Chapter in "Can You Smile"

The night fell on the abandoned construction site slowly and gradually, swallowing up the forest, the pathway back to the city and all of the building apart from that one roof-top where the campfire Jiu rarely smothered. He was now sitting there, looking at the bright orange and red flames dancing around the two pigeons he had prepared as dinner for him and his sudden ‘guest’.

The said guest was sitting on the edge of the roof, just like Jiu, few meters away from him, ogling at Jiu as if he could give an answer to a question that hadn’t been asked in the first place. His stare was not judgmental, like so many Jiu had felt on his skin; it was not superior or threatening, it was similar to the one he experienced when he encountered the skinny male in the room – somehow admiring and hopeful. Not even once someone had looked at him like that - at Miyaji – yes, but at him – never. Even when walking down the street, he was followed by stares of disgust and fear. Why did this guy, probably gone through his own version of hell, did not look at Jiu like that?

The blond turned to other, meeting his gaze and startling other, and tried to get an answer, but the look in those eyes were so confusing, so captivating with its sad gleam, he looked away, back at the fire. A silence settled on the roof, interrupted only by the sounds of the crickets and crackling pigeons, until a roar that of a wild beast came from next to Jiu and he turned to the male next to him.

Other’s hands were wrapped around his middle, his face expressing the embarrassment and hunger he was now experiencing. That was an awful feeling. It was like the stomach started to chew on itself, making one to cringe with near every move; every smallest piece of food set in to new set of roaring and demanding for more, even there was nothing more to give and it all ended with pain that could break one in half and drive one into insanity. Jiu knew the feeling, knew the pain and knew the insanity it could bring.

He took the skewer with the pigeons off the fire moved the skewer toward the male next to him. “Here,” he said to attract other’s attention and as soon as other looked over, despite the words of gratitude leaving his lips, all his attention was solely on the roasted bird. It was still red hot, but it didn’t seem that he cared. He started to devour the bird, despite it being right of the fire – that’s what hunger did; it turned off every part of self preservation when it came to food.

The first time Jiu had food in Miyaji’s mansion, he acted like a mad dog off his leash, grabbing and eating all he could reach with his dirty hands, ignoring weather it was hot or cold, soup or bread, meat or fruit – he filled his stomach to the point he wanted to threw up and then just continued to eat. The scene before his eyes was similar. The male gulped down the hot meat of the pigeon, not even chewing it properly; on every bone till nothing was left. That was what hunger did.

Jiu stretched his hand out, handing his own almost untouched bird to his reflection in distorted mirror and yet again other’s eyes read nothing but admiration and gratitude. He devoured the second bird just like the first one and even though it was not much, it was probably enough to calm his hunger-emptied stomach.

“I hadn’t ate like this for months.” The male said with a sigh, “I don’t even know how to thank you.” He continued and at Jiu. He had a light accent when he was speaking, so he was not a native Japanese speaker, but it was nothing major, so he was here for long. Did had as complicated journey to Japan as Jiu? Or maybe worse?

“I’m once again apologizing for intruding your living space and eating your food. That was not my intention I just didn’t have another choice.” The male continued and Jiu looked away from the fire to find his visitor kneeling on the gravel in his thin, thorn pants, his forehead touching the ground. This man might have had nothing apart from his manners and integrity, but that was much more than a lot of people Jiu had met in his life. “Really thank you.” The man added, looking up at Jiu yet again with that look full of hope and despair of a sort and the next question left Jiu’s lips so naturally, he himself was surprised.

“Do you have a place to go to?” the blond asked, his voice dry, not giving away his interest in the man before him, the interest in his story, the interest of how deep the roots of humiliations had ruined his soul.

“No, but…” the man started to reply. Near all of his dignity was out by what ever he had gone through, but the same manners he had showed before shoed him not as a beggar in dirty, ripped clothes, but as a man who knew how world worked, how much his words were worth.

 “Then you can stay. Just don’t think of bringing anyone else here.” Jiu added before other managed to speak and give a reason why he couldn’t stay. He had just ate, but he was still weak, fragile and probably hurt without even knowing it himself and Jiu might not be the one who rescued every poor soul wandering around, but this was his own reflection, his own past returned in a twisted and turned way, and he could not let his past self, even in a form of a young man, go through years of wishing to die.

“Thank you. I will find a way how to repay you for this.” The male spoke, excitement in his voice evident. He bowed again, living up to the impression he had made.

Jiu stood up and started to walk back to the inside of the house. Footsteps soon followed him – still slow, still clumsy like when the man was dragging himself up. Jiu stopped in the doorway and waited for the steps to reach him and turned around, to shortly look at the man. He then walked in to the room, took the pillow and the thin blanket he had and handed them to the man.  “Sleep wherever you want.” He said and took his own place on now empty mattress.

The male moved around the room a little, but soon settled on the other side of the nightstand. “If I’m staying, do I need to know anything?” he asked from the dark and Jiu thought for a moment. He had no idea in which directions this man’s fear and broken spirit could go. It was not said, it would take the same path as Jiu’s did, as he was a mirror reflection distorted in to away only a skilled eyed could see the similarity, so dragging him where maybe didn’t have to be could not be an option.

“Stay away from my business.” was Jiu’s reply. If, indeed, his reflection had to go the same way,  it was never too late to join, but if not… it was never possible to quit.

“Ok.” The male said “My name is SungYeol, by the way.” He added. SungYeol was a Korean name, so now the accent made sense. He was far away from home, in distant land probably with no one to trust. Who knew, if he had enough language skills to survive at first. Could it be that Jiu’s reflection had a rougher journey that it seemed at first?

 “Jiu.” The blond replied with his name after short moment in his thoughts and waited for silence to take over the room, yet SungYeol spoke again.

“Good night, Jiu. And thank you once again.” SungYeol said and then the silence finally came in to the room, but not in Jiu’s head. He stood up from the mattress and walked to the window, taking his place on the windowsill. His eyes found the already soundly asleep guest of his on the floor – clenching on the pillow, blanket wrapped around him securely, and his knees pulled against his chest, face hidden in the pillow. He was sleeping like he would sleep outside – protecting his body from any attacks as much as possible.

Jiu looked at him for a moment before turning his gaze at the dark filled massive of trees. “Good night.” He repeated slowly, looking at the black nothing, which layered over the area. “Good night.” He repeated again, the meaning hidden in his mind. What was so good about night, when you were all alone, vulnerable and weak to all monsters and demons hiding in the dark?

He looked back at SungYeol, who was still curled in to a ball, sleeping. What did he mean with good night? Was a roof over his head and full stomach some sort of criteria, to call the night good? Or did it mean something Jiu didn’t know, simply because this was the first time he heard those words used like that?

He turned his gaze back to the dark outside and rested his head against the wall, where the frame of the window should have been. “Good night.” He repeated again, letting out a breath in to the chilly air of the summer night and looked at the navy-blue covered trees till the moment they slowly became golden from the rays of rising sun.