one’s Jiu had read for countless times in the books, were nothing like the one’s he had seen. That’s why books were his hideout from the world he was dragged in.

“I lost my pride and self confidence quickly, as all I had in my mind was survival and back then I couldn’t think of anything better than what I had to do. There go all your good grades in high school. The night club was soon shut down because of ‘workers’ like me as we weren’t registered and such. So, I lost my only source of income and that lousy room I had… I lost everything. With my last money I stored my documents and ended up on the street. Then I somehow got here and well… almost ended up jumping from this very roof to end my miserable life. That’s about it.” SungYeol ended his story and looked at Jiu. His eyes were watery and a sudden wave of anger washed over Jiu. He wanted to jump up from where he was sitting and find every single one who had harmed, who had done those awful things to SungYeol and end their miserable lives. How dared they to harm such… such… still pure and bright person?

“You’re parent’s are fools.” Jiu near hissed trough clenched teeth and turned away, trying to hide the flaming anger in his eyes in the gleam of the camp-fire. SungYeol probably had seen enough of that. “So is the ones in university and anyone who threw you away, used you or mistreated you.” He did his very best to calm down and not do what he wanted to do. “Have you thought of how to gain revenge?” Jiu asked and turned to SungYeol, being as calm as he could.

“I don’t want revenge.” SungYeol shook his head. Jiu was shocked. After all he had gone through; after all he had lost, after all the pain and misery. He didn’t want revenge?

“You don’t? After everything all of them did?” Jiu voiced out his shocked thoughts. How? Was SungYeol even purer than Jiu thought? Was he that innocent even after all the dirt being poured on him?

“Destiny will punish them eventually. Beside, search for revenge would destroy me even more. I rather seek for happiness.” SungYeol smiled and the shock in Jiu only grew bigger. The anger toned down and the tingling came back.

“How can you still smile after all that…” Jiu said and got lost in the labyrinth of his thoughts for a moment. If SungYeol didn’t want any type of revenge and even more – could still fin joy in life, was there any point in the revenge Jiu was searching for? He didn’t lose anything, he didn’t gain anything apart from raw hate, so, was there a point in what he was searching for?

“I guess I’m just like that.” SungYeol laughed a bit and Jiu looked at him. SungYeol smile was something unbelievably warming. He had seen it before, but now, knowing how so many things had tried to wipe it away, it gained another value – a value that made Jiu’s heart to race, so he looked at the fire again.

“Thank you for listening. It got a bit better after telling this to someone. Maybe it would have been better, if I would have had someone to tell this to before.” SungYeol spoke and Jiu let out a breath, poking the fire with a stick. There was a short moment of silence and then SungYeol spoke again.

 “Jiu…” Jiu looked at him. “I thought… that if I spoke this out and it got better… I should try and do something, hoping that it will make things better again.” SungYeol said and moved closer until they were basically sitting side by side. “I’m sorry. And it’s really ok if you throw me of the roof afterwards.” SungYeol said and took a deep breath, moving closer to Jiu.

SungYeol raised his shaking hands up to Jiu’s face and Jiu froze, trying to shut down his instinct of doing what SungYeol had just allowed him to do. He let SungYeol to place his hands on his face and the tingling from earlier went mad. His heart raced again, breathing sped up, small shiver run trough him and he focused solely on how SungYeol slowly leaned closer. His heartbeat was no ringing in his ears and he had to do his best not to push SungYeol away as this was a feeling Jiu had for the first time – like many other on this day – and let him do what he wanted to.

SungYeol was harmless. He was a pure, white soul not soiled by anything it had gone trough and couldn’t hurt even a bug, so Jiu was safe. At least that’s what he thought until SungYeol’s lips pressed against his and his whole body as if burst into flames.

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Hello~
And update is here, as I had a massive head-ache the whole day and had time to do this.
Do leave comments and feedback. <3