Corresponding Chapter in “Can You Smile”

The more days passed, the harder it got for Jiu to leave SungYeol in the mornings and return to him in the evenings. In the morning letting go of the still sleeping one, when his warm body was snuggled close to Jiu, allowing the blond to catch up with the sleep he had left out from his routine due to nightmares, was impossible. The mornings were like traps - so inviting, so warm, so calm that Jiu just wanted to stay consumed by the moment and not move at all. But the pitch black shadows of his life would come searching for him and, as he had already understood, he couldn’t allow anyone know about SungYeol.

In the evening the guilt was the wall that made Jiu to just sit on the windowsill and stare at SungYeol until he finally forced his thoughts and bad deeds of the day far enough in his subconciousness to actually lie down next to SungYeol. Blood, tears, dirt of guns and money that was cheated out and stolen – it laid on him in layers and even a long shower couldn’t wash it away.

Since that night when he held SungYeol closer than ever before, since the evening after that when he had quietly placed SungYeol’s pillow and blanket on the mattress, showing that he wants him near, was an endless struggle. He struggled with the growing guilt, with questions about the things he had to do, about the goal he was said was his own. Jiu contemplated upon quitting, about leaving all this behind and running away with SungYeol. He made countless plans in his head, plans he had never even dreamed about, but they all ended with The Chaser coming to get them.

The organization had far too many branches, far too many hidden tricks for even Jiu to know. If everyone, who was on the dark side of the law, feared the organization, then they definitely had power no one could even grasp.

The thoughts of the power he was consumed by infested Jiu’s thoughts during the day, but they all faded away as soon as he saw SungYeol. Nothing mattered more than sitting on the rooftop and looking at the fire, while SungYeol laid his head on his shoulder, his hand finding Jiu’s. Nothing mattered more than letting all his thoughts to sink far back in his head before he laid down next to SungYeol and let his presence to wash over him. It was idyll of a sort – calming and making the grotesque horror of the past to melt away along with the gruesome images of the present. Yet no idyll can last forever.

Something was faulty in the plan of the organization, as two police officers (obviously) started to wonder around the building. They mostly stayed at the further side where the windows had been put in before the construction work stopped, but that was still dangerously close. They wondered around the building and soon enough found their way in, settling in on the 6^th floor of the other block of the building.

They could continue wondering around and eventually find SungYeol, assuming he is one of the organizations. They would not listen to his explanations and what could SungYeol explain in the first place? What would he do when the awful things Jiu had done would be laid before him, when they would ask him what he knows about them? He had to get SungYeol away as fast as possible and as far as he could at the moment.

When the officers returned and entered the building again, Jiu observed them from the rooftop for a moment before going inside. If they were here others would probably join him soon enough and they would search through every corner of the building, not leaving alone anyone they would find.

“We have to go,” Jiu came in to the room, where SungYeol was looking through the window, probably noticing the car that had just arrived at the other block of buildings.

“Where to?” SungYeol asked, turning to Jiu, but the latter stalled the answer. How could he explain this? Should he just say how it is? He grabbed the black bag and put his most precious items – his books – in it. Saying as it is was the best option.

“To a new place. This one isn’t safe anymore.” Jiu replied and took a medical mask from the bag and handed it to SungYeol. In case the police was observing, letting them to recognize SungYeol and search for him was a risk. Gladly SungYeol didn’t ask anything and silently put the mask on. After waiting a second longer Jiu led the way out of the room and headed downstairs, SungYeol’s footsteps audible behind him until he reached the stairs that led to the second floor and the steps stopped.

SungYeol had frozen at the beginning of the stairs, which were off limits up till now. Thinking just for a second, Jiu took a step back and took SungYeol’s hand, pulling him along, not wasting any time. The officers will notice the movement and will start moving themselves, probably calling back up and SungYeol couldn’t be there when that happened.

