Yes.

Aya didn’t think that after her world had been crushed by her parents, it was still capable of sustaining an even more devastating blow. But her dream was hers, and her passion forever weaved with her soul. Anyone, her parents included, could try and separate her from who she was, but that was as far as they could get—trying. Trying and failing.

But this… her precious childhood friend and her beloved. She could never think of him as hers. He was only a gift. It seemed though that even as a gift, he had never showcased himself fully to her. Like receiving a present, but leaving it unwrapped for the past years. Only to find out that the present was not hers to begin with.

“Aya—"

“Stop,” she pleaded, eyes b with tears. Her voice diminished to a whisper as she took wary steps backward. “Just… don’t speak.”

Sehun advanced. “Solenn and I are nothing—"

“Please,” she choked.

“Come on, Aya,” Sehun scratched his head. “We’re way past the era of fixed marriages and arranged betrothals. No one can force me into putting up with her.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it wasn’t necessary.”

Aya’s frustration rose. “What?”

“I didn’t think—"

“Sehun, how would you feel,” she kept her voice firm, “if all this time I was actually betrothed to someone and I hadn’t told you?”

He frowned. “It’s not the same.”

“It is!” Aya turned away. “Heck, it is. The essence; it’s exactly the same. Why? I get that we’ve only been dating for a few months. But think about it, Sehun. We’ve been friends for the longest time. And you never told me?”

“I’m not gonna marry her.”

“That’s not the point! Can’t you really see why I’m upset?”

“I wasn’t ready, all right?” Sehun slammed the front door shut, making Aya flinch a few steps back. He buried his head into his hands, hissing. “I wanted to tell you, a lot of times I wanted to. I did! But I wasn’t sure if you’d still accept me, if you’d still agree to date me if you knew.”

Aya’s response was barely a whisper. “Do you really think that lowly of me?”

“No,” Sehun said. “It’s I who can’t seem to accept who I am. Don’t you see it, Aya? You’re the only one I’m left with and you must understand I can’t go on without you.”

“That’s not true.”

Sehun scoffed. “You’ve no idea what’s going on inside of me.”

“Because you never tell me,” she spat. “But I see, Sehun. I see through you.”

Aya didn’t think she was being entirely truthful, though. She could not read Sehun that much. In fact, she could barely predict his words and actions. But she’d sensed it, Sehun’s reservations even when they were alone to themselves.

Sehun did not answer. He kept his gaze out the window and focused on the sun-drenched lawn. This was what he was avoiding from the beginning. He thought that moving into another city, starting anew, and mending the hurt would finally liberate him from his gruesome past. Apparently not.

Aya motioned to leave. But Sehun caught her wrist. “Please don’t go.”

“I wanna go home, Sehun.”

He stepped before her. “Please.”

“I’m serious,” Aya insisted. “I don’t need any of this right now.” But Sehun kept blocking her path. “Sehun.”

“Aya, please listen to me. I’m sorry.” He took both of her hands and locked their fingers together. “I’m so sorry I haven’t told you, but please don’t do this.”

“I’m not—"

“I was wrong. I should have told you. But I was only scared of losing you. Please understand. Please don’t do this.”

“I’m only going to head home, Sehun. Really,” she sighed. Deep inside she knew she needed to be away. She didn’t want to call things off with him but she needed to be away.

Slowly but forcefully, she pried free of his grasp. She didn’t stop until Sehun finally yielded. And then she circled him to exit the door.

“Aya.”

She paused.

“I need a favor.”

Her teeth clenched. She hated the feeling but she couldn’t help resenting his guts to ask her a favor after what she had just uncovered about him. She waited.

“Please don’t confirm anything to Solenn.” Aya her heels, awestruck. “Please don’t let her know that we’re together.” And then he pushed his door shut.

Aya would have turned around to bang on his door until her fists hurt. She had every right to. Such impertinence from her dearest friend was degrading to her. But she knew better than to retaliate. She breathed. Deep and slow. Like a ritual. Inhale and exhale.

She avoided Sehun for at least a few months. But the boy always managed to visit her in her house. And since one of Aya’s parents was always around in the evening, she could not simply throw him out. She knew what Sehun was doing. He was trying to salvage their relationship, which was fine by her actually, except that he wanted to keep it hidden from Solenn as well. She didn’t need him to announce to the public of their relationship, but she didn’t like the idea of having to consciously keep it a secret either. Especially from Solenn.

She understood why Sehun had to keep it from Solenn; he wouldn’t admit it but Aya knew he was still afraid that his parents might be placed in jeopardy if Solenn figured out he was dating.

What Aya couldn’t comprehend was why Sehun couldn’t just let her go. What a double-minded man he was. He wanted to keep her but he didn’t want anyone to know. He was afraid his parents would be endangered if he continued to date her but he didn’t want to break up with her either.

Where the hell should that leave me?

Aya pushed back her books and dropped her head onto her study table. Term exams were fa