note: read this while listening to 2NE1 If I were You

pairing: 2NE1 x EXO

2NE1: http://k-pop.girly.jp/mobile/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/2NI1-IF-I-WERE-You-Inkigayo-140330-110.jpg

http://k-pop.girly.jp/mobile/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/2NI1-IF-I-WERE-You-Inkigayo-140330-117.jpg

EXO: http://mwave.interest.me/data/enews/News/2013052/92783632.jpg

http://mwave.interest.me/data/enews/News/2013052/60404850.jpg

if i were you

"another day passes by like this"

luxury, wealth, high status family, social most wanted and not to forget the most good looking man as a husband. no girls would opposed to live with those things in hands and they would most likely dream about it except me. i have all of that. no need to worry about what to do cuz my family's companies are waiting for me to rule. when i want high-brand-new things, all i need to do is ask the servant to get them all and just give the card to pay. but sometimes, several big names from big companies already gave me those for a gifts.

well i don't want them, i don't need those kind of things, luxury aren't that apealing for my eyes anymore. but one thing, i need the warm from the man i live with. my only husband.

we are married, we live together, we sleep together but that's all, only that. just like any other human i also want more than what i've got. i want more of him, his attention, his warm touch, his love, him.

no girls ever imagined them self to woke up to a cold shoulder, cold voice, cold stare. and no girls ever want to always scream or being screamed over everything they does.

sometimes i felt tired. no, i feel tired everytime.

since the very first step that i took to reach the hand of that person who i've called husband in that altar, i've promised to be a good wife n to serve him right. to give everything for him and to be the only woman for him and make him happy. for over five years already i've live my life for him and no exception for today.

"my whole day was spent for you"

the image in front of me looks dazzlingly fine and beautiful, looks like she's ready to walk for the life today with those confident eyes and bright red lips. hair tied in a ponytail, eyebrows curved in a nice shape and the branded suit fit perfectly on that curvy body. the effort to impress the husband of mine.

i left the mirror with that reflection who stare at me as if she knows me. no body knows me, even my own reflection failed to reflect the real me. too much confident, too much perfection, but i am way too different from that. my own reflection lied to my face.

so miserable.

i walk downstairs following one of my servant to the dinning room. there on the main chair of the table, his face couldn't be seen cuz of the newspapers on his face. when he heard me walk closer, he gave the newspapers to the servant behind him and told the other servants to serve us breakfast. we sat there quiet close to each other and would share glance once or twice.

silent, silent, silent. better than a series of yelling or screaming. no body wants their breakfast ended on each other faces literally. clinking sounds of the spoons over the plates and glasses over the table could be heard, but not even a word came out spoken from our mouth. the finish line for our conversation would always be the same anyway, a glare that could burn anybody's life, a shout that could break any glasses in the house, a slap or a hit that silencing the world around us. yes, the only touch of affection we did recently.

do we share a bed? yes, but...

do we kiss? hug? ? we did. once, we thought we could live this life together as a couple, we thought this arranged married could brought us to the better, so we live it, we try to live as what our parents dreamt of, what both of us dreamt of. but all of that became a past, everything turned completely reversed from what we expected. we tried and tried and tried till finally one of us said it's enough. no hug we share after that, no kisses we give to break the ice, and no touch we do to show that we still try on this so called our life.

everyday we woke up to the ice then we sleep to the cold. the sky still as beautiful as ever, but the warm is no more, only cold backs we would give to each other and no more sweet good night. we are too tired anyway.

"i wore the cloths that you liked the best. i should look beautiful in the mirror. but i just look miserable. the tactless night sky is so beautiful"

this feeling calming my breaking sane, the pain would always fading away when the touch of this cold shining sharp thing touch my skin. even if the red liquid flowing out too much, it only give me sense of security, cuz i still could feel the more painful feeling than the one in my chest. call me sick, call me stupid i wouldn't mind cuz all i need is only distraction from the life i have. because of this cold thing, there's no more tears and sobbing. thanks to this blade razor i could still alive and trough the day everyday.

after that so called sinful thing i did, i'd always take shower to clean everything. i'd feel the fresh feeling in me when i'm done as if i'm born again as a new soul, even though the reality would be me waking up to a cold life as always. but it's enough to keep me trough life. till now.