“Who’s that?” one of Jiu’s subordinates asked as soon as Jiu and SungYeol appeared on the first floor. Jiu didn’t bother to learn their names, as they usually didn’t last long, and this one was no exception as he was new in the team and probably wouldn’t last more than a week.

“We have to move out.” Jiu answer was short, as he didn’t have any time to waist with those that were under his control. He continued to move out until both he and SungYeol were out of the building and next to the van his helpers used. He slowed down just a little, as the idea of letting SungYeol to be in that machine that was transportation for misery and pain made his stomach to turn. That was not where SungYeol belonged, but Jiu had no choice.

When he reached the van, his other ‘colleagues’ where already there and even though they were obviously curious about SungYeol, they remained silent. Those two disgusted Jiu the most. They were the two monster hiding in human skins, unleashing their pure animalistic urges on those they could buy for a night and never see again. His grip around SungYeol’s hand tightened just a little, his other arm tensing, ready to reveal the blade hidden in his sleeve any second.

“But the kid?” The dark haired male from the inside was already out, following Jiu. He had to answer, but despite his lack of motivation in this whole thing, he had to get in touch with his supervisor for further actions.

“Switch of places.” Jiu replied simply, as that will happen nevertheless, but that was not his priority right now. He opened the doors of the car and waited for SungYeol to get in before getting in himself. After a moment of securing the place, others got in as well and Jiu silently gave a command to which location they should move and decide upon not speaking a single word. He would explain everything to SungYeol later. Right now he had to think of a way how to shut the mouths of his comrades in order of them not to reveal SungYeol’s existence to anyone.

Yet he couldn’t let himself being distracted too much with his thoughts. One of his ‘colleagues’, the one with filthiest habits and urges, was ogling SungYeol from the moment he appeared and that was more than just unsettling.

“You should share with such pretty thing. I bet he looks even prettier when screaming.” He said, disgusting smirk appearing on his lips. If not the fact that they were in a car and that SungYeol was there too (it was pure luck the guy didn’t speak any Japanese and conversed in Mandarin only), Jiu would have sliced his throat with no second thought. Such disgusting creatures should be alive in the first place. All the way to the new location – another abandoned construction place of similar advantages and disadvantages as the previous one – Jiu kept his eye on the man who impersonates all that was filthy and disgusting to Jiu, while the other kept his eyes on SungYeol.

The ride was long, but as soon as the wan stopped, Jiu opened the door and got out and took SungYeol’s hand, leading him in and straight to near an exact replica of his previous room only in a new building. He quickly made sure the henchmen where not following him and then turned to SungYeol.

“You can go where ever…” he begun, but SungYeol interrupted him mid sentence.

“… I want apart from first two floors. I know.” SungYeol said, removing his mask. He looked around the room and then turned to Jiu, who had already put the bag down and wanted to leave to give instructions to the men downstairs. “Can I ask you something?” The blond turned to him as if giving permission to ask. “Will you explain to me what are you doing and what exactly is going on?”

Jiu gulped quietly. He couldn’t tell SungYeol what he was doing; neither could he truly explain what was going on now, as he wasn’t sure about that himself. He wanted to tell it all to SungYeol, to pour his soul out and finally let the shadows of his reality to fade away, but he couldn’t. If he would, SungYeol would probably leave. He might be like the princess in the fairytale, but they were not living in a fairytale. He couldn’t lose SungYeol.

“Maybe someday, when this is over.” Jiu finally forced out a reply and left, heading straight downstairs where the three were already waiting. While he was walking downstairs he took out a phone he had taken from the bag and sent a message with a code that corresponded to the problem that was encountered to a number he knew by heart. A reply came soon, being slightly a shocker, but he couldn’t question it and attract attention to his actions.

“None of you are allowed to ever get closer to his building more than staying in the van in front of it after my call,” Jiu begun speaking as soon as the men looked at him. “If any of you will do as much as step in the house, not to mention moving higher than first floor, your life will end there and then.” He added and looked to the orange haired male, who didn’t speak Japanese.

“One step in this house and you are dead. Don’t even think about trying to get in, because I will find out,” he said, obviously warning the other and received one nod in return.

“Move the child to B corpus tomorrow morning and be ready for a rough day,” he added and turned around, heading upstairs. He passed the floor where SungYeol was at headed to the roof. Jiu observed how the van left and then looked at the light-filled city before him.

The goal of the organization was to take control of the city, to make it their own and then expand from the city to the whole country and more. The more Jiu thought of it, the more he understood that it was not his goal. All he truly wanted at first was revenge, which didn’t correspond with the goal, but was somehow connected with it by the sneaky webs of Miyaji’s words. His goal now was to be with the tall, beautiful prince, who was probably already settling for sleep. Dropping out suddenly was not an option, so Jiu had to wait till at least one part of the massive plan would be over for him to have an escape hole and then he could leave, leave and be with SungYeol.

He looked at the city for moment longer and then returned inside. As he thought, SungYeol had already settled on the new matt, leaving space for Jiu. Yet as always, Jiu first took his place on the windowsill and looked at the sleeping one.

Soon, this all had to end soon, or else he could lose his newly found way.

 *

Rough didn’t even begin to describe the day that came and other days that followed. The original location was infested with SWAT officers already in afternoon, swarming around the estate and looking for a way to get in. The two that had been inside didn’t stay aside and jumped in to the action recklessly as well, ending up bleeding on the floor.

On some extend that day qualified as a failure. The girl they were waiting to exchange for a ransom was taken away, two of comrades killed and one badly injured and taken away by the police, but Jiu felt no remorse. He didn’t have to bother on keeping the three quiet anymore and maybe for the first time in his whole ‘employment’ in the organization, he had stopped from himself from killing someone, but that wasn’t good enough for consciousness.

Getting back to SungYeol that night was harder than ever. The torment he had caused for the officer with his blade, the scars the child will have in her mind. What was the point of all that? Was the aim that Miyaji had set that important to hurt someone? Never before these thoughts had hit Jiu this hard and he stayed on the rooftop longer than usually. He remembered how SungYeol told him about his desire to jump down when he first went to the estate where Jiu used to live. Falling meant freedom, getting rid of the past, yet it could have a lethal outcome. What could set Jiu free, without such consequences?

With heavy feet he went inside and laid down next to SungYeol, but he couldn’t find any peace. Sleep didn’t come to him for hours and when it finally did it brought the single thing Jiu feared along – a nightmare.

He was back in the building he had spent the day in, but something was different. The hallways stretched for miles, each room now having doors with massive metal locks. Gunshots and screams rang in the air, making the twilight in the endless hallway to tremble with fear.

The feeling of something of utmost importance being in danger took over Jiu and he automatically headed to the part of the building where was his room. When he reached it the room was a mess – holes of bullets carving the wall, cupboard and mattress, but the scariest thing – the bag he remembered taking away was still there.

“Jiu!” a desperate scream rang in the air and he knew exactly who it was and where it came from. It was SungYeol and he as on the roof.

Jiu ran out of the room, the endless hallway disorienting him for a moment until he regained his senses and begun to run. The stairs that led to the roof melted and faded away, the darkness swallowing them up. With sheer will Jiu struggled up to the door that led to the roof, which was now a large metal construction.

“Jiu! Jiu!” SungYeol’s screams on the other side were audible enough and Jiu tried to push the door open yet it didn’t even move a bit. He tried to push it with both hands and yet nothing, he even took a step back in the black nothing and attempted to hit trough the door with his shoulder, but they stayed closed as they were. He didn’t stop trying as the cries from behind the door growing only louder and more desperate.

Not fearing a chance to fall back in the hallway, Jiu took 7 steps back and run at the door with all his power, finally knocking them open. The metal fell on the floor with bang and Jiu stumbled on the roof.