"i wish you could be me. i wish i could be you. i wish you could feel it for just a day. your heart. my heart"

we are trapped. both of us are trapped in this life called marriage. maybe, who knows if we're not married to each other, we could meet another mate for each of us. or maybe we could be a couple without feeling horrible from the forced of the family status and all.

i am certain with my feeling, i don't love him but there's a respect for this man who share the life with me untill today. he knows me, he knows what i feel and i know him and of course i could see how he feels. we are in the same maze of life but we are on different side of the labirint. we tried to reach eah other to help one another, but as the challenge went up too high, we stopped walking.

"you look tired. sleep well tonight"

those eyes that staring straight at my soul seems lost, empty and cold. probably i mirrored that look on my face right now. we are different but we are one too. we understand that we are tired already.

"good night"

i smile, the first ever since forever for the last time he said that, and that soft short brush of your fingers on my cheeks calming my mind. even though he gave me that cold shoulder after that, i still grateful to know we are still together in this upseting maze of marriage.

"i wish i could love you. i wish you would love me. i wish we could be together just for a day. so i can let you go without regrets"

those people's eyes smilling before my face are so bright that i feel like throwing my fists over their faces. words flowing out from their mouths spitting diamonds and golds in to my ears. praises could be heard from left to right, up and down around me. hands clapping loudly breaking my sanity.

he smiles widely beside me who have a poker face. he thanks everyone in the room with that perfect mask on his face. i could only scoffed and smirk.

another aniversary of our marriage were held by the help of our so care families. so many people invited to this party that i wished would never ever happened but thanks to the parents once again. they would do what they wanna do and i and him are just a tools for this social life. theatre live everyday actually.

"both of you childs looks so perfect for each other, all we want from you mostly are already granted. but only one is still on hold. why don't you plan for kids now? kids for both of you would only make you look even more perfect."

i laugh, we laugh. but my stomach feels weird, it's like i want to throw up everything i've ate that moment.

i know the mask that we wear are perfect to cover everything, but i never know it would be so perfect to even fools our own parents. or maybe they just put on a blind to prevent their eyes from the truth. i felt sick.

"we will try"

his words make me sick.

"i want to throw away everything in front of me. i want to scream out loud but..."

the world silence once again, silence over my burning state. the sickness still surrounding me, even more in this dark and cold room. i could only pull the cover up to my neck even more covering my bare state. there's no mistaken that i couldn't even close my eyelids tonight. my breath could be heard in this diaphanous state.

confuse still linger in my head, whether it's the right choice or not. opposition was told and argued was over already and the thing was done just a moment ago. we decide. no, he decided. he embed the seeds inside me, later the egg would fertilized, then 9 months later to take for the child to see this world. was it right? would this be better for us? why can not i refused when he touched me? what to do? those questions are to late to be told. another act done means another challenge should be faced sooner or later. the question is, could we do this together when we are even failed to reach each other?

all i could see is only his back laying beside me. was all the sweet words, moans and the voices he made when he said my name only a dream? did i saw or heard things a moment ago? why i felt used and cold all over? the very first time i ever feel this dirty over my own body. i hate that back, i hate him.

but a new hope would always come crept in me just like now when he decided to moves closer to me and hug my waist from behind spooning me and hold me close to him. but then again i know better than this. i couldn't live my life stay in this fake reality everyday, maybe soon i could lose my sanity n just forget everything. maybe soon the tears wouldn't flowing out anymore without me knowing.

this warm embrace feels so cold and i am scared.

"sometimes, i want to push everything back and go out like you. i want to wash down my pain with alcohol. my sadness with laughter. but i don't"

the end.

My longing for you tortures me more than my loneliness

note: i'm back with this short one shot. i couldn't sure about the pairing so i just put 2NEXO for this one and this also cuz i want u to choose your own pairing u ship. u know sad n angsty story is hard to make and this one also shaked my brain so much, it's not the best but i did my best. hope u guys like it and please do comment for me to do better. n i'm sure there's alot of typos cuz i write this in the middle of the night n i'm so sleepy, but i hope u stil get how the story goes. happy reading~~

comment, subscribe and even upvote would help me to make update the chapter fast and better, any critics would be welcome :)

well seems like my stories are boring you guys cuz i couldn't find any comments other than from my bestie, so if that's the case i will took my time to update, don't wait for it cuz i don't even know when will i update :P