The SWAT officer Jiu had encountered was standing there. Jiu had spared his life, he didn’t harm him to such extent he would die, yet he was there, looking like a ghost from an old legend, his chalk white arm wrapped around SungYeol’s neck, choking him slightly. Another ghost of the one of the comrades that ended his life in the building stood next to him, running his obviously broken, deathly blue fingers trough whimpering SungYeol’s hair.

“He is so pretty when he screams and cries, just how I thought,” the ghost spoke, the same disgusting grin as that time in the car appearing on his face. “Too bad you weren’t here to stop me from seeing him like this,” he run his dead fingers over SungYeol’s cheek and under his chin. “Such a pretty thing.”

“A monster doesn’t deserve someone like this,” the officer spoke, tightening his grip and making SungYeol to let out a loud whimper. Jiu took a step forward, but the closer he moved to the ghosts, the further they moved back until they were standing on the edge of the roof.

“You are never here for him; you are always away from him. Do you even need him as much as you think?” the ghost of the henchman spoke again. “You should give him to me, I will take good care of him,” he added with a sickening smile, his hand lingering on SungYeol’s cheek.

“Don’t touch him,” Jiu uttered and took another step closer. The ghost of the officer grabbed SungYeol by his throat and moved him away, holding him over the edge of the roof. Jiu’s heart raced in mad pace and he couldn’t take his eyes off SungYeol who was struggling to break free and to breathe, his eyes glued to Jiu, pleading for him to rescue him.

“This will be your lesson, for being somewhere to end a life, but not where you are needed to save one,” the officer spoke and let go of SungYeol, letting him to fall over the edge of the building. Jiu launched forward in full speed, but instead of reaching the edge he jumped up from his sleep.

His heavy breathing echoed around the small room and his heartbeat was ringing in his ears. He had terrifying nightmares before, but nothing had been as scaring as this. Despite his heart and breathing still racing, he looked down next to him at SungYeol, who was still asleep. He was here for him now, but nightmare had an unmistakable truth in it – he was not there enough. Something could happen with SungYeol while he was gone and he wouldn’t even know about it.

Jiu’s head was still full of thoughts, the dream being vivid before his eyes, and he didn’t even think about going back to sleep. He rose from the mattress and quietly left the room, heading to the rooftop again.

Even though the dream had some truth in it, it also had its faults. Jiu was here now, he was here every night; he was here for SungYeol when the other needed it the most. Never before had Jiu even thought about life different than the one he had led up till now, but everything had changed. His head was no longer set on an aim that was not his. He was here. He was here for SungYeol.

“I am here,” he whispered in his native tongue, letting the words to sink in, allowing himself to grasp it. “I am here!” Jiu yelled out from the top of his lungs, waiting for the night to swallow the weak echo of his scream. This phrase, this phrase meaning so much had been on his lips for weeks and he couldn’t understand why.

In most ridiculous moments, in most senseless places it would slip past his lips and he couldn’t help it, but now it was clear. Ghosts and nightmares might have scared him, but they set his mind straight as well. He had to finish up with the organization to actually be here, to be himself. He had to wait for a bit longer and leave with no fear of anyone following him. He was here, he was ready to fight off who ever would threaten SungYeol in order to free himself of his past as that was what he truly wished for now, yet he might have wished for too much.

The upcoming week had him away from SungYeol more than he liked it and grim thoughts coming from his nightmare swarmed around his head. He left the hideout early, going to another abandoned construction site, where he received orders from Miyaji, and then returned to SungYeol only late at night. Even though SungYeol was already asleep when Jiu returned, his presence alone gave him strength.

Like when they had the quiet idyll before, having SungYeol close made all what happened during the day to fade away. This feeling of everything being exactly how it’s supposed to be was so strong next to SungYeol, that it took all of Jiu’s willpower not to question gathering of the organization members in the set location – a sports arena of a sort – for final operation.

He didn’t question capturing another child, even though he found it pointless and didn’t argue about bringing a SWAT officer, which had attempted to with Jiu, to Miyaji. At the back of his head he had this thought that maybe if he would keep his own new ideas as low as possible, it would be easier for him to slip under the radar at one point and leave. Yet the closer the D-day came, the less that looked like an option.

Two days before the set date, his heart and mind was restless. Something could go any moment and any night next to SungYeol could be the last one. Almost as subconsciously as whispering and claiming his own presence, he let his deeper thoughts to be whispered in the dark.

“I will never leave you. I’m here, for you… forever,” he whispered to the sleeping one in his arms, making it a mantra in his head. It was silent oath, his sacred promise to never leave SungYeol, but when a new order came, the ill feeling in his bones made the feeling of the last night spent with SungYeol really being the last one even stronger.

He had received orders stranger than before – to wait at the headquarters red room for the ‘final show’ and he didn’t understand what would happen until he heard the door open. He remained sitting still on the stage in the middle of the room and listened for two – one in heavy army boots and one in classy shoes – to walk in. He didn’t know the walkers well, but one was a female, despite the manly attire.

Jiu looked up, meeting the eyes of the woman who Miyaji wanted to see. She looked at Jiu for a moment and then spoke: “I came to see you, Jiu.” She was a fighter, that was clear from their previous encounter, but she was obviously stubborn as well. She lost once and now she was back again. Atypically, Jiu wanted to ask hasn’t she had enough, but another door opened and Miyaji came in together with their latest prisoner, his right hand man Joker and another subordinate.

The conversation that happened was of no interest for Jiu. He had heard such speeches from Miyaji dedicated to yakuza men, to his own comrades, to everyone involved in order to either convince or scare them. He silently sat there and listened about how all this was one of Miyaji’s crazy social experiments, how he aimed for acknowledgement of the organization. He begun the part where he claimed the organization to be the core of the darkness of society, but this time it was different.

“I alone stand in the center of the darkness. Just me alone.” He said and Jiu looked at him from the corner of his eyes. When all this begun it was always “us”, regarding Jiu and Miyaji as two core elements for this. Despite being cold and distant while Jiu grew up, during this plan Miyaji had started to contact him more, spend more time with him, that being the base of Jiu’s plan of an escape hole. If Miyaji truly cared, he would let Jiu go. But that was obviously all lies.

“Jiu!” the female spoke and Jiu turned his attention to her.

“Ahh, yes. If you can defeat Jiu, I will let the girl go,” Miyaji spoke and that sounded more like he was speaking about a fight dog than someone he was close to. And why did he need the girl? She was of no importance - just a brave little girl, who was already grown up in her heart due to how dysfunctional her family was.

Despite the doubts, Jiu stood up and took upon the challenge, which was not really a one. The female was good and fought well, some of her hits even reaching Jiu, but she was no match for him. In few minutes she already was lying on the floor and Jiu looked at her, pitying her useless determination. Even while lying on the floor, she still chanted about releasing the girl, her father – the man that had come in with the woman – trying to reach out for the girl.

“Jiu, finish it off,” Miyaji ordered, his tone as commanding as if he would be someone greater than Jiu. Center of darkness? No, he was just a delusional old man who had turned Jiu’s life in something worse than it could be. “Do it, Jiu!” he repeated, yet Jiu remained still, looking at the girl. She reminded him of someone, but he couldn’t yet grasp who.

“Jiu!” someone called his name again – a voice he didn’t recognize, but it definitely belonged to a female. The speaker came in through the door and looked straight at Jiu. “I am here,” she said in very broken Mandarin, “you said that, right?” she asked and Jiu didn’t have to think twice, to know that he indeed must have said it somewhere where it could have been caught on tape or photo at least once. “I’m right here, that’s what you want to convey to your beloved parents, right?” No, the woman had got it all wrong. It was for himself, to register his existence, his chance of being himself and finding a way out from his nightmarish life. How did she found about the source of all his disasters and why she called them beloved was a mystery. Replying to such false information was out of question. No one here deserved to know why he said what he said, so Jiu decided to listen for now.

“Let go of Mai,” the woman spoke and Jiu looked at the little girl, who on the other hand looked back at him with gaze he thought he knew. “She’s the same as you,” the woman added and Jiu didn’t grasp how she was like him when she was… so much like SungYeol. From the very moment he had to go and get her, she didn’t fear him. She spoke to him like he’s another normal human being not a freak; she wasn’t frightened by his presence or the cold weapon in his hand. And right now, the way he looked at Jiu, with hope for salvation that was the look SungYeol had given him the very first time they met.

Jiu took few needed steps closer, ignoring how Miyaji introduced the explosive hanging above the room and how Joker flashed the control switch, to the girl, who was held by the Joker and his helper. With one swift move let the blade to slip from under his sleeve, cutting the throats of both of the men. As they fell on the floor and odd silence settled in the room.

“Go,” Jiu said to the girl, who rushed to her father immediately. There was a silence in the room again until a shot rang trough the air and something pierced through Jiu’s back.

“It’s a pity, Jiu. I’m so sad,” Miyaji spoke and Jiu did his very best not to give in to the pain. “After all I did for you, after I raised you up,” Miyaji continued and if not the pain, Jiu would turn to him and accuse him in lies. Training an assassin since day one was not raising someone up. Denying actual warmth and human-human interaction until a professional killer was needed, was not doing everything. Miyaji was a liar and had betrayed Jiu long ago with very first words of save house and nice life.

“Goodbye, my Jiu,” Miyaji spoke again and two more shots trembled in the air, two more bullets going through Jiu. This time he couldn’t remain standing and kneeled on the floor. The burning sensation and pain shot through his entire body, near paralyzing all of his movements. No, he couldn’t end here and like this. He had to go back, he had to return to SungYeol, he had sworn this, but it was clear Miyaji would not let him. He would chase after Jiu until either of them would be dead. It had to be ended now.

With shaky legs, Jiu stood up, grabbing the remote control of the bomb from the hand of Joker’s lifeless body. He stumbled up on the platform in the middle of the room, where Miyaji was standing. Another shot went through the air, this time just scraping Jiu’s side and not really slowing him down to his way to Miyaji.

“You’re free,” Miyaji said in trembling voice and in that very second it was clear he somehow knew about Jiu’s desire to leave. How he had noticed that was not of matter now for Jiu. If he truly wanted to be free, he had to end this now – once and for all.

The latter swayed a little and then, shocking Miyaji, went in for a hug – one last time stealing human closeness from a man who in the end was as bad as Jiu’s parents and maybe even worse. At least they didn’t hide that they saw Jiu as a freak. “I’m jealous of you, Jiu. I have never had anyone I care for so much I would…” Miyaji started to speak, but didn’t finish the sentence as Jiu had lowered one of his hands and pierced his blade trough Miyaji’s side. He twisted the 3-sided blade and then pulled it up, earning a painful groan from the other.

Without saying a word, he pulled the blade out, letting it to disappear in his sleeve and with last strength he pushed himself away from Miyaji and in an isle under the staircase that led to the door, pushing the button of the bomb. This layer of pure darkness, pure evil had to be taken out. This had to be the good deed that would set Jiu free and let him to be with the prince from the fairytale – those were the last thoughts rushing through Jiu’s head before everything went black, a blast loud enough to wake up the dead, putting Jiu to sleep.

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Hello~

I am very sorry for not updating for such a long time, but I simply wasn’t in the right mindset for this. So, to make it up for you, this chapter is probably the longest in this CYS2 and CYS1.

I went through 4 episodes of “Jiu” to catch the main points of what happened to incorporate them in the fic, as I wanted to keep in a way close to the drama. I included the SWAT officer Jiu fought, the infamous “Wo Zhai Zhe Li” aka “I am here” and the final episode(especially the crap that one detective was saying) in as much detail as I thought would be appropriate.

I have no idea when I will update again, so, please, be patient with me.

*YSG